Hey guys! Sorry i'm late (again). But maybe this is a little pre-christmas present :o) I had rewritten this one again and again ... it had taken sone time but now it's on. I'm in a real swirl of ideas. So it wont take long to update :o) Have fun reading
R&R

Rick and Carl were preparing to go to the Grimes' hometown. I wondered why Rick wanted to take Michonne with him, but the answer was clear: He would abandon or kill her on the road. She had saved my life … probably twice … I didn't want her to go, didn't want her to leave the group. Maybe Hershel could talk Rick out of it. I turned to search Hershel, but instead I found Michonne sitting on the picnic table cleaning her sword. Seemed she was ready to leave. Making my way towards her, I felt as if to tell her not to go. Normally I debated on and on about something with my brother, but since he left my mind, there was nobody to talk to. Nobody to talk about my thoughts and feelings. I sighed, why had he left me alone? He had told me he would never leave me. Maybe that was the reason why I didn't want Michonne to go. She had been the only one I had talked to the last days … When Daryl had been gone, Glenn and Maggie had been distant and all the others had been busy with themselves. Somehow I had needed someone and she had been there. Even in her terminator manners, not really talking, her presence was comforting. She had been something like a friend in need.

I placed myself next to her on the table looking to Daryl who was checking the car. "You sure wanna go?" I wondered if he had been a mechanic. He did know how motors worked, especially his motorcycle, it was always in a good shape.

"He asked me so I go." She answered not looking up. Still the terminator face, thought I had cracked that up.

"Why does Rick want to take you with him? You think you'll come back?" Leaning back, my eyes went up to the blue sky. Some puffy clouds passed by slowly. It was a nice day, why did these dark thoughts troubled my mind? Why trouble her? I had a problem with Rick, didn't mean she had one with him too. My eyes traced a cloud that looked like a dog. I had always wanted to have a dog, but my father was allergic. Well, that's what he had said. I zoned out again, as always when trouble stressed me. I realized Michonne hadn't answered and could still hear the grinding-sound, so I tried again. "You should stay here."

The grinding sound stopped. "Since when are we friends?" I didn't like the way she said the words. Since the day when Daryl had been gone, Michonne and I had spent some time together. I had tried to befriend with her … at least I had thought so.

I straightened my back and turned to her. "No friends?" I gave her a wry smile. "Than a fellow-companion?" No smile, not even her eyes showed any hint of emotions. "It would be nice to have someone around who watches my back." That sounded just like me … My brother should have made jokes by now, about how I became normal again, my old self. But in my head was silence. I could literally hear a cricket chirping.

Now I got her and couldn't believe my eyes when a smile crossed her lips. "I wonder how you survived this long."

A car honked. We both looked up to the car where Daryl had stood before and now almost everybody joined him. We stood up almost simultaneously. Michonne slit her sword back in the sheath. She looked like a cowboy checking his holster before drawing guns, just the cowboy hat was missing. I accompanied her when she started walking towards the car. "If you don't come back I'll come and get you."

She sniffed at me. "Your damn ass will stay inside these walls." Her harsh words didn't hurt this time. I somehow adjusted to the fact she wouldn't let anyone get too close. "You and arrow boy should better talk." And this finally shut me up.

When we reached the others, she opened the door of the car. "Watch your back." I told her in a firm voice.

"See you in a bit." She returned and sat down in the car. I closed the door and stepped back. Next to me Maggie gave Carl a hug and told him goodbye.

When he turned to me I bent down and flipped his head with a smile. "Keep an eye on your dad." And I meant it.

He looked up to me, there was no innocent glance of a child, but hard features met mine. "You want anything from my hometown?" He had grown up pretty fast. The last days had made it clear he wasn't a child no more. He thought about useful and necessary things instead of playing games. His mother wasn't around anymore to give him homework like she had done at camp. Rick didn't seem to care if he was learning school-stuff, he was preparing him for the world outside. And maybe that was the only thing I would agree with him right now. I couldn't believe myself that I hated him so much t the moment.

"Bring back some music." I smiled. "I miss the sound of good songs."

Carl let out one of his increasingly rare laughs. "You're crazy. But I'll keep my eyes open." He made a step towards me, seemed he wanted to hug me, but instead he went around me and got into the car. I watched him through the windows but he wasn't looking at me at all. A weird feeling crept into my stomach. There was something in his behavior I couldn't explain …

"I'll grab some guns and ammo and we'll come back." Rick said behind my back. I turned where he was talking to Maggie and Daryl. He took the driver's seat and started the engine.

"See the three of you in a day!" I emphasized every word and starred at Rick but his glance was unreadable. I waved at Carl who gave me a small smile. They drove through the gate where Carol stood to open and close the gate. I remained in my spot, thinking over and over what would come next.

"Hey Ella." Maggie was standing next to me.

"Mmh." My eyes followed the car. I hoped they would return the same way the left, in one piece, all of them.

"You okay?" There was this slang of hers again that sounded like Daryl. Looking behind us, I didn't see him in the yard. Everyone had returned to their duties. I turned around again but the car was already out of sight.

"Yeah. I wonder if Michonne will come back." My eyes wandered from the gate to her.

"Why?"

"Rick didn't seem to like her that much. I think he will desert her somewhere on the road." I said deep in thoughts. Michonne had been pretty sure that she would come back. Maybe I should trust that woman a bit more … maybe I should give Rick a bit more credit …

"The two of you seem to get along quite well." She sighed. "Do you remember when we came back from Woodbury?"

"What?" Why did she mention this damn place now? I hated this small town, hated Phillip for creating this mad city with its weird folks and habits.

"She was the one looking after you. Michonne told me she would care for you while we were heading for the prison to be treated." I couldn't quite remember the time we had come back. I remembered the escape, the incident in the woods, the quarrel and Daryl leaving. I remembered the arrival at prison, four strangers and that's it. "Michonne held you back from running after Daryl before I could."

I had been a real bitch. I had cried after Daryl, had fallen on my knees for him but he had pointed his crossbow at me. Now I reminisced why I had been mad at him … and why I didn't want to be such a pussy anymore.

"We hadn't talked … spent time … ehm …" Why was she stammering like a teenage girl? "I'm …"

"Spit it out girl." I was startled … I sounded just like Merle. There was a big question mark in der big brown eyes.

"I'm sorry I was absent the last days. I needed to figure some things out by myself." She didn't look at me. Her eyes seemed to be searching for something or someone in the distance. Maybe she was looking for Glenn. I followed her gaze but no Glenn. In the yard was no one left, but Carol at the gate.

"It's okay. I'm a big girl." I smiled, knowing Maggie and Glenn had some trouble since Woodbury. But Maggie wasn't all peaches and cream.

"No Ella, I mean it. You had needed me and I was selfish." What was that? She played nervously with the crowbar in her hands. "Daryl was gone and you were injured. I should have been there for you, support you." When we had come back Hershel had dressed my wounds and Maggie had told me about Daryl's last word. After she had told me that she thought this was Daryl's way to show me love, I hadn't seen her for days. Did she really think Daryl loves me?

"Maggie." I started softly. "I may not look like or behave like an adult, but I am a grownup. I can handle things myself. You needed time and so did I." It wasn't quite the truth, I had needed someone badly. She had needed her time, I knew that, but the feeling of rejection had made its way back into my heart. Glenn had been like a brother to me at camp, but now he behaved like I was just some bothersome kid. He was absent in his actions and didn't let anyone come close. He had slipped into the role of our new leader and bossed us around. The topic "Woodbury" or "the governor" made him aggressive. At least he showed emotions, I slugged my emotions down where they slowly grew into something bad.

"You are excluding yourself from the group." She said sharply and grabbed my left arm. "After Daryl had left, you were alone all the time. But you are not alone!" To feel something on my left arm was nice. Since weeks I hadn't felt anything on it, but now every touch felt like a gift. "I just want to tell you how much you mean to us, to me." Reminding me of our relationship, she squeezed me softly. She had been the first I had met of the "new" group. She and Glenn had supported me to settle down in this prison.

"If ya kiss her now I'll give ya 10 bucks." Merle snarled behind us. Turning around I saw him in a dirty white shirt, washed-out jeans and a cigarette in the corner of his mouth.

"Search for porn in the cells man." I said with a mischievous smile, thinking about playing that asshole a little trick. Instead I turned to Maggie. "Thanks Maggie. I'm grateful to have a friend like you in a world like this."

She smiled. "Me too."

"Maybe you should tell Glenn the same. I know he loves you." Seemed she didn't want to hear or talk about it. Her face changed somehow, she nodded and walked on.

Not really knowing if I should walk after her or talk to her, I decided she needed some time. No matter what had happened between them, they needed to figure it out fast. I didn't like the mood between them nor how it affected the group. I watched her walking to the prison, a riffle over her shoulder. Just now I realized Merle was still standing close.

"Seems there will be some action later." His raspy voice was like a piano playing A minor in a major composition. "China does have taste."

"For the for the umpteenth time man: He's Korean." I walked away. I needed to help my group to stabilize fences, set some traps and so on.

Merle fell into my steps. "Whoho … ya'r in strawberry season bad ass?"

"Whoho …" I did in his accent. "Why are you following me anyways?"

He grabbed me and spun me around. "I don't sound like that bitch." His hand felt warm on my skin. Again my left arm lived up … under the touch of Merle.

"Why do you curse in every damn sentence?" Who is cursing now, hah? That's what my brother would have said … I missed him dearly.

"So you're speaking to us again." His small eyes smiled at me. "The last days ya hadn't been heartwarming sweetheart. Did the touch of my little sister awaken the bitch in ya?" Why did he always screw Daryl's name and position? Baby Brother, Darlinya … there was a long list of stupid nicknames he had given to his brother since I knew him.

"Life's too short to be mad at you." I squirmed my wrist free of his grasp. It was true, life was short these days. Who knew who would live to see the end of the day. I had already forgiven Daryl somehow … he had done what he thought was best for everyone. I had to admit that I would have done the same. If it had been my brother or the group, I would have chosen my brother as well. Just like I had said to Merle, life is short, no time to be mad. I needed to see Daryl.

"What about ya tattoo?"

I instantly grabbed my knife, pointed it at him and looked him straight in the eye, no blinking no twitching. "Don't you ever talk about that to me again!" I pressed through my teeth. My heart pounded madly against my chest. My rip cage almost broke into pieces. "None of your business."

He didn't say a word while my knife was pointed at his chest. The point of the knife was mere inches away from his heart. "Don't point that on me." He tried to slap the knife out of my hand, but I didn't let go of it. However he grabbed my knife-holding-hand and pulled me close. "Ya don't have the guts." My knife was damn close to his carotid artery.

"Don't challenge me." His breath smelled incredibly ghastly. I gave him the most provocative glance I had while avoiding to inhale his smell. His grab grew tighter and my knife fell to the ground.

Suddenly I was pulled out of Merle's grip. "What the hell is going on?" Daryl stood between us, looking from me to Merle. "Can't ya just play along for once?!"

But Merle lit his cigarette again and turned around. "Can't believe we returned 'cause of her." He mumbled to himself. What did he just say?

Suddenly I noticed Daryl looking at me. He was already a few feet away. "I'm going huntin'."

I picked up my knife, pocketed in my boot and walked over. "I'm in." Without a sign of acceptance, he went inside the prison. Did he just give a holler? Did he want me to follow him? What about his brother … What about what he had said. What about … I heard a car in the distance. My heart began to beat faster, but it wasn't Michonne returning. It was Glenn who was making a barrier in the near of the gate outside the fences. Maybe I had thought too long, Daryl returned with a backpack. Without a word he went passed me to the car closest to us, opened the trunk and grabbed two guns. I followed him and took a gun myself. He shouldered his crossbow, checked his gun and unexpectedly turned to look at me. "Ya ready?"

"You wanna leave your brother in the prison alone?"

He gave me one of his crooked smiles. "Seems he belongs there anyways." Was he making a joke? Daryl took the backpack from the ground and threw it over his shoulder.

"Com' on, we ain't got all day." Daryl went for the gate and we both slipped through the metal door. He waved at Glenn who drove over to us.

"We go hunting. Short on supplies-." Glenn looked from Daryl to me. He didn't seem satisfied with our actions, but he knew we were short on food.

"It's not the best time for a hunt." He really was something like a new leader. Did we really need his approval? "What about your brother?" I thought Daryl and Hershel would be the ones in charge when Rick was gone, but Glen was doing his job pretty good.

"You know how to handle that sluggard, bro." I gave him the sweetest smile. Daryl didn't need any approval, he would do whatever it toke to keep this group alive. And food was one thing to do so.

Nowadays Glen wasn't a smiling person, but he nodded. "Two hours max. Watch out!" And he drove off.

Daryl's POV

This girl would be my death. I walked on into the woods while Ella followed me. At first it was a silent hunt, I could concentrate pretty well on the tracks on the ground. There were spoors of rabbits and a fox. But we needed something bigger. A few steps further were several footprints of deer. While I tried to find out in which direction the animals might have turned, a hand tried to grab me out of the bushes. Taking a closer look, I saw a walker in a trap. It was a woman in her thirties, she had turned not long ago. Before she could try to grab me again, I made a quick step, took my knife out and killed it. Suddenly I saw her face again. It had always been the same after Ella had been missing back then. At first I had seen her face on every female walker that had crossed my way and had checked the damn corpses twice when I had killed it. Time had made it easier for all of us to handle the loss of our people. But the ghost of Ella had always been on my heels. Like the time I had fallen down the damn horse and bumped my head: I had seen a vision of Merle and had heard Ella's voice.

A cracking sound made me look back to her. A walker had sneaked up on us, but Ella killed it as if she hadn't done anything else in her whole life. A welcome feeling spread in my body. That was the Ella I had grown fond of. The girl who stood her ground, who would always stand up after falling. A tough girl fighting back. When I had found her in the woods again, she was nothing like that anymore. She had been frightened, suicidal, a shadow of the girl I used to know. But she had crawled out of her shell of fears and nightmares. Day by day she became a little less afraid and a bit more Ella. But when I had left with Merle and returned later she hadn't been the one I had left behind. To have seen her not fighting back against a walker and almost got bitten, had made me feel responsible. After that I had observed her, how she avoided me and spent time with that black woman. She had somehow grownup.

The whole damn situation was nothing like I had wanted things to turn out. It started when Ella had walked out on us at camp. The days after her disappearance had cracked something up inside me I had never thought existed: Compassion. My father had beat that out of me centuries ago and Merle had kept down my feelings well enough. It had always been Merle and me, since we were young. We had suffered our father's beatings and mother's failures together. But since this damn girl appeared on the road, I had known she was different. She hadn't been a slut nor a fuckin' housewife; hadn't been like Andrea, Carol or Laurie at all. There had been something in this big green eyes that caught me. This badass attitude had been a change. She had made life in this apocalypse a little less annoying.

I looked back over my shoulder, Ella bent down to pick up her knife. Her shirt rode up a bit and the nasty scar the self-proclaimed governor had made was fully visible on her back. It burned … it burned on her flesh, it burned in me. No wonder Ella was hungry for revenge, had a thirst for his blood. Anger imprisoned all of my other feelings, my blood boiled. He had hurt her, had touched her … Clenching my fist, I noticed I had lost the track. This women would definitely be my death.

I looked on the ground in front of me to search for the track. Why did I feel different around her? Just thinking of her made me inattentive. And that wasn't good in times like these. I had girls in the bar before, but I had always been liquored up, no feelings attached. But her eyes, her smile … even her weird laugh was stunningly … Some inner demon was longing for her, was waiting for the right moment to take her … but I didn't know how to handle a women like her. I was no good and would definitely wrong her, harm her. She couldn't possibly want me.

All the times we had been close my mad side had wanted her more than anything else, but my head had dispraised me. When I looked at her now I longed for that body to be mine. It was the same feeling when we had been up in the tower alone, when we had been on a run boarded up in a cellar … I had wanted to know how it felt to have her all for me, to kiss and touch her. I had enjoyed her presence, her closeness, had kissed her on the head in an unmindful moment. But this would never happen again. I would never allow someone to hurt her, not even myself.

Ella's POV

I was walking behind Daryl who was tracing some footprints on the ground. That was him, a hunter. Walking behind him, it felt like back at camp, when he had taken me hunting the first time. A cracking sound made me freeze. Looking behind, a walker made its way to us. "I'll do it." But Daryl didn't turn, didn't even think he had heard me. I grabbed my knife out of my boot, pushed it through the zombie's right eye and pushed it to the ground. I stood up looking at the work I had done. Staring at the dead corps, it would always be like that. This was everyday life now. I grabbed my knife, but stood up quickly and rearranged my shirt. In an instant I turned to see if Darryl had seen my back, but he was slowly walking on. I was relieved and closed up to Daryl.

We walked on in silence. "Ya've grownup."

"What?" I wiped my knife on my jeans while following him, knowing it was my turn to do laundry anyways.

"At camp you had been quite a madcap. Did everything to protect Carol from Ed and got a bang at the head." He moved after the footprints and jumped over a tree trunk. "Even hang out with Merle and me." He stopped, his eyes still on the ground, studying the track. "Always got yourself in trouble, took the blame for other people … some things never change." He looked left and right and finally decided to go right. "But now you act more mature." In some way he was acting like a dog. The way how he held his head and how he smelled the air and ground, he looked just like my grandma's dog.

I followed his glance and saw three deer. While I eyed Mother Nature's creatures, I wondered why animals and plants weren't affected by the apocalypse at all. The beauty of the scenery touched me, but I enjoyed it a bit too much. Daryl took his crossbow and shot the biggest deer. While the other two deer ran away, the hit one laid on the ground twitching uncontrollably. Daryl shouldered his crossbow, walked towards the deer and took the knife out to finish the dying animal. I stood still while I watched him caressing its forehead and then killing it quick. He took a robe out of the backpack and tied it around its legs, so we could easily take it back to the prison.

"So you won't treat me like a child anymore?" I picked up our conversation and steadied the deer while he tied its legs together.

"Ya still a kid."

"How old do you think I am?"

"Too young."

"Too young for what?" I watched him working. "I am just a few years younger than you." But I wasn't really sure how old he was.

That's when he looked up. There were feelings behind his eyes he would never talk about. "I meant too young for the shit you had been through."

"No one should ever undergo something like that." I sighed. Why had he to talk about this again?

"He will pay for what he did to ya." He looked down on the dead deer and I wished Phillip was just as dead as the animal to my feet.

Heavy silence fell upon us while Daryl finished the robes around the deer. The topic always made my body numb, but at some point I knew this had to end someday. I didn't expect much from this life anymore. Even I had lived my life to the fullest, I felt like dying didn't sound so bad. But looking at Daryl in front of me and how something had been growing between us - or was it just in my head? - I wanted to live up again. I couldn't hide no more, that I had feelings for him. I paused for a moment, waiting for my brother to applaud to my confession, but in my head was silence. He was really gone, I finally had to admit that he was gone. But right now I needed him even more.

"Daryl ..." I started clumsily. "I'm really thankful for what you had done for me till now." He didn't really look up but I could see him watching me from the corner of his eyes. "I know I thanked you before and that's not enough for your doings ..." He stood up, seemed he didn't know if he should look at me or slap me.

"No need to thank me." He said, but I didn't want to thank him. There were other words in my head that I wanted to tell him. Why did I always end up stammering when talking to him? In the past I had just babbled on, had told right away what I thought, but time – to be honest the apocalypse and fucking Phillip – had changed me. Maybe this is what growing up meant...

"No … I didn't really want to thank you." I made a step forward and carefully placed my left hand on his chest. "I'm alive, because of you."

"Ya're moving your left arm quite proper." Did he want to change the subject?

"Thanks." This word was used too often the last few minutes ... Looking up to him I looked into curious eyes. Was this the perfect moment? All the thinking didn't help, closing my eyes, I tiptoed and kissed the corner of his lips. He didn't move, looked like he was frozen to the ground. But suddenly he pulled me closer and gave me an intense kiss. I couldn't believe how good it felt to be kissed again. While he had wrapped one arm around my back, my right hand went through his hair. His kiss was somehow wild and demanding. I felt his emotions in this very kiss.

Slowly he let go off me, our lips departed. I didn't want to open my eyes, but wanted to last in this moment a little longer. When I opened my eyes, I faced Daryl's back. He had bent down to the deer and picked it up. "Ya're still alive." I could hear a smile in his voice. "That's what counts."