Hey guys, i am really sorry for my abstinence ... but here we go with a new chapter! Have fun reading :o) f&f
Everyone helped to prepare for war. Since Daryl had left me in the tunnel, he had turned to the distant hunter again I had met at camp. All the things I had seen in his eyes the day before yesterday were gone. There wasn't even a way to talk to him. He blocked all my attempts to talk, just shouted orders. He hadn't been mean to me, nor nice. There was a distance between us, as if we didn't know each other anymore. There hadn't been a moment we were alone, as if he was avoiding to face me one-on-one. Had Phillip said something? If he had, Daryl would have behaved like an asshole when he had returned. But he had talked to me, had taken my hand … thinking back, I remembered Daryl had talked to Rick, Hershel and Glenn. Maybe someone of them had told him something?
Since there was no way to talk to Daryl, I went outside to join Michonne to kill walkers in the yard. It felt as if we were battling who killed more slurping zombies. I looked over to her. "Ten!" Even I was confused about Daryl, I was slowly becoming my old self again: Seeing fun in something bad … like this damn world. The killing of walkers was at least distracting me from too much thinking.
"What?" She asked while she killed another walker.
"I got ten down." I smiled.
"Fifteen." She killed another one. "Sixteen." I ran for the next but she was faster. "Seventeen." She smiled. "You changed Ella. The last days …" She straightened her back. "I met you as a suicidal girl, a shadow of a woman. Now you behave like there ain't no war. You even smile."
This isn't a real smile, I wanted to tell her, but I didn't; it was an answer to Daryl's damn behavior: A fucking smile. "And you're suddenly talking. Terminator lady just watched every move, now you talk to me." I replied.
A car drove next to us. Glenn sat behind the steering wheel, mentioning us to come back with him to the prison. "Hop on, we're finished here." On the back of the pickup sat Daryl who watched me tensed. Michonne sat down next to him but I shook my head. Glenn drove on anyways, maybe not wanting to discuss with a dumb pubescent teenage girl. I walked on alone, following the car back to the prison. I couldn't stand Daryl's suddenly cold eyes. Better be alone then to see him like that.
When I reached the common room, Daryl was nowhere to be seen. Only Carl stood at the table and I somehow felt relived. "They left you alone with all the guns?" I wondered why I said this words out loud. I could have said 'alone with all the work' … but no, my brain was high on stupidity.
His eyes mirrored hurt. "I am no baby." His words were as harsh as Merle's.
I ruffled his hair. "I know. Sorry kiddo." I glanced around. "Where is everybody?"
Carl mentioned out the door. "Glenn wanted to prepare some Molotov cocktails outside." He nodded to the sleeping cells. "Hershel and Beth are with the baby."
I wanted to go for the door to see Glenn, but stopped and grabbed Carl's shoulder. "I am proud of you big brother. You handle this world better than I do." I bent down to see his eyes under the sheriff's hat. "You'll be just like my brother." I smiled feeling a pang in my heart. "You'll be great." A small smile appeared on his lips and that was all I needed right now. Kids should be innocent and play around and not check guns and get ready for war. War … we could all die in this. The plan was set, but could still go awry. I walked out with a wired feeling in my stomach.
Stepping out, the sun fell on my face, and warmed my skin. I absorbed my surroundings and looked left. There was the spot I had sat several weeks ago. It was after I had awoken in the prison the first time, had left all alone to sit outside the bars and loneliness. Daryl had found me first in this spot, had sat down next to me and after a little talk I had fallen asleep on him. I had felt secure … I wanted that feeling back. If there was no (I don't know if I could call it love, but) love for me in him, it was okay. I wanted my friend Daryl back. It hurt to think he might had changed his mind after our kiss, but I had to live with this fact. Everything would be fine as long as I didn't have to see his cold eyes anymore. Inhaling deeply, my eyes left the spot next to the door to look up to the tower I had lived in. It remembered me of Daryl too. Everything in here reminded me of him, contained a memory I shared with him. I needed to talk to Daryl. If something would happen to anyone of us during the arising war, I wanted to know what was wrong and that it would be okay being nothing more than friends. Even when it hurt.
Stepping out into the yard, I saw some zombies, but no Daryl, no Glenn. Carl had said Glenn wanted to make Molotov cocktails. Where would he get alcohol? I looked to my right. Behind the next building Maggie had found some liquor in a ward's cabin. Maybe he was there and knew something about Daryl's suddenly changed behavior. I remembered he had talked to him.
I started walking and quickly reached the building, but before I stepped around the corner, I stopped. Someone was talking. I peeked around the corner to see Daryl with Glenn. "He's sorry, ya know." Daryl must be speaking of Merle. "Just needs a little forgiveness …. That's all."
Glenn stopped in his action and looked up to Daryl. There was rage all over his face, he walked angrily towards Daryl and shook his head. He retold him the story of his capture, of Merle's torture and Maggie's pain. There could be no forgiveness and I could understand him. After all Glenn was more of a brother to me than Merle and I would always take Glenn's side. "I care more about her life than I care about mine. You of all the people should know what I mean." Glenn turned and started to walk away, but stopped and looked at Daryl again. "And if Ella hadn't been there, I would have killed him. I will never forgive that bastard. I don't know why Ella calmed him down …" Glenn smiled ironically to himself. "Oh wait, I know … Because of you." I had never seen Daryl holding out against a stare like that. "I don't know why you do the things you do man, but it's not fair to treat her the way you treat her now." He made a step towards Daryl. "She did everything for you, even got herself injured and almost died … You fight for your brother, trying everyone to forgive him? Why don't you try to thank her?!" Glenn waited for an answer, but Daryl remained silent. Glenn walked back to the table to prepare death-bringing-cocktails.
Daryl sighed and crossed his arms while staring at Glenn. "Thank her for what? That ya didn't kill ma brother?"
Glenn angrily threw a piece of fabric on the bottles in front of him. "You still don't get it, do you?" There was anger in his voice I had never heard before. "If you are that blind, you will never see."
They hadn't seen me and now I felt like I had been eavesdropping. Not knowing if I did the right thing I walked around the corner to meet them, but I almost ran into Daryl who was about to walk away. Small eyes met me. He grabbed my arm and pushed me back around the corner. "What have ya done?" He pushed me a few steps further, into a distance where Glenn couldn't hear us.
"What?" I looked over his shoulder, but Glenn was out of my view. Nobody was around. I repeated their talk in my head, it was about Merle excusing to Glenn and Daryl thanking me … so what had I done?
"Ya and Merle … what's going on between the two of you?" I didn't answer. Was he crazy to think there was something going on between me and Merle?! I just didn't know what he wanted to hear. "Why do ya have to put yourself into trouble every damn time?" The grab around my arm tensed. He hadn't talked to me, had frozen me off and now lectured me?
"I tried to stop him. He could have killed Glenn. They were fighting and nothing calmed him except your name." Why was he mad at me? I tried to free my arm from his grab, but he didn't let go.
"They're grown-ups, can handle themselves." His words were cruel, yet his eyes showed hurt. His voice and features didn't match.
"Daryl, what is your fucking problem?" I screamed at him and his grab finally loosened.
"Where is he?" He pressed the words through his lips, the way he always did when he was angry. "Ya seem to spent time with him quiet a lot."
At first I stood quiet while processing what had just happened. He was mad at me for protecting his brother? He screamed at me and now wanted me to tell him where his brother was? And then something hit me: Did he just accuse me to flirt with his brother? "What the fuck Daryl …" I started and his hard glance turned to a perplexed one for mere seconds. "The last time I saw him, he was looking for dope."
"What?"
He shook his head in disbelief, turned and walked away but I screamed after him. "What do you want from me Daryl? I don't understand anything no more." I didn't know why he seemed to blame me for everything that had happened lately. "The one moment you act like this and the other you are totally different." He turned and we starred at each other. Maybe I said the words too loud. I tried to calm down, to talk in a normal voice, while Daryl still starred me down. "Daryl … I just don't …" The anger had left my voice. "I thought we …" I didn't know how to go on. The passing seconds felt like hours, while my brain was working on a sentence I would never say. So I tried it the way I thought it would end anyways. "I don't want things to get any more complicated." I hesitated. "It's okay if we stay just friends. I just want …"
"Thanks for calming Merle." He interrupted me. I wasn't used to the way he looked at me, he seemed so angry. Again he turned and walked away. "I have to talk to ma brother." This time I wouldn't let him turn his back on me. I grabbed his arm and turned him around.
"Daryl wait!" I held his arm with both of my hands. "What's wrong?" Why was he disappearing in a dark cloud of closing up while I started to open up?
"I can't handle this right now." He shook me off and he walked away.
What did he mean? Can't deal with what? I wanted to lay down and cry. I had offered him love, had offered him friendship … but he declined it all. My world turned once again … every time I started to trust someone I was disabused. It had been the same with Jess … the same with my brother. In the end, everybody left. I froze in the moment, not thinking at all. A lifeless shell, home to no feelings.
But … No! This time I wouldn't cry, I would not lie down, but would kill the governor. It had all started with him and it would end with him once and for all. I would lock out every feeling and everyone, except the desire to kill Phillip. Straightening up, I walked on, thinking of how to kill him … slowly and painful. Even if it would mean to go this way alone.
"Come on Ella, I need a hand!" I looked up to see Glenn at a table with some bottles. Looking into the other direction, I saw Daryl almost at the prison, moving further away. Sighing I went over to Glenn and helped him to prepare some bombs.
"What have you told him?" Glenn looked at me surprised. "Since the two of you have talked, Daryl acts totally different."
"I just told him about the Merle incident. That his brother is a fucking asshole. There was nothing wrong about it."
"But why is he acting like such a jerk?" Why did Daryl have to be so complicated? Talking about him didn't make it any easier to shut him out of my brain. Guess there would always be a part in me that loved him even if I wouldn't admit it. I liked him as a chaos of emotions, a dark hunter, but I couldn't manage the moody nature he was in now. First he had kissed me back and now he won't even look at me. Thinking over and over again didn't help either.
Glen interrupted my stupid thinking. "Who knows what the governor had told them. Who knows what had happened." He was kinda right. Suddenly Daryl's voice echoed in my head: You seem to spend time with him a lot. Did he really think something was going on between me and his damn brother? Had he have heard my conversation with Merle in the cell? It started right after … no, he hadn't been there.
The smell of the liquor in my hand crept into my nose. "I could do with drink." Reading the label, I knew the whisky in my hands was expensive. I sniffed at it.
"Don't drink my bombs." Glenn boxed me softly. "What's wrong?"
I didn't say a word, my eyes on the bottle, and then I took a big sip. The whiskey burned in my throat and immediately warmed my again-cold-body. At first it tasted weird but then the taste melted in my mouth.
"Are you going crazy now too? We need to prepare for war, this is a fucking war, Ella." The seriousness caught me. He was so damn right and I took more big sips.
"What do you mean?"
He wanted to take my bottle but I took some more gulps. "I mean you behave like a kid. Now woman up and help me get ready and put the cocktails into place."
I almost drank the whole bottle and finally gave it to him. "Tell Daryl." I took the other bottles I would rather drink than throw and left for the main building.
"Ella …" I didn't stop but looked behind over my shoulder. "Don't drink all the alcohol."
"Can't promise that." Glenn fell into my steps. He carried the rest of the bottles in his arms.
"Get your head clear sis. Talk to him before they will attack. Maybe … maybe some of us won't survive." Did he mean me? Whom of our group did he think wouldn't survive?
"You really think so?" I carried the box in my right arm so I could take another sip. "Whom do you think of?"
"I want everybody to be safe and sound." I couldn't resist and took another slug of a bottle in my arms. This time it tasted not good at all. It wasn't whisky. I read the bottle: Moonshine. I drank it again to see if it really was that bad. And it was that bad. Seemed I just wanted to get drunk to not face the situation I was in. Glenn took the bottle of moonshine away. It was hard to bear, that he thought not all of us would survive.
"Me too." I managed to say. The ground under my feet suddenly felt like cotton and immediately Merles cotton clouds were in my mind. Why did Merle have to pop into my head now?
…
Back inside the prison I wanted nothing more than to rest, to lay down for a bit. After I had finished my work with Glenn, I hadn't seen Daryl nor Merle. And where the hell was Michonne? Even I wanted to get some rest in my cell, I turned left for the tunnels. They weren't outside, not in their cells, not in a watchtower, so they must be somewhere inside the prison. Maybe down in the boiler room. When I walked through the tunnels, my belly turned. Was it the booze? I grabbed hold of the wall closing my eyes. I almost threw up. I'm sorry. Suddenly I was all tensed. Did my brother return? I waited for an answer, a hint … a glow of hope. But no one answered. Did I need to be drunk to hear my brother again? All of a sudden I realized it was Merle's voice. Opening my eyes, I carefully looked around the next corner. There he was. Merle was on one knee and someone was lying in front of him on the floor. Was it a walker? To take a closer look I sneaked up on him, but he turned and punched me right in the face. I fell back into darkness.
"That's so familiar, isn't it honey?" I blinked away small flashes, while he walked towards me. "Oh bad ass. I wish ya hadn't seen that." He held up a gun. "Rick told me to bring black kitty to the governor. Someone needs to do the job, hun. Ya know, our common friend likes sadistic knife tricks and he wants to torture her so badly …" He laughed and looked down on Michonne. "Or turn ya over to ya'r ex-lover." My head rang. Did I hear right? "It's ya or Michonne."
I straightened up rubbing my forehead. Was it the damn alcohol or did Merle hit my temple that hard, anyways I couldn't get up at all. "But I knew Darlyina would never forgive me that, so it's not a big question." I tried to escape the blackness Merle had caused, only to see that he had hogtied Michonne. She was blindfolded and not moving. I hoped she wasn't dead.
"It's me." I said. But again he punched my head. If he would hit my temple again I would definitely throw up and be out, just as Michonne.
"No sweetheart. Ya stay put and make my brother happy." Again I got a punch against the head.
…
I woke up with a bad headache, not the one you knew when you had been drinking too much, but the one were trouble would follow. I was still in the tunnel, hastily looking around. No walkers. Merle must've been going that way, away from our cells. I had to safe Michonne, had to safe Merle, safe him of a huge mistake. Sitting up, I tried to stand up to run after them. It wasn't easy, I felt dizzy from Merle's hits or maybe the alcohol … The last weeks I had absorbed many blows, too many. But that was over now, I didn't accept another low blow. I started to walk quickly. Without any warning I threw up. I sounded like a walker … Maybe I should stop, sit down, get help … But then I would lose too much time and Merle already had the lead.
I had a gun and a knife, this had to do for my way. Running through the labyrinth of tunnels, I eventually saw a light at the end. The walls had fallen down. "That's how walkers had come in … and the four strangers." I crawled out of the tunnel and looked around. Where would he go with her? I tried to remind myself of the map Rick had showed us before he had left to meet Phillip. Nearby was a street, but which way? Even fortune hadn't been my best friend in the last month, I had to challenge luck once again to find out where they might be and just started running. When I ran through the woods, I saw a street but stopped. I couldn't walk on the street just like that. What if the army of Phillip would pass by? Oh my … I couldn't leave now … we could be attacked any minute. I needed to be with my people to fight. Would I ever be lucky to find Michonne and Merle? Could I even bring Merle around? Or was I just wasting time here when I was needed at the prison? When I was about to go back I heard an alarm system. Maybe it was them. I started running once again, still avoiding the street, and stopped in the shadows of some houses. First I needed to check if it would be my friends or someone – or rather something – else. Taking a closer look, I saw Michonne tied to a scantling next to a car, while Walkers were approaching her. Where the heck was Merle?
I sped up and killed two zombies in a row from behind. Suddenly the alarm stopped and Merle jumped out of the car next to Michonne. I ran to her to kill the walker next to her, but Merle put it down with a single shot. "Move your ass." He screamed angrily and I jumped into the back of the car, while Merle pushed Michonne into the front seat. He jumped in and watched me in the driving mirror. "That was a big mistake." He thrashed his hand and stump against the steering wheel all crazy before he drove on, knocking over a walker – not that much accidentally.
"Merle, stop this shit." I screamed and grabbed him from behind.
"Shut up or I'll kill her and then ya." He held his stump directly at Michonne's throat. "Why did ya come after us? I told ya to stay put."
All Dixons had told me to stay put … I really never listened. "So is this your thing … Taking the trash out?" Michonne asked coldly. But Merle just laughed. "You're the trash here. Not like your brother. Daryl is accepted in the group, he is needed."
"Yeah sure, Rick says jump and he asks how high." Merle's hand played nervously on the steering wheel. Maybe his voice didn't give away his emotions, but his fingers did.
"Rick needs him. Respects him. Didn't ask him to do the job did he?!" Michonne talked on.
"Michonne stop it." She wanted Merle to suffer. But after all, he tried to safe the group with this suicide-mission. Hmm … seemed as if Merle and me really had a lot in common. Suicidal and dumb.
"Oh no, let her talk. Soon there will be just screams coming out of her mouth."
"You want to safe the group? You put yourself into danger for them? You choose to stay outside Merle." Michonne went on. "No one's gonna moan you. Not even Daryl. He's got a new family"
"You guys better shut up." I said from the back. "Merle, turn around. We can still go back." I wanted to grab him again, but he held his knife up and slightly cut my hand. I inhaled loudly in pain. "Damn it."
"Better shut up. Next time I'll make ya a new hole." Silence filled the car. Thankfully the cut wasn't deep. I sucked at the cut in my palm while observing him in the driving mirror. His eyes didn't mirror the anger in his voice.
Michonne's eyes gave away the disgust she felt for Merle and his doings. "The truth is, this could have been your shot! Your skills … a whole new beginning. But you choose to stay on the outside."
"Ya're as much on the outside as I am. We don't belong to this precious family sect. Not even our sweet little princess in the back. They left her behind every time they got the chance to. Now she chooses to be on the outside … with us." Again our eyes met in the driving mirror.
"Don't involve me in your shitty talk." Why did he have to say the one thing I felt too? But on the other hand, he had recognized it too … did he feel the same way I did? Again I looked at him through the driving mirror, searched his eyes for an answer to my thoughts.
"Whatever … once the governor is finished with me, at least I don't have to live with myself." Merle didn't comment on that. He pretended to concentrate on the street. I watched the back of his head, trying to read his thoughts. But Michonne wasn't giving up. "What happened at Woodbury? Did the governor feed you like a baby, fed you his lines of shit?" Merle still didn't answer. "You know we can go back." The last words were said more soft.
Merle smiled. "Ain't happenin'."
"We can just go back." She almost sang.
"I can't go back. Don't ya understand that? I can't!" He screamed at her almost helpless and hit the steering wheel.
"Why?" And I almost believed her the question. But it was obvious … he didn't fit, wasn't accepted by most of the group.
Merle stopped the car and held his knife-stump in her face. "Merle, no!" I screamed and moved forward in my seat to grab him, but he didn't hurt her, he cut her loose.
"Ya go back and get ready for what comes next." He opened the door on her side. "I got to do something on ma own."
She looked at him and then stepped out quickly. Merle gave her back her sword and looked away. Michonne stepped back, shut the door and looked at me. "Come on Ella, you heard him." She was about to open the back door, but I closed it quickly. Her eyes went big. "Ella, don't be stupid."
"I can't let him die." I answered and turned to Merle. "Drive on"
"No." He turned and pointed a gun at me. "Move yar damn ass!"
I smiled at him. "You still think I am afraid of you and guns?" There was this coldness again. It took hold of me every time a gun was pointed at me. I was acting stupid, I knew that, but I couldn't manage the weird feeling in my heart.
Michonne hit the window next to me and screamed my name angrily outside the car. "Ella!" But I shook my head not looking at her. She stroke hard against the window.
Merle suddenly drove on. "Ya're secretly in love with me or what?" I saw him smiling in the mirror and my heart hurt. Damn comments about me, Merle, and love in one sentence were annoying as hell. I looked back and saw Michonne starring back at me. I mouthed 'I'm sorry' but I couldn't tell if she saw it.
I climbed into the front seat next to him. "Daryl will be mad." And my mood changed. Our last words had been mean and angry, let alone our last exchanged glances. I didn't want these words to be the last … but maybe we would survive this – ha – who was I kidding?
"Yeah." He looked at me. "Mad at ya. I ain't done nothing wrong."
"You kidnapped Michonne. Why don't we just go back Merle? I'll speak for you." I touched his arm, he flinched and shook my hand off.
"Sorry bad ass. Like I said: Ain't happening!" He put on the brakes and turned to me. "Get off!" He screamed at me in a sudden trace of rage. "Think ya've something better to do …"
"Shut up!" I retorted in his angry tone. There was something in his eyes … but Merle was a Dixon just as Daryl, there wouldn't be any talk about feelings. So he drove on wordlessly, until a lonely house appeared on the street. I tried to read the sign, it was some kind of restaurant. Four walkers stood in front of it. They seemed to have no food in days, maybe weeks; they were slurping around like old people.
"I need a drink." Merle stopped the car in front of the house and stepped out. He killed the four walkers easily and disappeared into the house. I watched the scenery still sitting in the car. Was he waiting for me to go after him? Merle appeared in the door again and waved me over. I wasn't sure if he was planning something or not. I slowly exited the car and looked around. I took my knife and walked after him. When I entered, knife raised, Merle stood at the counter. There were no walkers, except the ones dead on the ground. Merle had done his job.
"What a nice bar." I said, looking around – it was a dirty old ruin – walked over to Merle, and jumped to sit on the counter. On one hand I felt like a heavy weight had fallen off my shoulders. I finally would get my revenge, got the chance to kill Phillip. But on the other hand I felt torn apart. I was acting on my own, no one was telling me what to do. Merle wasn't shoving me around, wasn't telling me what to do. Felt like he accepted me, knew me. Was I going crazy thinking something like that? Was I betraying my friends to go with Merle? I needed to distract myself from all the thinking. There were drinks behind and under the counter, some bottles next to the sink. I bent down while Merle held my legs so I wouldn't fall down. When I came up again I smiled. "Jackpot." Two bottles Jack Daniel's.
"Ain't no jackpot." His hand was still on my leg and on his face a sly smile.
I kicked him away. "Better than beer." I threw him a bottle and he raised it.
"To Revenge." He said and I just sniffed.
We drank out of the bottles like it was water. I had never been much of a drinker. My brother would have been mad, if he would have been still with me. He had always hated alcohol. I looked around and remembered the last time I had a drink, remembering the conversation I had overheard with Glenn and Daryl. "What the hell is going on with your brother?" I asked Merle. Looking around, my eyes were set on a picture over a fake-fireplace. It showed a happy couple.
"Ah … already missing my sidekick?" He sneered.
The couple smiled over to me. It remembered me of the picture of me and my brother. I had used to carry it around in my pocket all the time. I knew Alex had given it back to me when she had found me, but somewhere on the way I had lost it again. Like I had lost my brother, twice. I had accepted that he had died, but I couldn't really accept that he was gone out of my head. Even I had wanted his voice to shut up sometimes, I missed it now.
"He just hadn't the guts to tell ya." Merle sat down on a chair opposite of me. "When officer friendly told him that governor wants you and Nubian queen he went wild. Never saw him going crazy like that." Was that the reason why he had avoided me?
"Why did he blame me?" I almost whispered. "That's why he treated me like trash?" I said more loudly.
"C'mon girl." He took another sip. "Treated ya better than ya deserved." I hated the damn smile on his face and would have liked to slap it away. "Ma sweet boy just can't handle hotties, darlin'. And your ass is way too hot for him." I was about to kick his ass, when he casually leaned back. "And he accused me for stealing his girl." He added in his raspy voice.
"What?" I was flabbergasted.
"Just before I set out, he told me to keep my hands off ya bad ass." He smiled badly.
My head swam. "If you want to tell me something tell me fast. We have to get to the governor before he smells the rat." I couldn't believe him. Merle was Merle, a liar, a pervert, an asshole. He just wanted me to go back so he could go alone.
"Ya're just as dump as he is." He laughed out loud. "But if ya're not interested in my mini-me, than better taste a bit of good o'l Merle." He touched my leg again. This fun of his wasn't funny at all. But he just slapped my thigh and took a huge sip. "If I won't die of the governor, Darlinya will definitely have my ass." He threw the empty bottle in the back of the room where it shattered against the wall and the picture of the smiling couple fell down. The frame burst in thousand pieces, like a bad ambiguous sign.
Merle grabbed over me and I flinched, but he just took a new bottle from behind the counter. "Relax." Whisky. I watched him how he opened it with his stump-knife and took two gulps.
"Merle …" I said lowly. "Let's get back. We help our friends against Phillip and then you can fuck off or do whatever you want."
"Sure." He burped. "Are you deaf or dumb?!" He took another few slugs. "You go back, I'll have to finish something." He went for the door and I hopped down the counter. He suddenly stopped. "If I had handcuffs I would chain you to the heating."
I looked back. "There is no heating, nor do you have handcuffs. I don't want you to go alone."
"Why?" He screamed at me so loudly a walker appeared at the window. "Leave me alone bitch. I gotto do this on ma own."
"Daryl would be devastated if you die." I started but he interrupted me by laughing uncontrolled and loud.
"Oh babe, ya're funny. Ya think ya can protect me?"
"And you are partly right …" I sighed. Everybody had someone in this prison to look after and all the time the situation required it, they looked after their other half. I had thought Daryl was my counterpart, but he just showed up when he wanted to and only appeared when it was almost too late.
"Ya should stay here and wait for prince charming to safe the princess." There was still anger in his voice but it kinda sounded like he wanted me to be safe. "Ya should be alive …"
Even he wanted me safe or whatever, I shut myself out. It was the booze and it were my mixed feelings that made me crazy. I wanted to go back, wanted to scream into Daryl's face, wanted to ask him why he couldn't just talk to me instead of ignoring me. But on the other hand, he had done what he thought was right and so he had decided to cold-shoulder me. He was shutting me out. I became more determined to slice Phillip's throat open than ever. "I want Phillip dead, that's all I want." Well, at the moment it was the truth. The gnarling behind the window grew louder. Merle shoved me aside to walk out. I gulped down some Jack Daniel's and threw the bottle behind me. The alcohol should let me forget Daryl and concentrate on Phillip. This was my chance for revenge. "I want him to suffer. I want this bastard to bleed out slowly." I talked more to myself then to Merle, but he somehow felt addressed and stopped walking at the door.
"Fine. I'll give you the chance to." He laughed and drank way too much to drive now …although it didn't matter if he would be sober to drive. But better to be a little bit more clear than drunk. But on the other hand, better to be footloose than scared to death and peeing your pants.