First thing: I need to excuse. I updated a wrong chapter 39 … I already changed it to the actual chapter. I had written some things and changed back and forth, I couldn't really decide how I wanted to go on. I am sorry … Enjoy the new chapter and have fun reading!
The sun was shining and the wind around my body felt like freedom. I outstretched my arms and felt like flying. The sound of my brother's bike gave me goose bumps and the vibration of the engine sent a shiver down my spine. I loved this feeling.
"Get your damn hands back!" My brother screamed through the wind.
I smiled and hugged my brother, my arms around his waist and my head pressed into his back smiling. "Just a little faster!" The engine roared and we passed the cars on the road.
We ended up at our grandmother's house at a lake. She always had our favorite ice-cream in the fridge. She would always sit on the porch watching us swimming. How we loved to swim.
As always when my brother had stopped the motorcycle, we ran for the lake. On the way throwing our clothes everywhere. We had always been prepared, already wearing our bathing clothes underneath. The first to reach the water wins. Normally I was first, this time my brother shoved my aside laughing and dived into the water.
After swimming we sat on the footbridge eating ice cream, our feet in the water. "I could always stay like this." I told my brother. "Stay here forever."
"Yeah, but you will grow-up." His voice seemed so far away.
"We both will. But we can always return to this safe heaven." I smiled but he wasn't smiling.
"I pray for that, grant that we will still play Tekken together."
I laughed at his words. "I will never be too old for that. Promise!" He seemed somehow upset. I laid my head on his shoulder, breathing the moment.
"Safe haven …" He muttered with a smile. Looking over to the lake, it began to glow slightly. And somehow I got a feeling I had been in this very moment before. I felt a pang in my heart, no not my heart, but my stomach. I stood up and looked at me, something was odd. Getting up I watched myself in the crystal like water. But didn't recognize the person starring back at me.
"If you stay here, I can keep you safe." My brother said behind me. I couldn't move, just stared at the reflection. But if I stay here, someone will be missing me …
The day started just perfect. I was woken up by my own vomit. I had never before been woken up by puking. Looking around the cell was empty and didn't look familiar. Than it hit me. I was in Daryl's cell. My head hurt so much, I felt bad to the bone. But still glad being alone in the cell. I stood up feeling all weird. As soon as I made a step, I puked again and the headache got even worse. Hell, I must had a concussion. I needed to lay down again, but I didn't want anyone to see this mess. So I took of my shirt and cleaned the floor with it. Lucky Daryl wasn't around to see me throwing up. He wouldn't let me do anything if he knew. I cleaned the floor while almost puking again. Thanks to Daryl I had a new shirt and put it on. I loved it, especially because it had long sleeves to cover my cuts and scars.
Grabbed in the pocket of my jeans, where I had some painkillers, something fell to the ground. The photograph of me and my brother. I hadn't looked at it since I had it back. Memories flushed me. I sat back onto the bed again, starring at it. My brother … His voice was dead just as he was. I felt hot tears in my eyes, remembering my actual family. My group was my family now, but remembering all of them, their family had never been far away. Maggie, Beth, Hershel and Glenn were a family. Carol had lost hers, but still knew they were dead for sure. Rick had lost Lori but not his children. Daryl had Merle. Daryl … "I have Daryl." I whispered to myself. But where were my parents, my cousin? I hoped they were all fine. My granny's house at the lake popped into my head. Why did I think of that now? I couldn't really put a finger at it. The only thing I could feel right now was the headache.
I hoped the pills would help quickly. I took the bottle of water from the night stand and flushed one pill down and put the last two pack into the pocket of my jeans. I wanted to take a last glance at the photo, but I couldn't tear my eyes apart. My brother's smile warmed my heart, the younger me next to him smiled at me too. What would have become of me had the walking dead never happened? A dead question … it had all happened. My brother was dead, I had been dead. But I wasn't dead yet. I put the photo back into my back pocket of my jeans.
Looking to the pillow, there was still my morning barf. I needed to wash it out. I took the dirty thing, the dirty shirt and peeked outside. I didn't want anyone to see me walk out of Daryl's cell in the morning and especially not with stuff under my arm. Smelling the vomit I needed to pull myself together. Looking around it was all clear and I walked quickly outside. Walking wasn't easy at all. It was as if the headache bothered my sense of balance. When I exited the prison the sun was way too bright. My head hurt so much and the world suddenly turned. I sucked it up and walked over to the showers. After I had washed the vomit out of the cushion and the shirt I went outside to hang them on the clotheslines. When I turned around Merle was standing close. "Hey there darlin'. Ya had a little incident?"
"Fuck you." I was startled by my own words.
"Hadn't ya had a great fuck yesterday?!" I gave him a mad glance. "Ohh … My baby brother didn't touch ya right …" I stopped him by grabbing his shirt.
"Fuck it Merle." When did I start cursing so much? I pushed him away.
"Ya wastin' too much time with me and Darlinya." He laughed out loud. I looked at him and started laughing too. Yeah, maybe that's where I got the cursing from. I was glad he made me laugh. Merle was a big help to me. While Daryl was accepted and public-spirited, Merle was still the rotten apple. And somehow that got us connected. "Ya little ray of sunshine …" He spat sarcastically. "Ready to beam again?"
I looked at him with big eyes. "Were does that come from grumpy?"
"Shut up!" The Merle I had known in the first place had changed. But the sarcastic comments had remained. "Come on badass or ya wanna do some more housewife-shit?!" He walked passed me.
Merle above all the others was the one person helping me to regain strength in a way the others would never do. We – okay mostly Merle – had built a real training station. At first we had just some knives now there were also pistols stored and a few targets were set up. We never used the guns, because the others would hear us and of course our friendly neighbors The Walkers too. I needed to train to hold a gun again, what was already hard to manage. We both had issues with our hands … It was exhausting but I needed it. I wished I just could go outside and be needed. But no one – especially Daryl – allowed me to go behind the fences. While I needed to be thrown into cold water to learn how to swim, they were treating me with kid gloves.
"Ya ready?" Merle asked impatiently, waking me up from my thoughts.
"Yeah." And I followed Merle. Day by day it was easier to walk. Just the rib cage hurt from time to time. But I felt really better. The sun was already up, I guessed I had slept too long again. What time was it? There was no more time in this world … So what part of day? Still morning or did noon already pass? The people worked again. Carl and Hershel were at the pig's stable, feeding them. Somehow that made me almost wretch … What was wrong with me?
"Hey Ella." Sasha passed me with a smile. She looked like a tough fighter with an ax carrying on her shoulder. She gave Merle a short nod.
"Hey Sasha. What are you up to?"
"Too many Walkers not enough fence." She retorted while she walked on. "Do the math."
"Have fun!" I threw after her.
She looked over her shoulder back to me with an irritated glance. "Yeah …"
"Sorry …" I mumbled but Sasha laughed shaking her head.
Merle had kept on going and was already in the yard waiting for me. I walked faster and this time I didn't sweat. Happiness flushed me and I wanted to run. The feeling of throwing up returned. When I caught up with Merle we walked on together slowly. "Ya ain't hobbling no more." I swallowed loudly as if I could suppress the feeling of puking.
"And I don't sweat." We walked slowly and I felt better.
"Too much information darlin'." We laughed together. I liked how easy we got along.
We reached our small – almost hidden – training area. Merle picked up a knife and handed it to me. He still had his hand strapped to his body, but he was handling the knife well. "You're getting better." Merle rolled his eyes not liking me to compliment him.
"Throw it!" He ordered. And I threw the knife at one of the straw dolls. I hit the head. Merle whistled in respect. "Ya damn good bad ass."
"Thanks for teaching me Merle." I got used to the fact he called me either darlin' or bad ass.
"No need to thank good ol' Merle." He punched my shoulder. Even it was a friendly gesture, it hurt. He exactly hit the bruise on my shoulder.
"Maybe we should go out and train on walkers." I tried. "Or hunt some food."
"If ya want trouble, ya're welcome." He leaned on the table crossing his arms.
I went next to him and sat on the table. Our eyes strolled behind the fences. "You think he is still out there?" I whispered.
"Yap."
"You think Michonne found him?"
"No idea."
"I wanna go out and slit his throat open slowly." I wondered where that thought came from. I hadn't really thought about Phillip in the last days. I was happy we were safe, but were we safe knowing he was still alive? "I want to hurt him for what he did to Andrea, to our home, to me …"
"Revenge is a poison." Merle suddenly stated. I was startled by his words. "It is for fools n' madmen." His words hung heavy in the air. I opened my mouth to ask where his words came from, but didn't. We sat a few moments doing nothing but looking the same direction.
Down the fence I saw something moving. I couldn't believe my eyes, when I saw Rick going behind the fence. What was he doing there? Merle followed my glance. "That prick is out just with a small ax." He commented.
"Where is your brother?" I asked Merle. Daryl would know more about Rick … they were close. Rick still was a farmer, not going on runs anymore. He mostly was by himself or Carl. He didn't even join the counsel. Daryl was in, as was Hershel. Rick didn't want to have anything to do with leading this group anymore. He just wanted to be a farmer …
"He's on a run." Merle stated. "Didn't he wake ya up when he left?" His voice told me he knew more and didn't look at him in case I was blushing. The sun was burning my eyes. Why was I suddenly so sensitive?
"So that means … there is no one to stop us … right?" He raised an eyebrow at that.
"Ya sure?"
I looked down my right leg. Daryl had made me a sort of knife holster which was strapped around my thigh. My knife, the knife that had accompanied me since Daryl had given it to me, felt right in this very spot. "Yeah I am." No I wasn't. But I needed it.
Merle looked at me suspiciously. "Ya …" I took the machete and looked towards the gate. If anyone of my group saw me going out there they would sure stop me. My eyes roamed around the place until a hand waved in front of my face. "Someone there?" I blinked at Merle. "I said follow me!" With that he walked on towards the prison. We entered through a door I didn't know existed. I followed him through the tunnels until we reached the spot where the walls had fallen down. I had been here. A dark memory flashed my mind. We climbed out and went into the woods. "Ya want some fun?" My answer was a snort.
We walked on, deeper into the woods. The sound of gurgling and slurping arose. Two walkers appeared. "Yeah baby!" Merle crashed his knife into the walker's head. "One for me and one for ya."
Finally I could prove I was ready. It was my turn. The walker must have been dead months. You could already see his bones. When I crushed my knife into its half rotten face I went right through his head and fell forward to the ground. It made a squidgy sound when I fell with the walker to the ground. The world around me turned or did I turn? I puked on the ground. Merle was at my side quickly. "What the fuck!"
"To early for the sight of smashed heads." He helped me to get up. I wondered why he didn't comment on that, but walked back towards the prison. "Merle, wait!" I stumbled after him and he grabbed my arm. He seemed a bit nervous next to me, cursing under his breath. "Merle!"
"I got to get you to Hershel." I wanted to stop, but he didn't let me. "I promised Daryl." I understood and we walked side by side.
When we reached the gate. Carol gave us a weird look. "When did you get out?" She would tell Daryl … I stood silent to not make it worse.
We entered and went towards the picnic table. The sun was bride again and I shielded my eyes with one hand. All of a sudden I puked again. It was just clear mucus.
"Ewh … What's wrong with ya?"
"I just don't feel good today." With my left sleeve I whipped across my mouth. "I hadn't have breakfast yet."
"Yeah … that's the point of upchucking."
"I need something to drink …" I sat down suddenly sweating. I looked over to Merle who was already gone. I rested my head in my hands, but looked up when I heard screams. Looking up in shock, it were happy screams. A few of the younger children were playing with a ball. Suddenly it hit me … was I pregnant? Oh my god … no no no no no … no …
Welcome to Ella's nightmare. Sorry for the fill in chapter without action or closness or anything like that. Maybe Merle is a bit too nice ... this will change soon. There is somthing huge coming up next week.
Have a great day and see you soon! Reviews welcome :o)