Hi guys, sorry I am two weeks late. Thanks for all the reviews. It means a lot to me. Your words keep me going. Really thank you! Enjoy the next chapter, have fun :o)

After our lips parted we looked into each other's eyes. We were standing in a room alone. No one was close or knew where we were. My heart was beating unnormally fast. It had been intense between us, but he had never been so … like that. Where did Daryl's forwardness come from?

His eyes rolled over my body. "Ya wearin' the shirt." Was he trying to not look into my eyes? There were so many thoughts crossing my mind. Daryl moved backwards, letting go of my hand. Would it always be like that? "I need to go back. The council is meeting." Now it really felt like it.

"Why?" I almost whispered.

"I am one of the council. Have to." He sounded determined.

I nodded. "Okay." Maybe that's what he needed. To be part of the group, to be of the bigger picture. Be needed. Right now it felt like I was nothing of it at all. Glenn and Maggie were always busy protecting the whole group. Hershel had to look after everyone, treated new ones, medicated me. They all were fully integrated, even of the council. But Merle wasn't, but he was spending time with me. Seems there were now two rotten apples. I smiled to myself.

Daryl grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. "Ya will earn yar place!"

I wished … The way he said it sounded so easy. "Thanks." And I wished it would be true.

"Have fun reading." He went for the door. "I'll see ya after the meeting!" And he left.

The moment of happiness was over. The moment Daryl left was the moment I remembered why I wanted to stay away from people, stay alone. The weird feeling of an upcoming pregnancy was still in my head. I just couldn't shake this feeling off. "Concussion!" I told myself. "Concussion!" I had to believe Hershel was right, not only because he just had to be, but he was a doctor. I was right. "Concussion!"

I went to one for the shelves. Would there be something useful? Something I could read and help the group? Maybe a book about how to build a shack. Seemed I was pretty much desperate to feel needed. Okay, I really was desperate. Better find a book about how to avoid conversations with an ex-boyfriend. Looking back to the mattress I saw the comics. I didn't want to think about problems so I went for the comfy place and sat down. Opening the comics my mind drifted off … leaving reality behind.

…

I got bored and Daryl hadn't returned yet. What would Jess tell them at the meeting? Had he been long enough with the governor to be intrigued with Phillip's doings? I didn't know what would or had happened at the meeting and I wasn't in the mood to know. After the rescue, I thought life had a chance to be better. Was I drowning in depression?

Sitting on the mattress I starred at the bookshelves. I had been ordered to rest, so all I could do was sitting, reading and watching. From now on my hobby would be watching everybody I knew working, I had to adjust myself. All of my friends had been busy as a bee. Even the kids. I remembered my conversation with Carl. I had sat down in the old kitchen room. Just Carl had been there with his sister Judith. I had been happy to see him, but he had been shy to talk to me. I had tried to break the ice and asked him about his younger sister. While we had sat together, we had cornflakes and he had told me about what had happen when I had been out. Michonne had been gone to find Phillip. Carl had not been happy about all the strangers living in the other cell blocks, but he had somehow adjusted. So I could do it too. He had talked more and more about Michonne, how they were friends now. She even had returned after a few days, but I had still been out. She had brought Carl comics and cereal bars. Carl had seemed happy to talk about her.

I sighed. Michonne was in my head again. At first I had been mad at Michonne, she had went away without saying a word. She could have waited until I had been conscious again. How in the name of God could I be mad at her? I had been the one who had ran away … I was just upset to not been able to go with her or to say goodbye to her. She really had been close to me, had helped me …

And then Jess had appeared in my life again. I was still baffled. Where would he sleep? What would he do around here? It was mean to stay in this hidden place. He knew I was somewhere around and I told him we would talk to each other. I wished my brother or my conscious or whatever that had been talking in my head would be with my right now. The voice had always helped me handle my life. It had dogged me for over 7 years. Now I felt even more alone … Damn it, I didn't want to pity myself.

…

2 years before the apocalypse

"What's wrong babe?" Jess asked behind me. "You seem distracted." His voice was lovely.

I didn't look back at him, I looked out of the tent over the sea. The last three days we had been camping at this lake. It reminded me so much of my grandmother's place. It sure looks beautiful. Yeah it did. Still it was disturbing to hear my brother when I was with my boyfriend.

"Hey …" Jess sat up and squeezed my shoulder carefully. "You hear him again?"

I am still mad at you for this. Why did you tell him? Jess was the only person I had told about the voice in my head. Besides the doctors who thought I was crazy. Even thou I had told my parents, I had told them later that I didn't hear him anymore. I hadn't want them to worry. Still worry had killed them. I trusted Jess, I loved him. That's not a good reason. But Jess hadn't react like I was crazy. He had asked about it, had cared for me. He had accepted it … accepted me.

"No …" Liar, liar pants on fire. I tried to shut him out, but it really was hard. "I am enjoying the beautiful scenery."

He put his arms around me from behind, pulling me into him. "You are beautiful." He kissed the back of my head.

Oh please … "What is today's play?" I asked him, suppressing my brother's voice. Jess kissed my ear and pulled me more into him. His hug tightened. Can you please stop … Why did he comment on everything? Didn't I deserve to be happy?

"I have a plan for now." Jess breathed into my ear and made me shiver.

We kissed each other, but before it could get intense, a rustling made us stop. I looked to the opening of our tent again. A rabbit was suddenly in front of it chewing grass. I had never seen a rabbit that close. I moved slowly out of Jess' arms. The rabbit stopped chewing and lifted its head. His nose was moving quickly and his ears seemed to hear me not moving. It hopped out of my view. I moved out of the tent only wearing shorts and top. Jess didn't say a word and didn't follow. Guess he hadn't put on clothes yet. The rabbit was moving slowly along the shore.

I didn't even know why I followed this sweet little creature. Maybe you wanna get rid of that naked someone. I rolled my eyes. "You cannot shut up for once, can you."

Isn't this the job of the bigger brother? To take care of the sister who has a real bad taste in men?

"Why am I arguing with you anyways …" I sighed. Jess was a good guy. He was caring and lovely. He read almost every wish from my lips and supported me. He even got me dancing again. Something I had given up on because of … He is no good. My brother didn't like the topic. I had given up dancing after his death. My leg had been badly broken and I thought it had been a sign. Like I hadn't deserved to do the thing I loved the most. Jess is no boyfriend material.

"And you know because you have been following him around?" If there was anyone around, he must have thought me crazy. Talking to myself like I was actually having a conversation.

I can feel it.

I had asked myself plenty times if I was really crazy. The voice in my head giving me commands and advices. And I did listen.

Suddenly I stopped walking. I felt like Alice in Wonderland, following a rabbit … what had I been thinking? I was actually asking that myself. A weird sound made me flinch. An arrow was flying through the air, killing the rabbit in the grass. Who on earth would … A man stood up, he had been hiding in the high grass.

"Hmm … look what I found maself for breakfast." The man was old, his hair blond. He wasn't shaved and the rest of his body didn't look sober either. The glance in his eyes made me freeze. He walked to the dead rabbit and grabbed it by its ears. "And ya look pretty nice to me too." He turned to me again. "What are ya doin' here all alone darlin'?"

"I am not alone. My boyfriend is over there." I nodded behind me. I was still at the lake, but I didn't see the tent behind me, nor Jess. I turned to the man again. Maybe I should go back. But somehow I wanted to know why this man shot the rabbit.

"Sure sure …" He came closer while I walked backwards. "And he is a cop too."

"No he is not." What was he talking about? Don't think he believes you. Better turn and run. "Why did you shoot the rabbit?"

But he ignored my question. "Little girl in the woods with her guy … ya two havin fun?!" He laughed. "Maybe a threesome would do ya good." I didn't like the glance he gave me. Now I was aware I wore only my shorts and top. Showing maybe far too much.

"Man, I have no idea what goes on in your dirty little mind." You really think standing your ground in front of this guy is a good idea? "But there won't be anything happening here." I gestured to him und me. It was funny the man didn't frighten me. Now you're crazy. He looks like a hitch-hiker, who is ready to slaughter. Just like in the movies!

The man started laughing again. "I like this bad ass attitude." He pulled the arrow out of the rabbit. My empty stomach turned. "Don't like the look of blood? Or is this dead cutie pie bunny …"

"Hey Ella, what's going on here?" Jess appeared next to me. Here come the rescue …

"Nothing. This guy just shot his breakfast." I retorted.

"Yeah, thought there would be something more sweet …" He eyed me up and down again.

"Not happening." I threw at him with a smile.

He wanted to say something, but didn't. Instead the man shook his head, turned around and walked away.

When he was out of sight, I turned to Jess. He looked at me in disbelief. "Why did just happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"This man looks like some hike-hitcher. Running around with a crossbow." He sighed.

I told you so! Since when do you agree with him? When I am right. "He just shot himself a meal."

"You are too damn nice to realize this one could have been a bad person." Ouch!

"Nothing happened."

"Just do not trust everybody."

"What?" Did he just want me to change the way I am? I was friendly and nice to everyone, I would never change that. And you shouldn't! Sure he wanted us to fight. "Jess … I …"

"Sorry Ella. I overreacted." He took my hand. "Let's have a nice day before daily routine starts again."

…

Now

I looked to the only white wall opposite of me. I could paint the wall, just draw some flowers … I was distracting myself from my original thoughts. Sighing I stood up, I had to leave this place at some point. Walking through the room soaking in the peace, I left and walked back outside through the tunnels. Where should I go first? When I walked on, I passed people I hadn't talked to yet. I had avoided to talk to the new ones to not see their glance or hear "Are you okay?" or "Do you feel better?", "I'm sorry.", "If you need anything …" I didn't want pity. The feeling of numbness returned. They all knew about me, not only my friends, my group, but strangers. They had heard of the crazy girl going after the governor and almost got killed. And whatnot.

When I awoke from my thoughts my feet had walked me to the kitchen spot. Carol smiled at me "Hey there!" She handed me a bowl. I didn't feel nausea when I smelled the goulash. That was a good sign for not being pregnant. I felt relieved and took the bowl. But to be real sure, I needed to take a pregnancy test. I had to go out and … they wouldn't let me go on a run. And I didn't want to ask anyone to fetch me a pregnancy test.

"Thanks Carol."

"You're welcome Ella." There was a nice smile on her lips but it didn't reach my heart.

Carl and Patrick were sitting at a table nearby. I walked over and sat down next to Carl. "Hey guys." They had already finished their bowls.

"Hey Ella." Carl smiled. This was the kid I knew. "How are you feeling?"

I hated the question, but I couldn't be mad at him. "I'm better." I began to eat the goulash and it tasted pretty good. It tasted like "Daryl's deer special". Had he cooked for us? We started talking about comics. Who was the best Marvel character and who was the strongest. The two kids were pretty much fun. I finished my bowl feeling good.

"You are just like Black Widow!" Patrick said and blushed. Carl shook his head slightly but I still noticed. Patrick immediately stood up. "I need another one of Mister Daryl's deer goulash." He walked over to Carol.

"He likes you." Carl said with a big smile.

"Shut up!" I laughed.

Suddenly a blonde guy sat down opposite of me. I had seen him with Beth. "Daryl is your man right?" He had a funny accent.

At first I was kinda startled. "What …?" I didn't really know this guy and this was how he started talking to me? "What do you want?" This was how I started a conversation?

He laughed. "Sorry Lady, I didn't mean to be so forward. I'm Zack. Daryl and I have a little game playing. I've been trying to guess what Daryl did before the turn. One question a day." He looked round and stopped looking at me. "You're his girl, so you must know!" I wasn't only shocked that he called my Daryl's girl, but was shocked I didn't know the answer. I had never asked anything about him before the apocalypse, but neither did he.

"Sorry man." But I was eager to know what he had found out so far. But he turned to Carl who was laughing.

"You know him long shit. Did he ever tell?" Zack asked Carl but he shook his head. The talk seemed so easy, so normal.

"Man, that's cheating!" Patrick mentioned sitting down again. "He seems like a hunter to me."

"That's too obvious." Zack rolled his eyes.

"You already asked." I stated.

Zack started laughing. "Yep!" He held his stomach and laughed even harder. Suddenly the world seemed normal, he talked to me like I was looking like a normal girl. I joined his laughter.

"What about a bounty hunter?" Patrick chipped in again.

"A mechanic?" Carl added.

"I have been looking for you." Suddenly Jess stood next to me. His blue eyes

"Hey Jess." I couldn't avoid anything.

"I hope we could talk." He looked to the others. But no one stood up to give some privacy.

"Sure." I stood up. "Let's take a stroll."

Sorry for the fill in chapter. I have missed the brother's voice and thought a little flash back could resurge him for a sec. This was the last fill in, to get back to the central theme. I needed to build up a certain tension :o)

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day and see you next week!