I am sorry it too (again) so long to update. Thanks for the pm's to get me going. I am right back on track, ready to get all my fantasy into this story. Thank you guys for following this story xxx
But i dont want to get on your nerves with bla-bla, so without any further ado, here we go :o)

Before it had been all screams and shots, now the air was full of strange silence. The only thing I could hear was my heavy breathing. While my body had acted on its own, shaking wildly, now I lied there motionless. I couldn't move nor talk. All I could do was stare into the eyes in front of me. It had been my brothers … right? There was a movement at the edge of my view and suddenly Maggie kneeled down beside Glenn. Glenn … I remembered falling to the ground next to Glenn. Maggie moved her lips, but I couldn't hear her voice. She held Glenn tight and starred at me with fearful eyes. Hershel intubated Glenn who was still cramping. They were all moving in soundless slow motion.

The silence made me feel numb and invisible, as if I was just a spectator. I took a deep breath, feeling the air streaming slowly but wildly into my lungs and blinking felt like a full minute act. To be just watching them helping Glenn threw me back. There had been a time it had been the other way around … The crash … I could still feel the scars on my body and soul. Still felt the pain. They had saved me …

I saw the situation in front of my inner eye. My brother had been lying in front of me, had crawled to me to hold my hand. "Hang in there." He had smiled to make me less afraid. When the ambulance had arrived, it had felt as if I had already died twice. It must have taken them hours to come. The way they had checked us and in the end turned to me … Why in God's name had it been me? My brother had been a fighter, a good person. He had been my best friend, my everything. But they had saved my life. Not his …

That he had been with me, even if it had been all imagined, it had made me wake up every morning, had made me live on. I closed my eyes. I had seen him before, right? I had heard his voice, had felt his touch … Or had I been imagining things again?

When my eyes opened again Jess stood behind Hershel staring at me. They were all talking, but I still didn't hear nothing. Jess stepped over Glenn and grabbed me by the shoulders. I wanted to say something but it was just a mumbling feeling. Did he hear me?

Will Daryl and the others make it back here in time? There was an echo … a distant voice …

I felt a pressure on my arms. Jess held me tight. It hurt and I couldn't do anything about it. His lips moved, but there was no sound. His lips started to tremble. Another shadow was at the door. I moved my head, this time I really moved. Daryl! I smiled. He was here, he made it back.

Suddenly the world around me chimed. The slow motion stopped and voices echoed again. I heard low cries, Maggie's whimpering and Hershel's silent prayer. They all moved at normal pace, while Daryl made quick steps towards me. He took my face in both of his hands. He seemed to be between smiling and crying. "Come on girl!" He looked into my eyes as if he searched for a sign. I blinked weakly. "We got the meds!"

I exhaled hard when Daryl pulled me up and into his arms. He carried me out of the cell where Glenn was still lying on the floor. His beloved around him. Daryl carried me down, where non-moving bodies were spread all over the ground. I remembered two women, a man and a boy … now there were at least ten bodies.

"Hang in there!" Daryl breathed down on me. He went into a cell and sat me down on a cot. "Ya hear me, we got the meds!" Sasha was sitting on the other side of the room, an RV was hanging at the sink next to her. Bob sat at a table with a lot of test-tubes, looking like a chemistry student. What was he doing? "Is another one ready?" Daryl turned to me again. "Ella, do you hear me?" His voice was full of fear.

I stared at him. He made it back, he made it back again … he always would. I couldn't help but smile. There was a stinging feeling in my arm and when I looked to my right Bob nodded to me. "You'll be okay!" He handed an RV to Daryl.

"Daryl …" I looked to my left again where Daryl stood close. His name was all I said since the strange silence. I tried to lift my hand and he stepped closer. "Thanks …" I couldn't go on, my throat was as dry as a desert. My words were merely a croaking.

"Everything is going to be fine." He told me in an unfamiliar soothing voice. "We got enough meds to heal everyone twice." He sat down next to me turning to Bob. "Should she lay down? Is she good to move?"

I didn't hear Bob's answer but looked to Sasha who looked back at me with a small smile. She raised her hand and gave me a thumb up. They had acted pretty fast, setting up a small laboratory to make RVs. I wondered why Bob was looking down when Daryl spoke to him, he seemed kind of scared.

"There are enough drugs to make her smile." Sasha laughed and I felt my lips twitching. Was I smiling? Sasha's laugh was followed by a cough. She was still pale and sweat lingered on her skin.

I felt a shifting and looked to Daryl who was about to stand up. "No …" I tried to hold on to his sleeve, but I had no power to hold him. He easily stood up, but looked at me. I didn't want to be without him. I felt weak and fragile, but when he was around I had always felt safe. I wanted this feeling to last forever. We looked into each other's eyes, no words needed to be said. He hooked me up and pressed me to his chest.

"I'll take ya to ya cell." He told me and I nodded. I didn't even care where he would take me as long as I would be with him. I closed my eyes and saw them all in front of me, all the friends I had lost along the way … my way to my new family. Amy, Andrea, Dale … they were smiling at me. They had to wait until we would meet again. Meet again … I had been lucky to ran into Daryl in the first place. I remembered all the girlish moments when I had followed him, when I had tried to get closer. When we entered my cell, he sat me down on the bed. Again we were sitting next to each other after a deadly flu had almost killed me.

"Why are ya smiling?" His voice sounded raspy. I had always like the sound of it. It had felt like days without him. When had been the last time I had curled into him, had kissed him? Everything seemed so far away.

"Am I?" I hadn't realized I was smiling. My body had felt numb and dead, but now … I was happy. He was still looking into my eyes. Back then he would have avoided eye contact, would look away. Now there was something in his eyes that told me he would never ever avoid me.

"I had missed that smile."

"I had missed you." I whispered and almost fell asleep while blinking. The fear of dying and losing it all slowly diminished. Before I had been kind of afraid to fall asleep and never awake again. Now I could rest.

Again our group had endured another setback. It was survival of the fittest and only the strongest would stay at the end. I wondered why I was one of them.

"I think I'll never understand why." He told me with a scowl.

"You made me live again …" My words came out slow and with heavy sighs in between. I was exhausted from just talking. My head rested on his shoulder and immediately blacked out. .

When I woke up, Daryl was sitting at the end of my bed, facing me. I slowly straightened up and already felt myself stronger, better. "Hey there." I said to him in a sleepy voice.

"Morning." He had his arms crossed in front of his body. "How do ya feel?"

"Better I guess." I smiled. I survived … there needed to be a reason why I wasn't dead yet. No one could be that lucky. Slowly I sat up. My ribcage still hurt and when I leaned on my bandaged hand a pain shot right through me.

"Ya're a tough son of a bitch." He spat with a smile.

"Thanks?!" The compliment was all Daryl. "How is Glenn?"

"Made it through the night. Maggie is babysitting him." A man walked passed the cell and stopped. It was Jess. Daryl stood up, looking his direction, but Jess walked on wordlessly. Daryl turned to me, fetching a cup from the small table and passed it to me. "Drink that." I still hadn't told him that I knew Jess.

"Some more of your drugs?" I took the cup with a smile. I could hold it myself, I didn't need any help. I drank the cold tea. It had tasted better when it had been hot. The meds had done their job, I felt somewhat okay. At least I could move and talk.

"That's the spirit." I handed him back the empty cup. "Ya want more?"

"No." I coughed. My throat still hurt. "What's that smell?" There was a faint smell of burned flesh in the air.

Daryl's eyes darkened. "They are burning the dead."

"A lot?" I hope he could read my mind, cause talking hurt.

"Too many." Before I could ask further, he already answered. "We are still alive." We, our group, our family. He purred me another cup of cold tea. "Ya beginning to give me heart attacks bad ass." It had been a long time … a long time since he had called me that name. "Seems you always scream here when it gets to the thin line of life and death."

I was asking myself the same question over and over again. "I will try to keep it low." He handed me the tea. I wondered he really stood with me the night.

There was another shadow in front of the cell. This time it was Rick, with a nod he mentioned for Daryl to come out. Daryl looked at me. "Be right back." He wouldn't be, I knew it. When Rick had to talk to Daryl he had always disappeared. It had been like this after Woodbury, when Daryl and Merle had split. And still there had been different moments, when it had been just me and Daryl. The moments had been rare but special. I forced a smile and he seemed to notice my thoughts. "I'll be right with ya." There was this moment again, the moment before everything could be flowers and sunshine, when there could actually be a moment.

But it wasn't, instead he stood up. "Promise?" I had asked him that question before. I had asked him to promise to never leave me alone again. And he had answered he won't let anyone ever hurt me again. He hadn't quite kept his promise, but that had been my own damn fault.

There was a small smile in his lips. "Promise." He went outside to join Rick. Maybe this time would be different. He was different.

Outside my cell they were talking in hushed voices until I heard Daryl pressing words through his teeth with anger. They had stepped away from the cell, so I couldn't see them. Daryl sounded frustrated. He walked backwards, into my view, his hands behind his head. He turned a bit, so I was looking into his eyes. His face was red with fury. What the heck were they talking about? Daryl turned his back to me, maybe not wanting me to see his anger.

I stood up and walked out of the cell, just to see the two of them walking down the stairs. "Daryl!" He stopped and looked up. Rick stopped too, but didn't dare to look my direction. "It's okay!" I told him. Maybe this moment didn't exist … maybe it never would …

"I need to talk to Tyrese …" He walked on. "Take a nap and regain strength. I'll be there when ya wake up."

Rick didn't follow him, he stood there almost lifeless, staring to the ground. When I took a step in his direction he looked right at me. "I'm sorry." With this words he followed Daryl.

I watched them leaving. "He will always go away, you know that." A sad voice said silently. Jess came standing next to me. "He is not that kind of guy staying around, waiting for a happy moment." I turned to look at him. I would never have believed he would ever say such words.

"What did you just say?"

"I'm sorry … I just wanted to …."

"Hey badass, I got something for ya." Merle's voice was a welcome disturbance. I turned to him and he mentioned for me to follow him down the stairs. I took one last glance at Jess. He looked helpless and sorry, but still this hadn't sound like him. We walked outside. "I got ya a little souvenir from the college." He looked around, but no one was watching us. Merle grabbed in the pocket of his torn jeans and handed me a small stick.

I took it and looked at the thing in disbelief. "Merle …" Looking at him with big eyes, he interrupted me.

"No worries. Yar lil' secret will die with me." He winked at me.

I had wanted to know … I had forgot about it. It had been just the flu … right? I needed to make sure. "Thanks …" I hid the pregnancy test in the back of my jeans.

Merle clapped me on the back and went away. He seemed somehow happy. I turned around and wanted to head back, but stopped. Jess would still be there. Maybe I should just go into the woods, no one would see me there. I could take the same way like last time with Merle. If anyone would see me inside the prison with this damn stick, if Daryl would see me …. I didn't want to push luck.

With a heavy heart I walked towards the training area wondering that I already felt better. The meds were really effective. Besides the pain my body was already used to, the sweating and headache had diminished. When I walked around the corner, Merle looked at me in surprise. I stopped walking. He knew what I had wanted to take the test. "I won't ask." He said and lit a cigarette.

"I … I don't want anyone to see this." I walked passed him towards the place where I could escape into the woods.

"Ya not going alone." Merle was right behind me.

I had no strength to argue. I ignored him and walked on. Checking my thigh, where my dagger should be, I cursed silently. Merle suddenly grabbed my arm and stopped me. I looked up to see Rick standing to our right watching us.

"I have to get this off my chest." He said while walking towards us.

Merle let go of me with a hateful sigh. "This ain't ma business." He walked on out of earshot.

"I need to do something …" I wanted to follow Merle, but Rick's eyes told me to wait. Right now I needed just to know one thing, so I passed him. We could talk later.

"I was the one talking Merle into handing over Michonne." My breath stopped. "I told him to make it quiet and …" I turned around in shock.

"Why are you telling me this Rick?" I had finally forgiven him. But now I wasn't sure I could stay here knowing his story. He would have given Michonne's and my life for his and …

"When he told me, what the governor might do to her …" He went on his story, ignoring my words. "… he kinda tried to talk me out of it. But when I told him that the governor wants you too, he was talking all mystery-Merle. I wasn't sure if he would really do it."

I held up my hand to make him stop talking. If it would have been me, would I have done the same? I would have offered my life anyways, but it had been my choice not his. I was growing mad, he had made the choice for Michonne to die. I turned away from him. "I don't care if I would have died. It was my choice to go … But if Michonne would have died I could never have forgiven you." I turned and walked over to Merle hoping Rick wouldn't want to argue. How did Rick knew about this place?

Approaching Merle, I tried to swallow my anger. He had almost died too. Looking at him now, maybe had he intended to die. Almost everyone had been hating him, Daryl had a new family he hadn't been part of … He had nothing left … He was the pea under the princess's mattress.

"Had a nice talk with Officer Friendly?"

"I wouldn't call him that." I answered lowly. Looking finally back Rick was gone. "He's been a dick." I added and laughed. Rick the dick …

Merle laughed too. "Did that prick offend ya?"

I laughed again. Rick the prick. "Never mind."

Merle started walking and I followed him. We didn't need to go far, just far enough to not be seen. And I didn't want Daryl to panic. He had been gone with Rick and we had just met Rick. I needed to hurry. Just pee on a stick and go back. "That's far enough." I told Merle who was ahead of me. He nodded and walked on giving me some privacy. He didn't even try to look. Since when was Merle Dixon empathic? I watched him leave and waited. The bushes right next to me would do. I stepped behind them, quickly dropping my pants. I began to pee. I had always wondered how women could be ready to pee in this kind of situation. But it was easy. As soon as I was finished I pulled up my pants and stared at the stick. I stepped aside from the bushes to not faint into my self-made-ocean.

My head felt dizzy again. Looking up the sun was up shining brightly. A wonderful day … on such a beautiful day nothing bad could happen, right? The stick just had to be negative. Everything was getting better, we had survived the flu. My group was healthy. Daryl was back and caring. Never mind he had lied to me or what I had said to him, we were together and he wasn't acting distant or anything alike.

Reality hit me when I heard a distant gnarling. I had no weapon. Where was Merle? Would he come back or did I have to go find him? He already knew the facts, never mind the outcome. I put the stick in the pocket of my jeans. Realizing I hadn't changed my cloths in days … I really needed a shower and a fresh set of clothes. I silently started to look for Merle while the stick in my pocket felt like a heavy burden of truth, making it hard to take the next step. Was the time over and the stick would tell me either to be happy or to be devastated?

My hands were shaking, my heart felt heavy and my breathing almost stopped, when I took out the stick again to look at the result. "Not pregnant." I almost screamed. "Not pregnant!" I began to cry. I couldn't have handled … but I didn't have to think about it anymore. I was not pregnant … Emotions took hold of me, tears of joy streamed down my face. The worst nightmare turned into clouds and disappeared on the sunny horizon. "Not pregnant." I checked it again.

"Merle!" I screamed. He was the only one I could tell. I ran the direction he had walked, not thinking about the deathly creatures around me. The weight which had made it hard to breathe was gone. I felt as light as a feather flying through the air.

Suddenly I was flying through the air and falling down hard sweating. After such an illness I was a fool to run. My body hadn't recovered yet. I lay in the dirt struggling to get up. All of a sudden I was raised by two hands.

"Aren't you a lucky girl!" The voice in my neck made me sick. "It occurs to me you want to be with me."

"Merle!" I screamed as loud as possible. But to be honest, I was almost fainting from the run.

"That bastard is still alive?" His grab around my arms tightened.

"Mer…" I croaked, my lungs were still sore from the flu.

Phillip punched into my ribcage as if he knew my weak spot. All air escaped my lungs. "Shut up you stupid bitch." He pulled my arms harder behind my back. The straining hurt and made me unmoveable.

"Fuck you." I wouldn't stop fighting. Now that I felt free from all problems, I wanted nothing more than to be with the man I love. I tried to break free but that got me another blow. Don't give up… Who was whispering? Was Phillip playing a trick on me?

"The more you fight, the more you get hurt." He laughed. "It's that simple."

"I would rather die than …"

He threw me forward into a tree. Everything went black for a sec. When I felt him grabbing me againi blinked the darkness away. "If you want to meet a healthy Hershel you better behave."

My ears were ringing. Did I hear right? Hershel? Phillip pulled me closer and turned me to face him. He hadn't changed, there was still the patch on his eye and a mad glance from the other eye. I wished Michonne had taken the other eye too.

"Oh look what I found." He looked to the ground in between us, where the pregnancy test lay. "You had been fun I must admit." He pulled me closer. "Andy had quite a ride before I could have some fun of my own." He laughed madly but there was something in his eyes that wasn't laughing at all. "A shame the fruits didn't grow …" He pushed the test into my jeans with a look I couldn't read. But this gave my anger a boost and I spat into his face. All the pain got back, all the memories of fear. I bit him hard into the shoulder, tasting blood and flesh. Phillip let go of me with a painful scream. I couldn't fight him, he was too strong and I was still debilitated, so I ran for my life. I was afraid he would shoot me, but I didn't hear a single shot. Adrenalin rushed through me and made me run away.

I ran between the trees, not even knowing if it was the prison's direction. Looking back, I didn't saw him behind me and suddenly I ran straight into a walker, crashing down to the ground. I struggled away from the zombie, who's face was close at my throat. Before I could react, someone pushed a knife through its head. Merle helped me to get up. "Badass!" He hissed at me. "Did ya see a spider or what?"

"Where have you been?" I cried. There must be tears all over my face.

"What's wrong?" His behavior suddenly changed and he shook me. "What happen?"

"Phillip!" My feet gave way and I collapsed into him and he held me as good as possible. "The governor returned!"

His eyes went big and he turned kind of pale. He must be thinking of his brother back at the prison. "Where?" He didn't wait for my answer, but looked the direction I had come from. Merle let go of me but I grabbed his arm.

"No!" I tried to stop him, but he pushed me away. "We need to go back and inform the others. Check on Daryl." Merle paused, then grabbed me and hurried back. I stumbled over my feet but Merle held me close by his side, supporting my run.

When we reached the fence and crawled back in, Merle let go off me and ran for our cell block. I followed as fast as possible.

BOOM!

An explosion … Daryl! I needed to find Daryl. But when I ran around the corner I stopped dead in my tracks. There he stood at the fence, a nightmare coming true. My heart was racing as were my thoughts.

All of you who read until here, thank you very much. I hope you enjoy reading this story and i will be back with more chapters soon. :) Promise. I aint let you hanging