Hey guys, I hope you had a great day. I couldnt stop writing, so this chapter is longer than the others. Maybe not long enough for your liking :) I hope you enjoy it. Have fun!
While Daryl and I had been given the time to search for Merle, we hadn't been given time to rest and talk. "Walkers!" Tara screamed. We all turned to see too many walkers coming for us. They weren't fast, but there were too many to fight. Maybe it was the herd from the east who had closed up on us.
Daryl pulled Merle with him. "Move!"
But Merle pushed his brother away. "I can walk on ma own!" But when he walked after Daryl his legs looked kinda funny and he went down on one knee seemingly out of breath.
"Come on!" I took his arm and put it over my shoulder. "We ain't got all day!" I smiled at him.
"I just need something to eat." He pressed through his teeth looking at Daryl. "Hadn't had a meal in days." Daryl took Merles other arm and he reluctantly let us help him walk.
We ran after the others who were already ahead. Merle was heavy and I had to admit it was not easy to run. Michonne threw me a look from time to time and I nodded. That bastard would endure a few more hours without food and I could carry him some more. But I felt him shaking under my grab and while we ran his eyes were lost in space. He had stopped arguing about us half-carrying him. It was strangely silent. Once again we were running for our life. No one said a word while I was bursting of curiosity.
So, are you thinking of Jess? I wonder if Merle killed him or if he just walked out on him. They never had been friends.
Even his name gave me the creeps. Since I had known Daryl was alive and Jess had been lying I was determined to slap him across the face when I would have the chance to see him again. But I hadn't want that chance to happen. Maybe I had want that chance to happen a little, just to slap him or maybe kick him really hard.
There you go. I wondered where the aggressive energy had been gone off to. I felt a slight smile.
Our group came to a halt at a street. There were a few cars in the ditch at the side of the road and in between the woods behind. "Maybe some of them are still working." Abraham stated and went for the first car.
Rick nodded. "Let's make it quick."
I was just wondering why nobody who had passed the cars hadn't had the same idea. There was a tiny blue Toyota, way too small to fit four of us, so it was left aside and two station wagons, a small bus and a rusty car. Rick walked for the big Volkswagen Transporter bus. He opened the driver's door and immediately stabbed the driver. Taking a closer look there were walkers in all of the cars.
Maybe that's the reason nobody had touched the cars yet.
As if it was so hard to kill a walker. They had been stuck there for God knows how long and weren't such competitive companions. And by the way, the dead geeks were running around so you had to kill at least one in the end of the day.
Does that count for the priest as well?
I had already forgotten about that one. I looked ahead to see the priest with sweat all over his face standing next to Carl. He was almost acting as strange as Eugene, but leastwise I knew the priest's story.
You see a few scratches and now you know his story? I don't think you know him at all and you are not even trying to. All these new people in this group … you are shutting them out. You do not want to get close to them. I wanted to interrupt and tell him I connected a bit with Abraham, but he damn knew me too well. And don't tell me you are knowing that mighty red giant just because you had been talking a few times. And this Tara girl ... she had lost her family. She is all alone just knowing Glenn. Have you asked for her story yet?
I felt a bit ashamed at his words. I had changed … before the apocalypse I had been pretty communicative and nice to people. But now I was restricted and upstage. I just wasn't this person anymore.
Keep telling that yourself sis. But you know what, this world needs people like them. All of them. Everybody has a place in this group, just like your brother-in-law Merle. Again I felt a smile.
My eyes wandered from the cars back to the people close to me. Daryl and I had waited with Merle while the others searched the cars. "So the happy family is reunited." Merle turned to me out of breath. "The fuck … ya gonna tell me what happened!?" Merle sat down sweating.
Daryl kneeled down searching his bag. "I …" I started when Daryl opened a tin can.
"Eat!" He ordered Merle.
"No spoon or napkin?" He grinned with an evil smile. The face he made was reminding me of the old Merle I had met at camp. Daryl handed him a spoon and Merle started laughing. His laugh sounded tired. "Holy shit … I was joking." He didn't forget about me when he started to eat. He looked at me with dark eyes. "Ya were saying?" He said while eating.
"I … there was a group." I slowly started. "They …" My words failed. A few hours ago I had been happy to have him back and now I didn't know how to talk to him.
It is so simple. Open and shut your mouth and let the words come out.
"Simple for you to say." I gave back silently.
"Ya been goin' with this Paul guy?" His eyes bore through mine. "Had a little fuck party without me?" Yep, old Merle was definitely back.
I was still startled of his new-old-behavior. This wasn't the Merle I had seen last. "What? No …" I had almost forgotten about Paul. "I had bad luck and ran into a group who had fucking fun killing people." Daryl had stood quiet and when I talked about the group he flinched slightly. "They …" Daryl's reaction made me incapable of going on.
"Is that where ya got your new lips from?" He had almost finished the can, eating like an animal. He really must have been starving.
I touched my lips while his eyes searched my body. "Merle …" I sighed. "Why haven't you been coming for me?" I had hoped there had been marks on the ground about my struggle against Len. I had hoped so badly he had seen them and had come for me. But hope had failed me once again. I felt my brother's words evoking, but I cut him down to not lecture me about hope again.
"Like I am some damn watchdog." He threw away the empty can. "Should I bark from time to time to announce slurpers?" He barked like a dog and laughed. I was stunned, that is not what I had expected.
What did you expect? He had kept you alive and then you were gone.
Merle turned to Daryl. "I knew you were alive Darlinya. Damn bastard only wanted our little girl to cry." Daryl took the spoon from Merle and shouldered his backpack again. "Wanted her all for himself." I looked at him baffled. I hadn't told Daryl about my history with Jess and I didn't want him to find out like that. This would only drive him away …
"What about Jess?" Daryl asked without emotions. "He dead?"
"I told him some good thrashing. Father showed me how …" Merle started.
"What happened?" I interrupted.
"While you were gone he wanted to follow. Maybe leave with ya pretty ass." His mean grin blinded me and he stood up to look down on me. "But I stopped him and we had a quiet little talk." I was enraged about the way he looked at me, as if it had been my fault. "In the end ya were gone and I went ma own way." Was that the man I had been looking for? Where was the man who had helped me regain strength after Phillip had destroyed my soul, the man who had helped me to be a fighter again? I could only stare at him wordlessly.
Maybe this needs a little more explanation.
I turned to walk away, but Merle held my arm. Before I could go wild, he turned me to him to hug me. "Ya damn badass."
What was going on? I pushed him away. "What the hell?!" His eyes mirrored something I hadn't seen in a long time.
He thought his brother was dead and his only job in this world was to keep you safe. That didn't work out pretty good. He had lost everything …
"There was no clue where ya had went." He started. Now his pale face was back again, the evil grin washed away. "Couldn't find ya damn ass."
Daryl grabbed Merle's shoulder." Ain't ya fault." He took a deep breath but before he could say anything I started talking.
"I was glad Daryl, Michonne and the others crossed my path. Otherwise I would have ended like these geeks." I nodded to the walkers trapped in the cars.
"Ya two are drawn like magnets." Merle looked from me to his brother.
He is right. Even in the apocalypse the both of you stumble over each other's path. My brother laughed in the back of my head. I mean the country is huge and still you keep on running into him.
I looked over to Daryl, his eyes hiding behind his hair. He didn't look delighted, as if something was bothering him. Then he looked behind me and I turned around. The others had cleared the cars.
"We can't drive all the cars." I heard Michonne.
"We take the bus and the Volvo." Abraham stated. "That'll be enough."
Daryl passed me to join the others. Merle started to move too, his walk had more strength then before. Still he seemed a bit unsteady on his feet. "We gather the fuel." Daryl told them. He searched the cars and came back with a hose and a canister he had taken from the blue Toyota.
"I knew you would remember good old Merle's teachings and our forays." Merle grinned. I handed him my water bottle. It was the last one I got in my backpack. He drank only a few sips and gave it back. "He'll need that later."
I watched Daryl taking out the fuel of the other cars. There wasn't much left, but we could raid the next cars on our way. Was that what he had done before the apocalypse? Stealing fuel? I smiled because he did look like a pro.
Abraham took out the map. "I have no idea where the fuck we are. But we had been going this direction …" he pointed somewhere on the map. I could only hear him talking while Rick, Daryl, Noah and Glenn were studying the map too. "We drive this road north." He looked around into our faces. "And we should be on the right way." Noah's face had lid up again. He was full of hopes. Deep down I wasn't as hopeful as he was.
In the end we were heading for Richmond. Glenn and Maggie were in the Volvo with Rick, Tara, Noah and the kids. My favorite couple just couldn't stand Merle being close. The rest of us were sitting in the back of the Volkswagen bus. Abraham was driving the bus, Rosita sitting next to him and I could swear I saw them exchanging erotic glances from time to time. Had they been a couple before the apocalypse?
Does that really matter? Isn't it nice to have someone at all in this damn world?
Eugene was again staring at me and when I caught him he starred at Merle. Not a good idea either. Tyrese was sitting next to Merle seemingly uncomfortable.
"Where is Jess?" Tyrese suddenly asked.
"Don't remind me of that fucking bastard." Merle spat to the ground.
"Is he alive?" Tyrese went on.
"Hope not." Merle finally looked up. Even his face was pale in his eyes gleamed a hatred fire.
"Where is he?" Tyrese was persistent.
"We had a discrepancy." Merle hissed. "And walked our ways."
Even my conscience screamed to be a good person and go look for him or at least ask if he was okay, but my heart froze. He had lied about Daryl, he had been weird when it came to Daryl all the time and had acted strange when he had seen us together in the prison.
I told you so.
I knew my brother was going to say that. Yet it hurt to give up on my ex-boyfriend who had once been a loving and caring person. But my heart froze: I never wanted to see him again.
"I think he followed that Paul guy." Merle told me under a low breath.
"Who is Paul?" Sasha asked opposite of me.
Daryl looked at me too and I remembered I had told him about Paul. I started to tell everyone in the car my story, about how I had met the group of Paul, Alex, John and the others for the first time. About their hotel in the woods. How it had been overrun – according to Paul. About it all and about meeting Paul at our hideout again and how he told me about Hilltop.
"Is he trustworthy?" Michonne who sat opposite of me leaned closer to me. "Is that a chance?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know." There was hope gleaming in her eyes, a hope I was so afraid of. "It had been weeks now …" This kind of hope was dangerous.
"We are heading for Richmond for now." Abraham stated. His military ears must have heard our conversation. "We go for Noah's home." His words sounded final. I was glad Noah wasn't in our car hearing us talking about a next chance when we hadn't tried for his home yet. He was so eager to be reunited with his family, he certainly didn't want another surprise stop. And I didn't want him to hear our doubts about safety.
The car fell silent and I realized Merle had fallen asleep. He looked beyond exhausted. When I looked around the people in the car almost everyone was wearing the same expression. Sasha had closed her eyes too. Tyrese still starred at Merle and I shook my head. Now was not the time … and I didn't want them to fight in this small car. I looked at Daryl who eyed his brother with a curious glance and when his eyes found me he looked pained. I gave him a comforting smile, but his expression didn't change.
Maybe talking of Joe's group stirred something up.
I rested my head on Daryl's shoulder. A few moments later he rested his head on mine. This was a good day. Merle was back, we were on our way to Noah's home, maybe a new start. All of a sudden I had the image of Woodbury in my head. Would our trip end just as our first visit to Woodbury?
We had been driving a while now. The guys had taken turns on who was driving. I hadn't cared to drive. I just had been glad I was sitting in the front when it had been Daryl's turn. After all that had happened – about losing people and finding Merle – had made me once again aware how precious my moments with Daryl were.
My head once again rested on Daryl's shoulder. He had his arm around me and if we wouldn't drive through the apocalypse like Alice in Resident Evil, it would have felt like a road trip through the country. Suddenly the car in front of us stopped. Maybe they were out of gas or changing the driver again. I lifted my head off Daryl's shoulder to see them all exiting the car. Rick came to us and Daryl stepped out of the car. "Let's set up camp for the night." Rick said.
I turned around to look at the others. They were all looking like they needed sleep. Even Merle who was still asleep looked paler than before. I stepped out of the car too. We needed something to eat. We had no tents or bed or anything alike. At least it wasn't raining anymore and didn't look like it would rain.
How do you know? Are you the new weathergirl of the apocalypse?
Let's say I was hoping it wouldn't rain again soon. The others gathered around Abraham and Rick. I looked back to our bus where Merle was now sitting in the door.
Daryl took his crossbow. "We need something to eat." Rick nodded while Glenn was already starting a fire. It wouldn't be long until it would be dark.
"You need help?" Tara asked already stepping into Daryl's direction, but Daryl shook his head walking on. She hesitated and in the end didn't follow Daryl. I examined her features. It looked like she was struggling with herself.
"Wait!" I threw after Daryl. Fear of losses took over me again, so I stepped back to the bus and took a gun to follow Daryl. I waved at Merle who looked up to me. "Behave." I smirked. I didn't want to leave Merle alone either, but he was with our group, not alone on the road anymore. He was safe.
Somehow it is the same. There are no friends for Merle among this group.
"It's not like ya can sent me to prison." He gave back and shivered. He wasn't at his best at all, the pale face and thin body … he looked so lost. I was afraid he was ill. We had nothing … really nothing to treat him. Maybe he wouldn't even be strong enough to come hunting with us.
Maybe there is a doc or some meds at Noah's home.
His words weren't raising any hopes. I only believed in tangible things now. When I walked on Glenn shot Merle a look. I sighed. This had to work. For now they would be driving in different cars.
You can't separate them forever.
"At prison it worked too." I silently responded knowing he was right. They had to adjust, forgive and forget.
"Was he bitten?" I heard Eugene's voice and I was glad he talked to Daryl and didn't confront Merle the way he had confronted me. Daryl just stared at him. "I mean … I mean he is a risk." Eugene stammered.
"He is not a risk." Daryl pressed through his teeth. There was a whole other story about Merle being a risk before the prison.
"You should better stick to observing than talking." I told Eugene. His dump eyes followed me while I walked on with Daryl.
Sasha and Michonne fell into our step. "We are checking the surroundings." Michonne told me. She looked back and eyed Merle, her eyes maybe searching for a reason to not trust him. She and Daryl were the only people in this group who knew the whole story. She had seen me crying when I had told her about "After the prison". And above all she knew what Merle meant to me. After a short walk the women went right while we walked straight ahead.
"How are you?" I asked Daryl. He raised his eyebrow at me.
"Are ya trying some small talk?" Did I see a smile on his lips? The sun was already setting, shining through the woods blinding me a little.
"Never done that before, heh?" I tried joking. Daryl just sniffed and walked on. I shouldered my gun and took out my knife. Maybe I could do some knife-throwing hunting.
Is this some vivid imagination?! Or is this my little games-playing-little-sister awakening?
I wish I could kill a huge deer. I already imagined a bonfire with us sitting around it and eating deer meat.
It needs to be huge deer so you can hit it with your cute tiny knife. My brother smirked.
Ignoring his words I scanned our surroundings and strained my ears. It was silent, no snarling or growling was heard, not even the wind in the tress. "We will find a place." Daryl's voice broke the silence. "Maybe Noah's place is gone, but we will find a new start."
He didn't speak of a new home but a new start. "A new start?"
He chewed in the inside of his cheek, a habit I hadn't seen in a long time. "With Merle in this group …. There will be tension. Even when the waves had calmed in the prison … this is …" A walker surprised us, approaching us suddenly from the right. Daryl took his crossbow and shot the walker in the head. I automatically went to get the arrow when another walker came straight at me. I hadn't seen this one and was glad Daryl shot it before it could claw at me. Where did it come from so fast? "Ya absent-minded."
I could swear my brother was talking. There was a low snickering in the back of my head. I took the arrow out of the eye of the other walker too. It was a female walker with a leather jacket. She must have been dead a long time, she looked as if it had been winter when she had died. "I am just thinking about it too …" I gave Daryl the two arrows. They were still useable, not even a crack was visible. "We need a big place to accommodate everyone." I sighed and thought about the priest. "I mean we started a camp, then you lived on a farm and then we were at the prison … I mean … what place are we going to find next to fit all of us?"
"We were far more people at the prison." Daryl walked on. "Different people. It worked." He looked at the arrows in his hand. "It has to work."
I wasn't so sure about finding a new place, but I wanted to believe in a new start. "It will." I wanted to comfort him. "Merle is not going to be an asshole. You taught him to play along."
"Nah … don't blame me for his good behavior." He laughed lowly. "That is all on you."
"He played along because of you Daryl." I told him. "He's doing it all for you." I honestly stated.
Daryl turned to look me over. There was something going on behind his eyes, I could see his thoughts moving. "Whatever." He turned again to move on, but I held him back.
"It's over with all this shit happening to our family." I told him and didn't let go off his wrist. "We keep this family safe."
"We?"
"Okay, you'll do most of the job." I laughed. I wanted this heartbroken emotional shit to end. We had been so lucky to be still alive and together, I wanted more happy moments. More laughter. "But I'll be a pretty good assistant."
Daryl pulled me to him to place a kiss on my head. "Let's keep them alive by finding something to eat."
We walked on. There was a growling but we didn't see any walker. The sound was not coming closer and seemed not to be moving at all. "There!" Daryl pointed straight ahead. A red tent. He took his crossbow pointing it at the tent, ready to shoot. My right hand automatically grabbed for the knife on my thigh. While we approached the tent something moved in the tent and the snarling grew louder. "Sounds like two." He stated but I couldn't tell. My eyes were fixed on the tent remembering me of other times. You could almost see a person standing in the tent … well not a person but a walker. It almost greeted us with his snarling. Daryl shot at the tent and the snarling grew quieter. The once upright tent had collapsed a bit. I walked around it. The tent was ripped open. A walker was on the ground still moving while the other one lay on top of it dead dead. I relaxed a bit and stabbed the walker on the ground in the left eye. Daryl took the arrow out of the walker and joined my search in the tent.
It smelled of rotten death. Taking a closer look at the walkers it must have been a couple. It were a female and a male walker. There was a backpack next to the female walker. I stepped closer to her. There wasn't much skin left but her auburn hair was in a beautiful braid. The smell got worse and I took the bag hastily, turned back but stumbled over my feet and fell to the ground. The bag fell out of my hand and some things fell out of it. I gathered the things and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw a small red box. I took a deep breath and opened the box. A beautiful rosé gold ring smiled at me. Between all the smell and dirty death the shiny ring took my breath. I turned to show it to Daryl.
Daryl looked down on me. "Is that a proposal?"
"It's beautiful." I looked back at the couple. "Maybe they went out so he could propose." I drifted into a daydream where this couple had been happy and she had said yes.
But this is just a daydream. He never had the chance to ask and they are both dead.
I cleared my mind and closed the box. I banished the happy thought and searched the bag. A few clothes and two toothbrushes. I took the bag and turned to the tent again. "Anything useful?" Daryl asked me. He was collecting a robe. That would definitely be useful.
I nodded. "Clothes and toothbrushes." My eyes looked for more useful things. "You?"
Daryl removed the jacket from the male walker. "New clothes." Maybe he was thinking of Merle.
In the corner of the tent was a poncho. I smiled and crawled back into the tent to get it. It almost looked like the one Daryl had possessed. I pulled at it to show it to Daryl and a rotting skeleton fell out of it. My heartbeat stopped and I held my breath. Daryl looked at me then at the skeleton on the ground.
Maybe he knew my thoughts and turned me away. He held me close. "That is just an animal." He assured me. But I was in a shook. Again bad memories flashed my mind and my uterus hurt. I trembled slightly. Daryl turned to look back. "It's a rabbit." I dimly remembered that he had seen the test in my trousers, had seen the blood on my crotch …
"Okay." I breathed. Okay … I told myself. Nothing to be scarred of. "Don't let your fears get you." I told myself silently wondering why my brother hadn't told me the same. I looked back to see a small skeleton on the ground. It didn't look human at all. I sighed loudly and shouldered the backpack. "Let's take a look around maybe there are some living rabbits left to eat."
"Are you okay?" Daryl asked his hand on my shoulder were holding me back.
I trembled slightly, but suppressed any dark thoughts. "Yeah." I smiled at him.
"Ya don't …" He started but I stopped him.
"I know." I told him. I just wanted to forget about it. We walked on in a weird silence. Again I had the feeling I was not supposed to be happy, that it was not supposed to happen. Like I didn't deserve happiness or him. My eyes wandered back to Daryl who tried not to look at me. He had his crossbow raised like he was hunting but I saw him looking at me from the corner of his eye. As if I wouldn't see that. The universe seemed to tell me to just stop.
Stop what? Are you starting this dramatic monologue again? I really don't have the nerve to hear about you and the quarrel with fate again. It rather seems you are sabotaging your relationship. Do you look for an excuse to not be with Daryl? I would so give you a slap right now … I don't want to hear you lamenting about this shit again. You already are in a – let's be crazy and call it a relationship – with Daryl. Role this pretty little eyes of yours as often as you want … But please cut the crap and be an adult here.
We joined the group at the cars again. Merle was sitting at the fire with Carl. I smiled about the fact they were talking. Carl would be a great leader one day. The others were standing in a circle. "What's goin' on?"
"Noah said it's not far from here." Michonne told us. So they seemed to know where we were.
I nodded walking on to sit with Merle and Carl by the fire. I began to skin the two rabbits we had brought back. It was getting dark and I was still wary about how we would spent the night.
"'s that for all of us?" Merle examined the rabbit on the ground.
"Two for all of us." I commented. "Deer was out." I tried to lighten the mood. The two of them just looked at me without a smile or any other sign of understanding for my joke. I sighed. "What have you been talking about?"
"Comics." Carl smiled at me. The smile was rather provocative.
I looked at Merle who was fiddling with a stick. "Like there is anything else ya damn kids can talk about." He was quite looking like a kid himself. Fiddling with a stick, putting it into the fire and making circles on the ground.
"We can talk about something else." I had almost finished the rabbit. We wouldn't be satisfied but at least we would have a warm bite to eat. "I would prefer video games but the both of you are not the right age." I laughed but again I earned just mixed glances.
"Are you ever going to grow up?" Carl asked me with a sly smile.
"Don't expect that to happen any time soon." I gave back and winked at him.
Merle stood up murmuring something about us childish shitheads to grow a pair. "Is he alright?" I asked Carl in a low voice.
"Going to be." He gave back. "He is not accustomed to it all." This didn't need any explanation. He was with his group again, with a presumed dead brother and his chaotic stormy girl.
I watched Merle how he went to the cars. He went for the bus and slipped in it to lie down. "Who is?" I chuckled. When I looked back at Carl I once again saw a grown up child. He skipped puppetry to be a more grown-up brother. He didn't blame Mere for anything that had happen anymore, even they had had differences. "You are going to be a great leader."
As if it is something that will be passed to the son. I don't think that you are living in a monarchy. This is all about democracy.
"Yeah, but when the old ones die, there is only Carl to take over." I thought by myself.
Daryl joined us and skinned the other rabbit. Soon we were all gathered around the fire eating a bit of rabbit and drinking a few sips water. We were very short of water, so we rationed it. I looked at the last meat chunk and took it to bring it to Merle who was asleep in the car. Carl took the meat out of my hand and winked at me. "I'll do it." Without anyone saying a word he went for Merle. I was grateful he did it and was not afraid Merle would be an asshole. He would behave for his brother.
They were all talking about our next steps. Noah told us of his home, his family and their daily life after the apocalypse. When he spoke of his family and I saw Tyrese enjoying the talk. He told us a childhood memory. He was smiling while Sasha had a blank expression on her face. She just stared into the fire while her brother was all smiles. Maggie wasn't enjoying the talk either. She almost wore the same expressions as Sasha. I thought I had gotten through to her.
You had given a nice speech, but I don't think that smoothed her feelings. She has lost her sister and I think that runs deep.
I was back in the cell. Back with Phillip. He smiled at me like a loving and caring person would look at his beloved. He stroke my cheek and caressed my face. His lips were moving but I didn't understand what he was saying. Instead I heard a humming, a song … so familiar. Coldness surrounded me, made me shiver but I didn't move. It was as if my soul was trembling. I couldn't move, could not even turn my head. Behind Phillip was a huge fire. While it was dark around us behind him the fire highlighted the prison we had lived in. My home was burning down. Tears welled up inside me, tears for my beloved. Through the lovely humming I heard their screams, Daryl's screams. The humming got louder while Phillip took out a knife. It was my knife. He came closer to my ear humming a song from my childhood. A song my mother used to sing to me. The warm smile on his lips overshadowed his madness. He raised the knife to cut me again and again. I cried out loud while he finished the mosaic on my body he had started a long time ago. I didn't hear my cries, but the cries of a baby. Suddenly Phillip stood in front of me with a baby girl in his arms. I still couldn't hear his words and I was glad I didn't understand what he was saying. This must be a dream, a nightmare. The little girl in his arms stretched her arms my direction, but he didn't let her get close to me. Was that mine? While the thought seemed to linger in the room, the smile on Phillips lips formed into a dreadful sneer. I blinked and when my eyes opened again there was Daryl's poncho on the ground. I could move again. I fell to my knees and carefully touched the poncho. A little monster was trying to bite me. It was a tiny walker who snapped at me.
I woke up dripping with sweat. "A dream …" Only a damn dream. With my sleeve I had to wipe my face twice to don't feel wet anymore. Something moved to my right. Turning Merle was staring at me.
"Nightmare?" He breathed. His raspy voice had back some color. "Ain't no monsters under the bus." His lips formed a cautious smile.
"No … they are outside." I sat up and felt someone behind me. Daryl sat behind me, his arms around me. The even breathe told me he was still asleep. I leaned into him, closing my eyes. Phillip … this man should have been kept alive to be imprisoned and tortured.
Tit for tat?
In the beginning I had dreamed that my brother saved my ass. But he stopped to appear in my dreams. It felt as if his image was slowly fading from my mind. I opened my eyes to look for my bag. It was in the corner of the bus. I had the picture of me and my brother in the bag. It had been folded many times, had been lost a few times too, but still you could recognize us.
Is that all I am to you now, a picture in some bag?
It didn't leave you behind.
It's not like I had any options. I didn't turn on you, I died.
Suddenly Daryl moved and I turned to look at him. His eyes soothed me and I smiled. His presence already calmed me and made me feel save. "A good sign." He whispered.
"What sign?"
"A smile on ya lips." He gave me a quick kiss. "It's a good sign." He stood up to avoid my questions. I looked after him when he stepped out of the bus. The sun was shining. I looked over to Merle who only sighed stepping out too. I stood up to grab my bag to search it for the photo. It was buried under clothes. I saw a smiling younger version of me and my brother. I pressed it to my heart.
It is a miracle it survived so long.
"I wonder if we ever have the chance to take one of these again." Merle still stood at the bus looking at me. "Will ya keep me the same way?" He chuckled looking at my breasts were I held the picture tight.
"Don't think there are cameras left. And I'll always keep you in my heart." Too emotional. "Not my breasts you pervert." I laughed and put the picture back. Stepping out I punched him on the shoulder.
"Without any playboys or available girls around ya have to let me have my fantasies." It felt like back at the prison. He grinned when we joined the others.
Rick was giving instructions on how we would approach Noah's home. Noah still didn't want to believe it was gone. He had high hopes and I knew with these hopes he would fall deep. But I didn't dare to say something like that. My eyes wandered back to Rick who locked at me. "You and Daryl will …"
"I am not going to this place." I told him with firm eyes. "This could be another Woodbury. Walls around some houses." I shook my head. "No … I just can't go." I looked over to Noah with sorry eyes. Just saying the word Woodbury sent a shiver down my spine. The dream about Phillip had made one thing clear: I wasn't over it yet.
Hadn't you want to go? At first you thought it was a good thing, a house where you and Daryl could grow old. You really have mood swings sis. Why do you only think of the bad things now? Didn't a good thing happen? I looked over to Merle and Daryl. You have been talking about a new start when the family is reunited again. What's suddenly wrong?
"This could be a new start." Michonne told me. "They had survived for so long, why shouldn't it still exist?!"
My eyes wandered to Noah, I didn't want to crash his hopes. I stood silent pressing my lips together. "Just say what you think." Noah told me.
"We had survived in the prison, had endured an attack and a damn flu. Just one man with a handful of people and a tank tore down our walls, our hope. We had been scattered for what … weeks?! How can they survive while we hadn't?" I looked up again to see Noah looking at me baffled. "I am sorry Noah."
"We'll stay behind, watching your back." Daryl nodded to Rick.
Even Noah still had a blank expression the others knew my pain. Just Tara looked at me with almost the same glance. I had forgotten she had been with psycho Phillip. I wanted to say something but didn't know what. I didn't blame her at all. It was all on him.
You do know you are blaming a dead person. It is over! Can't your pretty little head understand that? It is in the past and this is your future.
"I'll go." Glenn stepped forward to Rick. Tyrese joined him with a grim nod. In the end it were Rick, Michonne, Noah, Tyrese and Glenn who went in the Volvo to go to Noah's home. Noah had explained we could all go and didn't want to understand why we wanted it to do the "save way". While the others went on the rest of us were sitting at the bus. Abraham and Tara were making a "short round".
I sat down next to Daryl. "He described it far too much alike … it sounded like another Woodbury." I said my thoughts out loud. Merle came to sit next to us at the car.
"Thought the same thang." Merle lit a cigarette and I wondered where he had it from.
"Even in the apocalypse you're still a smoker?"
He just laughed lowly. "The last piece of shit that makes me feel good … ain't giving up on that."
"There won't be cigarettes forever. The production had stopped." Leaning forward I sang the last words into his ear.
He pushed me away. "Ya just pissed you ain't got one."
Daryl took the cigarette Merle held out for me and took a drag himself. "Another Woodbury is not an option." He enjoyed the cigarette. "It's like Michonne had said, we will find a new place. If it is not Noah's place then we keep going."
Merle took the cigarette from Daryl. We just sat there wordlessly for a few more moments. I observed the others, how Carl held his sister, how Rosita sharpened her knife and how Sasha and Maggie sat together not talking. Again they had the same expression on their face. Every one of us had a bad history, a problem or a damn secret. Maybe some had more than one. I couldn't cope with all this so I stood up. "We need food!" We all were hungry and thirsty. Thanks to the damn rain we had had water, but it was almost consumed.
"Ya think the next grocery store is around the corner?" Merle laughed.
"It is around us." I threw back.
Daryl sniffed and came after me. "Maybe now luck is on our side."
Thanks again for reading!