Have fun reading everyone!
We had been walking a while now. The herd on our heels had grown. Their growling had attracted more walkers. They followed us down the road to a new beginning … I really wondered when we would start with that. Looking over my shoulder we were lucky the herd hadn't closed up. Rick had said we would wait until it was necessary to kill them. No one argued, we were too exhausted and hungry to fight them anyways. Instead that we were looking for food, we were the food with our predators on our heels.
The starvation and the thirst made us weak and the damn sun only made it worse. It was hot and every one of us was sweating and longing for water. Looking ahead, even Daryl was slurping, his crossbow on his back. Normally he was carrying it in one hand to be always ready. He was leading our group next to Rick. The both of them in a conversation while the rest of us were deadly quiet. Speaking was too straining. Next to me Merle wasn't looking better at all and I started to worry about his health. The badmouthing rascal had become a tender bunny. The only one of us who looked strong and ready to fight was Michonne while the rest of us looked like almost dead.
"You still have some water?" I asked him.
"Ya got yar own." He gave back in slow words.
"Not for me." I told him. "You need to drink!"
He growled lowly. Maybe it was a laugh. "Don't worry about good ol' Merle."
"Who said I am worried." If I would have the energy I would have punched his shoulder, but I simply walked on. "Don't stumble and fall."
Suddenly Daryl stepped out of line. "I'm gonna head out and see what I'll can find."
The moment he stepped right, Carol walked after him. "I'll go with you."
"I got it." He retorted walking on. Seemed he needed some time.
"You gonna stop me?" Carol walked after him.
The rest of us walked on. Merle nudged me in the side. "How come ya aren't running after him?"
"Too tired." My mouth was as dry as his raspy voice. Only the snarling in our neck made me walk on. If there wouldn't have been death on our heels I would have lied down. I looked to the trees, we could climb them and rest on top of them.
Like you are some kind of monkey? The dead would wait down the tree until one of you would fall down. What a stupid idea.
"You got a better one?"
For starters I wouldn't steel ideas from books.
I knew I had read about a girl sitting in a tree to rest until she was out of danger … "I asked for a better idea." I told him again.
No answer was heard. And we walked on in silence until a bridge was ahead of us. "That might work." Rick said when we were crossing the bridge. I stopped in the middle of the bridge and looked around. On a normal day – not such a hot day as it was now – there maybe would have been a river down there.
Or maybe it was just a rocky canyon.
"What?" Carl asked.
"We can push them down the sides. We don't have to stab or shoot them." He looked to the sides of the bridge. It was sheer, almost perpendicular. "Who is strong enough to fight?"
Abraham grinned. "Always prepared."
Michonne nodded. Sasha and Glenn stepped forward to join the volunteer mission. "Coming!" I walked after Glenn. "You go and rest! I'll take care of that." I told Merle. I knew he would never listen to me and always choose to fight, but he was too weak on his legs. "This time you have to trust me." He opened his mouth to speak up but he wasn't at his best at all and this time he didn't argue. It only showed how exhausted he was. But instead of walking with the others to wait at the end of the bridge, he sat down where he was in the middle of the bridge.
Rick led us towards the walkers until we were standing at the beginning of the bridge again. "You three go left and we go to the right side." 'You three' were Abraham, Sasha and me. Without saying a word we walked to the left side. "We'll push them over the edge." He pointed to the abyss." Let them approach you ad let them do the work. So you just need to push the walker down the rock face or you duck and they fall down themselves." He explained for even a dumbass to understand.
We were standing in a line. Abraham was standing in front of me and Sasha behind me. When Abraham pushed the first two down the rock face, he stepped back. The next walker approached me with outstretched arms. It was a male walker with no hair. His throat had been cut open as if someone had sliced him open. I stepped to the side and he walked on into the deep. I watched him fall deep. This was easy and not as energy-sapping as fighting them. Still I breathed heavily. Now it was Sasha's turn, she walked passed me to approach the next walker. But instead of walking backwards to lead the walker down into the deep, she took a fistful of his ripped lumberjack shirt and pushed him back.
"Sasha!" I walked after her. "Sasha!"
"Sasha!" Michonne walked over to us.
The moment I was behind her, Sasha stabbed the walker and pushed him to the ground. "Stay in line. Flank her." I heard Rick's voice and when I looked over he took his long knife to kill the walker in front of him. "Keep it controlled!"
Sasha panted with rage and took the next walker down with her knife. Michonne was right next to me. "We have to keep it under control." She told me and I nodded knowing she didn't mean the walkers but Sasha.
When Michonne grabbed Sasha's shoulder Sasha swirled around and almost cutting her. "Stop!" Michonne told her. "Just get out of here." But Sasha wrest herself free and killed the next walker. I stepped to her left to stab the walker that was coming for her. She turned to me, almost stabbing me. My eyes became big when I saw the bloody blade in front of me, only inches away from my chest. But Sasha only looked me up and down and turned around again to slice the throat of an appearing walker open.
"That won't help!" Abraham finished Sasha's injured walker whose head was dangling from its neck. Sasha whirled around again panting whereby she cut Abraham's arm. It seemed it didn't matter to her and she attended to the upcoming walkers again. She was blindly slashing around so I grabbed her to make her stop, but she wildly fought my grab. I was so concentrated on her that I didn't see the upcoming walker. It grabbed me while I let go of Sasha. But instead of helping me, she walked on to meet the next walker. The walker pulled me back and almost pulled me down the rock face too. Suddenly Daryl was at my side, stabbing the walker who then let go off me. "Thanks." I was out of breath from the action. So I didn't mind him pushing me behind him. I sank to my knees breathing heavily. My knight in shining armor.
Turning my attention back to the others, they were all panting, standing above the dead walkers. This was the kind of action Rick had wanted to avoid. And all because of Sasha who was now sitting on the ground panting. Michonne towered above her. "I told you to stop." Sasha stood up and starred at her with a glance that made me shiver. They both looked into each other's eyes wordlessly. Eventually Sasha walked back to the others. My glance followed her and I saw Merle almost next to us. "Ya okay?" He asked me. And I saw fresh blood on his knife. I nodded.
He's still doing his job and tries to keep you alive. I smiled.
Daryl was panting right next to me. "Did you find anything?" I asked him in hope of a small bite of something nicely slain.
He shook his head sheeting his knife. "It's too dry to see anything." Sweat was running down his forehead. And I realized I was sweating too. The fight had cost a lot of our energy. He held out his hand and I took it thankfully to stand up.
"Let's move." Rick told us and we followed to continue our odyssey.
We closed up to the others who had been waiting at the end of the bridge. Without saying a word we walked ahead this time without a snarling in our back. At some point my walk had slowed down. Gabriel passed me, Eugene too and in the end I was walking in the back of the line. Daryl stopped to wait for me. He handed me his water bottle. But I pushed it away. "We need to save that." For Judith and for later.
"Don't be ridiculous." He pushed the bottle into me and I took a small sip. It was only a faint drop that touched my tongue. I gave it back to him being even more thirsty. "Someday it has to rain." He looked up to the sky. Only some white little clouds were dancing in the blue sunny sky.
"Can't wait." I stumbled but he held me. "Thanks." I straightened myself and took a deep breath. "I had never been that thirsty in my life." When I looked from my feet to his face I saw something brown on his belt. Since when did he have that knife there? I tried to look into his eyes but he avoided my glance.
"Little princess never had to starve?" Merle had stopped walking too. "Wasn't the silver spoon in your mouth in the way for the golden straw?"
"Asshole." And I walked on.
"She's alright." Merle grinned.
"Dad, look!" Carl told his father. We all looked ahead to see some cars on the street.
We approached the cars carefully. They were dirty and the signs of time had left its mark. I walked straight to a dark car in hope there would be something … anything to eat. Thanks to the dust and sand the car almost looked white. It had crashed into another car. The window shield had cracked, the hood was battered. I wiped away some dirt from the window to look inside. The moment I looked into the car a walker moved in the backseat. It was a female walker with blonde hair. She had a beautiful dress on, as if she was on her way to a wedding. I wondered why she was in the back seat and all alone in the car. I opened the co-driver's door to see the other door was open.
Merle went for the other side of the car. He seemed to push away something. "Killed himself." He told me emotionless and opened the door too.
The walker in the backseat started to move. It tried to get up, but it looked as if its dead flesh had dried to the seat. There was no belt around her. Suddenly she fell forward, eager to eat one of us. Merle immediately pushed his knife through her skull. Maybe she had died during the crash. I opened the glove compartment to only find useless stuff: papers and melted chewing gum. Merle sat down in the driver's seat and grabbed under it but found nothing useful either. I looked under the co-driver's seat to find a first-aid kit. "At least something useful." I put it into my bag and turned my attention back to the back seat.
Merle excited the car to join Abraham at the back of the car. He open the trunk. "Well, well …" Abraham laughed and a well-known clinging sound filled the air. "They must have been on the way to somewhere special." I looked through the rear window to see Abraham holding a brown back and Merle had a bottle in his hand. I had wished for water, but Merle had wished for alcohol and he won.
"That is not useful!" I told him but he ignored me. Abraham and Merle started to drink. He even laughed louder when he found a cigar wrapped in fake-gold paper.
"Maybe they were on their way to a bachelor party." Merle took the bottle out of Abrahams hand to take a sip of the alcohol. The moment I thought about bachelor parties or even a party and that we won't have these any time soon, Daryl ripped the bottle out of his hand and threw it away. The bottle shattered at a tree. "If ya want a slug, just ask." Merle hissed.
I instantly stepped out of the car to smooth down the differences, but Merle had already turned around and walked away. "What's wrong?" I asked Daryl but he didn't respond. Abraham just starred at us still holding the paper bag.
"We have lost so much and this bastard keeps on finding the right things." Maggie stated while she walked passed us.
I watched her walking to another car and then looked back to Daryl. "I'm gonna head into the woods, circle back." He wasn't looking at me but at Rick.
He turned and I wanted to walk after him. "I'm coming with you."
"No." He looked at me with persistent eyes. "No, just me." He walked on.
"Daryl." I wanted to walk after him, but Carol shook her head ready to step into my way.
"He needs some time." She told me.
Why did she know what he needed? "What have you guys been doing?" She had been alone with him. Had something happened? Why was she impeding me from following him?
With a low voice she stepped closer to me. "I gave him Beth's knife. She saved his life." I stared at her lips. "But we're not dead." She told me and although her lips were moving I didn't hear her next words. The information hurt. That is what I had seen on his belt before … it was Beth's knife. She had saved his life, I knew that, he had told me himself and still I was …
Jealous!
I didn't want to hear about it and turned around to the others. Rick started to walk on without giving a holler and we all followed. I suppressed the words of my brother who would tell me I was jealous of a dead girl. She had saved his life, sure he suffered.
"This is not a bad thing." Carol came to walk next to me. "He needs to grieve. She saved him like Merle saved you." I simply nodded to her words in hope she would stop talking. "Merle hasn't lost his brother nor you … he has lost nothing …"
"He had lost his hand for crying out loud." I interrupted her. Merle looked at us over his shoulder.
"But not the ones he loves." She gave back with a motherly glance. Why did she still smile like that to me after my horrible behavior?
"Let's rest." Rick stopped and sat down at the side of the street. Every one of us sat down. Carol sat down but I walked on to join Michonne. I just didn't want to talk. Although I should talk to Noah who looked as devastated as could be. Later would be a better time I told myself and rested my head on my knees. Finally some rest and I closed my eyes.
You can't look after everybody. Better rest and regain strength, afterwards you can attend to whatever you want.
The silence was only disturbed by sighs of the others or the even breath of Michonne next to me. She was so calm and quiet, somehow melodic. Suddenly thunder was rumbling in the distance and I prayed for rain. We had had a damn downpour before and it had made me cold, but right now I wished for cold heavy rain. I took a deep breath. Resting felt good. Moving my head slightly to the side I saw Sasha next to Noah. The big gun on her back wasn't to my liking. It felt as if she was a danger to the group, incalculable.
Branches snapped. Almost every one of us grabbed a weapon. But it was Daryl who came out of the woods. He looked at Rick who shook his head and came closer slowly. He sat down next to me not saying a word.
He looked over to Merle who was sitting next to Abraham. They both were drinking the alcohol. "So all we found was booze?" I heard Tara saying. Her voice was something I didn't hear often. She was rather quiet. "That won't help."
Maybe that is because you don't talk to her.
"We'll have enough time in the future." I told my brother hoping I was right.
"He knows that." Rosita retorted. I looked over to her and saw Eugene was sitting next to her, a book in his hand. At least he had joined the search through the cars. Not totally useless. And again he was in the very near of Rosita … was he into her?
"He is a grown man." Eugene joined in on the conversation. "And I truly don't know if things can get worse."
"They can." Rosita said out loud what I was thinking. As if she had awoken the devil there was a rustling. I automatically grabbed my knife knowing the situation could only get worse. But I didn't know how worse until I saw not walkers but straying dogs appearing out of the bushes. I had always loved dogs but looking at these beasts I was afraid. Daryl stood up, his knife in one hand, the other arm holding in front of me in a protective manner. So I was still important to him.
Why shouldn't you … Please be a grown-up for one time and realize that this is not about you!
The dogs barked at us. I wondered how they had survived. The barking got louder and I was afraid they would attract walkers. I didn't know if we all would survive another attack.
You should better be thinking about this attack. A firm 'Sit!' won't help in this situation.
Suddenly silenced gunshots flew through the air and the dogs whined. Sasha had only needed four bullets to kill the three dogs in front of us. I fell back exhausted from the shock. While everyone seemed to relax from the recent events Rick walked into the woods to come back with some branches. I wondered what he was doing when I saw him piling up the branches. Moments later a small fire was burning in front of me and the smell of grilled meat was in the air. No one of us had ever eaten dog before and no one cared. Starvation made us eat the man's best friend.
Only Noah was sitting apart from us staring into the woods. When I wanted to walk over to give him some meat, Sasha stepped out of the woods with more firewood. "Your brother …" He started. "He tried to help me." He sighed, his words sounded powerless. "I don't know if I'm gonna make it."
Sasha stared down on him. "Then you won't." I had known another Sasha, a friendly smiling one. The one I had helped to survive an illness which almost had killed the both of us. "Don't think. Just eat." She ordered and went to sit down next to Abraham and Merle. Abraham was only interested in the booze while Merle didn't give shit and ate the dog's meat as if it was normal.
I took another bite of the dog's meat and thought of a hamburger. I held meat in both of my hands and finally stood up to give one chunk to Noah. "Eat." I ordered. "Think of something else. Like a hamburger." He shook his head. "This is the fucking end of the world, you don't be picky otherwise you die." He still didn't take it, so I sat down. "Ensure Tyrese didn't die for nothing." Now he looked at me and hesitantly grabbed for the meat. "Don't be stupid."
When we had finished our meal we walked on. The sun shone down on us merciless. Daryl walked next to me wordlessly – again. I noticed him looking at me from time to time. Maybe he wanted to explain himself, but never did. I saw how Maggie and Glenn were talking, how he tried her to drink something. I couldn't hear them but in the end they walked closer to each other. A good sign.
"You know it'll make only things worse." I looked back to see Merle and Abraham still sharing a bottle. Sasha gave them a glance of disgust. That reminded me of keeping an eye on her. "Will get you killed." She told them. At least she still cared about them.
"The way you're going, you're what's gonna make things worse." Abraham gave back. That wasn't the best way to approach her right now.
Merle was just drinking and didn't comment. I couldn't even tell if he liked the others. At least he had never met Abraham, Rosita and Eugene before, so they didn't know his not-so-pretty past. They were somewhat impartial.
"Hey, you're with friends." Abraham told Sasha.
"We're not friends." Sasha gave back and walked passed us. Right now no one seemed to be her friend in her opinion. Someone should tell her we were her family now … now that her brother was dead too. I watched her passing me to walk towards Maggie. Maybe Maggie could talk to her … she would know how. She had saved me too.
Merle laughed lowly. "Thought ya were with apocalypse Barbie." Abraham didn't respond. "More booze for us. Hey bad ass you want some?"
I wanted to drink something badly, would the shit in this bottle fill my needs? When I looked over my shoulder again Daryl flinched slightly. "No thanks, maybe later." Merle grinned at me in response. "What's going on?" I asked Daryl in a whisper. "You're different."
"Nah." He told me looking straight ahead. I followed his glance to look at Maggie and Glenn.
Glenn turned around to hand us his bottle of water. I looked at the bottle on Daryl's belt. It was empty. Daryl and I shook our heads. "You have to drink." Glenn insisted.
Daryl refused without looking at him. "Don't!" Seemed the ghost of Beth was in his thoughts. I couldn't compete with that.
"Hey, we can make it together." Glenn told him. "But we can only make it together." He emphasized.
I looked at Daryl whose walk slowed down. I wanted to touch him, but he stepped left. "Tell them I went looking for water." And he left.
Abraham nudged me. "Come on Scar Girl." He gave me a small smile. His cheeks had a faint reddish glow. He handed me the booze and I took a sip. It was disgusting and I gave it back to him spitting on the ground. "Hey, don't waste it."
Merle handed me his bottle. "Mine 's better."
But I shook my head. Tara was right, this wouldn't help. "It'll only make it worse."
"Come on, this is really good stuff." Merle still held the flask out to me.
"I shouldn't drink." I pushed Merle's hand away. The last time I had been drunk had been at prison. Right before the Woodbury people had attacked. It was a time where Daryl hadn't been talking to me, had abandoned me. I didn't want that to happen again, just because I was jealous. There was a faint haha coming from my brother. I stopped walking. I had to talk to Daryl. Turning I walked back to follow Daryl. "Be right back." I told them over my shoulder.
I walked the street back where Daryl had left us. He had taught me enough to follow a track. Stepping into the woods where Daryl must have went I walked straight. There was no sound heard when I walked through the woods, my knife ready in my right hand. A dead walker was lying on the ground, maybe Daryl's work. I was on the right track. It didn't take long until I found him. I carefully walked around the trees to hear a sobbing. Through the trees I saw Daryl sitting at a tree smoking. And … he was crying. Watching how he fought the tears made me freeze. My heart tighten and it was hard to breath.
Let him grieve.
I slowly walked backwards to leave him be. I found my way back to the road but stopped. I didn't walk after the others. Seeing Daryl crying was something I thought I would never see. Since I had met him he was distant, even now that we were in some kind of relationship … he had this bubble around him. A bubble I had used to have too.
Please … you shared that same damn bubble. You used to have an even bigger one, were you wouldn't let people touch you or come too close. Now you're not letting the 'newbies' close.
He was right … but this damn guy Eugene was to blame. I sighed and looked back where I had come from. Should I go back … comfort him? Should I talk to him? Should I …
He went alone to be by himself. I think he wanted to cry alone and not be seen.
Sure … but I was still a woman. I had emotions too and right now I was moved … was hurt and …
What are you talking about?
I smiled to myself. "I had missed this." Saying the right words when I needed comfort. I looked left into the direction the others had went. They couldn't be that far and I had some time alone to think or whatever.
"Who are ya talking to?" Merle came out of the shadows of the trees.
"I … wasn't …" I stared at him while I screamed in my head. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Merle eyed me with a raised eyebrow. "So ya didn't find him?"
I didn't want to answer that question and walked on. "Let's go." I told him and he fell into my step.
The trees passed us in silence while I could feel him staring at me, but he said nothing. Even my brother became completely mute. We haven't really been alone since we had been reunited. I bit my lip, afraid if I started to talk he would inquire for something else. "I am sorry …" My voice failed …
"Stop that shit." He didn't look at me but drank from the bottle in his hand. He hadn't finished that one yet? I wondered if he enjoyed it too much to drink it hastily.
"I am sorry I wasn't strong enough to …"
"Cut the crap." He stopped my sentence. "I ain't giving …"
Now I interrupted him in a biting tone. "Fuck it Merle. I didn't want to leave you." I almost screamed at him. "It's not just … I am not only … ashamed what happened but I am ashamed of … I have been weak … again. I …"
"Damn it woman, stop talking." He punched my shoulder hard. Somehow baffled I walked on in silence. In my head thoughts were colliding while I tried to think clearly. "I'll kill that bastard who had laid his hands on ya."
"Too late." So he wasn't mad at me. "I took care of that."
He raised an eyebrow at me, just like Daryl always did. I took in a deep breath to release all my fears. I just wanted to have a place where we can rest … built something new … How would we all fit in that place?
You'll know when you guys try.
I closed my eyes while we walked after them to try to enjoy the sun. I had always loved sunny weather and now I tried to just feel the warmth in a good way. Not in a burning-my-skin kind of way. Opening my eyes it seemed the others had stopped. "What going on?"
Merle just grunted. He wasn't so fond of rejoining. He had slowed down since we had closed up on them. When we reached them I saw some water bottles and four canisters of water on the street. "What …?"
"From a friend." Michonne told me.
Everybody starred at the bottles. Should we try them? Did somebody already? Nobody said a word. I looked at Merle who rolled his eyes. He had become calmer … when we were all together he was mostly quiet and strangely calm.
He's pulling himself together for his brother … and you. Or should I better say 'ya'?! I smiled but immediately stopped, wishing for my brother to stop talking for a bit. I had already been caught by Merle … talking to myself … soliloquizing. I didn't need that again.
Daryl joined us and Rick handed him a note. He took his crossbow and looked around. The others had already drawn their weapons. "What else are we gonna do?" Tara asked.
"Not this." Rick answered looking around. "We don't know who left it."
"If that's a trap we all happen to be in it." Eugene starred at the water. "But I, for one, would like to think it is indeed from a friend." A bit too optimistic for my liking.
"What if it isn't? They put something in it?" Tara starred at the bottles and canisters too.
The water was almost hypnotic. I starred at it too. Why would someone help us? And on the other hand why would someone poison us?
There is only one way to know it.
As if Eugene had heard my brother's words, he took a bottle and opened it. "Eugene!" Rosita screamed. "What are you doing?"
"Quality insurance." Eugene stated in his damn monotony. But before the bottle could touch his lips Abraham slapped the bottle out of his hand. Water dripped from Eugene's face and I was a bit jealous. Abraham stared at Eugene with mad eyes but Eugene was avoiding his glance. There was a tension between them. Eventually Abraham let him be and walked over to Rosita.
"We can't." Rick told Eugene.
As if God knew we were in trouble, the distant thunder rumbling grew louder. It seemed to be very close.
It is not close it is above your head.
Suddenly heaven opened to let the water drop. It started to rain. And we started to laugh. Merle held his hands up smiling and I opened my mouth to drink the rain.
"Everybody get the bags. Anything you can find." Rick stated and stated to empty the bottles to let the rain fill them.
I took the bottle out of my bag, opened it and put it on the ground to the others. I had a mug in my bag as well which I put on the street too. The storm got worse and the loud thunder made Judith cry. I had been afraid of loud storms too but right now I was just thankful. Carl held his sister tight and put his hat protectively over her. I pulled the jacket I had found before out of my bag. It was an orange rain jacket, I put it around Judith shoulders. Carl lifted the hat so I could put on the hood. "Thank you!" Carl smiled opening his mouth to drink some rain too.
Everyone was still enjoying the wet miracle, everyone but Maggie and Sasha who only stared at us.
"There is a barn!" Daryl screamed over the loud rain.
"Where?" Rick asked and Daryl pointed the direction he had come from.
I looked at Daryl. His eyes were faintly read. The rain was running down on him and it looked as if he was crying. We all must be looking the same. I hesitated to approach him, in the end I took my bottle and closed it. The rain wouldn't stop soon so we took our belongings and went after Daryl.
We went for the barn. "You wait." Rick looked at us, but nodded to the ones who stood to his right. He led Carol, Abraham and Glenn into the barn with guns raised. We waited outside, Rosita and Daryl had their weapons raised and pointing inside the barn to back up. Merle took another sip next to me and I looked around. Who could have put the water on the street? Was it even for us? How long had it been there? Was someone watching us? It would be nice to think there were still good people out there, but unknown people had never been nice people.
I took a short glance into the barn too, it was damn dark inside. But looking at our surroundings it would be dark outside soon too. The rain had gotten worse and we all longed for a dry shelter. Gabriel seemed to send a prayer for a save night looking up to the heavens while all the others looked into the barn. He wasn't wearing the white collar anymore … I stepped closer to Daryl. "Good you found the barn." Our backs met. I was still watching the trees around us while he was backing up our friends in the barn. I felt him nodding.
Carol eventually stepped out of the barn nodding our direction to tell us the barn was save. Daryl and I were last to enter the barn. Daryl closed the door and put a chain around it to lock it. For a brief moment the world stopped and I only heard the clanging sound of the chain. Pictures went through me but when Daryl touched my shoulder the world around me lived up again. I heard the others talking, heard steps on the sandy ground and heard the piling of wood. He turned me to see the others arranging themselves. "Let's warm up!" Walking to the back of the barn together I looked back at the chain feeling an invisible chain around my neck tighten. Even we closed, locked and barricaded the doors, we would still keep watch. Trust in this world was gone.
We made a fire and dried our clothes and bones. Not everyone joined the circle around the fire Maggie laid down in one corner, Sasha sat close to her, both wrapped in darkness. Abraham and Merle were in another corner, still drinking the last drops of alcohol. Noah sat alone too, staring at the last light that came from outside. Tara, Rosita, Gabriel and Eugene were sitting close to each other, their heads at the walls sleeping. Eugene seemed to seek the closeness of Rosita. I wondered why she wasn't sitting with Abraham. But seeing him drinking with Merle I knew why. The rest of us was sitting around the small fire. The branches were too wet to feed the fire. I remembered I had seen some books at the door when we had entered the barn and went to grab one of them. The first one was a bible, I put it back and took another book. I wouldn't burn that one. It hurt to burn books but we needed a bigger fire. The next one was a hymn book. I returned to the others and ripped some pages out of the book to throw them into the fire. I sat down behind Daryl. My right side faced Daryl's back and I let my head rest on his back.
"He is gonna be okay." Carol stated. "He bounces back, more than any one of us do." I looked up to see them looking at Carl and Judith who were sleeping behind Rick.
"I used to feel sorry for kids that have to grow up now. In this. But I think I got it wrong." He still looked at Carl. "Growing up is getting used to the world. This is easier for them."
Was it really easy not knowing what the world had been?
"This isn't the world." Michonne told Rick. "This isn't it."
"It might be." Glenn looked over to Maggie than back into the flames.
"That's giving up." Michonne said lowly with dark eyes. She wasn't giving up at all. Again she seemed to be the only one believing in a better future for us, in a save place.
"It's reality." Glenn gave back. I closed my eyes again. He was right, this was reality now. Why hold on to a fata morgana.
"Glenn is right." I stated and Michonne looked at me. "We have to accept what happened and live with the fact that the walking dead is always present."
"Until we see otherwise, this is what we have to live with." Rick stated. He play the role of the leader quite well. Silencing the others with a reasonable statement. "When I was a kid …" he started looking down on the ground. "I asked my grandpa once if he ever killed any Germans in the war." Indeed we all fell silent at this campfire story. "He wouldn't answer. He said that was grown-up stuff, so …" He sniffed. "So I asked if the Germans ever tried to kill him. But he got real quiet. He said he was dead the minute he stepped into enemy territory. Every day he woke u and told himself, 'Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.' And then after a few years of pretending he was dead he made it out alive. That's the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do and then we get to live. But no matter what we find in D.C., I know we'll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves that we are the walking dead."
I closed my eyes again. We were not some dead geeks slurping through the world. We were not dead.
You had been one of them. Do you remember when you had the blood and bowls of the dead on your body to look like a walker to not get attacked?
I closed my eyes to concentrate on feeling Daryl close to me. Feeling him … the dead couldn't feel that. 'We are not dead!' I told myself. Beth was, but I wasn't. I was in the here and now, I was here for Daryl. And I always would be. "No, we are not …" I whispered. "We are not one of these zombies."
It was silent until I felt Daryl shaking his head. "We ain't them." He couldn't accept Rick's proposal.
"We are not them." Rick told him. I looked around Daryl's shoulder to see Rick leaning forward to look into Daryl's eyes. "Hey. We're not." He looked at me too.
"We ain't them." Daryl stated again and stood up to walk away. I looked after him with sad eyes. The death of Beth seem to run deep. My heart again stopped beading when he left. Something was moving and I saw Merle looking at me. We looked at each other until I turned around to lie down. I curled into myself like a fetus. The fire in my back was maybe warming my clothes but it wasn't warming me. I would have cried if I had been alone.
An emotional setback, that's all it is. He has to fight all the emotions of Beth's death. You don't know what he is thinking. Maybe he feels responsible, maybe he feels … I don't know. But he sees Maggie every day, the one he told her sister was alive and at the same day was dead. There is a burden on him and you know it.
Finally a welcome warmth started to crawl into me. My brother had found the right words. Again. I didn't know if it had been jealousy I had felt …
It was!
Yeah, okay. But still, I was here, why wasn't he satisfied with me being around?
Don't be too emotional. I think this is not about you lil'sis. He has to cope with the situation himself. There is nothing you can do about it.
Suddenly someone sat down next to me. I turned around to see Merle sitting next to me. "You can rest." He told me. "I take watch." I sighed, turned around and closed my eyes again. "There are no monsters in here." He whispered.
I smiled. "There are no beds to hide them." I gave back and I heard a faint chuckle. "Thank you Merle." I only heard a consent grunt.
The thunder grew louder and the wind beat against the walls of the barn. It almost sounded like walkers. I closed my eyes more tight to erase the fear, but when Merle got up I opened my eyes. No one was around the fire anymore. I stood up to see them all on the door. I couldn't believe my eyes when the next lightning highlighted the barn. Outside were indeed walkers throwing themselves at the door. All of our group, even Carl, were bracing themselves against the door. I ran to them and pushed the door too.
The storm seemed to be on the walker's side and helped the walkers to open the door. The chain around it rang loudly with each thrust. The sound made me freeze. For one second I stopped and starred at the chain. I felt my neck, where a chain had once strangled me almost to death. The ringing in my ear grew louder. I watched how my friends fought against death once again. Merle grabbed my arm to pull me next to him. No one dared to scream or say anything. The walkers should not know who was in here. They were brainless monsters driven only by hunger, if they would hear a human being they would definitely work harder on the door.
It seemed like hours when the thrusting grew weaker. Loud shattering and wood cracking was heard. And after what felt like hours the thrusting stopped. We waited at the door still ready to hold it, but the door remained silent. One by one left the door until there were only Merle, Daryl and me tarring at the wooden wall. "Let's rest." I told them but they didn't move and kept on staring. "Fine." I told them and went to lie down. I was exhausted and needed some sleep.
Let them take watch. You should better rest your damn eyes. Tomorrow will be a new day.
I immediately fell asleep. From time to time I woke, only to see that I was still lying alone. The Dixon brothers were sitting next to each other at the door. Both wide awake. I turned around to sleep on. The next time I woke, Merle was sleeping next to me, while Daryl still sat at the door. He was fumbling on a small yellow box. A faint music was heard. Classic music. What was that in his hands and where did he get it?
I observed him until he put the box away. When he looked at me, I gave back the same expressionless glance. At least I hoped that was what I was doing. I was still damn tired. The fear of the night was still present and hadn't let me sleep. Daryl gave me a small smile. He was tired. Merle turned in his sleep next to me and started to snore. I wondered why Merle was lying close instead of Daryl. I stood up to sit down next to him. "Have you slept at all?"
"Nah." His raspy voice mirrored tiredness.
I rested my back at the wall and closed my eyes. "You should sleep before we go on … or do whatever it takes to go on."
"Yeah." But still he didn't move. He took a deep sigh. "She was strong." He started to chew on his thumbnail. "She was stronger than me …" I had to concentrate to hear his faint voice. "I was … a mess after prison." He had already told me what had happened after prison. Was there more to the story? Had he left something out? I was afraid and curious at the same time. "I went crazy after … the prison … but she saved me."
I took his hand. "I know." I looked over to sleeping Merle. The snorting hero had saved me too. I turned to see Daryl's eyes shimmering at me. "I understand." I gave him a comforting smile. I had seen him crying and I wanted to get rid of the dark shadow which clouded his eyes.
Slowly his lips turned upwards to smile at me. Before I could give him a kiss, which I longed for, the door next to us opened. "Hey everyone!" Maggie entered with a man. He had his hands raised. Sasha was behind them. Her weapon wasn't pointing at him, but I realized everyone on the barn had their weapon raised at him. "This is Aaron." Daryl stood up taking his crossbow. He walked past Maggie and outside. "We met him outside. He is by himself."
Aaron looked like a normal guy who would stop by to help you change a tire when no one else would stop. Daryl started to body search him but Maggie had already taken care of that. "We took his weapons and we took his gear." Still everyone pointed his or her weapon at Aaron. Even Rick who held Judith in one arm pointed his revolver at him. I only starred at Aaron.
"Hi." He started shyly. "It's nice to meet you." He wanted to move towards Rick with his hand outstretched to shake his hand, but the clicking of guns and of course Daryl, who grabbed him to move back again, hindered him.
"You said he had a weapon?" Rick ignored Aaron. Maggie walked over to Rick to hand him Aaron's gun.
The scene reminded me of the first time we had met Michonne. Rick had acted hostile, even hurt her by pressing his finger into her wound. But Aaron wasn't shot and he hadn't witnessed the capture of one of our friends. Still it was weird that after all that had happened to us – after months of living in the apocalypse – someone was standing in front of us like him.
"Is there something you need?" Rick asked him putting Aaron's gun in the back of his jeans.
"He has a camp nearby." Sasha stated next to me. "He wants us to audition for membership."
I looked the stranger over again. "He wants us to what?" Audition? The word reminded me of old days … when I had dance auditions.
An audition doesn't sound so bad … so you can separate the wheat from the chaff. Maybe there exists a community of only good people. Not some Woodbury.
"I wish there was another word." He told us. "Audition makes it sound like we're some kind of dance troupe." I smiled about his words. "That's only on Friday nights." I almost laughed, but all the others just stared at him. "Um … and it's not a camp. It's a community. I think you all would make valuable auditions. But it is not my call. My job is to convince you all to follow me back home."
"Convince us to follow you home?!" I repeated after him.
"Yeah … If I were you, I wouldn't go either. Not until I knew exactly what I was getting into." He turned to Sasha. "Sasha can you hand Rick my pack?" I wondered how he knew his name. Had he talked to Sasha and Maggie, what had they told him? "Front pocket, there is an envelope." Sasha went over to Rick and gave him the pack. "I brought those to convince you of the community." He looked around. "I apologize in advance for the picture quality." He was funny. "We just found an old camera store last …"
Daryl interrupted his sentence. "Nobody gives a shit." My smile dropped.
What are you smiling about? You above all aren't the one who trusts anyone. I didn't trust him at all. But you had to admit that he was kind of funny.
Rick opened the envelope and looked at the pictures. Aaron commented on the first picture, telling us how save the community was. It was the word save that made me realize the situation. A stranger was staying in our middle telling us about an audition, solid walls and a save community. "Nothing alive or dead gets through that without our say-so." Michonne joined Rick to look at the pictures. Eugene peeked over Rick's shoulder too. "In fact, there is only one resource more critical to our community's survival. The people." He looked at me, than at Daryl and back at Rick. "Together we are strong." I looked over to Daryl. Together we were strong! I told myself. "You can make us even stronger." He went on, telling Rick to look at the next picture. Rick took the next picture and walked up on Aaron, but not to ask him a question or something like that – no – but to punch him right into the face.
"Straight to the point!" Merle started to laugh behind me.
I wanted to show more of the relationship between Ella and Merle, about their feelings and insides. Hope you like how this is going on. Sometimes my fingers seem to write different then what I have in mind :o) but I hope the final outcome satisfies you. Have a nce day!
R&R