Iconoclasm

Many battles later, the Paladin found himself once more in the pitch black void, a glittering jewel lit the way forwards. "Oh wow! A crystal! This must make me special!

The voice of Martin the Warrior once again echoed throughout the Void. "You are special indeed. You are the Taggerung, destined to save Mossflower. Like a clawprint, or a snowflake. One of a kind."

Three other creatures flew off one by one, each one holding an identical crystal. The first was a ferret with a sneering face. The second was the squirrel Seb had talked to at the beginning of his journey, while he could make out Kio as the third.

"Hey, what gives!" Seb whined. "I thought I was special!"

"No! You are special!" Martin soothed. "It's just that other characters are special in the same way!"

"How could you lie right to my face?"

The Warrior stepped backwards, arms raised in surrender. "Dear, dear, don't be like that! I have needs, you know."

"You wicked, unfaithful, at-least-four-timing jerk!" Sebias turned on his heel with a huff. "I'll never love again!"

0000

It didn't take long for Seb and Kio to find their first dungeon - a cove occupied by a multitude of searats. Clogg's Cave, they called it, and Seb appreciated the reference. Martin the Warrior was his favourite book, after all.

"Alright, our first dungeon!" Seb exclaimed excitedly. "Move aside, small fry, as the heroes of Mossflower have arrived!"

"Okie dokie… but you need a healer. And another DPS."

Seb turned to the speaker - a shrew Craylock guardsbeast - the questgiver for this dungeon. "Why?"

"You're a tank."

"I'm a Paladin!"

"That's a tank class!" said the shrew, placing a paw over his eyes. "You need a healer while you draw away enemy attacks, while your two DPS teammates focus on whittling down their health faster than they can do to you."

"Wait, what?" Dismay hit Seb right in the gut as he realised that he would not be doing much damage to the enemies of Mossflower. "Argh! Come on! That's so lame!"

"Well… yeah. Didn't you read the description when you picked the class?"

"I mean, it sounded cool, and it has a sword - and a shield too! So… umm…"

"This is why there are long queues for these dungeons! Read the class descriptions before picking one, idiot!"

Seb turned to Kio, who was clutching his stomach in laughter. "Geschieht Ihnen Recht, Volltrottel!"

"Shut up, no one asked you!"

A few hours of waiting later, a familiar ferrety face entered Seb's sight. "Fear not, inferior woodlander! Fret, the pure Brightmage is here to save your worthless non-ferret lives!"

"And I'm Jared! We've met before… I think." The sciurine Brightmage walked over to the otter, smiling. "This isn't my first run, so keep up and you better know the mechanics even though it's your first time!"

"Finally! Now we have four people! Time for some dungeon delving!" Seb looked around. Now they had a healer and a damage-dealer! He turned to where the other one was, and gasped. "Wait. Where's Kio?"

"Sorry," said the guard, still uncaring towards Seb's plight. "You need TWO damage-dealing players to come in."

Seb frowned. It was six in the evening, which made the time wherever Kio was... one in the morning. "There are few words to describe my anger right now. My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined, so I'm just gonna scream into the air like a madman."

And that was what he did.

0000

A day later, Seb finally found all three of his future teammates to take a shot at Clogg's Cave, and it started out well enough. Kio got pulverised by two fireballs, but Fret had the presence of mind to Raise him.

As Seb stepped into the third large circular cavern in a row, he knew it was time for the end boss of the Dungeon. Seb knew Captain Stallworth was a treacherous little git who was feeding information to the Southswarders, and was all too eager to slam his face into the ground. What he did not expect was for him to be quite the powerful mage as well.

"Fret, deal with the magic mines!" shouted Seb, blocking a blow from a weasel with his shield.

"Nah, you got this," said the ferret nonchalantly. "I'm focusing on keeping your disgusting otter vessel alive, so don't forget to thank me later! And don't stand in the fire! You're making it hard to heal you!"

Jared was practically screaming. "Activate the mines, take the damage, and heal yourself!"

"I'm a healer! I'm focusing on healing the tank, like a healer should!"

"Nur noch ein kleines Stückchen nach links!" Kio said, thrusting a spear into a ferret.

"Speak English! And you don't pay my sub, so shut the Hellgates up!"

"I'm swarmed!" shouted Seb, activating Total Eclipse to do some AoE damage. "Can't even see what I'm doing here!"

"You've almost killed the boss!" lied Fret. "Keep it up!"

"I have? Awesome!"

Fret casted Stone I again and again, trying to do as much damage to Stallworth as possible. At least, he did that until a searat whacked him in the head. "What the-" Fret turned to Seb. "Where are you, ottery scum? You're supposed to keep them off me!"

"Sorry!" typed Seb, realising with a sudden that his HP was at a neat 0.

0000

"Good job, guys! We did it!" said Seb. After many hours of keyboard smashing they had finally managed to clear their first dungeon!

"Mann, das hat Spaß gemacht!" Kio chimed in. "Obwohl ich diesen Dungeon schon einmal erledigt habe."

Fret was less than impressed. "No thanks to you, idiot."

Jared was, on the other paw, impressed, if only slightly. "GG. Thanks, see ya."

"Wait!" Seb lifted up a paw. "Wanna join our team?"

"No!" replied Fret, crossing his arms! "You're a garbage tank! And you're a filthy woodlander."

"I'm actually levelling up a side character anyway, so I could teach you two newbies how to play," said Jared, shaking paws with Kio and then Seb.

"We don't really do the main story in a group," said Fret. "You do know that, right?"

"But think of all the jokes you could make at our expense!" shouted Seb in a last-ditch effort to placate the ferret.

Fret grinned. "I do love being a massive jerk… alright! I'll guess I'll tag along and try to do the story in sync with you. It's still not a thing, but whatever."

Kio walked over to Fret. "Was für eine süße kleine Katzenschlange!" said the otter as he poked Fret in the face, causing his smile to fade.

"You will be the first to die in the Great Purge," replied Fret, burning with fury.

A/N: Happy birthday, Foxpen and Seb. I'm sorry I could only do a two-in-one gift, but timing was never my strong suit. Have a good read!