Anamorphosis
"Ok," said Todge, resident Nestene carpenter. "So if you're going to negotiate with the Long Patrol…" The beaver's eyes darted left and right. "And you're going to negotiate with the Long Patrol, by the way - you'll need to speak to three beasts in this camp."
"The Long Patrol sucks!" said the first, a rather chubby hedgehog.
The second was a young excitable squirrel, his speech bursting with energy. "I mean, they look quite young, but they're actually battle-hardened warriors! I'm just saying - they're totally legal." Seb squinted, and the squirrel's eyes widened. "Legal to duel, I mean!"
"Hares like the sun," said the third beast, a mouse, aimlessly, before he went back to reading his very thick book.
"So!" Todge said once Seb had returned. "Do you understand the Long Patrol?"
"No." the Paladin frowned. "Have any of you actually met a hare from the Patrol? I mean, their outpost is literally on the other side of the brook!" A gaudily-dressed hare waved from across the stream, and Seb found himself responding in kind.
Todge sighed. "Look, man. I have never left this spot for five seasons. Don't expect me to know everything! Or anything."
0000
Seb and Fret completed dozens of quests, slayed an Elemental and walked to Nest around six times. Crossing a little body of water seemed insignificant in comparison. The real trouble was negotiating with the hares of the Long Patrol.
"Us hares like you, and we trust you!" said their leader, one Captain Flerin.
"What's up, friends? Did you gain their trust?" asked Bard the otter, popping out suddenly from nowhere, with Skoven behind him as always.
Understandably distressed by the sudden appearance of two Nestene scouts, the hare's ears drooped. "We now distrust you!"
"Thanks a lot!" whined Fret. "We had that under control! How are we going to get them to trust us now?
"Dance?" asked Skoven, throwing out a random idea.
"And not that simple harvest dance us Nestenes do!" added Bard. "I will literally neuter you if you do that."
Fret gulped audibly, and Seb found himself doing the same.
Thirteen soul-crushing dances later...
"We now trust you!" said Flerin. Again!
Seb sighed as he stared at the Nestene duo, who were quite amused by his performances. "This is all time that could have been spent killing the next Elemental!"
0000
"Ok," said Seb, the slightest hint of embarrassment dotting his voice. "I completely forgot what this letter was even about, but uhh… here you go."
"Hmm… don'tcha worry, chaps," replied the leader of the Patrol, a welcoming hare named Flerin. "We won't call into action some elemental like the Flitchaye did. We're chill, wot wot."
The declaration was met with complete, pin-drop silence.
Even Seb's eye twitched in indignation. "We had to do hours of fetch quests… for THAT?"
"Here, have a crystal," said Flerin, withdrawing a crystal and handing it to the otter.
"Gee, thanks," muttered Fret, his voice a waterfall of sarcasm.
"We already have like fifty of those," grumbled Jared.
"Waitwaitwait." Sebias nonchalantly tossed the crystal over his shoulder. It was already in his inventory anyways. "You have exactly four of these for the four of us?"
Flerin shrugged, sliding a crate full of crystals out of view. "Sure, why not?"
Seb sighed. "'One and only' Taggerung, my tail!"
0000
Finally finishing the quest, Seb was all too ready to sign off for the afternoon, but there seemed to be one more cutscene. A black-robed beast emerged from a portal of darkness, a mask veiling their features all too well.
"Hey!" exclaimed Seb. "It's that guy from my unique vision at the start of the game!"
"Ditto!"
"And mine too!"
"And all of my alternate characters!"
"Guess it wasn't that unique after all…" Seb mused.
"Sup nerds, I'm evil," said the obvious villain. "I cast this Treant upon you. Nya!" With a cackle snap of their claws, a distinctly tree-like monster popped in front of them. "I'm Famfrit the Umbrage, by the way," they said as they popped back into the void from which they sprung.
"What?" Seb could only say that as he was almost crushed to little bits.
0000
A while later, having beaten the Treant, the quartet returned to Nest...
"Hmm… so the Patrol won't summon anything?" asked Eula, rubbing her chin.
"Yup!" Seb grinned.
"Awesome!" Eula smiled with bursting enthusiasm. "That means that there are no more threats! Summer break!"
All residents of Nest promptly tore off their clothes to reveal swimming gear, complete with scuba tanks and fake fins.
"Oh yeah!" Fret cheered, tearing off his Brightmage robes to reveal a pair of flower-patterned briefs. "Where're my ferrets at?
Jared did not share the ferret's excitement. He raised an eyebrow. "Is this an RP thing? I'm here strictly for the story and gameplay."
Ignoring the squirrel, the party in swimwear was making a train out the door, when Seb spoke, thinking out loud. "There was a guy in a mask, though…"
The festive atmosphere came to a halt.
"Goodness, I hate you damn woodlanders and your noble responsibilities." Fret growled. He was looking forward to collecting seashells and destroying other beasts' sandcastles.
"Jemand musste es sagen," replied Kio, mockingly elbowing the ferret in the chest.
Eula took a deep breath. "Ok. Here's a series of twenty-four fetch quests that leads to a haunted fortress up North." She dumped the mission reports at their feet. "Dismissed."
0000
Finally defeating the Marshank Ruins dungeon boss, Seb and his three partners decided to take a break from the missions and go check out some information. Who knew the ghost of Badrang the Tyrant would have taken them five tries?
"Oh? Someone's trying to summon Inundation you say?" said a mole clad in white, slouching on a couch and munching on the grapes the adventurers had brought her. "I killed him before, the pompous little fisher with the black fur and the smug face. Or was he a fox? Dunno, really."
"That's Isangrim you jerk!" exclaimed Fret, barely suppressing the urge to strangle the mole without an accent. How dare she rebel against the natural order!
Sebias facepawed and groaned. "Man, I can't believe we just did our chores for you!"
Jared shrugged nonchalantly. "I could have told you that, but it's fun watching you guys waste each other's time with these quests!"
"Scheint es nicht so, dass jede Handlung eine lange Reihe von Tangenten ist, nur für eine offensichtliche Lösung?"
"Learn English!" Fret snapped. "Use auto-translate!"
"No," came the autotranslated response.
A/N: Happy birthday, Airan! Thanks for all the beta reading you've done for me - I now know how to stand on my own! When in doubt, add description to assist in reader immersion! Oh, and thanks for the mini-contest as well. All of us had fun, and I believe we all gained a bit of experience.
Here's to a better year!