What I Wish I Could've Said

Rated: T

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Obviously. Just playing in someone else's sandbox for a bit.

Summary: Hindsight is always 20/20. Everyone has a single moment that they wish they could have said something better than what they actually did. A completely random series of what-if vignettes.

Ch 15: That Time Booth Got Very Good Advice

If there was one thing that Seeley Booth hated, it was feeling unsure of himself. Make a decision, either right or wrong, and deal with the consequences—that had always been his style. But, now? In the last six weeks? Nope. That wasn't him. He hadn't made a single decision of any significance since he'd come out of recovery and found out that Brennan had bolted within forty-eight hours of him waking up. Since he'd been told that she'd left him at a time when he thought they were still married and expecting a child, he'd felt horrible and savagely betrayed. That was the last firm decision he'd made. Ever since he'd woken up and not been able to tell what had been real and what had been a part of his dream— the uncertainty and self-doubt was paralyzing him. Now, reinstated, things were slowly, but surely creeping back towards some state of normalcy—but, for one thing… how he felt every time he looked at her.

Looking over at his old friend, Booth finally couldn't control himself anymore. He needed to know the answer to the question that had been rattling around in his mind for days now. He trusted Camille Saroyan. If she gave him an answer, whatever the answer was, he'd accept it as the truth.

The shot of Jack Daniels still lingered, making it difficult for him to speak for a moment, as the path the fiery liquid had trailed down the back of his throat still had yet to fade. However, if he had been pressed, Booth wondered if Cam's assertion about his feelings for Brennan had also been partially responsible for rendering him speechless.

At last, looking at her with a pleading look in his eyes, Booth asked the question he desperately needed to have answered for him. "What I'm wondering is, am I the same guy?"

Cam narrowed her eyes as she clarified, "A sweet, kick-ass, FBI murder-solver with hard fists and a lion heart?"

"Mmmm," Booth nodded.

"Yeah, you're still him," Cam said simply, smiling as if it was one of the most simple questions in the world to answer. Booth felt a small thread of hope blossom in him at Cam's words as he looked away from her and glanced at his glass on the bar. Cam, seeing her friend as he seemed to be struggling with something, suddenly wondered if she had made the right choice in the call she'd placed before coming here. Flicking her eyes at the wall, she breathed a silent prayer that she hadn't done more harm than good in manipulating this point slightly. Hoping to bolster his confidence, Cam said, "My advice, for what it's worth: forget the bruised brain, and go with your lion heart."

Grabbing his glass, Booth lifted it to Cam's and was about to clink it in a toast as he smiled, "Right, right, yeah, and…uh, tell Bones how I feel."

"Yes," Cam said.

Booth smiled, suddenly feeling as if she had lifted a heavy burden off his shoulders. Thank you, Camille. Thank you so much…

But, then Cam pulled her glass award from his mid-toast and pointed at him as she added, "Except, be sure about your feelings because if you crack that shell, and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone ever again."

Staring at her, Booth nodded. "I know that, Camille."

"Then, you're sure?" Cam asked.

Slowly, Booth nodded his head. "About her? About how I feel about her?"

Cam nodded.

"Yeah," Booth replied. "I am."

"How sure?" Cam asked, her eyes darting over to the entryway of the Founding Fathers.

"As certain as I can be, Cam," Booth said, holding her gaze intently. "I love her. With everything I am, with every part of me. I love her."

"Ah," Cam said with a smile, as she downed the last of her drink, reached into her purse and pulled out a few bills, dropped them on the bar, and stood. "Good."

Looking at her strangely, Booth said, "Wait, what…where are you going Camille? I thought we were having a moment here—"

"Nope," Cam chuckled. "At least, you were having a moment. But, I'm a smart enough girl to know that I'm just a placeholder."

"Placeholder?" Booth asked, confusion washing over his face. "What does that mean—"

Cam raised her hand in greeting to someone on the opposite side of the bar as she smiled and gestured for someone to join them. Leaning in she gave Booth a quick peck on the cheek as she said, "So, don't hate me. But, my replacement's here. Last round was on me, and good luck—"

"Wait," Booth said as he suddenly saw a familiar person making her way through the crowd. "Camille," he hissed. "What did you do?"

Smiling, Cam said, "If you love her, tell her, Seeley. Now, right now. Don't waste another minute." She then quickly gave him a thumbs-up sign before quickly disappearing into the crowd, only stopping for a few seconds to say hello to Brennan, make her excuses, and then high tale it out the bar's front door.

"Camille—" Booth called out in protest, standing up a bit too quickly from his bar stool and felt the shot of Jack Daniel's combined with the bourbon he'd been sipping go to his head a bit.

"Booth?" Dr. Temperance Brennan's concerned voice came as he suddenly felt her warm hands supporting him. "Are you okay?"

Looking at her, Booth smiled lamely as he said, "Oh, hey, Bones—"

"I… Dr. Saroyan called and asked that I meet you both here. She said that she was just paged about something at the lab, but indicated that I should stay to speak with you because she'd already 'bought the next round'," Brennan told him, as she guided him back to the stool. Usually the first to protest if someone had coddled him as much as Brennan had appeared to be doing, instead, Booth let himself enjoy the feel of his soft hands on his taut shoulder muscles through the thick fabric of his suit jacket.

Once he was seated, and Brennan had slid onto the stool that Cam had just vacated, as promised, the bartender magically appeared with two shot glasses of amber liquid. Brennan reached for hers after she had pushed Booth's toward him. With a smile, she asked, "So, what's the occasion that necessitates such… what is it called… 'liquid courage'?"

Swallowing once, as Booth watched her with a reverent look in his eyes, Booth softened his tone, reached out and clinked his shot glass to hers. Quickly downing the shot, Booth gently set it on the bar top before he pressed his lips together once, and looking at Brennan, saw she was watching him with expectant eyes as she started to flush as the alcohol hit her system.

Grinning at her, Booth suddenly felt firm in his resolve as he opened his mouth and began to speak. "Uh, yeah, Bones, about that… there's something I sorta need to tell you—"

-TBC-