{ five: something like an afterglow }

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❝ IF I CRY, YOU'LL CRY—AND THAT WON'T BE FUN FOR ANYONE. ❞

Carlos's welling tears glistened under the blaze of the ephemeral sunset, coalescing liquorice-scarlet and honeysuckle-yellow against salty drizzle, and he screwed his blurry gaze shut to keep it from spilling over into coastal ruin. Santa Monica Bay fell heavy with twilight gloom and balmy summer wind breezing past frigid bodies, so Kendall shook the sand off the gingham picnic blanket and carefully wrapped it around their bare shoulders.

"It's okay to cry, babybear."

"No...it's nothing, really. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just...nevermind. It's so stupid."

"It's not stupid at all. And hey, we had a fantastic afternoon at the beach today, didn't we?" soothed Kendall, stroking warm fingers through Carlos's short-cropped hair. "I think those were some pretty tasty corndogs from that newly-opened Korean food stand. I mean, I didn't even know corndogs could have different flavours on them until now! I think my favourite were the gangnam ones, though. What about you?"

"Hmmm...maybe bacon and mozzarella?" Carlos pondered. "Stretchy cheese is always fun...and the squid ink ones were like, insanely weird-looking, but surprisingly delicious too."

"Oh, that's true." Kendall beamed a black-stained grin, making Carlos giggle breathily despite himself. "What?"

"Umm, I think you have something in your teeth."

"Oops...I can't believe I didn't wash it all down with that lychee-coconut bubble blast yoghurt drink!" Kendall sheepishly chuckled. "I mean, it was refreshing, but I think I got a liiittle too distracted with all the chewy tapioca pearls and giant fancy swirly straws and tiny pink umbrellas."

As the younger boy tried to wipe away the inky mess with his tanktop collar, the candy-stripe fabric hitched up to reveal a blossoming cluster of purple discolourations just beneath his ribcage—and those stains, Carlos knew all too well couldn't simply be scrubbed out.

"Ken-ken..." he swallowed hard, transient mirth dissipating to dusky grey, and crushed both palms to his eye sockets so hard the darkness screamed with starbursts and woozy fireworks.

"Don't worry about me, it's nothing. I'll be fine, I promise." Kendall assured, covering up his injuries with barely a passing wince. "On the bright side though, you were right—those umbrellas did look awesome on the sandcastle forts we made! Even if the hermit crabs weren't too pleased with being appointed moat guards. Those were some snappy lil' fellas..."

With this, he held Carlos's clenching hands and softly pinched each fingertip as he traipsed his own along. "And even that treasure hunt afterwards was really fun, 'cause those couple cool seashells and old pennies we found might just sell for a good museum mint or two. Well, if we could convince Griffin that it's actually worth bajillions...which shouldn't be too hard. And then we could finally buy our own private Malibu beach house and invite James and Logan and all our friends over and throw all the beach parties we ever want twenty-four seven, and then we'll be the Hollywood super party kings of Hollywood forever!"

"That sounds really lovely. But just don't suddenly grow a yucky caterpillar moustache on me, okay, mi osito?"

"Mmm, I'll think about it..." teased Kendall, pecking Carlos on the shell of his ear. "Just kidding, of course. I know my babybear doesn't like scratchy kissies."

"But yeah...I guess it would be kinda awesome to live by the sea, wouldn't it?"

"It really would, especially with this whole dry spell making LA's weather so unbearably hellish lately. And the water always feels really nice out here in Cali, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Carlos sighed wistfully, "and it's super cold and clear today, too."

"No offence to the Palm Woods pool, but being out in the ocean is just something else entirely." the lines on Carlos's forehead eased as he breathed deeply and allowed his reminiscing thoughts to drift along to the tidal melody of Kendall's voice, ever so gentle yet steady, "like being submerged in a completely different world, leaving behind the choking smog and blinding lights and noisiness of crazy Hollywood as we drift underwater with crystal blues and peaceful waves instead. Everything's just so exquisitely beautiful and it takes away the pain, even just for a breathtaking moment. Just you and me, floating hand in hand, with all those colourful reefs and fishes and the teeny silver minnows tickling our skin as they quickly swim past us..."

Kendall playfully poked Carlos's tummy, making his mouth quirk upwards just a bit; but it still wasn't enough to hold back the rivulets of tears beginning to trickle down the older boy's cheeks. From the way they were sitting together, Kendall couldn't quite see Carlos's shadow-smeared face, but somehow he already knew. And he understood. All too well.

"I can't, I...I'm really sorry, Ken...you got in trouble, and—and got hurt because of me. I didn't mean to..."

"It isn't your fault!" insisted Kendall. "None of it is, Los. If anything, I'm the one who should be sorry, 'cause I had to go and let those jerks spoil our fun. Seriously, a bunch of lame CrossFit meatheads who think they could just swagger in and own the whole joint, I should've done more than just send their front teeth rattling up their empty skulls for saying all those horrible things about you." he darkened. "Heck—I would've drowned those fishbrained maniacs like they deserve if that useless freaking lifeguard didn't kick us out of the smoothie shack! I'll kick him halfway across the Atlantic too, see how he likes it."

"They...they called me stupid." Carlos wavered, desperately-fighting whispers almost lost to the splashing of the lulled ocean waves. "And a pansy. And a giant baby. Is that what I am?"

"No, of course not—they're the stupid giant pansy babies for picking fights and acting like they're better than everyone else, when all they're better at is at being total garbage human beings! They're no one. So forget about them."

"Okay...I will. Ken-ken?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you so much."

"And I love you, Carlos. I love you with everything that I've got and more, because you're you, and you're sweet, and amazing, and so full of love, and just so incredibly wonderful...and you deserve to be happy more than anyone else in the world. And there's not a single day of my life where I don't think about just how much I'm so impossibly blessed to get to love you forever. Don't you ever forget that."

Kendall drew his arms and knees closer to his boyfriend and nestled him in an ensconcing embrace, washing away every fickle worry and holding him warm with the silent promise to keep each other safe from the world. Carlos closed his eyes and felt water droplets tenderly dripping on the crown of his head, though the tides were low and it hadn't rained in Los Angeles for a thousand years.

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a/n: I KNOW THIS DRABBLE GOT TOO LONG AND IS A MAJOR TONAL WHIPLASH BUT I'M BE HONEST,, THIS IS PROB MY MOST FAVOURITE OUT OF ALL OF THEM (right next to the future james/jett one bc they're my rarepair otp brainworm and no one else will love them .-.) NJFNJDKF WHY AM I SO EXCRUCIATINGLY SOMFT FOR KENLOS? NOT MANY PPL LIKE IT BUT I REALLY LOVE THEM OKAY THEY'RE JUST TOO CUTE TOGETHER AND MAKE FOR LIKE THE BEST HURT/COMFORT WAX LYRICAL PROSE AND IT MAKES MY IDIOT HEART DO A BIG CRYYY .·´¯`(*Д*)´¯`·.

anyway brb losing my shiz some more to their pet names for each other here being 'babybear' and 'teddybear' (but ~en español~)...and if anyone's actually reading this—which, probably not—thanks for sticking around! 💕 and i apologise for the mess i have become in the notes,,,