What I Wish I Could've Said

Rated: T

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Obviously. Just playing in someone else's sandbox for a bit.

Summary: Hindsight is always 20/20. Everyone has a single moment that they wish they could have said something better than what they actually did. A completely random series of what-if vignettes.

A/N: So, since it's been a while since I've given a status update-here goes. First, updates will be coming in the next few days to a couple of my normal rotation stories, most likely "Revisiting a Big Mistake" and "More from Brennan's Journal." In case you haven't seen it yet, click on the exquisite dharammonkey's profile to check out our collaboration, and read "Cognitive Dissonance, Part I" if you're into the raw, angsty, hot/sex-type edgy M-fics. Part 2 will be posted in the next couple of days under my account. And, no, just as an FYI, she and I are not the same person—although our mental processes are becoming disturbingly intertwined—and I have both coined and trademarked the term 'smutmonkey'. Last, but certainly not least, as for this fic, I still have a few ideas in the pipe line, but it's always good to get a few more since I can burn through them so quickly—as this week has shown. That concludes your author's rambling note. Happy Friday!~

Ch 20: That Time Booth Got Hit On

To say that it had been a difficult week, was to make a significant understatement. In many ways, Brennan hated being back here. High school, in so many different ways, had been such a traumatic and horrible experience—one of the most miserable and lonely in her entire life. My freshman year started off so promising, Brennan thought to herself. It was great for one semester, and then, Mom and Dad—well, it wasn't so great after that.

After her parents' disappearance, and Russ' abandonment of her, while she had been relegated to the doldrums of the Illinois state foster system, she had turned even further inward and dealt with the pain and isolation by turning to logic and rational thought and the wonderful detached refuge offered to her by the world of science. When I was thinking about science, Brennan reflected, it didn't hurt as badly as it did at other times.

But, now, as if there was some grand cosmic deity that wanted to mock her—and Brennan still firmly refused to concede that point—after what was probably the second most difficult period in her life, she found herself back in Illinois at her high school, for a reunion. But, this time, I'm not alone, Brennan thought, a small knot of tension easing in her chest. I'm not alone because he's here with me. I don't know how he can do it—especially after everything that's happened between us in the past week. But, he's here with me. I'm not alone. He didn't leave me alone to face this case by myself even though it's got to be tearing him up inside having to be reminded of what happened last week. How can he stand this? God, I just don't know how he can do it, but I'm so grateful, so glad he did. You didn't leave me, Booth. You didn't leave me. But, I hate being back here. I really do. Even though I only came here to find specimens to dissect in my scientific studies, everyone else always came here to participate in sexual activities. It's ironic, actually, now that I think about it. I'm finally bringing a man here, you're someone that I've never felt a stronger sexual attraction for in my entire life, and now, instead of bringing you here for pleasurable pastimes, Booth, I'm here with you because of science. Yes, *that's* ironic.

As they continued walking towards the barn and the local law enforcement officials, Booth noticed Brennan appeared to be distracted. He noticed the tight angle of her jaw and was even more glad he had forced himself to come here with her. What's going on in the brain of yours, Bones? You're know you're not alone, this time, right? I'm here, right beside you. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. However, such emotional thoughts were pushed away when Brennan suddenly started about touching male genitalia. Whoa, Bones. What the hell? Did you just go there? Really?

When they finally stopped, a woman about the same age as Brennan came forward and nodded at Booth. "I'm Sheriff Rebecca Conway." Her eyes darted up and down Booth's body, taking in his black leather jacket, grey thermal tee, and firm fitting but well worn jeans. "You the Federal backup?"

Booth flipped open his badge with a nod. "FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth."

Conway glanced at the SUV, and she nodded. "Nice wheels."

Her eyes than darted back to Booth's face, and she gave him an appreciative stare. "Nice face—"

Brennan remembered that voice. Even though it had been more than a decade since she last heard it, she knew what was going on in Becky's voice, because she'd heard her admire enough boys over their morning chemistry lesson to know what was coming next.

"—and bod." Brennan's lips curled as her brow furrowed in annoyance as she felt a flash of… something shoot through her at Becky's words. "Very nice," she finished with a leer.

Booth, for his part, seemed to be appropriately uncomfortable as Brennan glanced over at him. Giving her a sheepish look as if to say—what do you want me to do about it—he hesitantly responded, "Thank you."

As Conway continued to ogle Booth with intense appreciation, the strange emotional flare that Brennan felt suddenly reappeared, this time stronger, more intense than what she'd felt previously. I don't like her looking at Booth that way, Brennan thought, I don't like it at all. As a matter a fact, I feel a strange inclination to tell her to keep her damn leering gaze to herself. What… why am I feeling this way? Unless—oh, God, it can't be. Am I… jealous? Of Becky? Because… she's hitting on... Booth?

The realization shook her. Exhaling slowly, Brennan felt an immediate need to reassert herself. Edging towards Conway, and placing herself between her partner and the sheriff, Brennan said, "We know each other. Becky, right? I'm Temperance."

With a knowing look, Conway said, "I know who you are, Temperance. Everyone knows who you are these days. Local girl hits it big and makes good," Conway said as she nodded at Booth. "As soon as we heard you were coming, word started to get around." She stopped and then nodded, "So, uh, the body's this way—"

"Just one moment, please," Brennan said, interrupting the sheriff. "Before you show us where the remains are, I'm going to need to retrieve some additional supplies from the SUV."

As soon as Brennan spoke, Booth knew something was off. Glancing over at his partner, a strange look came onto his face as he thought, Since when do you need more than a pair of gloves to do a preliminary examination, Bones?

"Booth, can you assist me in retrieving the gear, please?" Brennan asked, quite brusquely, before she turned around and quickly disappeared in the direction from which they had come, leaving Booth no choice but to follow, after making a quick apology to Conway.

A minute later, Brennan was back at the SUV, the rear door popped open. Booth approached cautiously, noting his partner's strange behavior—behavior that was even more weird when he saw her standing with her legs partly astride as she had each palm firmly planted on each side of the SUV's surface, almost as if she was bolstering herself for support. Her eyes were closed, and Brennan appeared to be muttering something when he approached.

"Bones?" Booth asked, concern clear in his voice as he got closer. "You okay?"

"Fine, Booth," Brennan muttered. "Just fine."

"You sure?" he asked, coming up behind her. "Because, I've been working cases with you for more than five years now, and this is the first time I've ever seen you tell someone that you needed more than a pair of nitrile gloves and your eyes before you could get to squinting at a set of remains."

"I… you're right," Brennan said, still not turning around. "I fabricated that subterfuge in order to obtain a few moments in private, away from everyone who was watching us."

Booth, thinking that being back in her hometown was harder for Brennan than either one of them had thought it would be, placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and squeezed it affectionately. "Don't worry, Bones. You're not the same person you were the last time you were here, you know that, right? It'll be okay. I promise."

"No," Brennan ground out. "No, it won't. Not until—not until I correct an error I made because I was an idiot. A huge, complete, idiot, Booth."

"What?" Booth laughed. "You forget to pack your gloves, or something, Bones? Because if you did, I'm sure they have a spare set we can get for you—"

Suddenly, Brennan spun on Booth, and he saw for the first time how she had flushed red and her chest was going up and down as she took short, rapid breaths. Her blue eyes seemed very blue as her pupils dilated and focused on him. Reaching out, she grabbed the edge of his leather jacket and pulled her towards him.

"No," Brennan muttered, her lips coming close to Booth's ears. "I didn't forget my gloves, Booth." She looked at him then, seeing confusion and bewilderment in his eyes. "I was an idiot," she repeated. "I was an idiot, and I don't think I realized how very stupid I was until just now when Becky started ogling you to register her sexual interest."

"What are you saying, Bones?" Booth finally breathed.

"I'm saying that when Becky hit on you that I found that I was having an intense emotional reaction. I'm... I'm jealous, Booth—extremely, irrationally, uncontrollably jealous, and I insist that once we finish this preliminary investigation of the crime scene that you give me another opportunity to amend our discussion from last week," Brennan said, each word falling free from her lips as if she were confessing some great truth to him. And, maybe I am, Brennan thought.

Booth, uncertain what to make of Brennan's sudden about turn, could only lick his lips once before he nodded. "Okay, Bones—" He stopped, just because he couldn't get his hopes up. Not again, Booth thought to himself. Not after last week's disaster. "But, just so we're on the same page, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Brennan, her eyes closed, leaned into his warmth. She pressed her body up against and rotated her hips as a small moan escaped from Booth's mouth. Her eyes snapped open, and she smiled as she did it again just to make certain there would be no mistaking her intentions. "Does that answer your question, Booth?"

Wrapping his arms around her, Booth gave her a quick squeeze before letting her go. "Definitely, Bones."

Feeling an incredibly lighthearted feeling come over her, Brennan smiled as she said, "Good."

Reaching into the SUV, Booth absentmindedly grabbed Brennan's larger field kit, although both of them knew it was highly unlikely she'd need it on the preliminary investigation. Slinging it over his shoulders, he shut the door and then started back towards the barn. Brennan fell into step behind him and said, "You know, Booth. Once we finish here, there's a spot not too far away that was even more notorious as a discrete rendezvous point where people—"

"Went when they wanted some action, Bones?" Booth grinned at her.

She slowly nodded.

"Uh, yeah," Booth said, meeting her gaze and giving her a slight nod. "Maybe that would make a good detour on the way back to the hotel, huh?"

Brennan's only answer was a bright smile of her own as she returned Booth's grin.

-TBC-