What I Wish I Could've Said

Rated: T

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Obviously. Just playing in someone else's sandbox for a bit.

Summary: Hindsight is always 20/20. Everyone has a single moment that they wish they could have said something better than what they actually did. A completely random series of what-if vignettes.

Ch 26: That Time Brennan Said No

Brennan found herself standing in the hospital room of a woman over whom she had extremely conflicted feelings.

I'm not even certain why I'm really here, Brennan thought to herself. I mean, I am —I do know why I'm really here. I'm here because Booth asked me to stop by to check on Hannah because he was going to be late picking up Parker from his soccer game and didn't want her to be alone —so he asked me to come and 'keep her company' until he got here. Damn it, Booth. I have three PhDs, and because of you, I've been reduced to a glorified babysitter for your girlfriend.

Doing her best to keep up a casual conversation with Hannah wasn't proving to be too challenging as Brennan let her mind wander. She tried to, as unobtrusively as was possible, sneak a glance at the clock to find out how much longer she would be confined to the unenviable task with which her partner had saddled her.

God, Brennan mentally groaned. It's going to be at least another half-hour before he gets here, and I can leave and get back to the lab —

"Listen, I get it," Hannah was saying after Brennan had made a polite inquiry about Hannah's current state of being, and she'd asked a question to which the forensic anthropologist had only half been listening. "You saved my life. And, I'm very grateful," Hannah said with an indulgent nod in Brennan's direction. "But, traditionally, when you visit someone in the hospital, you bear gifts."

Her head snapped to focus fully on Hannah as the blonde waited in expectation. What? Do you want me to run to the gift shop and purchase something for you? While I find it highly unlikely that you're in need of anything that's a basic necessity since Booth is always coming to visit you with multiple gift bags, it you want something, all you need to do is ask me. You're usually a direct person, so why all this prevarication? If you want something, ask for it. It's both a waste of your time and mine to do otherwise, and it's hardly desirable to be so nefarious about things, Hannah—Brennan thought as a slight frown played on the edge of her mouth.

When Booth's girlfriend still didn't clarify her prior statement as to what she really wanted, Brennan was at a slight loss. Hoping to prompt some directness from the usually quite forthright journalist, Brennan nodded as she fell back on her well-worn survival tactic of using anthropological minutiae to get her through uncomfortably long silences. "Well," she started to explain, "that custom began as a replacement for religious sacrifice."

Hannah nodded again, suddenly deciding to take the direct approach that Brennan had mentally been pleading for her to take in their discussion. "As a way to get the gods to take mercy on the sick person."

Ahh, yes, Brennan thought to herself. Now, you're an expert on topics of a cultural anthropological meaning? Somehow I doubt that you've got the more seminal works on religious symbolism and ritual, but perhaps you're more widely read in Geertz and Bourdieu than I'd previously been led to believe. Unlikely, but I suppose it's possible —

Shaking her head a bit, Brennan finally said, "Yes. But, I don't believe in that."

Tilting her head at the forensic anthropologist, the journalist replied, "But, you do believe in cultural traditions."

I suppose that next you're going to be throwing quotes from Malinowski and Boas at me? Brennan wondered.

Shaking her head slightly, Brennan conceded the point —at least, from an academic standpoint as she replied, "Of course, but —"

"So?" Hannah said expectantly. "Since I'm not above a little supplication every once in a while, maybe…you should give me your sunglasses."

Hannah nodded at the well-worn glasses that sat on the top of Brennan's head. Brennan's eyes narrowed as she unconsciously moved a hand to her head to reassure that her glasses were still where she'd left them. Tilting her head in Hannah's direction, Brennan blinked at her several times to see if the woman was joking or not. When Booth's girlfriend continued to wait in expectation for Brennan's response, his partner suddenly got a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as she realized that Hannah wasn't joking.

She's serious, Brennan thought. She's actually serious? She wants me to give her my sunglasses? What the hell?

"Uhhhh," Brennan stalled for time. "Seriously?" she asked, even though she knew what the answer would be.

"Yes," Hannah said, smiling as she extended a greedy hand towards Brennan. "You can give me your sunglasses as your gift to me."

You've got to be kidding me, Brennan thought. Really?

Taking a step backward, Brennan shook her head and said, "No."

"What?" Hannah said as she suddenly frowned. "But, Temperance, I just explained why you should give them to me —"

"No," Brennan said with a sharp shake of her head. "First, I have no interest in supplicating you, as that would indicate my acceptance of your assertion that you're in a more dominant position than I am in our culture—and you're not. And, while your very basic reading structuralist theory from Claude Levi-Strauss' work on gift exchanges, reciprocity, and symbolic exchange—as influenced by French sociologist Marcel Mauss—is basically correct, it's still a very, very simplistic understanding that doesn't impress me. Second, you explained why you felt justified in asking me for a present. However, instead of taking the honorable stance and merely asking me for something specific because you desired it, you've taken the manipulative stance of trying to persuade me to give you one of my belongings." Brennan narrowed her eyes and said, "And, while your infantile attempt to use your very basic grasp of anthropological theory to legitimate your manipulation was amusing, I should warn you that it won't be successful."

Hannah stared open-mouthed at Brennan as she said, "Temperance, I —"

"No," Brennan said with another shake of her head. She then crossed her arms in a clearly defensive posture. "No, I refuse to be manipulated, Hannah. If you wanted something, and simply had come straight out and asked me for it —instead of trying to gain power and influence over me by demanding me to voluntarily give you one of my belongings —well, it would've achieved two of your goals: a.) I probably would've had enough respect for you to comply with your request and go to the gift shop to procure your desired item for you and b.) I wouldn't have felt a severe reduction in my personal opinion of you."

"I'm not trying to manipulate you, Temperance," Hannah said. "I don't know where you got that impression, but —"

"I think that you've been trying to take advantage of me since you came back to D.C.," Brennan suddenly said, a bit of the bitter truth that she'd been struggling with since her return from Maluku bursting through to the surface —despite her best attempts to keep it buried for Booth's sake.

However, as Hannah narrowed her eyes, Brennan knew that the die had been cast, in the words of Julius Caesar.

"Do you have something that you want to say to me, Temperance?" Hannah asked.

"Yes," Brennan nodded. "I do."

"Then, by all means —while it's just us two girls, speak your mind," Hannah told her.

"I've worked hard to maintain an amiable relationship with you because of Booth," Brennan began. "He's important to me, and since you're important to him, I've worked hard to support your relationship. But, I find that in the face of such glaringly manipulative behavior —and, by the way, I have to admit that even I'm surprised at what was a fairly shallow and materialistic manipulation in your attempt to procure my sunglasses —I can no longer pretend that I support such an acquaintanceship.

"What are you saying, Temperance?" Hannah asked. "Are you saying that you're tired of trying to be friendly to me just because I'm Seeley's girlfriend."

"I find," Brennan began, "that the bonds of friendship can only go so far. I care a great deal for Booth, but I refuse to put myself in a position where I have to be subjected to such treatment. It's one thing to be amiable to you for his sake, but I can't stomach such treatment from my replacement."

"Your replacement?" Hannah said, sitting up a bit straighter in bed. "What do you mean?"

"I'm uncertain how much Booth's told you about our relationship," Brennan said tentatively.

"He said that you were partners," Hannah said. "Partners…and good friends."

God, Booth —Brennan mentally sighed. This is all your fault, you know that? None of this would've happened if you hadn't asked me to come here tonight. But, fine —since the topic's been broached, fine.

"He never told you that he fell in love with me?" Brennan asked.

Hannah paled a bit at Brennan's words, and as shallow and as petty as it sounded, for the first time since she'd entered the hospital room, Brennan felt a bit better about things.

"No," Hannah said after a few pregnant seconds. "No —he never said anything about that."

"Before he left for his deployment last year," Brennan said, "he told me that he loved me and wanted to establish a long-term monogamous romantic relationship with me."

Hannah's eyes snapped to meet Brennan's as she asked, "If that's true, then why is he with me now?"

"Because," Brennan said. "At the time, I wasn't ready to say yes to him —and he said he had to move on, and…because I love him, I let him go."

The words were out of Brennan's lips before she even realized what she said.

I love him, Brennan mentally repeated to herself. I love him —I love Booth.

Hannah continued to stare at Brennan, a look of clear disbelief on her face.

"You love Seeley?" she finally managed to ask.

Nodding, a bit dumbfounded at the realization, Brennan replied, "I do —I…I love Booth." She blinked several times, still trying to figure out what to make of the realization. After a few seconds, she suddenly knew that she didn't want to come to grasp with such an important realization in front of Booth's girlfriend —and her replacement.

"I have to go —" Brennan said as she suddenly turned sharply on her heels.

"Temperance," Hannah called out. "Please —wait."

"No," Brennan said as she shook her head. "No…I'm done waiting —waiting was what got me into this mess in the first place. I…because I was distracted, because I wasn't ready to deal with the ramifications of my feelings for Booth, I've made a terrible mistake —one that you've benefited from, by the way —but, I'll be damned if I have to confront the significance of those acts in front of my replacement. I…I won't do that. And, more importantly, I don't have to —so, goodbye, Hannah."

And, with a sharp grasp of her arm, Brennan opened the door to Hannah's hospital room, walked out, and left a stunned journalist merely gapping in her wake.

-TBC-