What I Wish I Could've Said

Rated: T

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Obviously. Just playing in someone else's sandbox for a bit.

Summary: Hindsight is always 20/20. Everyone has a single moment that they wish they could have said something better than what they actually did. A completely random series of what-if vignettes.

Ch 27: That Time Brennan Pursued Booth

She had to keep her hands busy. It was the only thing that was keeping her from crossing the span of her office in about three very long strides, knocking Booth off the edge of her couch where he sat propped up staring at her, and seeing what would finally happen.

"So, you never said how it ended up with Rebecca," she said, trying to maintain as calm and as measured a voice as she could without letting any of her inner turmoil boil over.

Her conversation with Booth's on-again/off-again ex from earlier in the day was still spinning in her mind. For the past year, they've been messing around—for the past year. And, more over, I can't believe that Rebecca was just so damn…casual about it! How could anyone be that dismissive…that calm about any discussion involving Booth and sex…and having sex with Booth? It just doesn't make any sense. How could she—how could she do that...treat it as if it were no big deal? How could she just be like that? I don't get it…I mean, she all but told me that they've been meeting for random sexual hookups throughout the past year. It's no wonder he's been wound as tightly as he has been since he broke up with Tessa last year if his only sexual outlet is an inconsistent partner like Rebecca.

Standing at her desk, she purposely looked away from Booth as she shuffled some pages within a grey Jeffersonian file folder and tried not to appear too interested in Booth's personal life.

"Well, yeah," Booth eventually replied. "It ended. The only time we'll ever spend together is with Parker."

Daring to look up at him, Brennan snuck a glance at her partner. She's gone? Really? Just like that? Really?

Needing a bit more specific clarification, Brennan asked, "You sure that's what you want?" As she waited for his answer, she again busied herself by gathering stacks of paper and other file folders in her hands and haphazardly trying to make it appear as if she were doing something productive with them.

Booth's answer came almost too easily, as if it were a well-rehearsed litany that he'd finally decided on—and perhaps repeated to himself as a type of rationalization—when he began to answer the question she'd ask of him.

"You know what, Bones? It might be all anthropology to you, but there are certain people that you just can't sleep with," he said, shaking his head slightly.

He words catching her attention, Brennan stopped fidgeting with her stack of papers and file folders, clutched them to her chest, and walked over to stand before Booth, almost as if she didn't even know what was happening as her body moved without any commands from her brain.

"I mean, you can pretend that it's just sex. You can lie to yourself, and you can say that it's all good—" he paused for only the briefest of seconds, making a slight face before continuing. "But, ummmm, there's just—there's too many strings and...and too much at stake, you know?" Brennan swallowed once as felt her throat get entirely too dry for her own comfort. When he finally lifted his chocolate brown eyes to meet hers in askance, Brennan felt her heart skip a beat as she was unable to look away from his gaze and clung to it was a renewed vigor that surprised her. "Too much to lose," he finally finished.

For the beat of a moment's silent, they held each other's stare and finally, Brennan nodded. What are you saying here, Booth? I mean…what are you really saying here? "Yeah," she finally said softly. "I can see that."

At her words, Booth made another face as he shrugged and stood up. Gesturing with his hands, he began to smile at her as he said, "It's over, you know?" Brennan's already rapid heart rate increased as he moved closer, and she thought that she could smell the faint scent of menthol and Ivory soap in the air as he somehow closed the distance between them. Placing his hands lightly on his hips, Booth said, "I'd appreciate, you know, your support in that."

Almost stuttering as she looked up at him, Brennan nodded, "I will." And, much, much more if that's what you're really telling me you want from me, Booth. Just give me a sign here—tell me what you really want from me. Allowing herself to let her gaze linger over the outline of his taut musculature that was visible through the thin grey cotton of his worn t-shirt, she quickly bounced her eyes back to his—eyes that almost seemed to be watching her with amusement clearly present at what he was seeing. Smiling at him, she added lamely, "And if you should slip, I will…keep my mouth shut about it."

"Thank you," Booth said with a playful grin. He then quickly added, "But, I mean, it's not like I'm gonna—"

You're not going to what, Booth? Go back to Rebecca if you start something else on the rebound with someone else? Is that what you're trying to say…because, you know what? If you are…I think I'm okay with that for a couple of reasons. First, because I don't believe in rebounds. And, second, even if I did—for you, I don't think I'd mind being the proverbial 'rebound girl', Brennan thought to herself as a spreading warmth beginning to unfurl throughout her body.

"No, I mean… with anybody," she finally managed to quickly utter. "I'm sure Rebecca's not your only option for satisfying your biological urges." There…I said it…it's out.

Booth tilted his head at her. "What do you mean there, Bones?" He took a step closer to her, and as he did so, clearly invading her space, Brennan took another deep breath and felt his scent assault her nostrils in an even stronger and more pleasing way.

"I mean—" she could barely stammer, unable to look away as she felt a rush begin to thunder in her ears.

"Yeah?" he asked, taking another step forward.

Oh, who am I kidding? she finally thought as she let the stack of file folders that she'd been holding fall to the ground in a sharp whoosh of papers. Screw it.

Unable to help herself, Brennan hungrily slammed her body up against his, her eager lips trying to seek out his as if her life depended on it—and maybe, in that moment, given the exuberance with which he meet her impatient lips…just maybe it actually did, for both of them. Twining her hands around his neck, she interlaced her fingers as she guided them back towards her coach. They fell onto it in a tangle of limbs, but somehow managed to keep their lips in contact with one another. At some point during the kiss, Brennan lost her status as the aggressor when Booth's tongue began to thrust deeply into her mouth, caressing her tongue with a precision that was slightly scary. Opening his mouth wider, he pressed into her further, and not until that very moment did he realize how desperate he was for the taste of her. Not to be outdone, she allowed her tongue to twirl against his in a fluid movement as their saliva intermingled, and Brennan realized that her memory of how wonderful he'd tasted hadn't been unfairly prejudiced by a haze of tequila that settled over that one pertinent memory.

After another minute—when a very persistent and unpleasant stabbing pain in her chest, combined with her increasing lightheadedness, reminded Brennan that she needed oxygen to breathe—she reluctantly pulled apart from Booth. Moving only as far away as was required to obtain the much needed air, she gasped against his cheek, warm puffs of breath falling across his stubbled chin as she struggled to make sense of what was happening.

Tilting his head at her, a playful smile on his face, Booth finally managed to ask, "What...was…that?"

Giving him a lopsided grin, she replied, "I'm…not…sure."

"Then," he gasped as he quickly gulped down some more air. "I think we should do it again to find out."

"Definitely," Brennan said as she leaned in again and immediately attached her lips to his mouth, catching him slightly off-guard with the haste of her movement.

Another couple of minutes passed, and this time when they parted, Brennan had more than the sting of Booth's kiss to remind her that he was just as excited by this turn of events as she was. She could feel the evidence of his arousal pressing against her thigh, and for some reason she couldn't quite understand, it made her feel even more out of control—And that feels good, Brennan thought to herself. It feels damn good.

Reluctantly, nodding at him, she said, "We need to get out of here."

"Why?" Booth said, a playful chuckle still evident in her voice.

"Because," Brennan gulped. "If we don't leave right now, I'm going to undo the buttons on your jeans so that we can have sex right here on my couch with the entire lab watching."

Blinking at her a few times, the meaning of her words finally registered in Booth's head as he said, "Let's take my car."

"Fine," she said as she quickly stood up and moved to grab her keys and purse. "But, we're not going back to your place. Let's go to mine, okay?"

"Why?" Booth said, frowning a bit.

"Because," Brennan said as she waggled a finger at him. "You probably haven't even changed the sheets since you bedded Rebecca, and you can chastise me all you want, but for what I plan on doing to you in fairly short order, I would feel very much better about it while in the process of defiling a fresh set of bed linens."

Booth gave her a toothy grin and then quickly followed her out of her office once she hastily shut off the light and almost ran to the back exit of the lab. By the time they'd made it into the Jeffersonian's parking substructure, Brennan couldn't stand it anymore. Booth was still a few seconds behind her, and she managed to catch him slightly unawares as she jumped out from behind a parking garage pylon and threw herself up against him so that he was pinned to the side of his SUV.

A new round kissing began, and by the time she finally pulled back, she was smiling at him as she asked, "Was Rebecca the reason why this hasn't happened in the past year?"

"What do you mean?" he finally managed to mutter, his brain clearly elsewhere.

"She told me that you'd slept with her off and on about four times over the past year," Brennan muttered. "And, since that's about the time that you broke things off with Tessa—I just wanted to know…was Rebecca the reason why this didn't happen between you and me before now?"

"No," Booth said instantly. He then stopped, a bit of reason coming into his mind's eye as he shook his head and amended, "Wait…I dunno—maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yeah," Booth nodded. "That…and, I didn't know you wanted anything to happen with us."

"So, you think you have enough evidence to the contrary on that last part there, or what, Agent Booth?" Brennan said as she playfully traced a finger across his square jaw line with a featherlight touch that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up in a good way.

"Get in the car," he suddenly growled as he pulled away and gave her one last quick kiss before heading to the other side. "We've got somewhere to be."

"And something to do?" Brennan chuckled as she opened the SUV's passenger door.

"Not something, Bones," Booth said as she grinned at her. "I've got someone to do…and several times if she plays her cards right."

"You know, Booth," Brennan said, as she gave him a very sly smile. "If I'd been having a sexual relationship with you over the past year, I don't see how I would've lasted the first day without breaking that little record of a paltry four times of having had intercourse with you."

"Well, Bones," Booth said as he hastily pulled his door shut, pulled on his seat belt, and started the engine with a loud roar as his partner followed his example. "You're in luck because we'll just have to see if you're as good as your word or not."

"Four times, huh?" she asked as he began to navigate their way out of the parking garage.

Nodding his head, Booth said, "Yup—so it seems."

"I definitely think I can top that then, Booth," Brennan said with a completely evil smile. "Definitely."

-TBC-