What I Wish I Could've Said

By: Lesera128

Rated: T

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Obviously. Just playing in someone else's sandbox for a bit.

Summary: Hindsight is always 20/20. Everyone has a single moment that they wish they could have said something better than what they actually did. A completely random series of what-if vignettes.

Ch 30: That Time Brennan Got Unwanted Advice

For someone who was admittedly never very good in reading people, Brennan could feel the waves of anxiety rolling off of Camille Saroyan. If her stilted words of inquiry as to why Brennan was arriving at the lab late hadn't alerted her to the fact that something was bothering the pathologist, her body language certainly more than conveyed her meaning. Brennan really only wanted to finish consulting on the preliminary findings that Clark had for her, and make up for lost time with the remains. However, Cam's frown stopped her from proceeding. As she looked at the titular head of her lab, Brennan was at a loss for how much she should discuss her personal life with Cam. At last, Cam's words made the decision for her when the woman offered to share her expertise not on just one Booth brother (i.e., the one she'd actually dated), but the other as well.

Seriously, since when did Cam become an expert on anyone or anything having to do with the entire Booth family? The next thing she's going to be telling me is that she's become some sort of genealogical authority on John Wilkes Booth and the entire family's lineage going back to their lives in England during the eighteenth century, Brennan complained to herself.

Being more than a bit testy, as Cam's extremely up close and personal relationship with Booth had always been a sore spot with her, Brennan snapped, "I didn't have sex with him, Cam."

Cam was taken a bit aback by both Brennan's tone and the fact that she had been referred to by her first name and not the normal 'Dr. Saroyan' appellation with which Brennan normally referred to her. She opened her mouth to speak, still not quite certain as to what she might say, when she was cut off by Angela's timely entrance.

Coming into the office with more than what some might call perfect time when it came to discussions of sex in the lab, Angela casually looked at her best friend and asked, "Didn't have sex with who?"

This time, it was Brennan who opened her mouth to speak, and this time it was Brennan who was cut off as Cam interrupted her response by answering for her. "Jared Booth."

The artist let her eyes casually glance from Brennan to Cam and back to Brennan again before she handed a file folder to Clark, and nodded at him. Clark let out a sigh of thanks as he took the manila file folder, glanced down at it, realized it was some of the information he'd been waiting on from Angela regarding her progress on the victim's facial reconstruction, and took it like the life preserver it was. Quickly disappearing, Angela couldn't help but smile as Clark almost scurried out of the office as if his life depended on it.

Looking over at her best friend, Angela then said, "Good."

Tilting her head at Angela's monosyllabic response, Brennan asked, "Why good?"

For a split second, she almost forgot that she and Angela weren't alone. Some of the irritability she felt because of Cam's presumptuousness gnawed at her a bit, and that cantankerous feeling increased as Cam responded instead of letting Angela speak.

"Because…" she offered with a strong breath of passionate response. However, the more Cam tried to speak, the more she seemed perplexed by how to convey her thoughts to Brennan without causing too much offense. Why do I feel like I've walked into a lion's den, that lion is a very literal and rational minded forensic anthropologist, and I've forgotten my Indian Jones bull whip? Cam silently lamented. "Because…." she tried again, and still, Cam was unable to finish the thought. Oh, God. I so do not want to be here having this conversation right now with her…but, I have to because of Seeley. He cares about her…and so for him, she's got to understand about Jared.

Seeing Cam struggle to come up with a response, Angela took pity on the forensic pathologist and nodded at Brennan as she completed Cam's point. "Because he's Booth's little brother, and it would just be a creepy way to have sex with a Booth without having sex with the real Booth."

A look of relief flooded Cam's face as she looked over at the artist and nodded at her in clear appreciation. "Kudos, Angela," she smiled. "I would not have had the guts to say that aloud."

Feeling torn between wanting to ask her friend for clarification, and annoyance at Cam's continued unwanted insertion into her private life, Brennan wasn't sure how to proceed and so merely looked up at Angela and said, "Jared is a real Booth."

Angela considered her words for a minute before she nodded. "Hmmm. Jared's Booth-lite." Brennan's brow furrowed as Angela wondered if the forensic anthropologist understood the point she was trying to get across to her or not. Deciding it was better to be safe than sorry, Angela added, "Booth is the real Booth."

As Angela brought up her partner, and she saw that Cam was watching her expectantly, Brennan felt a bit of panic flare in her as she suddenly felt that she was having a discussion that she really didn't want to be having at that very moment. I'm not doing this―not here, not with Cam. Okay, maybe it would be one thing if it were just Angela and I, but I am not having a conversation that might delve into romantic and/or sexual topics while one of Booth's ex-lovers is in the room…especially not when that lover is Cam. So… In an effort to take back control of a situation which she felt she was very quickly watching spiral out of control, Brennan waved her hand at her friend as she went on the offensive and said, "Wait. Stop."

"What?" Angela asked, her brow furrowing a bit in concern as she instantly recognized Brennan's defensive posturing when it appeared. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't really find it appropriate to be having this discussion here," Brennan said with a shake of her head.

"What discussion?" Angela said with an arch of her eyebrow.

"Any discussion that has anything to do with me and Booth having or potentially having sex," Brennan answered truthfully.

"But, we always talk about your dates," Angela said with a frown. "It's what we've always done. You've never minded talking about the guys you were sleeping with before."

"Two minor points of correction regarding that statement," Brennan said as she lifted her gaze to meet Angela. "First, I've never had any serious concerns about discussing certain aspects of the more physical elements of some of my interactions with men in the past because they were about men who in no way would be bothered and/or placed in an uncomfortable situation―either personally or professionally―if they knew you possessed that knowledge. However, considering the fact that you work with Booth, and he is an extremely private man, and doesn't feel comfortable having his personal life gossiped about, I'm not going to have this discussion here and now out of respect for him." Brennan couldn't help it as her eyes darted to Cam as she finished the last sentence. Some people may not be able to be discreet when they start sleeping with one of their co-workers, but until he says otherwise, I'm not doing that to Booth.

Somewhat uncharacteristically oblivious to the mildly dirty look that Brennan had shot Cam as she finished her statement, the artist concentrated on what was clearly an atypical display of behavior for her friend. "But, wait," Angela said, crossing her arms. "You just said that there's no big deal about you and Booth."

"Second," Brennan said, ignoring her best friend's point, as she tilted her head to look at Cam and continued speaking. "I apologize if this sounds abrupt, but I don't feel comfortable having this discussion with you present, Dr. Saroyan." She stopped and then said, "While I have great respect for you in your professional capacity as a forensic pathologist and member of this lab, I wouldn't say that either of us have developed the familiarity or camaraderie that I've shared with Angela for several years. That is, I believe, in part, due to the fact that of the three women in this room, only one of them has actually engaged in a sexual relationship with Booth. As such, I feel that it would be inappropriate to continue this conversation lest you accidentally air any of his proverbial dirty laundry in public."

Cam stared wide-eyed at Brennan's words. She then felt a flash of anger at Brennan's implications. "I would never betray one of Seeley's confidences. He's one my dearest friends, and I'm only here to make certain you don't do something to screw up and hurt him."

"And, I would never intentionally hurt Booth, either," Brennan snapped at her. "He's my partner…and my friend. I care about him a tremendous amount."

"But, not enough not to start sleeping with his little brother," Cam retorted.

"I already told you, I didn't sleep with Jared," Brennan told Cam with a clear sharpness evident in her voice. "I didn't sleep with him, even though he did kiss me, and I could've had sex with him if I wanted to, but I didn't because I was only with him since Booth asked me to go to the damn reception last night as a personal favor to him." As she continued to talk, Cam and Angela's eyes grew wider and wider with every string of words she uttered. But, Brennan still wasn't done talking as she continued to speak, the sentences rolling off of her tongue like a confession freely given now that she had finally started to tell the truth. "I don't want to sleep with Jared. I never did, I never will. He's attractive, but he's not as good looking as Booth. You said it yourself…he's not Booth, and he never will be. And, since I only want to sleep with Booth, and why would I be with his little brother if I only want to be with him?"

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Brennan suddenly realized what she'd said. Her mouth promptly closed as Cam and Angela stared at her in open-mouthed surprise. Taking in a quick glance at the two women's response, Brennan's gaze snapped to outside the lab when she heard a familiar voice booming.

"Bones? Where are ya?"

Of course, he would show up now…of course, he would, Brennan muttered as she struggled with trying to understand what she'd just said aloud. Her heart sank a bit as she saw Booth jauntily making his way towards her office. Knowing she needed to intercept him, Brennan pushed her panic away and calmly focused on achieving one goal―getting to her partner and getting him alone before either Cam or Angela could do so and tell him what she'd just said. Great, just great, Brennan mentally complained. You've got perfect timing as always, Booth―just perfect, damn it!

Flushing in embarrassment, Brennan shook her head as she headed to the office door and muttered, "Now, if you'll both excuse me, I need to go find my partner and tell him that I've made a crucial breakthrough and come to the conclusion that we need to have sex. Goodbye."

And, with that, she was gone leaving two women staring after her in complete shock.

Although perhaps not as much shock as Booth's in for, Angela thought wryly as she watched Brennan make a beeline for her partner, practically drag him towards the lab exit, and quickly disappear. No, definitely not.

-TBC-

Author's Note - This rewrite gave me a bit more trouble than some of the others. It's been languishing uncompleted for almost a month, so I plowed through and finished it as best I could. I've always thought Brennan was a bit more jealous/sensitive about Cam and Booth than the series portrayed, and I love playing with that idea, so that's what I was aiming for in the tone of this piece…hopefully it came through. I'm not sure how the rest of it turned out, but at least it's finished now, for better or worse, and #30 is in the bag. I'd love to hear what you all think, so do a gal a favor and click that bright, shiny blue button below and drop me a line. Thanks in advance!~