What I Wish I Could've Said

By: Lesera128

Rated: T

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Obviously. Just playing in someone else's sandbox for a bit.

Summary: Hindsight is always 20/20. Everyone has a single moment that they wish they could have said something better than what they actually did. A completely random series of what-if vignettes.

Ch 33: That Time They Ate Late-night Chinese

He couldn't explain why exactly, but somehow Booth knew that he needed to do it. That's why he'd gone to China Wok―one of the few twenty-four hour Chinese places in Georgetown and gotten orders of Vegetable Fried Rice and Vegetable Lo Mein for her, Szechuan Chicken and Mongolian Chicken, extra spicy both, for him, and two orders of egg rolls and spring rolls that they could each split. Although it was well past midnight, he knew she'd be up―just like he knew that she would have eaten, even though he knew she would've tried to do both before giving up and pulling out her laptop with the excuse of working on her manuscript…only to stare at blank pages. That's why he was pressing her doorbell at 12:34 in the middle of the night carrying a steaming box full of Chinese food that all happened to include a free order of pan-fried dumplings since he'd spent over $25 (and those were all for him!).

All of Booth's suspicions were confirmed when it only took a moment for Brennan to open the door, and he saw her dressed for bed in her chemise nightgown that was covered by her black chiffon robe. However, he knew she hadn't been sleeping as her hair and makeup were still just as they'd been when they'd parted company at the Founding Fathers when he'd insisted they stop for a drink several hours earlier. Her eyes were also alert, and he could tell she'd been wide awake.

Brennan cracked the door for a moment, taking in the sight of her partner and the wonderful smells that emanated from the small cardboard box he was carrying. Suddenly realizing how ravenous she actually was, a small smile played across her face as she opened the door just a tad wider before she spoke.

"If you keep bringing Chinese food in the middle of the night, we're both gonna get fat," Brennan joked.

Shaking his head, Booth replied, "I know what you've been thinking."

At that moment in time, Brennan was actually thinking about how grateful she was that Booth was there. I don't know how he does it, Brennan thought. But, he always seems to know exactly what I need and when and how I need it. He's quite remarkable in that way…and several others, if I'm going to be completely honest.

"I doubt it," she finally told him with a small shake of her head.

"You've been thinking," Booth began, seemingly oblivious to the small amount of tenderness that had suddenly appeared in Brennan's eyes. "―that your family is made up of liars and criminals." As he spoke, she arched an eyebrow at his words, somewhat surprised to realize for the first time in some while that she actually hadn't been thinking about her parents or Russ. Still, Booth continued speaking, and since he seemed to have rehearsed his little spiel―and, in truth…well, he had, while we waited for the takeout order to be ready for pick up―Brennan felt it only right that she should continue to listen without interrupting him. "And, that makes you feel lonely. There's a story here we don't know yet."

Although she'd only heard half of what he'd said because she was somewhat distracted by both the growing rumble in her stomach, and the blossoming warmth she felt at being touched by Booth's thoughtfulness, Brennan nodded at him and gave a token response when he looked at her in expectation. "Like what?" she asked.

And, then, suddenly, the seriousness of Booth's practiced spiel was gone and replaced by his normal off-the-cuff demeanor as he gave her a slightly playful, but indulgent smile as he shook his head and responded. "Bones, 'don't know' means it's a mystery," he told her.

Nodding, she swallowed a chuckle, but did allow a small smile to fall across her face.

After a few seconds where tired brown eyes met tired blue eyes, Booth gave her the full out toothy grin as he raised the box he was carrying in the air slightly. "So, what gives, Bones? I've got a hot and steaming box of Chinese takeout yum yum goodness here. Are you gonna actually leave me standing in the hall all night, or what? Can I come in?"

The small smile that had been on her face grew larger as she opened the door wider. "Of course you can come in―when you come bearing gifts like that, who am I to turn you away, right?"

"Right," Booth nodded confidently as he walked through the door, into the apartment, and headed in a very familiar path towards the kitchen with Brennan hot on his proverbial coattails.

"You know," she said as she flipped on the lights, and Booth set the box on the counter top. As he began to distractedly pull out random boxes and open them to see what was what, she went to another cabinet and pull out dishes. When Booth saw what she was doing, he quirked an eyebrow at her. "What?" she asked.

"Dishes, Bones?" he asked. "Really?"

"Hey," she pointed at him. "You were the one that headed to the kitchen instead of the couch. I thought that meant that you wanted plates instead of just eating from the containers again like a bunch of uncivilized heathens like we normally do."

Frowning a bit, Booth turned and took a step closer to her, but didn't close the distance between them as he maintained a look of mock hurt on his face. "But, I thought you liked it when we were uncivilized heathens?"

"As long as said uncivilized behavior doesn't end up dumping Szechuan sauce on my couch arm again like it did last time, then yes, I'm fine with it," Brennan said as she crossed her arms.

At the mention of the spill he'd made a few days before when he had accidentally juggled a carton, Booth had the good graces to blanche a bit in embarrassment. "Hey, I told you I'd clean it up, and I didn't, didn't I?"

"Chili oil is used in making that sauce," Brennan countered. "Oil of any type is very difficult to get out of that type of fabric using just soap and water."

"Hey, it looked pretty good to me when I was done with it," her partner protested. He stopped and then took another step towards her. "Didn't it?"

Trying to maintain the look of mock severity on her face, Brennan knew she was failing when she felt a familiar tug at the corner of her mouth. Uncrossing her arms, she finally shrugged and said, "Maybe."

Turning around, she didn't see Booth smile as she reached for plates…and then suddenly she realized that it was the middle of the night, and she was about to eat Chinese take out with her partner…all because of her screwed up family.

I can't do this, a small voice whispered in her head. I can't…because if I do, the next time things get bad with Dad and Russ, I'll expect Booth to be there to make me feel better―I'll rely on him, and I can't do that…I can't do that to him, and I can't do that to me, and I can't do that to us, no matter how much I really, really, what to do it. I...I-I just can't.

Booth, noticing her sudden quiet and stillness, suddenly was there―even if she didn't want him to be. Coming up behind her, he lightly pulled her against him and gave her a calm and reassuring hug even as she started to shake―all the while, never having said a word.

"It's okay, Bones," he whispered in her ear. "All of it…it'll be okay. I promise."

And, in that moment, as she let herself indulge in the luxury of his warmth and comforting embrace―just for a moment, Brennan forgot why it was that she normally didn't let him do this type of thing. Instead, she drew what succor she could from his strength…and was grateful as he continued to hold her in his arms.

-TBC-