What I Wish I Could've Said

By: Lesera128

Rated: T

Disclaimer: ::stares:: ::blinks:: ::stares again:: Yeah. I still don't own anything…but, you knew that from the stares, right?

Summary: Hindsight is always 20/20. Everyone has a single moment that they wish they could have said something better than what they actually did. A completely random series of what-if vignettes.

Ch 36: That Time Brennan Called it BS

They were outside and in the woods, and Booth knew that if this was the type of crime scene that needed his full attention―not that all of them didn't, but some were more troublesome than others―but, this one most definitely did. Brennan walked next to him as they navigated their way along a nature trail, following one of the park rangers down a path that was close to being overgrown with pine tree and brush scrub, but not quite. He winced as he walked, wondering for the tenth time if maybe he should've changed from the light grey suit he was wearing into something less formal as they carefully walked in the direction of the cave in which they'd been told the remains had been found.

Trying his hardest to make certain he didn't step in any wet or muddy spots that would do too much damage to his leather wingtips as he tried to keep pace with the eager park ranger who was leading them, Booth immediately became distracted when Brennan chose that moment to start talking.

"So, have you talked to Hannah since you got back?" she asked in a tone of voice that was almost…casual, if it hadn't been coming from anyone else but Brennan in that moment.

Quirking an eyebrow at her, Booth resisted from shooting her a look of surprise. Instead, deciding that he needed to focus his concentration on where he was going, Booth casually responded, "Oh, yeah―a couple of times. She said she's waiting for her new assignment, probably in Southern Iraq."

Brennan didn't even wait the span of a minute before she suddenly tossed out one of those out-of-left-field statements that he'd thought he'd grown used to her delivering to him to keep him on his toes. But, in the time since they'd been away, he'd apparently become somewhat…desensitized to her random comments.

"I find it novel that you would leave her since you believe so emphatically in the mythic powers of love," she suddenly told him.

As they continued walking, the parker ranger that they were walking with, one Gary Nesbitt, looked over his shoulder and asked Booth, "Do you understand what she's saying?"

Sighing, Booth responded, "Just nod."

Not to be pacified so easily, Brennan continued, "What? But, I'm just saying that you wanted to fall in love and you did in Afghanistan―"

At the word 'Afghanistan', the ranger's ears perked up as he nodded at Booth. "You were in Afghanistan?"

Nodding again, Booth answered, "Yeah. I just got back."

A look of comprehension on Nesbitt's face dawned as he replied, "Ahhhh. I was stationed as a Staff Sergeant in Kandahar. I served with my brother in '04."

Booth looked at the park ranger and then added, "I am―well, I was a Ranger."

Nesbitt's face light into a smile as he said, "Well, you guys are awesome." He paused for a beat as the smile faded and was replaced with a serious look as he said, "My brother didn't make it back."

Another look of grim understanding furrowed Booth's brow as he said in a quiet voice, "Ohhh…sorry."

Nesbitt nodded and said, "It was worse for his wife and kid. I take care of them now." He paused when he saw how dour Booth's look had become. Brightening once again, he smiled apologetically as he said, "Sorry. I didn't mean to bring this down. You were, errrr, saying something about a woman you left behind?" He blinked in expectation at the FBI agent.

A bit uncomfortably, the severe look on Booth's face receded a bit as he said, "Oh, I didn't leave her behind." He paused for a few seconds before he added, "It was her decision to stay."

Suddenly, Brennan―who'd been feeling quite annoyed that she'd been excluded from the conversation which she herself had initiated, raised her voice as she said to Booth, "Well, maybe you didn't really love her."

As soon as the words were out of Brennan's mouth, and he'd comprehended what she'd actually said, Booth's eyes widened as he stopped walking, turned around, and Brennan almost walked smack dab into his muscular chest.

"What?" he blinked at her.

Narrowing her eyes at his exclamation―and pleased for some reason that she'd gotten his attention enough hat he'd decided to include her back in the conversation―Brennan repeated, "I said if you left Hannah, maybe you don't love her."

"I-I…" Booth's words suddenly trailed off as he flushed red when he realized Nesbitt had stopped walking and was hanging on their every word. "I care about Hannah and miss her a lot, Bones."

"Caring about someone and missing them doesn't necessarily equate to loving them," Brennan said, crossing her arms as she tilted her head at Booth. "Believe me, I know."

Narrowing his eyes, Booth couldn't help but shoot her another look at her strange words as he tried to keep the exchange between them light as he said, "What? Are you some guru on love now, Bones? Did you commune with the Dahli Lama or some other quack when you were over in Machuko and had some cosmic revelation about love that I missed while I was gone? Are you an expert or something now, and I just never got the memo?"

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Booth knew he'd said something wrong. He could tell as soon as Brennan's body language changed―her body stiffened, her eyes narrowed, her blue eyes hardened, and her nostrils began to flare. She pursed her lips into a narrow line for a minute before she nodded at Nesbitt and said, "We need a moment. Go ahead to the cave, please. We'll be there shortly."

Nesbitt, clearly intrigued by the exchange that was happening between the pair, looked to Booth after Brennan had asked him to leave them alone…and in so doing, only infuriated the forensic anthropologist all the more. For his part, Booth could feel the waves of hostility now radiating off of his partner and so gave Nesbitt a barely discernible nod. With a look of reluctance, Nesbitt sighed in disappointment, turned around, and continued down the trail.

When he'd disappeared out of earshot, and his exit had left the partners alone, Booth finally nodded at Brennan and asked, "What?"

"The answer to your question is 'yes'," Brennan said as she narrowed her eyes and her jaw moved from side-to-side as she stared at Booth, the strong emotions she felt roiling off of her in wave after powerful wave.

"Huh?" came the confused response.

Taking a step towards him, Brennan's lips thinned into a harsh line as she said, "I said, the answer to your question as to if I had some cosmic revelation―I believe you used the words―while I was in Maluku about love and had become an expert on it…the answer to that question is, 'yes'…as is the answer to your second question, i.e., did you miss said transformation on my part."

Booth could only stare at Brennan in dumbfounded shock, not comprehending her words.

"What?"

Brennan shook her head as she said, "Furthermore, just for the record, Booth…I find it very interesting that in all the weeks you and I have been back in D.C., you haven't once mentioned the word 'love' in conjunction with Hannah until I just put the two together in a united context about ten minutes ago."

Booth could only stare at Brennan as if she were speaking some foreign language. Shaking his head as he tried to make sense of Brennan's weird behavior and even more weird words, Booth asked, "Bones, what in the hell are you talking about?"

Her eyes flashed once again as she looked at him with her pale blue irises glaring at him with a look at hard as ice. Taking a step towards him, closing the distance between them, she lifted her hand and used her index finger to jab him hard in the chest as she said, "I'm talking about the fact that you came back from Afghanistan with all these notions of Hannah rattling in your brain while I finally figured out that the feelings I have for you are love, Booth. And, now, you go and imply that you love Hannah…only after I've contextualized your attachment to her using those words?" She punctuated each word with a hard stab of her finger as she said, "I'm not certain what the appropriate euphemism is here, but believe me when I say, I think this is a load of overripe and extremely pungent cattle dung!"

She then dropped her hand to her side, shot him one last glance scathing glance, and brushed past him with a clearly offended air to her person.

For his part, Booth stood dumbfounded as he watched Brennan go. At last, when he'd been left by himself on the path with only the chirping of birds to keep him company, comprehension dawned as he muttered, "Wait…what―really? Did what I think happen just happen? Did she…did she just say this was a load of bullshit?"

Shaking his head in confusion, Booth immediately proceeded as fast as his feet could carry him in search of his partner for clarification.

-TBC-