«Sleep» the demon had said. And that was what Ayaka did.
Claws tried to get on her head, rummaging and scratching everything in search of something to clutch to.
«What are...?» Enmu's voice echoed on her mind. «Your greatest fears?»
«My greatest fears» Ayaka thought. «My... my greatest fears?»
She felt him toy with parts of her mind, every memory that built who she was and the blood on her veins.
«Ah, there they are» Enmu muttered in satisfaction.
Ayaka's nightmares were many and diverse.
In the first one, she was on top of a little kid, with her hands around their throat.
She sat, buckling their hips, and the kid, without a face or an expression, looked up at nothingness.
A lot of people surrounded them, other little and yelling kids that had formed a circle around them. Their hungry eyes looked at Ayaka's hands around the throat of the kid, she didn't remember setting them there in the first place.
The rest cheered for her to squeeze, to press against the kid's throat, much smaller than her, in order to kill them.
They deserved it, everyone said, they deserved it like the bastard they were.
The kids were vicious, eager, encouraging her to squeeze. She could do it, she was much bigger and the kid wouldn't resist too much. Simple, just press for a few seconds and it would all be over.
For some reason, Ayaka knew she hated them. She hated them, she hated them, she hated them.
The shine of the sword told her it was there, by her side, and that she could take it if she wanted, but she wouldn't be able to. She knew.
When Ayaka started to lean her weight against them, the kid, quiet before, started to squirm.
They hit her arms, chest and face. They tried to fight against her but she didn't move, even if they scratched her cheek, her arms or sank their nails on her skin, Ayaka, for once holding an unwavering determination, continued.
She soon saw how, with ears muffled by the kids yelling around her (Nanami, Ryu, Yumiko), the face of the creature against her knees started to turn red.
Their ears turned scarlet and later, slowly, of a sick purple. From the corners of the lips started to drip saliva, their eyes popped out and the cheeks turned purple too, along with their face.
The kids around them continued cheering. Kill them, kill them, kill them. She joined them. Kill them, kill them, kill them.
In the end they stopped struggling, Ayaka still on their hips. Their arms, that had been trying to reach her face, turned slower and slower with time, lazy and reluctant movements replacing the energetic thrusts of something fighting to live. Whines stopped coming from their throat and they sighed one last time, finally becoming limp under her. A hand slowly slid down, caressing her cheek on the way (lovingly, with affection) until it reached the floor and it didn't move anymore. The saliva stopped falling down their chin.
Ayaka let go of their neck with trembling hands and weakly whimpered.
They were still looking up, at the sky that started to turn orange, as their corpse slowly faded away in dust.
What had she done? What had she done?
Suddenly all the air in the world didn't feel like enough and she grew and grew and grew at the same time as she tried to breathe, breathe and breathe. With every gasp she grew more, so she turned huge. She grew over the kids, over the roofs, over the trees and over mount Fuji.
Horns, fangs, claws, everything started to grow with the shadow that grew larger and larger over that corpse.
And it hurt, hurt, hurt and she was a demon, demon, demon and demons had to be killed, killed, killed.
«Wait!» Enmu yelled. «Wait, don't do that!»
Ayaka took the sword from the floor and cut her own head off.
The sight of Tanjirou didn't bring her any comfort like it could have done before.
He should have let her fall, she thought, but Tanjirou was too kind to do so as much as he hated her. She loathed him because of it.
She mumbled apologies she couldn't even understand. Tanjirou hurried her to kill the demon with a frown and she could do nothing but nod.
«Why is he looking at me like that?» Ayaka wondered when taking notice of his eyes.
He had only looked at Sanemi Shinazugawa with those eyes.
Sanemi Shinazugawa, who had torn apart the only bond he had left with his very own hands. Sanemi Shinazugawa, who looked just as miserable as Rui. Sanemi Shinazugawa, who had hurt his brother, their brother. Sanemi Shinazugawa, stone statue
«Sleep» the demon told her once again.
The next ones were simpler.
Although the kids and the corpse had disappeared, the orange stayed.
"Rui."
The demon was in front of her, white was his skin and white was his hair. When talking, his voice trembled, anger bubbling beneath it:
"You tore your bonds apart, the bonds with your family, you torn them to pieces. With your own hands."
Ayaka woke up.
And again.
«Sleep»
Yuu told her he hated her, that she was a piece of shit and that she someone so despicable only deserved to die.
Ayaka took a trembling breath and woke up.
«Sleep»
Her parents accused her of being selfish. Of having kept herself alive not for their sake, but for hers.
She replied that they were wrong, that she hadn't wanted to leave them alone and that she had tried to live even one more day because of it.
But they only trew truths at her. That it was too hard to keep her alive, that if she had thought so much about them, if she had loved them so much, she would have realized by herself that her existence was a burden on their lives and that she should have died a long time ago if she held even an inch of love for them.
«Medicine is expensive, don't you know that? We're tired and hungry because you exist. We wanted a child, not a broken thing»
Gulping, Ayaka woke up.
«Sleep»
Her grandmother called her a "pathetic thing" and wondered out loud how she could have a grandniece like that.
When she pointed out with a bark that Ayaka was crying (and how pathetic that was) she rose her sword and woke up.
«Sleep»
Inosuke accused her of lying. She asked what she had lied to him about, saying that she'd never do that. But Inosuke only insisted about how vile it was for her to have lied, telling him that she was strong.
When lunging at her he didn't get Ayaka to let go of her sword, so, with a groan, she woke up.
«Sleep»
Tanjirou held her cheeks.
"Tell them… tell them that all they're saying isn't true, Tanjirou," Ayaka mumbled.
Tanjirou's sunny eyes stayed still, scrutinizing her carefully. She insisted:
"You… you know I'm a good person!"
There was only silence. Ayaka's lips started to tremble.
"Right!? You know I'm a kind person! Isn't that right, Tanjirou!? You know how I truly am! Tell them they're wrong!"
"Aya," Tanjirou started, hands sliding down to her shoulders.
"I… I love you," Ayaka continued, weakly smiling. She tried again. "You love me too, isn't that right, Tanjirou?"
More silence.
Even that Tanjirou looked at her the way he looked at Sanemi Shinazugawa.
"You're even worse than demons, Aya-san," Takeshi laughed into her ear.
Again, Ayaka woke up.
«Sleep»
And suddenly, everything was burning.
Ayaka could feel her father behind her and the warmth coming from him (he was burning, a huge ball engulfed by flames).
She refused to look. As many times as he called and as many times as he said how much he loved her she wouldn't be able to turn around and hug him, because she knew more than anyone that she'd only burn alongside him.
The more she refused to look the more her body grew.
Again, fangs, horns and claws. They grew and grew and her father continued calling and calling her name.
Ayaka wouldn't burn down alongside him. But as a consequence, she would turn into a demon. She raised her sword once more.
«Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!»
It was her.
Her own reflection looked at her from above, all snow and blizzards for eyes and ice for voice.
"Zenitsu." The name rumbled in the orange. "You're pathetic."
Ayaka could only stay quiet. Why hadn't she noticed before? The blond strands of hair that covered her eyes, the yellow haori or the darker skin tone when looking at her hands?
The Ayaka that was a mountain continued, accusing her of being a coward, that nothing could be expected from him.
But there was no Tanjirou to stop her this time, so she continued, calling her a disgrace, saying she should have never been born and accusing her of being a burden to everyone around her, and that she should drop dead.
Ayaka screamed.
By the time she cut her neck, the claws were too close.
«Wish come true» Enmu said inside her head.
And she fell and fell and fell.
Knowing that she herself was the only one who had torn apart her own bonds brought her immense sadness.
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There was a roar and the entire train trembled under their feet.
Yuu looked at Nezuko, who furrowed her eyebrows and started growling, like a watchdog that felt something was coming closer.
The flesh tentacles made them both shiver.
He tried, like Ayaka had said, to stay close to Rengoku, sending nervous glances his way.
«Why isn't he waking up?» Yuu cursed.
Those things that grew from the train hovered above them and slowly slid down, in their way towards the sleeping passengers. Nezuko slashed them with her claws when they got too close because for some reason they all tried to reach him.
«Oh, gods» he thought. «Oh, gods»
He was gonna die for sure.
«Thunder Breathing, First form: Thunderclap and Flash.»
"I will protect you." Zenitsu Agatsuma had been, until then, nothing but a fool that cried too much.
But now the first thing Yuu thought was that he was beautiful.
So, so beautiful he could cry.
"I'll protect you, Nezuko-chan," Zenitsu said once more, with a snore.
Forget about the could, Yuu was gonna cry.
Nezuko slashed another tentacle that had been too close to one of the passengers and raised a single eyebrow and the calling of her name. Zenitsu continued snoring and Yuu wanted to dig a hole in the earth and bury himself in it.
When Rengoku woke up, he asked Yuu the reason for his blushing. He was a moment away from screaming.
Rengoku blinked and turned if only a bit more tense, suddenly looking somewhere out the window. Without a word he rushed to catch something falling outside, and when going back in, he had a bloody Ayaka on his arms.
She fell to the floor, coughing and at the same time soaking the floor with red. Red, that came from blood, red, which was followed by insides.
The sight made something inside Yuu churn.
"Aren't you gonna help her, young Kobayashi? She's gonna bleed out, you know?" Rengoku pointed a finger at what would soon be a corpse (Hadn't Ayaka always been close to being a corpse?)
Yuu kneeled before Ayaka, whose eyes widened when seeing him get close, and she struggled against him, trying to get far away from him. But Yuu didn't have the luxury of doubt.
"I need you to calm down if you want me to heal that wound." He tried to lay a hand atop her head, she slapped it away.
"Don't you dare!" Ayaka hissed. "Don't touch me! I don't want your help!"
He tried to grab her in order to make her stay still but she struggled even more, slapping and scratching.
"Ayaka, stop it!"
"Did you love me!? Answer! Did you love me, at least once!?"
"Of course I did!" Yuu yelled. "But it was exhausting! You felt like an overprotective mother! No sane person could have ever endured it!"
She managed to hit his cheek so strongly he was forced to look back. "Did I deserve that, then!? Did I deserve that!?"
"No one deserves that!"
"Then why did you do it to me!?"
"I was a kid, okay!?" Yuu exclaimed. "I didn't know what to do! So I'll say it again, I'm sorry!"
"I was always there to clean your messes!" Ayaka continued kicking. "I was always there! Always! And what did you do!?"
"Ayaka, shut up already!" She closed her mouth shut and looked at him in surprise. "For once you're gonna listen to someone other than your eyes!"
At seeing her stay still, Yuu continued:
"If you die here, you won't be able to visit your father's tomb! You can hate me as much as you want! I don't care! But forget about your petty pride for once!"
Not much time passed, now without a wrath to clutch to, for tears to fall down her cheeks.
"That's it," Yuu sighed, taking some cotton from Shinobu's bag and hugging her close to her chest as she let out little whimpers on his shoulder. "Let it all out."
"It's my fault," she clutched to his shirt, choking back the tears as Yuu took care of the injuries. "If I had protected him from the people that worked him to death then maybe he would have…. he would have…"
"It's no use thinking about that now," he said, "there's no use thinking about it."
"I know… I wish I could have died, too." And she bursted out into tears again.
"What a disaster," Rengoku mumbled, and Yuu didn't know if he meant that about the train or the relationship between him and Ayaka.
Might as well have been both.
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