Where there had been nothing but white before, now everything was red.
Would it be because of the red of the blood of his family or his own sins, no matter where he looked, everything was red.
The eyes of his family shone, red, glowing, weak torches that brought the memory of the charcoal he had dedicated a life to and the Kamado family entire generations.
When he was born they said that he had been blessed, that his red hair and eyes were a gift. The firstborn child had the protection of the fire god on his flesh, painted on his body with crimsons and warm hands, hurray!
If he had been so blessed, if he had been given such godly protection, then why did dad die?
"Tanjirou." Rokuta held onto his knees and sobbed. "Why didn't you save us?"
His heart sank on his chest the more he listened to his weeping.
And Rokuta asked him, in childish desperation, because he didn't understand.
"Why didn't you save us? Why didn't you save us?"
He couldn't understand, so he repeated and repeated and repeated and him, the older brother that was supposed to protect him, the older brother that was supposed to teach him, couldn't give him an answer.
The older ones could come to their own conclusions.
Takeo, always wanting to be like his older brother, put himself in between Tanjirou and his little siblings, protecting them. (From who?)
Takeo had both Aya's mole on the cheek and her disgusted frown, as he dragged Rokuta far away from his legs. The youngest of the Kamado siblings kicked and screamed. "Why? Why, Tanjirou? Why?"
"What were you doing when we were all getting killed, huh?" Takeo squinted and got Rokuta closer to his chest. "Sleeping down the mountain, safe."
Hanako and Shigeru had been an inseparable duo in life, and they were an inseparable duo in death. Both of them looked at him in disgust, but it was Hanako who, always determined, always like Nezuko, stepped up and pushed him.
"You only saved yourself," she accused, scrunching her nose up. "You knew that man was coming, right? That's why you went down the mountain alone, you wanted to save yourself as we thought you were getting money to eat more food in New Years."
His blessing had told him, the fire god had told him, right?
He hadn't been special enough to defeat Muzan but he had been for the fire god to tell him he'd come. You had a feeling, didn't you?
The sight of Aya hadn't been any more fitting with the landscape than it was now.
She leaned her chin on Tanjirou's shoulder and looked at him with half lidded eyes.
«You knew, just like I knew my father was gonna die» He had already gotten used to her playing with his curls every time she appeared, brushing the ruby that couldn't be distinguished from his coloured field of view.
«In the end we're both blessed» Aya lazily continued. «But where has that gotten us? What a blessing, don't you think so?»
«Instead» she pointed further inside the house. «Your father is the one that has an actual blessing, he would have surely defeated Muzan»
And if Tanjirou couldn't defeat Muzan, then:
"What worth are you?" His father sipped on a tea cup and, without a doubt, threw it against his forehead. "You're useless."
The blow left him looking back and soaked in disgusting boiling water.
"You should have died," his mother hissed, holding Rokuta in her arms as he continued wondering (why? why? why?). "How dare you live so cheerfully?"
Maybe he wasn't blessed enough, maybe he would never be able to defeat Muzan or maybe it was his fault that his family died.
But he knew more than anyone that they would never, ever, say such things.
And as many times as Enmu told him, «Sleep!» «Sleep!» «Sleep!» he wouldn't.
"Don't insult…!" The water dragon that followed his sword roared to the sky, along with Tanjirou. "My family!"
But the demon wasn't looking at him. "Oops."
And although Tanjirou cut his head off and his body fell to the floor, he smiled.
"What beautiful eyes." The demon chuckled on the floor.
Tanjirou breathed the cold air of the night and knew that he wouldn't be able to save her.
Aya was too far away because, although he managed to graze her hand, it slipped from in between his fingers and she disappeared, leaving behind a trail of blood.
He stayed still, with his feet fixed to the floor and a poison on his chest that hit from the inside little by little. His chest trembled, his lips trembled, his heart trembled, everything trembled but he didn't dare spill any tears or sob, because he didn't have that kind of luxury. Not someone blessed like him.
What were the last words he had said to her?
He remembered hers, "that he didn't want her here."
Tanjirou screamed her name "Aya!"
And he tried again.
"Aya!"
And again.
"Aya!"
And again.
"Aya!"
But Aya had been eaten whole by the night. And the void didn't answer.
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Rengoku was too brilliant for her eyes.
Ayaka had to squint in order to look him in the eye, as he bowed down to face her.
"Where is young Kamado?"
She groaned when Yuu pressed too much against her wound. "Tanjirou? He must have… already cut off the demon's head."
Yuu had to pull her down in order to stop her from squirming, as he continued cleaning the blood from the wound. The stinging made her hiss.
Rengoku tapped her forehead and smiled. "Are you sure about that!?"
Ayaka blinked and looked at the wood, the metal, the bones and the flesh. The veins, flowing with blood that dragged something that looked like what she supposed was Muzan Kibutsuji, were what finally made her realize.
"It's the entire train," she muttered in a raspy voice. Ayaka coughed and went back to her feet, halfway for Yuu to finish bandaging her wound. "That wasn't his body, it's the entire train!"
Yuu tugged her down, forcing her to go back to the floor, and she coughed some more.
"That demon hurt your vocal cords." Yuu held her by the shoulders and settled a hand on her forehead, checking her temperature. "If you keep going on like this, forget about talking ever again."
Ayaka furrowed her brow and gaped, but only a weak raspy voice came. "It's not that bad."
"You know about the healing use of Breathings, right!?" Rengoku bowed down one last time and she could do nothing but back away, stunned but finally nodding. "If you can still fight, go on then! We need all the help we can get to keep the casualties at a minimum!"
And the flames he had for shadows disappeared in a second.
«What an amazing person» she thought, looking at his light until it disappeared from her field of view.
Yuu took his hand off her forehead with worried eyes. "Ayaka, don't tell me that-"
She interrupted him by shaking her head all the while standing up. Yuu went back to his feet alongside her, noting that she was huffing.
"You can't fight like this! On top of that, your throat is all messed up!"
With her forehead soaked in sweat, she chuckled.
"I think… I think I'll be okay." Something close to amusement painted on her face. "I've always been."
"Not this time! Stop being reckless!" Yuu insisted, and his voice softened, nearly trembling. "If you die… because if you die… tell me, what kind of person would it make me if I let you go while knowing?"
Ayaka stayed in silence looking at him. That Yuu was grabbing her forearm didn't even matter.
"You're the only thing left… from those days," he whispered. "You're the only living proof that my mother's work, that she stayed in the village, was worth something."
She wanted to whisper his name, say it out loud and explain that she knew, and that she wouldn't allow herself to die, but instead there was only silence.
Inosuke broke the door of the wagon open with a kick and he pointed at Ayaka with one sword. She stared at him with wide open eyes.
"Akira! Why aren't you fighting?" When she said nothing, Inosuke hummed in confusion. "Answer me! Answer your boss!"
Ayaka tried to talk but, again, nothing came. It took Inosuke a moment to notice Yuu.
"Hey! Why haven't you eaten him yet!?"
She stepped up and shook her head, but didn't didn't stop Inosuke from punching Yuu in the stomach.
Yuu, like the weakling he was, fell on his knees and huffed, trying not to groan in pain.
"All done! You can now eat-" Ayaka's fist crashed against his head, and she continued hitting him until Inosuke walked back. "Hey, hey, wait up! The hell are you doing!?"
In Ayaka's face there was a furrowed brow as she shook her head. By the time she deemed his punishment enough she was looking at Inosuke in disapproval, a frown that could have been one of a mother on her lips.
"We have to go to the other wagons…" Ayaka managed to mutter in a hoarse voice. "We have to help mister Rengoku and Tanjirou."
Inosuke huffed but in the end got up, pointing a sharp finger at her.
"The hell is up with your voice!? It's ugly!" Ayaka didn't have time to roll her eyes before Inosuke took her by the waist and got her up on his shoulder. "I'll forgive that only because you're my subordinate number two! Stay up there and let your boss carry you!"
Yuu looked, in astonishment, at how Ayaka allowed for someone to help her.
And although he knew it was because she couldn't complain, it was still just as amazing.
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"Hey! You're much warmer than usual!"
Even through the uniform, the heat of his subordinate number two… what was the word that identified her? Uh… she smelled just like the butterfly lady so he couldn't tell them apart by smell. For some reason his subordinates deemed names to be important, and what kind of boss would he be if he didn't take that into account?
Inosuke's eyes slid to her face, to the sweaty features, and then past that.
Ah, the soft green on the tips of her hair! This one was Momotaro!
The watermelon seed on her cheek told him that it was her for sure, and the beast eyes only further confirmed that this was his equal.
"You sense it too! Right, Momotaro!?" Inosuke gestured with his snout at the opponent waiting at the end of the way. Momotaro pressed her lips together but she nodded in the end, squinting with the eyes resembling a hawk he had seen a thousand times launch at her prey.
"Inosuke!"
The voice of his subordinate number three came from inside the beast.
"Monjiro!" he exclaimed, hands flying to the handles of his swords (swords, not pointy things, idiot, the voice of his subordinate number four reminded him) "I'll get you out of there! Did the beast swallow you again!?"
"I'll join you right away!" His voice was hurried, like a doe whose heart beat strongly inside his chest. "Is Aya with you!? Is she okay!?"
Momotaro tightened her hold against Inosuke's shoulders and the warmth made his skin itch.
She stayed there, drilling the floor with her gaze like a fox that could see a rabbit under the snow. Ah, Inosuke would like to do that too.
"Momotaro said we have to go to the head!" Inosuke exclaimed. Only thinking about that huge pulp that pulsed sent shivers down his back. "The enemy is there, I can feel it!"
"But when did she say that!?" Monjiro's voice rumbled again from inside the beast. "Those weren't her last words, right!?"
Momotaro squeezed tighter.
"I'm okay! I'm-...!" She suddenly brought a hand to her throat and huffed in pain, whispering. "Okay."
Monjiro stayed in silence for a moment and Inosuke felt on his skin the way his gaze nervously moved as if looking for something.
"I'm… I'm glad," he muttered in the end. "Then we have to go to the first wagon of the train?"
"... Yes," Momotaro whispered.
Inosuke thought once more that the way in which the beast seemed to breathe, as everything flowed forward, toward that pile of flesh that beat faster and faster, like a heart.
Momotaro continued looking down with an expression that was difficult to decipher as she pressed her lips together once more.
"Inosuke," she weakly started. "Did you have any problems waking up?"
He cackled at the question and adjusted her on his shoulder. The heat of her skin itched and it had been a relief to get rid of the fleas with the help of the butterfly lady. Maybe he was becoming too docile, that itching would have been nothing before no matter if his skin was amazing or not.
"I woke up the moment Tontaro called me! I never trusted this thing and I can't wait to rub it on Monitsu's face!"
"And your boar mother…" she continued, gaze going for a second to his mask. "Do you remember her?"
«Do you miss her?»
"It's no use to wish for the dead to come back!" Inosuke exclaimed. "Corpses rot and go back to the earth! Why remember those who are gone!? I'm always surprised by the dumb stuff you, Monitsu or Tontaro think about! What's already happened cannot be changed! That's just the natural way of things!"
Her gaze stayed fixed on the floor. "Dumb stuff, huh?"
"Then I think that…" She finally looked up at Inosuke and with all the confidence in the world said, "If I fall asleep again, I won't be able to wake up."
"Why not!?"
Momotaro frowned and whispered. "Because I won't. The demon uses his eyes to make people fall asleep, and if I look at them, I won't wake up again."
"Then don't look at them!"
With how dumbfounded she looked over hearing something so simple. Inosuke had to remind himself that those clean looking monkeys wouldn't survive for too long in the mountains. But he was the boss, and he had to keep his subordinates alive.
"If you don't look at them you won't fall asleep! Problem solved!"
"You can't just ask me to do that!" Momotaro forgot again that her throat was covered in bandages and she shrieked in pain, but she got to, with a groan, hiss furiously. "How do you expect me not to use my eyes!?"
Inosuke cackled once more. "That's simple! The king of the mountain will guide you into battle! Just close your eyes and hold onto me!"
Momotaro was quiet and after a moment she blinked, with eyes as wide open as an owl's.
"Inosuke," she cautiously started. "Are you thinking for once?"
"Shut up, I don't think!"
Ayaka's throat hurt too much to have the luxury to complain, so, realizing that they were already over the jaws of that thing, she only held tighter onto Inosuke's shoulder and tried not to scream as he jumped inside.
The place the demon had turned his neck into was humid and viscous. Ayaka heard the pulsing of the walls, or maybe it was her own body, pulsing with the same warm blood.
Inosuke ripped, shredded and teared flesh apart with his serrated blades. She listened carefully, never daring to let go of his shoulder, at the way that meat pulsed agonizing as he reduced it to simple bits.
Just like an animal, he was simple. Maybe he knew about his weak points because he was used to observing in the middle of nature, where there weren't rules or barriers, only raw strength and cunningness.
At first the mere thought had scared her. Inosuke did everything with naturalty, and he improvised. If he didn't cut one side he cut the other, he ripped and ripped without stopping and he didn't stop to think. The experience had polished him in the purest instinct and him, although unable to defeat Ayaka back then, now felt more powerful than her.
He simply moved forward. cutting a way for himself when there was no exit. She, for someone who had thought Inosuke to be crude and wild, found him admirable in some way.
He felt like Genya, or at least in what he could have turned into, with time. Her aniki was too clumsy to move with such ease, although she knew he could have in, well, in a few years.
Inosuke's voice guided her "left, right, in the front, behind your back" accompanied by the sound of tearing flesh. And if she had opened her eyes, she would have seen that her sword, too, cut nearly faster than Inosuke's.
So Ayaka, despite him being a stupid boar, listened. She heard the rumbling of the pulsing of the blood on her body and the demon's, she heard the man Enmu had manipulated into giving them the tickets, her own huffs and he heard the metal of the sword. After some time she stopped needing Inosuke to tell her from where the enemy surrounded them.
She drew arcs, smashed flesh and cut those demon limbs that came from where everything pulsed. And she was doing it faster and faster.
In the end, the only thing left was her voice.
"Namu amida butsu."
«Here it comes» Ayaka thought, nearly methodically. «The thoughts that infuriate me the most.»
Instead of her parents' faces, the villagers' or even Yuu's, she saw nothing.
She waited, in determination, for something to come to her mind.
The injustices committed against her, the grudges and frustrations that bloomed when she used Repeating Actions. But they didn't appear and for a moment she wished she could get angry, even if it was over that time Inosuke ate her food. Nothing.
And nothing cleared the way for everything.
She was able to see the veins, the bones, the muscles. The body of the demon, just like she had seen before, took over all the train with the column under the floor and the ribs on the walls.
Ayaka saw everything.
She saw Zenitsu, Nezuko and Rengoku on the wagons behind. She saw Yuu on the last one, too. The train tracks under their feet, the charcoal that fed the fire of the machine.
She even saw outside, in the forest. A spider had trapped a butterfly. It weaved silk and covered its wings, then its little legs, the body, and finally the head. The butterfly struggled, eyes moving nervously from side to side, looking up at the sky and wishing it could fly one last time. But it was gonna die, finally turned into a cocoon. Its body would rot, and the spider would eat its rest once it turned into a pile of mush.
That scenario repeated a thousand times all across the forest;
Ants tearing apart some dead bug to eat during winter, a bird eating a worm nearby, an owl diving to hunt a rabbit, a flower growing from the remains of a corpse.
And although she knew all of that was inevitable, Ayaka couldn't help but feel a great pity.
What had Inosuke said? "That's just the natural way of things."
Ayaka couldn't help but wonder if that was really true, if there was another method. Maybe Inosuke would think that to be dumb, the thought amused her.
She chanted once more. "Namu amida butsu."
«The neck» Ayaka finally thought, looking at the vertebrae that lead to the head, the tendons around it, all that pile of meat. She could only think. «It's huge.»
And the sight felt like a bucket of cold water to the face.
«The neck! I have to cut his neck off!»
The everything faded away and Ayaka opened her eyes, and despite the neck being in front of her, she instead found a dozen arms and, under them, the floor. The neck wasn't there anymore.
"Momotaro! Why did you stop!? Move, damn it!"
The jingle of the sword made her realize that her hands, every single part of her body, were trembling.
«Fuck» Ayaka cursed, when seeing the eyes that surrounded them. «I'm gonna fall asleep»
Her limbs felt heavy, knees didn't respond and as much as she wanted to she couldn't move her arms. In a second her hold lost all its strength and the sword slid from her hands.
«Fuck» she repeated. «I promised Yuu I'd come back.»
«Besides» The eyes of the demon peeked from the flesh like gems embedded on gold, brilliant and slimy gems that looked at her and Inosuke. «I still have to apologize to a lot of people»
Ayaka heard the first syllables of the order "sleep" and her body turned heavy.
She had always considered Tanjirou to be someone intense, who poured every single drop of himself in everything he did. He yelled his thanks and bowed until touching the floor to apologize, she had seen him plead Aoi for another meal one time she muttered to herself that she wasn't a good cook. Heck, as stupid as it was endearing, the fondest memory she held of him was that one time he found a lost puppy in the rain, covered it with his haori and ran to somewhere safe, yelling all the way.
Ah, she thought, maybe I'm in love with Tanjirou Kamado.
"Water Breathing, Sixth Form: Whirlpool!"
Since Tanjirou was intense, stupid and endearing, his sword techniques also were intense, stupid and endearing. His waterfalls and rivers, that flowed strongly. weren't like the silent calm of Giyuu Tomioka's lake.
With those same waterfalls he slashed the flesh and the eyes and interrupted them mid sentence. It was a relief to her, but Ayaka didn't think she'd be able to do much more.
She staggered back and her back crashed against a wall, with muffled ears and feeling like her chest would burst from the inside.
"Don't talk," Tanjirou said the moment she opened her mouth. Then he turned around. "Inosuke, keep the eyes at bay for a moment!"
Although he told her not to, she tried, but was unable to mutter even a single word. She shouldn't have yelled at Yuu so much.
Tanjirou held her by the shoulders when she tried to step forward but she wobbled, having to lean on his forearm in order not to fall.
«The neck» she thought in a blur. «I have to tell him about the neck»
"Aya…" His voice was muffled, but the touch of his hand against her cheek felt real. "Aya, are you okay?"
He was still here. Despite everything, he was still here.
«The weak point of the demon is under the floor» she continued thinking. «And he heals too fast, you'll have to-»
"I'm sorry," she instead whispered. "I'm sorry for not attending my father's funeral. I'm very sorry, Tanjirou."
He was quiet for a moment, rubbing his thumb against her cheek.
"Stay here, okay? Rest some time, I'll come back soon."
She knew he would.
For once, she was sure someone wouldn't leave her.
«So this is how it felt» Ayaka thought. «I forgot»
She had forgotten a long time ago, she had tried looking everywhere, her parents, Yuu, her shishou and Genya.
Although they were warm and she loved them, she had been looking for this warmth. All this time, she had been looking for him.
That person who burned as brightly as the Sun.
«He doesn't need me to tell him» she assumed. «He's already able to realize by himself that the neck is under the floor»
Ayaka smiled. Yes, Tanjirou had always been intelligent.
«I am certain that he'll defeat the demon»
So, exhaling, she leaned further against the wall and wiped the sweat off her forehead. The thought of staying there doing nothing made a bitter feeling bloom on her chest. It had always been like this, after all.
In that small corner made out of metal and with the smell of burnt junk on her nostrils, Ayaka thought about Oyakata-sama and, for some reason, she imagined him smiling.
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