Bella's Point of View
I felt like an animal, sitting behind a large glass prison. Nurse walked past my room, a few stopping to stare. Mostly with looks of pity, or disgust. I kept my head lowered. I waited patiently for Edward to return. He said he would come back. But part of me thinks I'll never see him again. The thought pained me deeply. I found myself staring at the clock on the wall across from me. It's been two hours. It was strange, how time passed, I wasn't used to paying attention to what time it was, or what day it was. But at this moment, it was unbearable to wait.
My heart twisted painfully in my chest. I began to chew my nails as I tried to manage my anxiety. Where are you Edward? Please don't tell me you are going to abandon me as well. Don't throw me to the side and leave me here. I know I'm trash. I know it well. But I thought you were going to be my hope.
The urge to shoot up was strong. Just to numb myself. Just to deal with all of this bullshit. The image of Katie entered my mind again. Her smile and her personality, so free-spirited and honest. A true friend. We had been looking out for each other for a long time. But she left me too. Should I have done more? Could I have possibly saved her? Why didn't she listen to me?
I threw my head back against the pillows, curling myself into a ball on the bed. Tears streamed down my face. All I've been able to do for the last hour was cry like a child. I couldn't hold it back. I wished I would have just died in that shooting.
Even now, lying in this comfortable bed, washed from head to toe with a full tray of delicious food, everything you could possibly need, I was miserable. None of it mattered. I don't matter.
Suddenly I heard the door open to my room, I snapped my head in the direction of the person that entered. Hope swelled in my chest, but was quickly drained out of me as a random woman entered the room. She has been keeping an eye on me all night. She smelled weird, like a cross between old lady perfume and a piece of spoiled milk. Ellen, I think she called herself.
Her fake cheerful demeanor only added to my growing annoyance.
"Miss Swan, you have barely touched your meal, aren't you hungry dear?" She paused at the foot of my bed, bouncing her pen frantically against her clipboard. Her scrub top was decorated with random blue spirals and a few stains - probably from whatever she just ate before walking in here. The cow was constantly eating at the nurse's station. I had a clear view from my room. She disgusted me.
"Is Edward still here?" I asked, blatantly disregarding her question.
Her smile appeared more forced now. "He and dr. Cullen is speaking right out in the hallway."
Relief filled me. "Great," I quickly ripped the I.V out of my arm and swung my legs over the side of the bed.
Ellen quickly moved to get in my way. "Now, now, you can't just leave. You are under strict supervision at the moment. We are still running bloodwork and tests dear." She fluttered her hands, careful not to come into physical contact with me. She treated me like a leper. Like I had some kind of disease.
I glared coldly at her. "Actually, I can leave. I can do whatever I want. So, get the hell out of my way."
She shook her head, pulling a pair of gloves from her pocket and putting them on. "I'm afraid not Miss Swan. Dr. Cullen made it clear, you aren't to leave this room. He wants to help you. We all want to help you." She eyed me, like I was about to attack her. Her gloved hand reached and laid on my shoulder.
I jerked her hand away. "Don't lie to me. Not a damn person here wants to actually help me. I'm not an idiot." With a hard shove I sent the tray of food flying across the room. Anger was boiling inside me, hot and uncontrollable. I was still having an extremely hard time managing my emotions. This is the longest its been since I've had drugs of any kind. Sure, I was giving something for pain and anxiety, but it didn't touch my discomfort.
The old witch didn't even bat an eye. I wasn't intimidating her. She only seemed annoyed. Like I was just an inconvenience to her. A burden. Not even worth getting worked up over.
The commotion in the room caught the attention of a few others that lingered outside of my room. But she held her hand out, signaling for the other staff not to enter. Instead, she pulled another fake smile to her face. "I see that you are agitated. I apologize if I said something to upset you. I'm going to bring in another meal for you. And let the doctor know that you would like to speak with him."
I huffed, turning my back on her. "Whatever,"
"Go ahead and get back into bed please. For your safety, you are on a lot of medications at the moment. And I don't want you to become dizzy and fall." She continued, keeping her tone light.
Stupid bitch.
"Fine," I spat, moving back into bed.
Once I was seated, she finally left my room, but not without glancing at me a few more times. I made faces at her, until she was completely out of sight.
I didn't know why I was acting like this. I've never been so rude and disrespectful before. Not to complete strangers that were just trying to do their job. I just had so much pent-up rage and anxiety; I didn't know how to cope with it all. Part of me felt guilty. Once she returned, maybe I'd try to be a little nicer.
Again, my door opened, but this time it was Edward and a handsome older man. They had the same eye color. But that was the only thing they had in common. This must be his father. Strange. They almost seemed close in age. But none of that mattered, I was so eager to see Edward. I was overjoyed. But of course, I wouldn't let him know that.
He moved to my side, carefully stroking the top of my head. "Hey, what's wrong? Did the nurse do something wrong?"
"No," I lowered my head, getting distracted by him touching me. "I was being a bitch. I feel awful… and I took it out on her."
His eyes flickered over to the other man. They locked eyes for just a few seconds. The man nodded once, before moving to the other side of me. "Hello Isabella, I'm dr. Cullen, I just wanted to stop by to review some tests we have completed."
"Bella," I corrected with a frown.
He smiled, a more natural smile. "Bella," He cleared his throat, glancing down at his clipboard. "You are testing positive for several common street drugs, cocaine, Xanax, LSD, heroin and morphine."
I nodded my head, gauging Edward's reaction. But his face remained blank. His hand kept sweeping over my head. "Not surprising," I muttered quietly.
The doctor continued. "But the most concerning is that you have also tested HIV positive." His voice didn't change. There was no sign of pity on his face. He was like a robot. Just reading off the piece of paper. It was a reaction that was easier for me to handle. Expected. Real. He didn't know me. There was no reason for him to care.
But I wasn't expecting this news. Tears stung in my eyes as I hung my head. "Oh no," My shoulders heaved as I began to sob. Both of them remained quiet, letting me have a moment. My head was throbbing as I wiped roughly at my face. Now my life is really over. I never thought I would have so many regrets. I should have never turned to the streets. I should have never worked for Sheena. Maybe I would have had a chance of a normal life. I was as good as dead. But maybe that was for the best.
"I know this is very upsetting news. And I will do everything I can to help you understand the options that you have." The doctor replied gently.
I sniffed. "Just tell me, how long do I have left…"
"With strict traditional treatment, you can live a long, relatively normal life. You will have to be very careful. Living on the streets won't be an option." He paused, making sure that I was still listening. "If left untreated, the HIV will progress to AIDS, sometimes it progresses fast, but for the average, usually ten years, until it becomes AIDS. Once it reaches that stage, you could be looking at a year or two."
It just was getting worse and worse. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I only had a maxim of twelve years left to live, roughly. That wasn't enough time. I couldn't stop crying. Edward gently stroked my cheek.
"Shh, it's going to be okay I promise." He muttered quietly.
I turned to him sharply. "How can you promise that? I'm already dead. There is no way I can pay for medication."
"There is another option," He said, his topaz eyes turned pained.
I looked between the doctor and him for a moment. "Well, what is the other option?"
"There is a way that I can help you. But it comes at a great cost." The doctor said, running a hand through his blonde hair. His stance became tense. A frown came to his face. "You will have to give up everything. Your family. Your home. Your identity."
"Doesn't matter, I don't have any of those things now. If that's what it takes, I'll agree to it… I just want to live." I begged.
"This is something you really need to think about Bella. What we are offering isn't… natural." Edward said quietly. "It's monstrous."
I raised a brow as my lip quivered. "Well let's hear the details of this monstrous option."
"Not here, this is something no one can know about. Not your friends, family, no one."
"Alright, so where are we going to discuss this then?" I said impatiently.
"Forks," The doctor nodded with a smile. "I realize you have family in that area as well."
"My dad," I said with a pain starting in my chest. "But I haven't seen him since I was six. He wouldn't even recognize me."
"You won't be staying with him. You will be staying with us." The doctor moved to place his hand on my shoulder. I instantly shrugged it off. I didn't want to be touched. Not by anyone. Edward's hands were the only exception. It just felt right. When Edward was near me. I wouldn't question it. I'd just hold on for dear life.
The doctor withdrew his hand, tucking it in his pocket. "I'm sorry, I realize you have been through a lot in these last few hours. But I need to know what you have decided. Are you willing to come to Forks? And have another shot at life?" He said gently.
I looked at Edward, reading his expression carefully. He looked like he was in misery. "What should I do, what would you do?"
He sighed, his hand pausing at the top of my head. "I can't tell you what to do. This is something you have to decide on your own."
"Give me an honest answer. No bullshit. Will I be better off just dying?"
He flinched at my choice of words, but a hard expression clouded his face. "If you choose to go through with this. I promise you will come to find happiness and a life you never knew you could have. I'll put my life on that promise."
That feeling came again. Stronger than before. A fluttering in my heart. It left me breathless and offered a strange high for me. I felt a smile pull at my lips as I turned back to the doctor. "Well, I guess that's my answer. I'll do it."
"Alright, for now we need to get all your paperwork transferred and get you ready for the flight to Forks. In the meantime, your mother is here. I'm sure she is eager to see you." The doctor smiled, scribbling a few notes down on his clipboard.
My heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach. "No, I don't want to see her."
"Bella," Edward sighed, moving his hand from my head, now lightly taking my hand. I didn't move away. The coldness of his hand caught me a little off guard. But I just squeezed his hand. "She cares for you deeply. She is profoundly worried about you. And this will be the very last time you ever see her again."
The thought didn't bother me as much as it should have. I didn't want to see her ever again anyway. She was the reason I was living on the streets. She was the reason I hated myself. If she just would have left me at Forks with my dad, I wouldn't be in this mess. I would have had a great life.
"What should I even say to her? When she asks me if I'm coming home with her?" I looked at him with narrowed eyes.
"Tell her that you have accepted help, you are checking into a rehab center to get clean. Don't give her the details of where it will be. This should be more than enough for her to accept. She'll just be happy you are getting help." Edward replied, before slipping his hand from my grasp.
He and the doctor began to head to the door, just as that bitchy nurse came back into the room with a full tray of food. She had that stupid fake smile on her face as she practically danced it over to my tray table. She was making a big show in front of the doctor. Appearing extra kind and attentive. She fluttered her eyes in his direction several times. Although he didn't take notice.
"Wait, when will I be leaving?" I sat up a bit, feeling anxiety pour over me in waves.
Edward was leaving.
"As soon as you're finished eating, and you finish talking with your mother," The doctor said, nodding to my tray of food. "You are very underweight, so please finish your food."
I looked down at the food. Something that looked to be a meatloaf. Two scoops of mashed potatoes and a spoonful of corn. This was the best looking meal I've seen since I was living at home. It didn't smell too bad either.
"Alright," I muttered quietly.
The doctor left, but Edward lingered in the doorway, watching me closely. "I'll just be right outside. So as soon as your all set, I'll be there,"
The nurse turned in Edward's direction. "That won't be necessary. I'll watch her, you don't need to be burdened by such things. I'm sure your father will want you at his side. Since you are shadowing him here, aren't you?"
Burden. That's right. She got it right. I was a complete burden. But she didn't have to pepper those other pretty little words around it. Her statement was clear enough without them.
I glared openly at her as I contemplated throwing the tray at her again.
Instead, Edward smiled, a brilliant smile, one that could light up a room. "This isn't a burden. It's a privilege." That was the only thing he said, as he continued out the door.
I felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest. Happiness overwhelmed me. No one ever said anything like that about me. I wasn't the only one surprised. The nurse stood there slack-jawed for a few seconds, before composing herself.
"Ring your call bell if you need me dear," She nodded to the remote, with a red button. She didn't make eye contact. I don't know if it was out of discomfort or embarrassment. She made a speedy exit.
Reluctantly I began to eat, but as soon as it touched my tongue, I was scarfing it down as fast as I could. It was like a switch went off in my brain. You are hungry. I barely tasted it. That didn't even register to me. I ate until there was nothing left, before getting into the variety of drinks. Ginger ale, water and apple juice. It was a little juvenile, a good bottle of Captain Morgan would have been better. But this would be just fine.
After a while, I watched in disgust as a familiar face came to my door. Rene timidly walked in, her eyes red and puffy, a tissue hovering over her nose as she walked into my room. Tears spilled over her cheeks as she took a seat next to my bed.
"I just talked with the doctor. Bella, you really had unprotected sex? You actually got HIV from someone out on the streets?" The pity in her eyes made me want to vomit.
"I probably got it from Phil, after all those years you let him rape me. You might want to get yourself tested as well." I snapped at her.
Rene hunched her shoulders, sobbing a bit louder. "B-Bella you don't know how sorry I am. I truly mean that. I should have listened to you when you told me. You were just so young; I didn't think you knew what you were talking about."
I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to go over this argument over and over. This was why I left home. Rene didn't believe me. In fact, every time I brought it up, she would scream at me. Send me to my room. Call me a liar. The day ran away from that house was the day my mother caught him. Raping me, on my fifteenth birthday.
She just stood there, white as a ghost. She didn't help me. She walked away. Left me. I'd never forgive her. I didn't care what she said, or how much she begged. She saw him and still didn't lift a finger to save me.
"Look, I only had them let you in here to tell you a few things." I exhaled noisily.
She met my gaze, in complete distress. "Baby, please tell me you are coming home. Phil isn't around anymore. I promise. I would let anyone hurt you again."
I didn't believe her.
"Firstly, No I'm not coming home. I'm getting shipped to a rehab center, to get clean." I lied smoothly. It was something I've learned to do well by now.
She froze, a huge sigh of relief rolling past her lips. She leaned back in her seat, looking up towards the ceiling, thanking whatever god she chose to believe in. "Wonderful news, is it close by? Also, we will need to find out how much those medications will be to help your HIV. The doctor mentioned you had decided on a fairly inexpensive way to receive the medications you need."
"Don't worry about either of those things. Because they don't include you being involved in. I don't want to see you. I don't want you to write letters, send me gifts, or have any contact with me at all. Because you are the problem, Rene. Every time I look at you, I want to either get high, or pop enough xannies until I stop breathing." I growled.
This wasn't the first time I've told her this. And just like every time I have, she let her head fall. She shut down. Nothing more was said. A zombie-like depressed look came on her face. As if, life was slowly draining out of her.
I didn't pity her.
"I never wanted this to ever happen to you. And I'm sorry I've caused you so much pain and suffering. Is there anything I can do? Anything at all? I don't want to lose you Bella. Like it or not, I am your mother. And no matter what you say or do, I'm going to love you forever."
I refuse to let her words affect me. I always surrounded my heart with a wall. Her words bounced off. I didn't feel them. But I felt a small crack in the wall forming. I hated when she said things like that. It made it so hard for me to keep hating her. She was human too, wasn't she? Like everyone else in the world, she has made some mistakes. How could I hold that against her? But I was a child. And she didn't believe me. If you can't turn to your own mother for help, who could you turn to? She let me down. Every time. Even when the true was right there in front of her, she refused to believe it.
No. I won't forgive her. I don't want her love. I don't care how much pain she is in. Let her be raped by some man, daily for the next six years. Then she may have an idea of the hell she allowed me to suffer. I lost my childhood.
But now I had a chance to make it alright. Edward and his father are offering me another chance at life. I would do things differently from this point on. I'd do anything to keep Edward by my side. I didn't know what it was about him. He was the first one to hold a handout and try to save me. The first person to look at me and decide that I was worth saving. He didn't drive past me, even when I refused to take his help. He didn't give up on me. He knew I needed this. He did the one thing my own mother couldn't do for me. See me, value me, save me from the ugliness of this world.
I would pay him back. I would straighten my life out. Not just for myself. But for the future that I was always aspiring to have.
"Goodbye Rene, this will be the last time we talk. I can promise you that. So… this is the last thing I'm going to say." I paused, clearing my throat. "I hope you do find that dream man that you have always wanted to find. I hope you continue living on in happiness. No longer burdened with thoughts of me on the streets. I wish things would have turned out differently. But life is unpredictable that way. We grow from our hardships. That was something you told me once. Good bye and good luck." I wanted to offer her some kind of smile, or token to remember me by. The hospital staff probably burned my clothes, they were so filthy. But I was able to snag two things. The keychain that had been Katie, that must have fallen from her purse. And my crack pipe.
I handed her over the pipe. She pinched it between her fingers, scanning over it with confusion. "Bella, what do you want me to do with this?" She sniffed, wiping at her eyes.
"It's something to remember me by. Your junkie daughter gave up her crack pipe. It's supposed to symbolize me giving up drugs. So, when you think of me and wonder if I'm lying dead in the streets somewhere from an overdose, you will see the pipe and know that isn't the case. Because I gave it up."
She blinked a few times, not seeming to fully understand me, but she smiled anyway. Holding tightly to it. "Alright, thank you sweetheart. I'll treasure it."
I almost cracked a smile. "It is considered drug-paraphernalia, so don't get busted with it."
Her face turned a few colors, but she hastily tucked it in her pocket. "Right, she lightly patted my arm. "I won't give up on you Bella. Never. I'll find a way to reach you. It may take some time. But I'm your mother. And nothing can come in between our bond. No matter the distance."
I rolled my eyes. She was always so dramatic. But I suppose I was only given one mother. She wasn't a great one. But she was mine. Love her or hate her. She stayed annoyingly persistent to stay in my life. Who knows, maybe when I'm clean, Edward would allow me to see her again. And give our relationship another try. But the way he spoke, that wasn't likely.
A/N: Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying this new idea for a story, let me know in a review. Thanks again!