She would have been lying if she had ever said, in any way or form, that she wasn't scared.
The fear of the unknown, of the thousand paths this could go down through, attacked Ayaka's heart in giant waves that paralyzed her as she walked through the corridors of the Butterfly Estate. She took a moment, feeling the cold sweat slowly slid down her back, and then she continued walking with a sigh, bringing both hands up to her chest, where her heart was beating with a surprising speed.
Ayaka went through that process a few more times, walking a dozen steps, abruptly stopping, and then, after a few seconds of thought, continuing until she reached the garden.
And like something that came back after a long time, like the soldier that met again with their parent after a war or the adult that once again found that part of them that never stopped being a child, Ayaka was back home.
"Mother!" She didn't believe to have ever called her like that before, and she was surprised by the formality of the expression.
Always trying to help, always trying to be kind, her mother was busy taking care of the laundry in the garden. When hearing her voice, she turned around in surprise.
With a strength that came from somewhere she didn't know and the determination of a mountain (maybe this was what Kanao meant) Ayaka walked firmly to where her mother was.
She was surprised, staring at her with eyes wide open. Ayaka kneeled and her forehead touched the floor.
"A... A-chan?" she wondered in doubt. Ayaka only bent forward more, hands against the grass with such delicacy she could have been a sweet maiden of long hair from the Sengoku Era.
"I'm sorry mother. I beg for you to forgive me," she started, loud and clear. A thin veil of tears appeared on her eyes but she wouldn't spill even a single one of them, she wasn't the victim here, nor did she want pity. "I've been a horrible daughter and I haven't supported you like I should have. I beg of you, please, forgive me for everything I've done."
"A-chan," her mother tried again, but Ayaka suddenly cut her off.
"I'm not finished," she said, leaning her forehead on the grass just a bit more. "Kaori Iwamoto, you, along with my father, are the strongest people I know. You stayed on your feet despite everything and you were always kind and generous." Her voice softened. "It's an honour to be the daughter of such incredible people."
She waited for an answer, Sun making sweat drip down her cheek. Ayaka heard her mother sigh.
"You didn't have to make this such a big deal," she said, sounding even tired. "Coming back is enough."
Ayaka got up in a whim with fists at both sides of her waist. Maybe before all of this she would have believed her, but experience has made her wiser and her sight was now sharper. Her mother lied about a lot of things, she could see through every single one of them.
"Mother, stop with the nonsense." She waited for a moment, carefully inspecting until the last one of her features. No, she wasn't able to see through it all, but still through much more than before. "I made you cry."
"That's not," her mother staggers, whispering, "important."
"I left you alone in a village that hated you... you and dad." Her heart trembled at the thought. "I didn't reply to your letters or even thanked you for the presents, so I'll never, never," the devil's eyes looked the more determined they ever had when Ayaka took a stronghold on both of her mother's hands, "never fail to take proper care of you, nor will I ever abandon you. I'll give you what you deserve, I promise."
Kaori's voice trembled, at the same time as she shook her head. "Always making promises, you'll never change."
Ayaka stated "I won't!" and enveloped her arms around her.
Nezuko's hugs were just as strong as hers, and only now did she realize just how much she had needed them.
This won't make her regrets and burdens go away, but Ayaka figured this would be a nice start.
She left her mother on the garden for her to end the laundry with the promise of having mochi together at some point. Ayaka was the one to mention it would be a good idea to play karuta and Kaori agreed.
Ayaka never took the time to explore the Butterfly Estate completely, it turned out to be much bigger than what she had expected.
She found Zenitsu's blond head in one of the corridors and for a moment she stayed still, unblinking, so mesmerized that Zenitsu stopped too and looked at her in confusion.
"So creepy," he whispered to himself, referring to Ayaka's gaze on him, She finally blinked and went back to the world, although saying nothing.
"You know?" Zenitsu started, "your sound is just like the one from that time." Ayaka asked what time he was referring to. "When you gave me Shoichi's letter. You wanted to apologize, right? Just like now."
Kneeling, kissing the floor she stepped on or folding a thousand paper cranes, she believed, wouldn't be enough to make up for the harm she'd done, but even so Ayaka pushed her knees against the floor and leaned her forehead against the wooden tiles, kneeling before her friend and equal.
"I'm truly sorry." She finally got rid of the binding that had imprisoned her throat and managed to talk. This time she looked up, she wanted to look him in the eyes when doing so. "I treated you unfairly, and that's something I shouldn't have done. Zenitsu Agatsuma, I insulted and belittled you, but even so you never stopped treating me like a friend and a comrade. You're very strong, even more so than me."
Even if she had always believed Zenitsu to be someone emotional and hysterical, he stayed calm when looking back at her, still kneeling.
"It was nothing," he said, shrugging, "aniki said worst things at jii-chan's house. It made me happy that you believed in me but." Zenitsu took some ohagi from the plate he held on his hands and bit on it. Ayaka waited for him to swallow. "I don't blame you for thinking I'm useless."
"I don't think that's..." she staggered, finally getting up from the floor and joining his side. "Who's that aniki you're talking about?"
Zenitsu pushed the plate closer to her and Ayaka took some ohagi even though she wasn't hungry.
"Me and Kaigaku trained together under jii-chan, he made us both tsugukos but Kaigaku never accepted it. He was constantly talking about getting stronger and becoming a pillar, he also hated being compared to me, always bad mouthing me to my face..." His eyes fluttered nervously around the room, but never settled on Ayaka's face. "He kind of reminds me of you..."
At this she stayed silent for a while, thinking, as she looked at the ceiling. For some reason the sight of her, Genya and Himejima came to her mind like a picture or a photo.
"So I'm that kind of person." That was the only thing she said about the matter.
"Sorry," Ayaka repeated once again, despite the fact that Zenitsu didn't seem to care. "It sounds like that Kaigaku guy is pretty horrible."
She didn't mention that his name felt familiar and he didn't say that he heard a brief skip of recognition on her melody of drums and violins.
"No, I think Kaigaku's just... unsatisfied."
Ayaka nodded. "I can't imagine what kind of life he must have had but... don't let him say horrible things about you, or that someone like me takes advantage of you again."
"In the end it doesn't really matter," Zenitsu sighed. "I haven't seen him since I left for the Final Selection, and I don't think I'll see him any time soon."
As many times as he said it didn't matter, the worry on Ayaka's chest was still there, sad in her friend's stead, from who she could see come a deep loneliness and hate for himself. She did everything she could to smile sweetly.
"I can't promise I'll beat him up but... if you have any more problems with him, I'll come to your aid."
"Wow, great help, an insane tsuguko is gonna protect me." Zenitsu said this sarcastically, although later, his voice turned soft. "Thanks. A-chan."
She laughed and patted his shoulder. "That's how my parents call me! It's weird, just say Aya!"
"Zenitsu," she called his name to check if he was paying attention, if he was still there and that he hadn't disappeared, or that he would. After all, the presence of someone stronger was comforting. "I... I was born as a sick child."
"Aya," he said her nickname slowly, as if tasting it for the first time. "You don't have to explain anything."
"But I need to, I... somehow I need for you to know." She took both his hands in between hers, bigger and tanner, her mind travelled back to the nightmare Enmu created. It was no coincidence, in fact, she had known for a long time. "Are you willing to listen? To understand?"
He silently agreed.
The second time she did it was easier. They both sat in the porch like that night and she spoke. Of the hardships and the pain, the insecurities, the suffering, she felt coming from Zenitsu something close to empathy and understanding although their experiences couldn't be any more different and similar at the same time. Ayaka guessed that was the feeling of all those that had been walked over before, and one way or another, they could sense others that had gone through the same.
As much as she loved Tanjirou, to be heard, to be understood, that was something completely different.
"It was frustrating." A furrowed brow painted itself on her face and she bit her lip. "Seeing you be so... I don't know. I guess it doesn't make much sense. It's not an excuse but... I guess it was like a reminder, or maybe I was just jealous because you could cry and say you were weak so freely..."
Zenitsu deeply inhaled and then stated:
"It doesn't make any sense at all. You're dumb."
Ayaka stayed quiet, as if she had been kicked in the stomach, only to later yell "hey!". Then she got up, looking as determined as she had all throughout that morning, and turned her face to the side to leave her cheek facing Zenitsu's way.
"So we finally make amends, I want you to slap me."
He nearly dropped the ohagi plate to the floor and started yelling. "The hell are you saying!? Are you stupid or something!? Has Inosuke rubbed off on you!?"
Ayaka, with a determined "hmph", only insisted.
"I may be dumb but I'm not stupid! Slap me, Zenitsu!"
"I'm not gonna do that! You're insane!"
"Come on, just a slap! It doesn't even have to be that strong!" She got closer and Zenitsu only walked back.
"Stay away from me, lunatic! Leave me alone!" In a desperate howl and in between tears as if he was a baby calling for his parent, he screamed "Tanjirou!"
At his name, Ayaka instantly paralyzed. Zenitsu, who not only had a sharp ear but also knew how people worked because of his raising in the city, understood what had happened instantly. So using that to his advantage he said:
"The ohagi was for Tanjirou, who's been alone all morning! How cruel it would be if you made me drop the ohagi accidentally! I'd be visiting him without snacks, I'm sure that would even leave him even more depressed!"
He regretted his words the moment he saw that Ayaka, instead of stopping, became more insistent in a different way:
"Tanjirou has been depressed? Why is that?" She looked at him with big and worried eyes in search of answers, bringing both hands up to her chest like a love sick girl.
It had backfired.
"Uh... yeah..." She kept looking at him in even more worry, Zenitsu could do nothing but sweat. "Since Rengoku-san died... we've all been pretty bummed out."
"Then we have to cheer him up, I'm sure Inosuke is also happy when we all hang out even if he won't say it," she said, tugging him by the arm and dragging him all the way. "If Tanjirou's sad, we can't just-"
One of the three girls (Kiyo? Naho? Ayaka should seriously learn their names) bursted through the nursery, making the door hit Zenitsu straight on the face. She screamed, with tears on her eyes:
"Tanjirou is gone! He isn't on his bed and I can't find him anywhere! Miss Shinobu is very mad! His injuries haven't healed yet!"
A very strange expression appeared on Ayaka's face, and a second later she had ran out of the room, yelling behind her:
"At this point I'm gonna kill that idiot myself!"
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When he was only a child, Kagaya Ubuyashiki was revealed the secret of being an Oyakata-sama. The role of the leader of the demon slaying corps wasn't to create strategies or train soldiers, neither was it riding a horse and marching past the gazes of the soldiers that worshipped and admired him.
The role, above all, of an Oyakata-sama was to bring peace and comfort and trying in any way possible to keep the soldiers alive. And for that he needed money.
It could be known as instinct, future vision or whatever other term associated with premonition, feelings that made him have a sharp smell and take precautions. Kagaya thought a lot of times that it was something given only to fight Muzan, something they had done for hundreds of years and that they'd continue doing until the root of evil on their family was stripped away at once.
Kagaya would have liked to say he was lucky, the Ubuyashikis are a family with abundant riches and his children and wife are amazing people. He treasured every single moment he spent with them, but knowing that his life had been snatched away, shortened by an illness without cure and that had been a punishment because of a family sin, made the back of his tongue feel bitter. It wasn't only his life, but if he did nothing, possibly his children's too, like how his parents' and siblings' had been before them. It was something that filled him with wrath.
He didn't consider himself someone selfish, only human, and Kagaya Ubuyashiki would love to see Muzan Kibutsuji dead.
The lives of hundreds of soldiers that fought and bled and sweated day after day with harsh hands and worn out swords would never be any more worthy than his, that was something carved on his mind from the first moment. Because of it, like a true Oyakata-sama, he dedicated his life and soul to get food for their tired moments, iron for their swords, houses where to heal for their broken bones, and although it wasn't his life, like the ones many of them offered, it was the only thing he could do, because he was born weak and sick and he couldn't pick up a sword or fight without collapsing.
This was something he passed on to his son, Kiriya, who at only eight years old was already aware of his responsibilities and burdens.
He wouldn't allow a despicable being to continue wandering the earth without consequences, but for that they needed to win, they needed brave and strong soldiers, to be better and wiser and learn from those that came before them. This simple and pure desire was shared by everyone in the corps, along with the quick spread of Rengoku's death.
"He was an excellent child," he muttered, without spilling tears because his outside was nothing more than peace.
"Father." Kiriya's voice echoed somewhere, but he knew by instinct, by practiced and acquired nature, that he was now walking to him, giving him a letter. He took it in between his hands. "A crow came in this morning. It was from Ayaka Iwamoto."
"I see," he felt the surface of the paper and opened it. "So she reached the anatta estate."
The gods had great plans for her. Kagaya, with his instinct, could predict it.
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