Chapter's Song: "Phantom" - Circa Survive

I blinked twice, my thoughts ricocheting off the insides of my skull like a million bouncy balls like you get out of old gumball machines for 25 cents a pop.

"I'm sorry," I said, completely unapologetic and more so out of complete confusion at the situation I had been thrust in. "Did you say Joshua Uley, as in Sam Uley?" I emphasized the name; the man sighing sadly in response while nodding his head and biting his lower lip in what appeared to be shame.

At least I hoped it was shame because this was the man who had, oh, I don't know, abandoned his family some 30 odd years ago and now, as I'm finding out, went on to impregnate my mom before abandoning her too.

Needless to say, Joshua Uley sure seemed like a real winner.

My body shook wildly, and I couldn't help but reach up to run a trembling hand through my hair. Noting my obvious agitation, Ma took careful steps toward me while grabbing my shoulder in a firm but comforting grip.

"Embry, it's okay. I know it's a lot to take in, but you'll get through this," she tried in a soothing voice, but I wasn't having it. I was too far gone.

"A lot to take in? A lot to take in?" I repeated to her, my voice growing louder with each word I spoke. "No, Ma. A lot to take in is finding out that Santa isn't real on Christmas day or-or...or that I'm like secretly related to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or something. Not that dear old dad here not only shows up on our doorstep two days to Christmas freakin' day looking no older than me which- I'll admit -is pretty weird," I couldn't get the words out fast enough and I was pacing back and forth, my body starting to convulse from the information overload I'd been trying to avoid my entire life.

A phase was coming on, and I wasn't going to be able to avoid it. I had to get out of there... but I couldn't stop talking. "But what's weirder is that he's the dad AND WIFE to oh, I don't know, SAM ULEY, MA! SAM ULEY! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!"

My tone had transformed into full blown yelling. I huffed loudly and pushed passed Joshua to walk into the frigid air doing nothing to cool my overheating body. Of course, Ma just had to follow me outside.

"Embry, come back inside please!" She called out over the roaring of the wind shouting just above her voice. "We can talk about this!"

I threw my arms up in exasperation. "What's there to talk about, Ma?" I yelled back at her, but not because of the noise from the wind; I was far louder than that. "You clearly had no problem hiding all of this from me my entire life so what makes you want to talk about it now?"

Smirking humorlessly, I gesture towards Joshua who was now standing between Ma and myself. "Does the fact that he's here have anything to do with your sudden honesty streak? What, now you wanna get it all off your chest, Ma? Well gee, how fucking thoughtful of you!"

Joshua turned to look at me and held his hands up defensively while stating in a cool, collected tone: "Embry, why don't you take some deep breaths and just calm down, okay? We wouldn't want you doing anything rash."

This made me burst out laughing, but not because anything he said was remotely funny. "Oh, you suddenly want to be a father to me now, Joshua?" I practically spit in his face. "What, you think I'm going to hurt my Ma? Like you did?"

This seemed to tick him off, so I continued to roast him as if the words I said were knives I could force through his body. Carefully, I fashioned each letter of every word with a sharp tone so that it might slice through his emotional flesh with a single prick. "Well, I may be your son by blood, but I am not you, Joshua Uley. I would never hurt my mother the way you did. I might not have been around to remember any of it, but I'm not dumb either. You may have gotten her pregnant, but you are nothing but a donor. You are not my father. You are nothing and you'd better leave, or you'll regret it I can assure you that."

I was mere inches from his face at this point, but he didn't seem threatened. In fact... he just seemed sad. There I was huffing and puffing like the freakin' big bad wolf and he wasn't even shaking in his boots. He just continued to stand there, firmly in place, cool as a goddamn cucumber.

And that just pissed me off even more.

We stood like this for what felt like forever until Ma tried to break the tension.

"Please," she pleaded from the doorway while pulling her sweater tightly around her body like knitted armor for the cold. "Come inside you two. We can discuss this rationally. Like adults."

I shook my head, my eyes locked on Joshua's. "I'm not interested in anything he has to say to me. And frankly Ma," my eyes shifted to look over his shoulder and directly at where she was standing, "you shouldn't either."

With that, I looked back at Joshua for a split second before turning around altogether and retreating for the woods just outside our house. Clenching my hands at my sides, my fists shook violently with each step I took away from my two stunned parents.

"Embry!" Ma called after me. "Embry! Come back!" She hollered over the moaning wind that beckoned me.

"It's okay, Tiff," I heard Joshua tell her and I picked up my pace at the sound of his voice trying to comfort my Ma. He had no right to be here and try to pick up where he left off. He had no right to just come into our lives again. "He'll come back."

"Pfft," I sounded to myself while jogging into the tree line, my figure disappearing from their line of sight altogether.

Just as the tree's shadows covered me, the wind stopped slapping my body as hard as it had when I was exposed a few moments ago. In the distance I heard Ma call out faintly, "You could at least take your jacket, Embry! You'll freeze half to death!" I knew she was worried, but I would come back... eventually.

For now, I couldn't risk phasing in front of her or Joshua, not that I wouldn't mind hurting Joshua if I was being honest with myself. But phasing in front of Ma would put her in danger and I wasn't about to risk exposing her to the wolf persona I'd been keeping from her for years now.

Talk about a lot to take in...

Once I was deep in the woods, I started peeling off my clothing article by article and tossing into the abyss of the forest. When I got to my pants, I stopped to tie them around my ankle (a little trick so as not to lose pants so often or destroy them- one would be amazed at the budget lost on clothes alone for an average Quileute shapeshifter these days) before finally allowing the heat which had been growing inside me to take over.

In a matter of seconds, I had exploded into the wolf that had been chomping at the bits to get out and run wild.

As my large paws galloped through the thick snow accumulating on the ground beneath me, my lungs inhaled deeply before letting out a loud howl in hopes of getting the attention of either Jake or Quil. I was just praying that I wouldn't attract Sam because if he were to show up... there was no promising I'd be able to mask my thoughts well enough for him not to realize Papa Josh was in town again.

There was no telling what Sam would do if he found out his dad was back in La Push- to both me and to Joshua.

It was just so shitty that all this was happening. After Sam and Emily had their first kid a couple years back, Sam conceded his pack to Jake so we were all on the same team again. I think he just figured it was wise because he had a family now and as far as we all knew, he was planning to stop phasing. Considering he wasn't reflecting his age so well these days, it only made sense he grow old with his family.

However, Joshua Uley being in town sort of complicated things. If he realized that he was hanging around, it could tear the packs apart again. Sam might continue phasing for all anyone knew and tear his own family apart.

Hell, he might even kill me. Which at this point, might just be a favor to me in lieu of all this family drama nonsense.

Who's killing you, now? Jake wondered from inside my head and while I was relieved it was only Jake and not Sam who answered my one-way-howl, I was afraid for his reaction to what he was about to find out.

Quickly, I caught him up to speed with what had gone down at my house just moments before. My flash of images depicting Joshua Uley flew through his mind's eye at impressive repeat. Following that, my brain landed on an endless loop dear old Ma telling me he was my long-lost dad.

Needless to say, Jake was 'shook' as the kids say these days.

Holy shit, Bry. That's... wow, was his reaction.

What's wow? Quil chimed in from inside our heads and I stopped walking to huff out in annoyance.

I am NOT reliving all of that again for his sake. Jake?

Oh. You want me to tell him? Right. He thought and then paused before exposing my secret as bluntly as possible. It would have made me angry, but to be fair, blunt was basically the only way Jake knew how to operate. Sam's dad showed up at his doorstep and it turns out that he's his father. His mom broke the news to him like 20 minutes ago.

No fuckin' WAY man! I totally knew it! He thought in almost excitement before quickly rethinking, I mean, I'm really sorry that sounds... traumatic.

Quil! What the hell, man! Jake scolded.

Okay, first off- I started, but Quil was quick to stop me and apologize for what he knew I was going to say.

I know, I know. It was insensitive, my thought about knowing it and all. His thoughts grew louder as the three of us met up in the clearing where we typically met for wolf-meetings. Forming a half-circle with our bodies, Quil faced me head on while continuing his thought process. To be fair though, you DO have a direct line to my thoughts, and it was just the first one that popped into my head. I really didn't mean to be rude or anything. I'm sorry, man. I can't imagine how hard this is.

Glancing around the clearing as if to make sure nobody else was showing up, I let a loud huff out of my nose; the wisps of breath dancing out of my snout and into the air like smoke. It's fine. I know you didn't mean anything by it. I'm just freaked that Sam will-

Sam will what?

Sam. All three of us thought at once and it was completely impossible to shield our minds from repeating what had been told mere moments before his thoughts entered our own.

Instantly flashes of Joshua on my doorstep circled through our brains like mirrors reflecting the same image in a nonstop chain of unfortunate gif-like fashion. Within literal seconds, his footsteps bounded through the woods. It only took him mere seconds after that before he found us and, wouldn't you know, attacked me right there.

What are you DOING man! Get OFF of me! I shouted in my head, but he wouldn't let up and we growled at each other while tussling in the snow. As we rolled around biting at each other's fur, Sam's thoughts vibrating in my skull.

You're LYING! He thought through a growl and the two of us rolled further into the woods, his teeth biting hard on my shoulder causing me to yelp out in pain.

Why would I lie about something like THAT?! I tried to defend, but apparently there was no need for my thoughts to start begging for mercy. Moments into our fight, another wolf of dark gray color bound into the clearing and leaped in the middle of our fight. It didn't take me long to realize who this unknown wolf with an intent on breaking us up could be. Before I could inwardly voice his identity, his thoughts spoke volumes for me.

You have GOT to be kidding me, I thought right about the time Joshua's mind entered our own.

You two have to give it a rest, he begged, and Sam growled in his direction. Step by step, he planted his stance and lowered his head as if ready to pounce at any moment. Noting Sam's position, Joshua was quick to go on the defensive. Son... Please...

I am NOT your son, Sam retorted angrily from his thoughts. You gave up the right to call me that when you left me. When you left my mother.

I know. And I'm sorry. Truly. He sounded sorry, but Sam wasn't having any of it.

I don't want your apologies. Your words mean nothing to me. I should kill you for what you've done to my family. He was threatening him, and we could hear the violent intention of his thoughts. Sam really was ready to kill him.

Sam, Jake thought coolly, but he wasn't paying any attention whatsoever. Rather than reacting to Jacob, Sam bared his teeth while I tried to inch closer to him. Before I could make any headway in his direction, Sam turned to me and snarled my way.

Don't even THINK about it Embry, his thoughts were cold, and he soon shifted his attention back to Joshua. You should leave. You all should leave.

That's enough! Jake was using his alpha tone now and everyone- even Joshua -couldn't help but follow his command. Sam, go home, NOW. Cool off and we'll deal with this once you've had time to think about it properly and talk with Emily. Quil, just... go home or something. Honestly this doesn't even concern you.

Quil offered me an empathetic look before turning around and running off into the distance. At his departure, Sam glared at both Joshua and I before taking off to disappear in the opposite direction. Joshua looked at me sadly as Jake looked on with a territorial glare.

I'm sorry, kid, Joshua thought but I looked away from him as if the act alone would silence his apologetic words. Slowly, my gaze drifted up to the top of the cliff we were known to use for cliff diving, and I could tell from Jake's thoughts that he knew exactly where I wanted to escape to.

Nodding his head once, Jacob gave me the okay to leave which was all I needed to bolt away from the clearing and let my feet do the thinking for me. With concentration, I allowed my mind to go completely blank so nobody could follow me. The moment I was close enough to walk but still far enough that I couldn't be seen, I phased; effectively locking out anyone who desired to pick around inside my brain.

Walking slowly, I made my way to the edge of the cliff and carefully sat down so my feet could dangle in the drop off. I glanced down at the frozen water below me and sighed, feeling for the first time a wave of emotion I wasn't used to experiencing bubbling up inside of me.

It wasn't the usual heat accompanied by shaking and then phasing like I had felt so many times before.

This was a feeling that was as cool and numb as the ice below. It slowly crept up inside of me like hoarfrost on the branches of a tree or Jack Frost on the glass of a window; working its way through my bloodstream until it made its way to my tear ducts. Before I knew it, the feeling overflowed through my lids and spilled out onto my cheeks.

I was crying.

I was crying, because I was sad.

I mean, I was angry- I was really angry -but I was also really sad, and I didn't entirely understand why either.

Maybe because I hadn't asked for this. Maybe because I had avoided this moment for so long and yet, it had found me anyway. So many years of hiding and lying and keeping secrets all for everything to come out in the open anyway.

It seemed like such a waste of my energy now.

What was I going to do?