Bella's Point of View

Waking up was beginning to get more and more hard to do. I rolled onto my side, searching for any sign of what time it was. There was nothing, just a dull gray light shimmering through the glass windows. My eyes lingered outside, the sight of rain hitting against the window was incredible. I've never seen anything like it before. The gentle tapping of each drop brought on a wave of tranquility. So peaceful.

We made it to Forks. Excitement tugged at me, I stumbled to my feet, quickly moving to the window. It was green. Everywhere. Like a jungle. The trees were like skyscrapers, covered in moss. Wildflowers woven along the ground below. There were so many trees I couldn't get a clear view of how dense the forest was. But my guess, it was pretty thick. Nature is beautiful.

There was a quiet knock on my door. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest as I came crashing back down to reality. I wasn't here for sight-seeing. I was here for detox and rehab. Eventually, I'd become a vampire. I had to keep my priorities in order. But I was hoping Edward had stopped by to check on me.

"Come on in," I said quickly, bounding over to the door.

The door creaked open, and a girl came walking casually in. She was really short; her hair was spiky black; she had a vibrant smile. Fear struck me. I backed away.

"Hi Bella, I'm just here to see how you're doing. I'm Alice." She took a few steps closer, offering her hand out to me.

I turned away, a chill running down my spine. She was short. Just like Sheena. Although Sheena always wore a blonde wig, when dealing with the public, she had short spiky black, just like that. Hers was a little longer, but it was just too similar.

"Where is Edward?" I said quietly.

"He is in Carlisle's study, talking with him about your recovery plans. He gave me permission to say hello to you." She took a few more steps, until she was completely in my personal space. The look on her face stayed cheerful. But I couldn't get the image of Sheena out of my head.

I shut my eyes; my body trembled. "Please stay away from me. I don't want any trouble."

"I'm not here to cause you any trouble. I just wanted to meet you. I've heard that you've been through a lot. You aren't alone in that." Her words were warm and comforting.

I peeked at her. "That's very nice of you. And I'm sure you are a very sweet vampire. But you remind me of someone I know…"

Her twinkling laugh surprised me. I looked at her fully now. She was so child-like. Innocent. She really did seem non-threatening. It's hard to believe that she wasn't human. Apart from the extremely pale skin.

"It's not going to be hard forever, I've seen it. We will become good friends one day. I understand that it takes time to heal from trauma. I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, if you ever want to talk."

I looked away from her again, wrapping my arms around myself to try to calm down the shaking. "Thank you…"

She bobbed her head, skipping a bit as she went to the door of my room. "I hope you like your room. Esme and I decorated it for you. Just let me know if you need anything." In a flash she left. Letting the door shut on her way out.

I took a moment to look around the room. It was luxurious. Everything was so neat and tidy. I was worried that I might break something or disturb the order of it. I was drawn to the bookcase first. I let my fingers trace over the spines of the books. Looking for something interesting to read. There was a lot here. Mostly educational books. My guess was they would be tutoring me, while I was here. Preparing me for re-entrance to high school. That was something I had no interest in doing. I didn't see the point in it. I wasn't smart. I was never going to college. I'd be lucky if I ever graduated high school.

There was another knock at my door now. I didn't move from my place at the bookshelf. I hoped that it was Edward this time. But I was mentally preparing myself for another new face.

"Come in," I sighed quietly.

Just as a thought, another new person. A woman came in, looking a bit older than Alice. She was taller, probably my height. Dark brown hair that passed the tops of her shoulders. She had a very mother-like atmosphere. Her demeanor was kind and gentle. A tray of delicious food was clutched in her hands.

She walked the tray in and placed it on the desk, in the corner of the room, before turning his golden eyes in my direction completely.

"Good morning Bella, how did you sleep?" Her voice reminded me of an overly concerned mother. Like Rene. I struggled to not react in annoyance. She wasn't Rene. She looked nothing like her. This was Edward's mother, no doubt.

"I slept great, it's been a long time since I've slept on a bed, a real bed." My eyes lingered on the food. Pancakes. Scrambled eggs. A glass of orange juice. There was no way I could resist. I couldn't wait to eat. My stomach was gurgling, just taking in the faint smell of it all.

"I'm Esme, you met my husband at the hospital, Carlisle. He mentioned you are interested in getting help with addiction." There was no sign of judgment on her face.

I nodded, chewing my bottom lip. "That's the plan. I'm pretty optimistic. Although I'm a bit nervous about the transformation part. Don't get me wrong, I want to live. I'm just not sure how well I'll be as a vampire. It sounds like you all have struggles to overcome too. I hope that I won't be more of a burden to any of you."

Esme's smile turned a bit sad. "It isn't an easy life. But compared to the life you were living before; I have confidence that you will do well. You're a strong woman. And we will all be here to help you every step of the way."

I felt a grin spread across my face. I couldn't help it. She was so nice. Like the mother I've always wished for. But standing here, talking to her, reminded me of Rene. My heart ached a bit. She was a fool. A complete let down as a parent. Her bad choices led me here. Her selfish nature. Her obsession of finding that man, who will sweep her off her feet and save her. But this wasn't who Esme was. I could see it in her eyes. She has known hardship as well. She had a story. Just like me.

"I appreciate you saying that. I know it's been hard for you as well. You've had a hard life. But the good doctor saved you. Didn't he? Just like how Edward is saving me."

Surprise touched her features; she took a step closer to me. I walked a little closer to her as well, getting a good look in her eyes. I could see it there. The trauma. The emotional damage. Hidden behind many years. But it was still there. It was easy letting my guard down, when it came to people with a bad past. I could relate to them. I felt that I could understand their pain a little bit. For those that were lucky enough to have a wonderful life, I couldn't help but feel jaded. They took their good fortune for granted. They got to walk around, smile and be normal. Enjoy their blessed existence without a care in the world. I envied those people.

But Esme wasn't one of those people. She may have been suppressing her feelings for a while, but my words seemed to melt some of her walls down. A sad look came to her face, her shoulders slumped.

"Yes, life wasn't always easy. I've made a lot of mistakes… and lost people… that I care for dearly." Her voice was quiet, barely above a whisper.

Hesitantly I reached out, lightly touching her shoulder. She flinched at my touch but forced herself not to pull away. This was a sign of abuse. Someone has hurt her in the past, physically. But I'm also dealing with a vampire here. She could have reacted to my touch, merely because she wasn't used to coming into contact with a human. My touch was warm and foreign to her.

"Just because you made it through that hard part in your life, doesn't mean you have truly healed from it. It's easy to find little things to distract yourself. But it's part of who you are. Don't hide from that. Don't smother the pain with something else. Accept it. Sit in it. Let it hurt. Then, and only then, you may start to heal those old wounds." I spoke gently. "I've had this same talk with my best friend. When we tried getting clean. But it didn't work out for us. We didn't have the tools to cope with pain. We used drugs instead. But maybe, there is another way. That's why I'm here. To find out how to move on."

Esme's shoulders trembled, her hands went to her eyes, but there were no tears. She hung her head, feeling the full impact of my words. I squeezed her shoulder, before taking a few steps back from her. As much as I wanted to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay. I couldn't manage to allow myself to get that close. She was still a stranger. I didn't know her well enough. I didn't want to say that I didn't trust her. But I've been fooled in the past. When I've let myself feel bad for someone, I've been used in the past. Their sad story and their need for help, I wanted to help. But I couldn't take on someone else's pain too. It would only make my recovery harder. She would have to figure this out on her own. At least until I am well enough to help her.

Caught up in her emotion, she didn't realize that someone else was at the door waiting for her. Carlisle stepped into the room, sweeping his arms around her. She laid her head on his shoulder. Sobbing, without tears. Her heart was breaking, he sensed that.

He offered me a gentle smile. "I'm glad to see you are awake, are you experiencing any discomfort? I have your first dose of Methadone ready; it's scheduled for a few hours from now. But there are other medications if you are having any other symptoms."

I carefully watched over their body language. His touch alone seemed to soothe Esme. He was her comfort. The one thing that made her feel like everything would be alright. He was that important to her. She clung to him out of desperation and deep affection. This was Esme's pillar of strength. I was confident that she would be alright, as long as Carlisle was by her side. But she needed to start being honest with herself. She has a history of abuse, loss, possibly mental anguish. She hasn't addressed it fully.

"That's alright, I'm feeling okay for right now. A little sore and a little emotional. But nothing I can't manage." I said turning my sights off of them. I wanted to respect their privacy. Esme was having a moment. It wouldn't be kind to stare.

"Edward mentioned he would be coming up soon, once you finish eating. He would like to talk with you about your arrangements." Carlisle continued, keeping his tone light.

I suspected that Carlisle has been through some things as well. But his was buried much deeper. It wasn't as noticeable. He was very good at disguising it. He was a well-adjusted man; I gave him credit for that. He gave off the perfect illusion of being normal, down to Earth. A true selfless individual. But there was something there. Hidden. Painful. Dark.

"Great, thanks for letting me know. And for being so attentive." I said with a small smile.

"Of course, just let me know if there is anything you need." With that, he walked Esme out of the room. I wondered what kind of conversation they would have. What would he say to make her feel better? Would it work? Or would my words haunt her for the rest of the day. I felt really bad. I didn't mean to upset her. I just wanted her to know that I was here for her as well. To talk. Someone that understands her pain. Just because she is a vampire, that doesn't mean anything. She was human first. And something brought her into this life. Something that has left scars.

I moved to the tray of food, moving it to the bed. I ate in relative silence. Each bite was better than the last. I groaned in delight. It was the best breakfast I've had in years. Even when I wasn't on the streets. Rene was never a cook. Breakfast usually consisted of stale cereal and sour milk. Rene didn't make good money and the little that she did make, went right to Phil. She supplied his alcoholism. Not that she had much of a choice. If she didn't give him the money, he would throw a tantrum, break things, threaten to kill the both of us, threaten to kill himself. So of course, Rene gave into his demands, every time.

I can remember a few times, Rene had packed my lunch for school, a single potato. Not cooked. Not enough washed off. Just one, raw potato. Needless to say, the school was beginning to become aware of the situation at home. It was only a matter of time. So, instead of something drastic happening, like Rene getting thrown in jail, or me getting taken away from here, I went to the streets. For a while, it was much better than being at home. I ate better. Phil wasn't there to abuse me. I met Katie. I thought everything was going to work out. But it didn't.

Katie. I thought we were going to get out of this mess together. Why did you have to go and die on me? Why didn't you listen?

I could feel myself starting to crave relief from these painful thoughts. I squeezed my eyes shut, to stop the tears and just continued to eat. But the food was bittersweet. This whole situation was bittersweet. I finally was saved. But Katie didn't live long enough to see it for herself. I had never been a religious person in the past. How could I be, with all the awful things I've been put through… and for nothing. But I hoped, above all else, that there was a heaven and Katie was there. No longer in pain. No longer struggling with her addiction. Maybe she was watching over me and her son, right now.

That thought helped a little bit.

Her keychain was sitting on the nightstand, next to the bed. A silver heart, with a picture of her son inside of it. It was a gift I had given her a long time ago. I had a matching keychain, but there was no picture inside of mine. I had no one. No one that I cared enough about to carry their picture in.

But when I did try to think of someone, Edward was the first and only person that came to my mind. He was my savior. The only hand that came out to offer me a better life. He looked at me. Didn't think I was trash or worthless. Even though that's how I felt. He picked me up. And offered me the world. I just hoped that I wouldn't disappoint him. I don't ever want to cause him any trouble. It was bad enough, I was here, invading him home. Like some kind of beggar.

A thought occurred to me. What if he has someone? A wife, or girlfriend? Was I taking him away from someone special? The pain that came with those thoughts was indescribable. My eyes searched for something. Anything to take my mind off this agony.

My hand flashed back to the tray, where a butter knife sat. I brought the dull blade to my arm, giving it a bit of pressure. But before I could attempt to distract myself, someone knocked on my door. It was a harder, more frantic knock.

I dropped the knife on the bed instantly. "Yeah,"

The door opened, revealing a man I've never seen before. His blonde locks and somber expression were a sharp contrast to the overly kind reactions of the others. He stepped inside the room with a tense demeanor. He eyed the knife on the bed, then to me.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't harm yourself while you were here. Unless you wanted your death to be on my conscience." His voice didn't hold an ounce of kindness.

This made me smile. Finally, someone who wasn't hiding their true feelings. I liked him already.

"Sorry, I wasn't really thinking… It's a bad habit." I muttered, tossing the knife out of my reach. "Sometimes I forget that you all are vampires."

"Are you sure that's it? Or are you looking to meet your end on purpose?" No sign of caring, one way or the other.

"To be honest, I never outright tried to kill myself. I do want to live. Sometimes I do things to help distract myself from the pain that I feel. Drugs. Are the most helpful. But, if there isn't any around, physical pain is much more tolerable than the mental pain. It gives me a bit of a break. Physical pain eventually goes away. But the mental pain… well that seems to linger forever. Doesn't it?"

He leaned on the doorframe to my room, folding his arms across his chest. A spark of interest came to his eyes. "What do you know about pain?"

"I know enough to see you walk alongside it every second of every day. Without relief." I said with a good look in his eyes.

He was holding onto some darkness. He's seen some awful things. He's done some awful things. I didn't know the details of it. But he was walking with a heavy burden on his shoulders. He was empathetic to everyone he came into contact with. Maybe he would never say it outright. But he could feel my torment, and those of the others around him. It was becoming hard for him to remain optimistic. He was struggling to not feel resentful for the others.

He raised a brow, shocked by what I had said. But a frown came to his face as he harshly looked away. "What would a human possibly know about my struggles? You weren't there."

I shrugged my shoulders, taking a few more bite out of my pancakes. "I wasn't there. But isn't life a constant war? Don't we all eventually bury our friends? Aren't we all faced with doing things we don't want to do? Become someone we never wanted to be, at some point?"

"Edward has told you about my past?" He narrowed his eyes on me.

I shook my head. "No, Edward hasn't told me anything about any of you."

"So how do you know…"

"I can see it all in your eyes. Your past. It's something I've been able to do, my entire life. Of course, the actual details of the past aren't clear, but the emotions behind it, I can feel them. I understand them."

He was quiet for a moment; disbelief was in his eyes. "I've never heard of a human being able to do something like that… It's really similar to Alice… how she can see the future… but it's also like my ability… to feel the emotions of others around me." He admitted quietly. "Interesting."

"You know how I feel, but you don't get to see what has brought on those feelings. So, it must be frustrating. What could a human have been through to cause such turmoil?"

He nodded tightly, watching me closely. "What, can you read minds as well?"

This guy had a real attitude. But that only made me like him more. He was real. He wasn't perfect. And he was unapologetically cynical. I think the two of us could get along. If he stopped viewing me as a cry baby.

"Do you want to hear my story?"

"I think I'd be speaking for everyone, in saying I want to know what brought you here."

"I'll try to give you just a brief summary. I'm sure you're a busy man." I paused, sensing his annoyance. He didn't find me charming. That was alright. I wasn't here to make friends with anyone, or to win anyone over. I was just here to get better. "I've been beaten and raped every day since the age of ten. By my mother's boyfriend, Phil. One of those days, while he was beating me to near death, I ran away. My teachers at the school were noticing my bruises and the lack of hygiene and my rapid weight loss. So, to keep my mother from getting in any trouble, I stopped going to school and decided to live on the streets."

His eyes grew wider with each word. But I decided to keep on with my story. If he had comments, he would have to wait until the end. This was my time now.

"So, things were better for a while. I didn't have many useful skills, so I made money from petty theft, just in order to eat. It wasn't easy. Many of those people ended up fighting back. The women would spray me with pepper spray, then men would hold me down and beat the hell out of me. I've been urinated on, received numerous concussions and one man ended up raping me right in an alley way."

The man uncrossed his arms, letting them drop to his sides. Guilt clouded his eyes for a moment, but he nodded for me to continue.

"Finally, I catch a break, I attempt to pickpocket a woman, who owns the local strip club. Sheena. She pities me. But instead of money, she gives me a hit of heroin. And I'm hooked. She gives me a job, to earn money. After all, she gave me heroin, now I owe her. That's how Sheena operates. So, I became one of her prostitutes. The money is wonderful, but half of it would go to my growing addiction, forty percent would go to Sheena, and anything left would go to food. It became quite a balancing act."

He sighed heavily, letting his head fall. "I had no idea…"

"You didn't even hear the best part!" I urged, feeling the tears rolling down my cheeks now. "I made a friend, in the trash of society, I made one friend. A good one. And I let her die. We were working a job in a dangerous part of town. There was a gang verse gang shootout. She got in the middle of it. My best and only friend. Murdered in cold blood. And here I am. In this wonderful home. Delicious, hot meals. A ticket to living forever. So hey, maybe I'm overly dramatic about this whole situation. It should have been Katie getting this opportunity. Not me. It should have been me that died. Not her." By now I was a complete sobbing mess.

The man walked up to me, a serious look on his face. His hand came out to rest on the top of my head. Suddenly my entire body was enveloped in wave after wave of happiness. I clung to those feelings. The emotions were pouring out of him and into me. I felt my sorrows go away. I dabbed at my tears. A bit embarrassed that I unleashed so much onto a complete stranger.

"Thank you for sharing your story," He spoke quietly, his hand sliding down to stroke my hair. "I hope I didn't upset you."

I sniffed, reaching out to touch his cold shoulders. He seemed surprised, he flinched just slightly. But he didn't move. A sad look came to his face. Something was haunting his past as well. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to see it. It felt so dark. And so heavy. It would almost be painful to take another good look in his eyes. Instead, I looked down at his feet.

"I appreciate you wanting to hear it, before automatically judging me too harshly." I said quietly. "You didn't upset me, just helped me say the words out loud. I've never been able to go that far into detail about my past before. So, thank you."

He paused letting his hand fall from my head, as the door to my room opened with an aggressiveness that took me by surprise. Edward stood in the doorway, appearing angry. His eyes zeroed in on the distance between the two of us. He stormed over, but gently pulled me into his side. His narrowed eyes on the other man.

"What the hell is going on? You said you were just stopping by to introduce yourself. Not force her into sharing things that she wasn't ready to share." There was a growl in his tone. He sounded furious.

I melted into his side, feeling completely blissful. "Relax Edward, he didn't do anything wrong. Out of everyone I've met so far, he is by far my favorite."

My comment didn't seem to make things any better. Edward only appeared more sour. His eyes were dark again. Like when we ran into those bikers in Oregon. He wasn't in complete control over himself, but I could see him trying to settle himself down. He took a few deep breaths.

"Jeez Edward, get a grip. I wasn't flirting with her. Like I said, I wanted to know why she was here. No one filled me in on what was happening." The man responded with a raised brow. "No harm done."

He strolled past the two of us now, heading for the door.

"Wait," I called out to him.

He froze, turning just slightly to look in my direction. "Yeah?"

"I didn't catch your name."

"Jasper," A hint of a smile touched his face. "You met my wife earlier. The short one. Alice." The way he spoke her name, it was laced with devotion. I could visibly see a change in his demeanor. She was his everything. The meaning to his existence. He felt strong, only when she was in his arms.

It brought a chill down my spine. The love those two must share… incredible. Even uttering her name, Jasper was floating on cloud nine. Madly in love. I was happy for him. Truly.

I felt my eyes wander back to Edward. My heart was racing. He was so close. I hadn't realized how close. I bit down on my lip. Wishing more than anything to stay at his side forever.

"It was nice meeting you, Jasper." I waved ruefully in his direction.

"You as well," He responded, before quickly leaving the room. Probably to make his way back to Alice.

As much as I wanted to like her, I found myself seeing Sheena's face, each time I thought of her. It was difficult and I knew it wasn't fair to Alice. It was just something I had to work on. Among other things.

Once Edward and I were alone, he turned to me fully, wiping at the tears still lingering on my cheeks. "Are you alright?"

"Of course, I get emotional sometimes. It's just kind of what I do." I admitted with a weak laugh. "Is there any more of your family I need to meet?"

He nodded quietly. "Yes, but not yet. I think I'd like you to myself for the time being."

I felt a blush cover my cheeks. "Well, you won't catch me complaining. I probably should finish my breakfast then." I reluctantly walked away from his arms, back over to my bed. I had almost finished the pancakes. Even though I was pretty full, I didn't want anything to go to waste. Not only that, but Esme took the time to prepare this for me. I wouldn't disrespect the time it took for her to do this for me. A complete stranger.

He followed me, hesitating by the foot of the bed. "Is it any good?" He wrinkled his nose slightly as he looked at my plate. "It smells… disgusting."

I snorted. "I guarantee it tastes better than blood."

"I highly doubt that."

I shrugged my shoulders, amused by the look on his face. "You never know unless you try it."

"I'll pass, but thanks anyway. Once you finish eating, find something suitable to wear. We are going out." He said with a calm smile.

My heart skipped a beat. "Out? Like on a date?"

"Something like that, if you'd like."

I shoved the food down a little faster, excitement and anxiety battled for dominance inside of me. But I could feel something looming over me. A headache started. An inch that needed scratched. A heaviness sitting at the bottom of my stomach, like a boulder. I wanted to get high. My cravings were starting again.

My face twisted a bit, nausea hit hard into me. Quickly I was up on my feet. Sweat began to drench the back of my top. "Bathroom?" I asked, quickly covering my mouth.

Instead of answering, Edward grabbed onto me and with inhuman speed, I felt my body getting launched. We flew down a hall, I couldn't make anything out, it was just a blur. I heard a door slam behind us. When we stopped, I looked down, just in time to puke noisily into the toilet.

I groaned, letting myself get down on my knees. Edward let me go, just standing behind me with a comforting rub to my shoulders. My hair was so short now, that it didn't get in the way. Tears streamed down my cheeks, as I puked. This brought back a lot of memories.

Katie and I got completely wasted on Friday nights, she always had to hold my hair out of the way, when I'd end up vomiting. I could almost hear her voice. I told you not to drink so much Bella. Now look. You're making a mess. What a hypocrite. You drank just as much Katie.

My body trembled for a moment, reacting poorly from all the loss of fluids. If I wasn't dehydrated before, I feel it now. My mouth was dry and tasted awful. My headache left me paralyzed at the toilet. Edward's cold hands helped a little.

"Is it time for me to get Carlisle?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah, I think so." I muttered weakly.

"Don't move, I'll be right back."

As if I could move, even if I wanted to, it wouldn't have been possible. He wasn't gone for very long. Maybe a few seconds. I heard the doctor come in, before he crouched down on the floor with me. "How are you feeling?"

"It feels like I'm hungover. Headache, body aches, nausea… everything." I sighed, feeling another wave hit me. I bent my head further into the toilet to puke again. My throat and nose burned. I could barely see through my tears.

"It would be for the best if I gave you the medication through an IV. It won't upset your stomach quite as much. Is that alright with you?" He asked with a warm smile.

I peeked up at Edward. "But what about our date?"

"After you're better. We'll go, as long as you're going to be alright." He said, leaning over to lightly run his fingers against my arm. His touch brought a shiver to roll over my shoulders.

"Alright," I sighed heavily.

Of course, as soon as Edward wanted to take me out, I had to get sick. I just hope he won't change his mind now. I still couldn't figure out why he would want to take me out on a date. But I wasn't going to complain. Any time I get to spend with him is a dream come true.

A/N: Are you enjoying this story so far? It's a lot of fun to write and a little challenging. Coming from someone that has never struggled with a drug addiction, I've found it really challenging to write in the perspective of one. I hope I'm doing a convincing job! Thanks for reading! Leave a review with your thoughts!