The first thirty-two hours of Bella's change passed by in a blur.
She laid in my arms, withering in pain, while I was mentally kicking myself for not biting her sooner. It might have been nervousness or even stupidity that had me waiting until it was almost too late. Though, I wasn't sure which one.
Sitting on the log with her in my lap, I shuttered, remembering the ghostly silence from when her heart stopped beating the night before I spoke to my father. Her heart wasn't silent now, it was pumping fast, faster than a human heart should and I knew why. The venom in her veins was making her organs work overtime to complete her transformation.
Bella let out a loud whimper, my eyes were locked on her. Her body scrunched up, her brow furrowed, and a few tears escaped her closed eyelids, rolling down her cheeks. I gently brushed the tears away with my thumb.
"I know it hurts. I'm so sorry, baby." I rocked her in my arms.
Bella's only response was to cry out in pain. Which made my dead heart break in half.
She was still for most of the time. Only moving slightly, whimpering, moaning, and crying sometimes. I held her close to me, speaking words of comfort to her. My voice and the words I spoke seemed to soothe her. When I spoke, she was quiet and would rest a little until another wave of fire would course through her body and it would all start again.
Though she never screamed or even thrashed about, I knew that she was in grave, unimaginable pain. She was also burning. She didn't have to howl out in agony for me to understand she was in discomfort. I knew firsthand what it was like to experience the level of agony that's caused by venom from a vampire bite.
Bella's beautiful ruby red lips that were now fuller than before, parted. She let out a loud painful moan. Another tear rolled down her face.
I dried her tears once more. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry." I said again. "Please forgive me. I love you; I need you. Forever."
My words were a desperate plea that rang out in the forest. Every word I said was the honest truth.
Every time it was evident, she was suffering; those were the words I spoke, often chanting 'I'm sorry,' and 'please forgive me' over and over like a mantra. Somehow it seemed to soothe us both. I was glad that the sound of my voice calmed her down. I hate to see her in pain.
She was hurting. Buring. In dire pain, because of me.
Snow fell, wind howled, and Bella cried while her body spazzed. Tears rolled down her face like rain, though one thing was different than before. These tears didn't smell like salt water, the way tears normally do, instead they smelled of venom which amazed me.
"I know you're in pain," I said softly, caressing her tears away from her cheeks with a gentle touch. "But you're doing so well. The best I've ever seen someone go through this change."
My words were nothing but the truth. Aside from remembering the burning of my own change, I had witnessed my mother's, and my two oldest siblings, Emmett and Rosalie go through this transformation. None of them were, nor even I, was able to tolerate the horrific pains of this event the way Bella was able to. In a way it was a wonder how she was able to do as well as she was.
Bella whimpered again, this time grabbing at the collar of my shirt.
"Love," I said softly, putting my hand over hers and moving it from my shirt. "I'm right here with you. I'm not leaving you."
A small sigh escaped her lips and her body relaxed.
She seemed to be distressed when I was silent. So, I kept talking, giving her words of praise. When that became too repetitive, I began telling her about our entire relationship, right from the start, of when our eyes locked with one another, and it was love at first sight in the cafeteria. To the summer between our Junior and Senior year, when we literally spent every minute of every day together. All the way to when I proposed to her in Italy, of all places, when she rescued me. She saved me then from myself, proving that she was alive and well, and preventing me from meeting with the Volturi before I could make a big mistake. She said yes then, making me the happiest man that has ever walked the Earth. Even happier when we got married before we left Volterra, which surprised Alice and made her have a conniption fit. She never saw that coming since she was too forced on the Porsche she stole.
I smiled at the memory of her, and I. Instinctively I bent my head down, pressing my lips to hers. Her lips felt different, yet the same. Hard, smooth, and glassy, yet soft. Warm, but not uncommonly hot like before. I parted my lips from hers though I wanted to kiss her more.
Bella whimpered again.
"This will be over soon." I promised. "Then we'll go for a nice hunt since you'll be thirsty. Your first hunt, that should be fun."
Bella sighed then whimpered again.
I thought about how her first hunt might be. Since it was snowing, we would properly have to dig some sleeping carnivores out of the snow. Or we could hunt down the deer that was responsible for the crash. The more I thought about that deer, the more that thought appealed to me even though I wasn't thirsty. Bella's blood was keeping me quite full.
Bella made a small noise, bringing me back to my senses. I shook my head, trying to dislodge that ridiculous thought. I did not want to take revenge on every deer and end up with a century long grudge, like Emmett with bears. I rolled my eyes at that. There was only room for one crazy person in our family.
Suddenly Bella's body twitched and twisted in my arms. Her breath was ragged, and she let out a loud cry.
"I know, it hurts. It's okay to cry, I'm right here with you." I whispered words of comfort to her.
I rocked her in my arms and continued talking some more. This time I told her about our wedding and how beautiful she looked in her jeans and t-shirt, even though Alice had chewed us out for the whole fiasco after everything was done. There was a hint of a smile on Bella's face as I described how nervous and excited I was to say, 'I do.' I went into detail describing our wedding night and how it was the best night of my life.
As I talked about our wedding night in Italy, then our traditional wedding we had in Forks with our families that summer, and finally our honeymoon on my parent's island. She pressed her body to mine as she went through another round of convulsions caused by the internal burning. I wrapped my arms tightly around her as her body jerked every which way.
Between Bella burning in my arms and crying out, I kept talking. I went right on telling her stories of her time as a human that we shared. Every now and then I would hum a tune to soothe her.
She never spoke or said a single word. Never screamed or shouted, or even opened her eyes. With each passing second, I couldn't help but wonder what was going through her mind.
The hours passed and it was dark again. I began to notice more significant changes in my Bella that weren't there before. Her skin was now pale like mine and firmer than before. Her body temperature was no longer warm, it now matched my own. She no longer had the softness of a human; her body was hard though she still seemed small in my arms. Despite that, I decided it was time to leave the log and go to the nearby river to clean her up.
I stood up, cradling her in my arms. She moaned in pain, and I wondered if she was aware that I was no longer sitting down.
"Bella," I said softly in her ear. "We're going to walk over to the river to wash up. It's frozen but I'll break the ice to get to the water and wash you up. It's going to be cold, but that shouldn't bother you anymore since you're becoming like me. A vampire."
Bella did not respond in any way. Her face only scrunched up in pain which made my dead heart ache again. I was looking forward to when her pain would be over, and she would awaken to her new life.
I began our journey then, walking through the snow from our log to the frozen river. My mission was to clean her up to the best of my ability without any soap, shampoo, washrags or even a change of clothes. I hoped I would be able to get her clean enough. The last thing I wanted her to do was smell her blood from when I bit her. I knew what that smell would do to her, it would be like shoving a white-hot branding iron down her throat.
I did not want her to experience that.
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