Chapter's song: "Brother Song" - Circa Survive

HONORABLE MENTION: "A Forest" - The Cure (flashback scene)

I'm not sure what made me go back to the very spot that catastrophe had struck the night before at Jake's bonfire on the frozen sands of First Beach, but there I was, sitting on a log around the long dead embers from the previous night's fire. Despite my body temperature permanently hanging out around a toasty 108.9 degrees, I could feel a chill dance up my spine and I burrowed inside the hoodie I was still wearing from last night.

I knew that gathering was going to be a complete bust. The second I'd seen Sam I knew it wasn't going to work. I mean, how could it? Hell, if I was in his position, I'd probably be just as bitter and pissed off to see my face around town too. It was probably just a reminder to him now that he knew just what I meant in his life- I was a grim reminder of the life he could have maybe had if I hadn't been born. As I sat on the log and fixated on one particular blackend piece of wood from the charred fire pit, I let my mind wander to when my life first changed all those years ago- to when everything turned upside down and I knew nothing would ever be the same again.

"Are you seriously freaking out about that, Ma? Really? A dish that I left out ONE TIME?" I asked from where I sat on the couch listening to her as she dramatically washed dishes in the sink from the kitchen.

"Embry, it isn't just this one time," she argued back in a calmer tone than my own but with disdain in her voice, "it's all the time. You're old enough to know how bring your dishes to the kitchen and rinse them off to put them in the dishwasher. You're lucky we have a dishwasher. When I was your age-"

I scoffed as she started her familiar anecdote that I'd heard a million times before. "Here we go again," I said as I'd said every time before when she started that story while throwing my arms up in the air in exasperation. "Honestly, Ma, I get it!" I shouted while standing up from the couch. "You're old and in the ancient civilization in which you lived, you didn't have all the great things that I have the privilege of having and I should take advantage, blah, blah, blah, OKAY! Are we DONE?!" I started walking into the kitchen to face her where she stood in shock watching me shake from pure rage.

"It's just that I work all day and then I come home and this house is a mess. Why should I work all day long at the souvenir store and then have to clean up after you like you're still a child, Embry? You want to be treated like an adult, then act like one." She sounded tired and I wanted to apologize but something inside of me was building and it was like I wasn't in control of myself anymore. A fury like I'd never felt before was making the very blood in my veins boil like water in a pot and I clenched my fists tight as if the action itself would help me contain the anger that was so unlike who I was bubbling inside of me.

"I'm just so tired of having to do everything all by myself," she said sadly and I wanted so badly to end the fight and apologize for yelling. I wanted to just do the dishes for her and tell her to take a load off and that I'd do better. But I couldn't. Something wasn't allowing me to. So instead- I shouted some more.

"Well MAYBE you should have THOUGHT about that before you went and had me then, Ma! Was I just some big mistake for you? Huh? Sorry I'm such a big inconvenience for you!" I spit the words at her and I could practically see her heart break in front of me; her eyes welling up before me.

"Embry, no- no, you're not a mistake-" She tried, but it was too late, I had already turned around, completely ashamed of what I'd said but powerless to stop whatever was happening inside of me. I felt like my body was going to implode, or explode, or... plode of some kind. I had to get out of the house before something happened; something that I might regret but I didn't know what.

"I gotta go," I mumbled while rushing to the door and slamming it open to rush outside into the spring air that greeted me while Ma called out desperately for me to come back, but I was practically sprinting away from the house with no real destination in sight.

Maybe I'll go to Jake's, I thought as I ran into the woods in the general direction of his house, my feet pushing one foot in front of the other as quickly as possible trying to gain distance from my Ma so I at least wouldn't keep hurting her like I had with the horrible things I had said. Maybe I'll just stay away for a while so I can cool off...I thought next, that idea sounding better than the idea to visit Jake, but even that idea didn't sound ideal because the fire in my blood just continued to build and soon I was panicking. Nothing that I did made it stop. My heart raced and my breathing escalated and soon I thought I might die. Was this death? Was this a heart attack? Do people die this young from heart attacks? Is that even possible?

I stopped at a clearing in the woods and looked around at my surroundings, the trees seeming to spin around me. I could see the blood vessels in my eyeballs grow from the sides of my vision like the roots of a tree crowd my line of sight. What was happening? Was this a panic attack? I looked at my hands as they shook and I clenched them into fists that only shook harder. The rage consumed me entirely until my eyes closed so tightly it was as if my entire body tightened and then tensed so hard I exploded into a million pieces.

And then I opened my eyes again.

Relief.

What just happened? I thought to myself. Am I...dead? I wondered to myself. That's when I heard it- another voice inside my head; a voice that I didn't recognize as my own.

Did you just hear that? Is that someone else? The voice said and I turned my head to look around me, but I didn't see anyone. I was still alone in the clearing.

I definitely heard it, another voice said, and I turned my head in the other direction but I still didn't see anybody so I went to ask who was there, only to be met with the sudden realization that I was unable to speak- the only thing coming out of my mouth a weird sort of yelping noise that a dog makes like when you accidentally step on it's foot.

What is...I thought to myself as soon as I heard the noise come out of what apparently was my mouth to which at that point, a third, more authoritative voice spoke up inside my head.

Someone else has phased, the voice told the other two voices, we have to find him. Where are you? Tell me what you see, the third voice asked me, but I didn't answer, as far as I was concerned, I was going crazy and this was all just a dream or I was dead, or I was having some kind of psychotic break or something.

Instead of answering the voice asking questions in my head, I nervously looked down at what I was hoping were my feet only to find huge gray paws looking up at me. Oh my GOD! WHAT THE HELL! I thought but all that came out of my mouth was a loud howl and I took off running through the trees in search of the stream of water I knew was out there somewhere- it was the same stream Jake, Quil and I used to go to when we were younger and goof off at. Apparently just by thinking of that memory though, the other voices in my head could see where I was headed and knew how to find me.

He's headed for the stream! The third voice announced to the other two.

Get out of my head! I told the voices, but they didn't care.

We're trying to help you man! The first voice tried to tell me but I didn't listen. I pushed myself to keep running, my legs running as fast as they would take me through the trees until I finally reached the stream and came to a sudden halt. Slowly, I walked up to the water and looked down into my reflection in the water staring up at me- a huge gray wolf with dark spots dotted on the fur in a haphazard fashion.

I stared down at the reflection for a long time in complete shock until three other wolves manifested in the reflection behind me which immediately made me turn around and back up in fear, though I clearly had nothing to be afraid of.

Calm down, one of them said to me, I recognized it to be the third of the voices I'd heard which was the more authoritative one of the voices in my head. We aren't going to hurt you, we just want to help.

What's going on? What happened to me? Why am I like this? Why are YOU like this? Am I cursed? Is this some kind of, fairytale thing? Questions poured out of me faster than they could answer. Oh god, this isn't one of those 'true love's kiss' sort of deals is it? What am I going to tell my mom? I don't even have a girlfriend... nobody's going to want to kiss a big hairy wolf... Is this like Shrek? Do I change back at sunrise or something? Or is it like-

MAN, Sam, please tell me I wasn't this annoying when I first phased? The first voice who was apparently the smaller brown wolf, asked the large black wolf which I deduced because he looked at him when the voice sounded in my head.

That meant that the large black wolf was the authoritative third voice in my head because he was the one who answered him back in my head. Jared, be nice. He doesn't know what's going on.

To be fair, neither do we, the second voice who, by process of elimination had to be the dark silver-y wolf standing on the other side of the black wolf I now knew to be as Sam. Who is this guy? Didn't you say the next people we should keep our eye out on would be Jacob Black and that friend of his, Quil Ateara? They're in the bloodline not... whoever this is.

My mind raced which they probably all saw. Quil? Jake? My best friends? What did they have to do with this? They were going to turn into...THIS? My god... I had to tell them! I had to warn them!

No. You can't do that. Sam said and I felt compelled to follow what he told me, like I had no choice in the matter. This is a secret and when their time comes, it will happen for them. Until then, there is much you have to learn about this new life. But first... Who are you?

Embry Call. I answered which made them all exchange a glance.

Embry Call, Sam repeated, As in, Tiffany Call's son? Tiffany Call who moved here from the Makah tribe?

Yeah, that's right... I thought not entirely sure what the big deal was about in terms of where she came from. Hey, what did you mean when you said Jake and Quil were in the bloodline? I couldn't help but ask.

This time, the first voice I now knew as Jared answered me. Only those who are decedents from the original Quileute ancestors carry the gene to shapeshift- so those are the only people we were expecting to do the whole... wolf thing.

Well I don't really know who my real dad is so- I tried to shrug it off, but it wasn't that easy to do anymore. Before this it could be any number of people because there are millions of people in the world but this new information narrowed it down to three very specific people... three people with whom my Ma definitely could have had relations with.

I mean, sure, you don't know who your dad is, but it really can only be one of three people since you're, well, one of us now and you clearly carry the shapeshifting gene. The silver wolf, who I hadn't caught the name of yet, thought.

Paul, don't... Sam warned, but he continued anyway.

And I mean, given your age and all that, the only real options are Billy Black, Quil Ateara IV or... well... Paul stopped and looked at Sam who merely turned around and began walking back into the woods.

Let's go, Embry, Sam thought as he walked away. There's much to learn that is far more important that trivial town gossip. He glared at Paul for a split second before leading us back into the trees that made up the dense woods where the paternity of my father wasn't mentioned again... at least not for a while.

I blinked my eyes rapidly to pull myself out of the memory that had flooded my subconscious.

Of course I later learned that my possible father behind door number three was none other than Joshua Uley, who, surprise surprise, turned out to be the one I ended up 'winning' after all. Not that I really won him, I'd consider him more of a consolation prize, if a prize at all.

I had to hand it to Sam though, he was really good about not thinking about who my dad could be when in wolf form. He managed better than others and was always really good about not treating me any differently even though he had every right. I knew I was the outsider of their exclusive club that, while I was a part of it, I didn't really belong in it, and furthermore I didn't really want to be in it in the first place. Yet somehow- there I was in their stinkin' club nonetheless... completely trapped by my own cursed blood that I didn't even know I had.

I was so glad when Jake finally phased, but for the first time in our friendship he avoided me and started to treat me differently because he too realized just why I was a part of the pack. Once again, I was the outsider but this time to my own best friend- the best friend that I'd had practically since birth. So when Quil finally phased too, I knew it was going to be in the exact same situation all over again which sucked because Jake had just gotten over the whole thing at that point. Thankfully, Quil didn't avoid me for quite as long as Jake had which was probably Jake's doing. I knew he felt bad for thinking the worst in the whole situation. It wasn't ideal to think of the possibilities and he knew that I felt guilty being around to remind everyone of just who's dad might have done the deed and planted their seed so to speak.

So for the most part, we just avoided those possibilities and it had worked out well to ignore them- that is until Joshua Uley came back to La Push and ruined everything like he apparently tends to do.

Seriously, the dude was apparently the walking equivalent to a hurricane just destroying everything in his path by ruining the lives of everybody he came into contact with... His wife Allison, his own son Sam... My Ma and now, well... me.

And who knows who else he'd fucked over.

Or, to be frank, who else he'd fucked.

I shuddered at the thought.

Through the moaning of mother nature's gusting wind, I heard a single set of footsteps grow closer to where I sat aimlessly around the dead fire pit and I sighed while shaking my head and keeping my eyes forward. I wasn't about to give whichever of my two numskull best friends that had decided to follow me out here to silently brood over my pathetic excuse for a life the satisfaction of direct eye-contact. So instead, I kept my gaze focused on the darkened pieces of wood that had served the fire well from the night before and addressed whoever approached.

"The fact that you found me out here is incredibly alarming... My real question is how did you nominate which of you two should come and give me the pep talk for this evening?" I smirked to myself before giving in to see who was my surprise guest tonight only to be greeted by none other than Seth; my eyes widening in surprise as he sat down beside me on the log with a wide grin.

"Oh," I said, mildly astonished that he was joining me in lieu of the other nut jobs. "It's you." I chuckled to myself while turning away from him to shake my head minimally while saying more to myself than to him, "Figured you'd be Q or Jake..."

Seth answered me anyway in a cheerful tone, "Yeah, well, I thought I'd give them the night off after their-" he stopped as if to choose his next phrasing carefully, "attempt to help you yesterday."

I scoffed, "Right. Well their attempt was a complete train wreck, I think we can both agree on that. I mean- you were there, man. It didn't help anything or anyone."

He nodded his head empathetically, "Sure, it probably wasn't the best idea but I mean... they tried?" Seth offered and I rolled my eyes while continuing to look forward at the piles of ash and wood mingling in the pit ahead of me.

"A lot of good that trying did. In the end, Sam and I are still on a gag order from each other and now Jake expects me to go and talk to Joshua which is not going to happen so..." my voice trailed off having no idea where to go with my sentence.

Despite the silence between us from my lack of speaking, Seth continued to pay close attention to me as I stared out at the fire pit. Sure, I may not have been looking at him, but I could feel his eyes on me.

I knew how Seth worked at this point... the kid was practically the pack's own communal therapist trying to fix everyone's problems and listening to everyone's... feelings and stuff.

Not that there was anything wrong with it. I'd been known to listen to the occasional feeling- particularly if it were Jake and Quil but I mostly butt out with everyone else. Not that I wouldn't listen if they asked me to.

Okay, that's not even the point, the point is- Seth was just...different. He was this really nice kid who wanted to hear everyone's problems and he cared a lot about what everyone went through; always trying to help everyone no matter if they were one of us or even a Cullen. I just wasn't in the mood for it right now. If I were being really honest? I kind of wanted him to mind his own business and go off to bug Leah or something. I just didn't get what Seth would know about any of this that could help me?

Honestly, the only problem about Seth was that the poor kid didn't have a whole lot of self awareness so while I was giving off some pretty strong vibes that I'd like to be left alone and didn't want to talk about my feelings, he still pressed on; insisting to talk which only made me clam up more. So basically, Seth had an entire conversation with himself while I stared blankly at the fire pit.

"I don't know," Seth began his one-way-conversation, "if it were me, I'd be curious to talk to Joshua and get his side of everything. I'd want to know why he did what he did and, obviously, I'd want to know what he's doing back here after all these years like- why this year in particular of all the years, you know?"

He waited for a while as if to see whether or not I would respond. After a few moments of quiet, his eyes still hot on me waiting for me to make some kind of noise in response, he decided to continue talking anyway. "I mean, maybe he never even knew. There's always that possibility. About you that is." I could tell he was fishing for a response from me; trying to get me heated about something he was saying to elicit some sort of guttural display of how I was feeling about whether or not I cared to find out these mysterious answers to the questions Seth was posing.

I wouldn't fall for it though. Instead, I kept my eyes hyper-fixated on the burnt pieces of wood and willed myself not to feel in hopes that Seth would give up and eventually leave me alone to be with my thoughts.

He was stubborn like me though and didn't give up easily. Like me, he too hoped I might crack. "I guess I just think that there are two sides to every story when you get down to it and even though Joshua did what he did to you and Tiffany-" Seth was on a first name basis with everyone. That's how good the guy was with the human race. It was nuts. "-and Sam and Allison, so I guess four sides to every story, but in your case there's only two, but that's not what I'm getting at."

I wanted to grab him by the shoulders, shake him like crazy and scream at him. What are you getting at, Seth? What is the point of the babbling? Just tell me the freakin' point, man and then let me brood in peace!

But I didn't.

"What I'm really trying to say is that at the end of the day, you're this... objective third party who wasn't in there when everything went down. Am I right?" He paused even though he knew I wasn't going to answer him. "And even though you grew up with Tiffany in your life telling you whatever it is she told you, and from what I know about you that's pretty much nothing, she's bound to tell you something now that Joshua's shown up, don't you think?"

Pause. Again.

"So basically, you can get her side of everything and then you will only see this whole tale through her eyes and never know what happened on the other end- you'll never get that whole picture if you never at least give him the chance to explain his side of the story."

I may not have turned my head noticeably but I did turn it just enough so I could get a view of Seth. My eyes wandered to look over at him and to my surprise, he wasn't even looking at me anymore. No, Seth was leaned back on the heels of his hands and looking up dreamily at the stars above us. A pleasant expression graced his face and he seemed thoughtful as he continued to speak; completely unaware that I was even paying any attention to him.

"And sure," he went on, "he might give you a big lie that isn't even close to the truth of what really happened and he can do that, that's his choice." Seth took a deep breath and let it out quickly before switching his gaze out to the frozen water ahead of us and I tried to return my eyes as fast as possible to the fire-pit in hopes he hadn't seen me looking at him. I couldn't let him know he might have possibly gotten me to listen to what he was saying. "Your choice though is to decide who to believe. The best part though is that if you listen to both Tiffany and Joshua, you can decide to believe some of both. You'd have two stories to choose from and I think that makes a more... well-colored picture I guess you could say."

I thought about what he'd said for a long while as Seth stopped talking for a good five minutes as if he knew I wanted to process all the things he'd said. I hated to admit it, but the kid had a point. Honestly, he should just quit phasing and go to school for psychology or some shit- he had a real knack for it. But the point still remained- I had no interest in talking to Joshua. Sure, it made me more... informed, but it was the action of looking at his face and knowing he had just abandoned my Ma.

Honestly, I could care less that he left me it was the fact that he left her that really pissed me off. She worked so hard to put food on the table and pay for the house and everything I ever needed- all without help from him or anybody from whatever family existed out there if there even was any to speak of.

I became so lost in my thoughts that I nearly jumped when Seth started to talk again. "All I know is this problem isn't going to go away on it's own. Ignoring the whole dad thing isn't going to work like it has for you in the past because I really don't think Joshua is going anywhere this time."

Without thinking, I turned my head to look at Seth in response to his words and he offered a sad sort of smile and nodded his head. "Yeah. We keep picking up his scent. I don't know if you've noticed since I know you haven't been doing patrols with us, but it's pretty strong and we found him camping out by the clearing since he hasn't really found anywhere to stay yet."

I looked away but instead focused out on the water as Seth had been doing previously as he continued to talk. "Look, I know what you've probably been thinking. 'Seth the know-it-all. How would he know anything about any of this anyway?' Am I right?"

I smirked. I mean, he was right about that part. Those had been my thoughts exactly.

"But when it gets down to it, fine, don't talk to Joshua if you don't want to." I looked over at him in confusion. Wasn't that what he'd been preaching to me this entire time? Now he was taking it all back?

He merely shrugged his shoulders, smiled slightly and continued. "The only person who should really talk to Joshua is Tiffany, honestly. Your mom."

I narrowed my eyes in his direction and he held up his hands as if to hold me at bay before I clawed his face off. "Let me explain, okay?" He calmly stated and I clenched my jaw but allowed him to keep his face for now and continue.

"I know you're trying to protect your mom. I know you two are really close and all your life you've only had each other. I've been in your head- I get it. But you know she needs this, Embry." My eyes softened at that statement; my forehead relaxing as my expression melted off of my face to one of complete nothing as I took in his words. "She's stayed so strong for you all of these years never once telling you about him but seeing him in you every moment of every day, no doubt. Seeing Sam... seeing Allison. Knowing that secret every single moment of her life and hiding it from you and now here he is and he's back but she wasn't even mad?"

I watched as Seth shook his head slightly, "I just think there is something there for her- something that she needs closure on and if she needs that closure I think you need to let her have it. If you won't let yourself have closure, you should at least let her have it. Don't you?"

Kid had a point. Damn, why did the twerp have to be right? After all these years, he may be a motor mouth who doesn't have much social awareness, but he had learned a thing or two about life from being inside our minds all of the time and seeing the constant drama we all had to deal with. Who knew Seth had been so observant this entire time, just soaking in this kind of wisdom and waiting for these weirdly perfect moments to dole it all out?

Together, we sat in silence as I thought about what it would mean for Ma to talk with Joshua. How would it even make me feel if I knew they were out with each other talking? Could I trust him? Ultimately, I couldn't be sure and I supposed that was the part that freaked me out the most. The questions boggled my mind and I was pretty sure a migraine was ready to hit from all the unpleasantness the passed few days had brought me.

Seth sighed loudly, the sound bringing me back to reality, and I turned to see him push himself up off of the log to stand up. As much as his advice had helped, I silently thanked my lucky stars for his soon-to-be departure; my brain feeling at over-capacity with all the ethical dilemmas it could handle for one day.

"Anyway," Seth started, his tone signaling the beginning of his goodbye, "I think I'll take off. I'm sure I've talked your ear off enough for the night," he finalized before offering a lone wave only to turn around and start walking back to where he'd come from.

I watched as he walked down the front of First Beach; my body compelled to call after him. Without much thought, my voice hollered out his name once he was a few feet away from me. "Hey- Seth! Wait up!" He stopped and turned around as I stood up and jogged over to meet him where he stood waiting for me.

"What's up?" He asked me with his hands shoved deep into his pants pockets; wind blowing his hair in every direction as it swirled around us.

"Why do you..." I started before starting over and spitting out the entire question in haste. "What kind of closure could she possibly want from him?" I squinted my eyes at him to shield me from the wind now blowing at me directly into my face and softly added to my question, "I mean, do you think?"

Seth shrugged his shoulders, his expression giving nothing away. "No clue," he simply said before finally adding, "but if you can't talk to Joshua about it, maybe you can talk to your mom and find out. You never know, maybe once you talk to her, it might make you want to talk to Joshua."

I laughed fully outright at his statement, unable to contain the absurdity of what he'd said. "I sincerely doubt that, Seth."

All he did was smile and offer another shrug; this time a mischievous sort of glint hidden in his eyes. "Who knows?"

"I know." My voice was final, my answer non-negotiable.

Seth had a comeback though, and I had to admit, it was a pretty good one. "You may think that now," he said, "But isn't your mom's happiness worth the conversation?"

And with that, Seth turned around to finish the walk back to his house leaving me to stand dumbfounded in a cyclone of wintry wind and conflicted feelings on the frozen sands of La Push's beach.

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Polkahotness