*Ana's POV*

This week has been the most miserable week of my adult life. It's Friday. I haven't spoken to Christian in five whole days and I miss him. Guilt has been eating at my stomach the whole week and I'm confused.

'You've show him more love and compassion in ten minutes than you've shown me in the past month. You're emotionally cheating on me with him! Cheating is cheating, Anastasia.'

His words keep tumbling around in my brain and I can't shake them. I'm confused by the whole situation. I had originally thought that Christian had intimacy issues...that there was no way that he and I could ever have 'more'...but everything he's done since that first night shows that maybe it isn't the case. Even if he was open to a serious relationship, he probably isn't now. The only relationship we had was a physical one. I can't cheat on someone that isn't mine. Besides, Ethan is Ethan. We're best friends...we love each other. It's not the same. If I wanted to be with Ethan, then I would have already done it. We've always been affectionate and I really never thought twice about it. I've never had a serious relationship, so our friendship has never been a problem. Can I call Christian and my relationship 'serious'? Seriously fucked up, maybe.

I want to believe that Christian really does want me for something more...but there is still a small part of me that wonders if he just likes the cat and mouse game. Ethan is a threat to him and he wants to obliterate him. He might just be selfish. He doesn't want anyone else fucking what he's fucking.

Ugh! I don't know what the hell to think!

I let out a frustrated growl and fall over in bed, burying my face in the pillow.

Everything was so simple before...I was simple. Now, I'm just simply fucked up.

My phone pings and I peek out from my pillow to look at my phone, secretly hoping it's Christian. Unfortunately, it's Kate. I decide to ignore it.

Kate keeps calling me, but I haven't responded to her phone calls or texts. Why would she purposely put me in such a terrible situation? I only went because she said that Ethan wanted to have another person there that he knew. She promised me that Christian wouldn't be there. She lied right to my face and I'm not sure why. Why would she purposely cause me so much grief?

There's a knock. I already know who it is.

"Go away, Kate."

"Ana...please, just open the door. I'm sorry."

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"Please! There's a scary set of twins staring at me through the crack in their door! It's like the Shining out here!"

I can't help the laugh that comes out of my mouth. She's ridiculous.

When I don't answer, she knocks again.

"No."

"Please?"

"No, Kate."

There is silence for a minute and I relax back in my bed. She's gone.

"But I have wine..."

I sit up, my ears perking at the word. She always has the good wine.

I sigh and crawl out of bed. "Fine."

XxXxXx

Kate and I are on our second bottle of wine and I have just spilled the beans about everything that has happened over the last month.

"So, if you're miserable...and Christian's miserable..." She scratches her head. "Why not just be together? Even if you're miserable...you can be miserable together!"

My eyebrows knit together, trying to comprehend what she just said. The wine is starting to affect both of us. "Who says Christian's miserable?"

"Lelliot." She giggles. "Le-Le-Oh, forget it! You know who I mean. Christian didn't go to work this week. He said that he saw Christian on Wednesday and found him in bed, unshowered. He hadn't showered since Sunday. He must have stunk." Kate wrinkles her nose at the thought and then starts giggling again, but I don't find it funny. I picture Christian curled up in bed, upset and my heart breaks.

My bottom lip comes out in a dramatic a pout and quivers before I start crying into my hands.

Suddenly, Kate's giggle stops. "No, why are you crying? Don't be a weepy drunk! Be happy!"

"Poor, Christian! I'm a terrible person! Where is my phone? I need to call him!"

"Wait!" She grabs my arm before I can get up. "You don't want to call him all mopey! Here...have another drink to calm your nerves. Then call him."

Two glasses later, the wine is gone and I feel even worse than I did before. I plop down on my bed, finding my phone on my pillow, and pull up his number.

It rings..and rings...and rings and I begin to pout again. He's ignoring me.

"Anastasia."

My body jolts at his voice and I sit up straighter. What do I say?

"Anastasia? Are you there?"

"Chistin...Chis-Christian..." I giggle. "You know, your name is as hard to say as Lelliot's!"

"Ana...have you been drinking?"

"A tiiiinnnyyyy little bit." I hold my hand up, showing him how little and bringing it to my eye to check.

He sighs. "Where are you?"

"Home."

"Why have you been drinking?"

The waterworks start up again and I find myself crying into my hands again.

"Ana?"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Chistin! I'm terrible! I'm a terrible person! I miss you! God, I'm such a bitch!" I sob on the phone to him like a complete lunatic.

"Wait, what? I can't understand you, Anastasia."

"I'm sorry! I miss you. I need to see you. Please?"

"You're drunk, Anastasia. Go to bed."

"You don't want to see me?" My chest hurts.

I hear him sigh. "I don't know."

I start sobbing again. I've ruined everything.

"Shh, Ana. Listen to me."

I grab a kleenex off the nightstand and blow my nose, trying to calm myself down.

"Are you listening?"

I nod.

"Ana?"

"Yes, I'm listening."

"Go to the kitchen and get a bottle of water out of the fridge."

I stand and make my way towards the kitchen.

"Are you doing it?"

I nod, but remember he can't see me. "Yes."

"Good girl. Get in your cabinet and get the Advil out."

"Okay." I go to the cabinet and open it, pulling the container of medicine towards me. I pull it too far and it comes crashing down, hitting me. "Ouch." I hiss, under my breath.

"Anastasia? What was that? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I look down at the floor and spot the Advil, so I bend over and pick it up. "I found it!"

"Great. Good girl. Now take that and your bottle of water and put it on your nightstand."

"Do I eat them now?"

"NO!" His voice is loud and startles me. "Do not take anything right now. Put it on your nightstand...are you doing it?"

The tip of my tongue comes out of my mouth and I sing the Mission Impossible song in my head while I dodge all the bottles strewn across the floor, hopping around on my tiptoes and jumping to get past them. After I'm past the mess in the kitchen I do a victory dance, hearing Kate laugh from the couch.

"I did it!"

"Good girl."

Huh? Oh, right. The nightstand.

I muffle a giggle and hurry to my bed, placing them on the nightstand.

"I want you to drink the water and take two Advil when you wake up in the morning, okay?"

"Should I get them out now?" I take the Advil bottle and try to screw off the cap. "Stupid Ana proof cap." I mumble under my breath.

"Just leave the bottle on the nightstand. You'll remember in the morning."

I yank hard and twist, causing the top to come off and the pills go flying into the air and scatter all over my bed, the floor and roll under the bed.

"Oopsies."

"What was that?"

"I got it open."

He sighs. "Oh, Ana...what am I going to do with you?"

I climb off the bed and begin to pick them up. "1...2...3...wait. How many again?"

"Two, Ana. Two. No more than two."

"Now?"

"No. Do not...oh, for fuck's sake! Do not take anything until tomorrow, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir!" I salute him.

"Don't call me that. Now, what did I say?"

"Nothing until tomorrow."

"Good girl. Now, go to bed."

"But, I'm not tired, yet. Kate is here."

"Fuck." I hear him hiss under his breath and I giggle. "Elliot! Go get Kate from Anastasia's apartment! They're drunk."

"Uhmm...Kate. You're in trouble!"

Kate scowls at me from her spot, laying on the couch. "YOU TADDLED?!"

I shrug. "Oops."

She climbs off the couch and makes her way to the bed, almost falling on the way, making me giggle again.

"Anastasia?"

"Yes?"

"Elliot is coming. Get in bed and go to sleep."

My eyes widen and I look at my bed. "I don't think my bed is big enough for Elliot, too."

"Thank fuck for that...I mean, he's coming to pick Kate up. He's going to take her home. You get into bed and get to sleep. I'm going to hang up now."

I pout. "But, I don't want you to go. I'll make room for you in my bed. Elliot can sleep on the couch."

I hear him laugh. "We'll talk in the morning. Call me when you get up."

"Fine." I sigh.

"Now, remind me. How many Advil are you going to take?"

"Um...Two." I look down and open two fingers holding it up.

"And when are you going to take them?"

"Tomorrow."

"Good girl, Anastasia. Good night."

"Goodnight, Christian."

I place my phone beside my water bottle and slide into bed, letting Kate lie next to me. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I yawn. Maybe I am tired. I decide to rest my eyes until Elliot gets here.

*Rattle-Rattle-Rattle*

What the fuck is that?

I groan and roll my head to the side. Oh, I should not have done that. My head is pounding. The rattling continues, forcing me to open my eyes.

"Ow!" Now, I definitely shouldn't have done that! I squeeze my eyes shut and pull my blanket over my eyes. Sunlight. Bad.

Why do I feel like I'm dying?

I think back to last night. Kate...wine...crying...Christian...

Christian! I groan and curl up into a ball under my covers.

"Good morning, sunshine."

I scream and sit straight up in bed. "Christian!" I squint through the sunlight streaming into the apartment, looking to make sure it's really him.

Sure enough, there he is, standing at the end of my bed, the sunlight streaming in on him, copper hair gleaming in the light. He's like Zadkiel, the angel of Mercy. Oh, please have mercy on me!

He's giving me an amused grin and I can feel my cheeks warming. I know I must look a mess. I've never had more than two glasses of wine at a time before.

"What-Why-How?" God, my head hurts.

*Christian's POV*

I watch Anastasia squeeze her eyes shut and hold her head. Her hair is a mess, her makeup running down her face. Her eyes are swollen and her face is blotchy, but even then, she's still beautiful.

I make my way towards her with a glass of orange juice and sit on her bed.

"Elliot called me when he picked up Kate and told me how much of a mess the apartment was. He grabbed your spare key out of the fruit bowl for me."

She pulls her cover up and hides her face in it. "Oh, god."

"Here...drink this." I urge, holding out the orange juice.

Her blanket lowers just enough for her blue eyes to peek out.

"Come on, drink it. It'll make you feel better."

I watch her lower her blanket to her lap and she takes it in both hands before bringing it to her lips. She takes a sip and closes her eyes. "I'm sorry, Christian."

"Hush. None of that now. Let's get you better first." I grab the two Advil off her nightstand that I plucked out of her bed earlier. "Here. Take these. It'll calm your headache."

I watch her chew her lip as she stares at my open palm. Slowly, she reaches over and picks them up, her fingertips brushing against the center of my palm and damn it-if it doesn't send an electrical charge up my arm, into my shoulder blade. I'm not sure if I'll ever understand this connection.

After taking her pills, we sit in silence for a few minutes as she drinks her juice. She won't look at me, but I keep my eyes on her face, hoping she might. Anastasia is on a path of self-destruction and I feel personally responsible. The Anastasia I first met seems to be fading the longer we keep up this charade and I know I have to make a choice. I have to convince her to have a vanilla relationship or I have to walk away. The thought of walking away is abhorrent to me, but it's what is best for her. Kate has mentioned to Elliot that Anastasia has been different and it's my fault. I need to get to the bottom of it, but right now, I need to take care of her.

When her glass is empty, I take it from her and I see her wringing her hands. She's uncomfortable that I'm here, but she's just going to have to get over it. I can't leave her like this. Liquor is truth serum for many people and if she means what she said last night, she really does want me. She's just fighting it for some damn reason. I'd really like to spank her. I know that won't get us anywhere.

"Stay." I tell her before standing to head to the bathroom. She's in serious need of a bath. I plug the tub and begin the water, checking it a few times and changing the tap so that it's a warm, comfortable temperature. While it fills, I look around and see a cabinet. I pull it open and find white towels and wash rags and grab one of each, placing it on the hamper lid.

I hear a throat being cleared and I look up to see Anastasia standing at the door, her feet dancing. "I...I have to..." She points at the toilet and I grin.

"Okay. Use it."

She frowns. "I can't use it with you in here!" She looks at the filling tub and begins to dance a little more.

Chuckling, I decide not to torture her and give her space. I wait on the opposite side of the door and wait for her to finish. When the toilet flushes and the sink turns on, I open the door. She twirls around quickly and then grabs her head.

"Ouch. Christian! What if I wasn't done?"

I make my way towards her and reach behind her, turning off the sink. "I'm not deaf, Anastasia."

I watch her cheeks redden at the thought of me listening to her pee. It doesn't bother me, so I don't know why it should bother her.

"Let's get you undressed." I reach for the hem of her shirt and her eyes widen at me.

"Wha-what?"

"You need to bathe, Anastasia."

Her eyebrows knit together in pain and she rubs her head. "Why does it hurt to think?"

I sigh. "Do you make a habit of this, Anastasia?" I've never seen her drink in excess, but I need to know.

"No, Christian." She looks up at me. "I've never been drunk before."

I'm relieved.

"And I don't want to be ever again."

I nod. "Good. Now, arms up."

She just blinks up at me. "Come on, Anastasia. Do as I say."

She slowly raises her arms, but the shock on her face doesn't leave. I force myself not to grin. I don't think her thinking I'm laughing at her is going to help things. I slip her shirt off of her and her arms automatically go up to her chest, covering herself. I roll my eyes.

"Anastasia...I've licked just about every inch of your body. Do you really think that's going to do any good?" I ask, my eyes flicking down to her crossed arms.

Her face heats up again, but I ignore it and kneel down, pulling her slacks and panties down at the same time. I tap her ankles and she steps out of them and kicks them to the side. Noticing that the bath is finally full, I reach over and turn the tap off and stand up, offering my hand to her.

"In you go."

One arm reaches out for my hand, but she leaves the other over her chest. She steps into the bath and eases herself into it and I kneel next to the bath tub.

She looks at me, confused. "What are you doing?"

"I'm bathing you." I answer, wetting the washcloth. "Face first." I tell her, reaching for her face wash, squeezing some onto the white cloth. I wash her face in small circles and I hear her sigh and out of the corner of my eye, I see her arm finally fall away from her chest. Finally. She's warmed up to me. I wash her hair next and leave the conditioner in her hair while I begin to work on her body.

I start on her shoulders, moving to her arms and then work my way down. As I'm cleaning her, she watches me, searching my face. She stays quiet and so do I, the only sound filling the bathroom is the water in the tub.

"Why are you being so good to me?" Her voice is soft and my eyes leave her abdomen to look at her.

"I might not like you right now, but somehow, you've managed to worm your way into my heart. I need to take care of you, Anastasia. It's what I want to do."

Her chin quivers and I see her eyes fill with tears, but she tries to hide it by looking down at the water. "I don't like myself right now, either."

My heart clenches at her admission. She knows she's spiraling out of control. I lean in and kiss her temple. "We'll take care of that. Just relax and let me wash you. I'll have Taylor bring us breakfast and then we'll talk."

She sniffles and nods, but doesn't look up. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, baby."

I see the corners of her mouth twitch into a small smile and I can't help smiling myself. We'll fix this shit somehow.

XxXxXx

Anastasia and I are lying in her bed, facing each other. She's still nursing a hangover and lying down is much easier for her.

She smiles at me. "Thank you for laying with me."

I return her smile. "I enjoy laying with you, Anastasia."

Her smile fades and her lips press together. She's not looking forward to this next part and neither am I, but it needs to happen.

She takes a deep breath and her index finger twirls in her hair. "I want to apologize for my behavior on Sunday...well, for my behavior since...you know."

My eyebrows knit together. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

She shakes her head. "I just made it worse. I've been thinking about this all week and I need to explain."

I nod, allowing her to continue.

"I guess...I should start at the beginning. My mother met Ray when I was three and when they got married, he officially adopted me and I took his name. They were together for nine years before their marriage fell apart. My mother packed up and forced me to move with her, even though I begged her to let me stay. I had to leave my dad and all my friends behind. We moved to Nashville, where Mom was determined to start fresh. She seemed pretty positive at first, but when she got the finalized divorce papers, she started to drink. It got so bad that sometimes, I had to drag her to bed and clean up after her in the middle of the night.

"She met another guy and she got better, never touched alcohol while he was around...but he wasn't around long and it didn't take her long to be back to the mess she was before. She met two more men before we ended up moving again. The last was abusive towards her and she decided we needed to run away. We ended up in Texas only eight months after moving to Nashville. I had to start school all over again and continue to take care of my emotionally unstable, drunk mother. Men kept coming and going and she always ended up broken-hearted. Her last boyfriend in Texas cheated on her and she moved us to Savannah. At this point, I had had enough and told my Dad everything that had happened and she ended up losing custody and I was back with my father just in time to start high school with all my old friends in Montesano.

"Men completely destroyed my mother. All she wanted was a good man, but she kept finding all of these bastards who did nothing, but take advantage of her...and then I was stuck cleaning up the mess afterward. My mother was so broken. I was determined not to be that way. I guess that's why I never really had a boyfriend...why I never had sex until now. I didn't want the heartache. My mother was dependent on men to make her happy...I didn't want that. I didn't want anyone to be able to have such a strong hold on me.

"When I met you, it's like my whole being went into overdrive. I didn't completely understand my reaction to you or my feelings. I just knew I wanted you so badly. When you gave me your jacket and made the comment that it was okay for me to be taken care of, it sealed my fate. I told myself you were different...that you wanted the commitment and you were willing to put forth the effort. I guess that was the ignorance talking. I don't know much about men. I gave you myself and then you said you wouldn't...couldn't stay and it's like my world crumbled. I had become my mother. I was emotionally raw and falling apart and I needed you gone before you saw me do it.

"I couldn't stay away from you, but I didn't want to be close to you either. I tried my hardest to keep my emotional distance from you, but physically, I couldn't deny you. No matter how hard I tried though, I just kept falling more and more and then we spent the night on the Grace and it was incredible...but bittersweet. I knew you'd hurt me...you were already hurting me. I was so close to falling apart...and then I saw you on Sunday and I guess...I just shattered."

My eyes sting with tears, but I blink them away. My poor Anastasia. I move closer to her and wipe one of her tears away.

"Anastasia...I'm so sorry. I hadn't meant to hurt you. That night...when I said I couldn't stay...it wasn't because I didn't want to be committed to you...it was because of my touch issues and my nightmares. I have terrible nightmares and I was worried I'd hurt you in my sleep. I want you, Anastasia. I want the intimacy with you. Not just the sex, but the relationship. I've never been afraid of commitment, Anastasia. Only touch."

"Why? Why do you have your touch issues?" Her eyes wander to my chest, knowing it's my no-go zone.

I sigh and run my hand through my hair.

"Before I was adopted, I lived with my birth mother, who was a prostitute and addicted to drugs. Her pimp was abusive and he use to abuse both of us. The scars on my chest and back are from him. They're cigarette burns."

Anastasia covers her mouth and gasps. "No." She reaches up and places her hand against my cheek and I welcome her affection, although I don't want her pity. "Christian..."

I shake my head. "It was a long time ago, but it still affects me. When someone touches me, it feels like I'm being burned all over again."

"Did they take you away from your mom?"

"She overdosed. The pimp found her and I was locked in the apartment with the crack whore for four days before anyone found us."

She's crying now and I feel terrible. I don't want her to waste anymore of her tears on me. "And that's when you were adopted?"

I shrug. "More or less. Grace was the doctor who looked me over when the police brought me in. I had to stay with a foster family until the paperwork went through...which took about six months."

"Well, you couldn't have asked for a better family..."

I grin. "No, I couldn't."

"It must have been hard to explain your touch issues to your girlfriends in high school."

Oh, fuck. Here we go. "I never had girlfriends in high school. I-" I rub my face. "I'm going to tell you something that only two other people know. I want to be open and honest, to show you that I am wanting and willing to be committed to you. I'm trusting you with this information."

She looks surprised, but shakes her head. "I would never tell anyone."

XxXxXx

Once I'm finished explaining Elena, my past lifestyle, and my prior subs, I can't read Anastasia. She's quiet and her face is expressionless, but her eyes dart around my face, searching it.

"What happened to Elena?"

I shrug. "I haven't seen her since Elliot caught me. I sent her a message, stating that our personal and business relationship was over and gifted her the company. She hasn't fought me on any of it and she hasn't been around my parent's house since then, either."

"Good. I hate her." Her answer makes me chuckle.

"You really never had feelings for any of the past girls?"

I shake my head. "No. It was purely physical...it wasn't like this." Although we've claimed that our relationship has been strictly physical, we've both been lying.

"Why me, then? What makes me different?"

I shrug. I don't have an answer to that. "What makes me different for you?" I ask.

"Touche."

"Are you still interested in having a relationship?"

Her brows knit together. "Of course, I am."

I smile, relieved. "Even though I'm fucked up?"

She giggles. "You're childhood was fucked up, Christian. That doesn't make you that way. Right now, I think I'm the more fucked up one."

I shake my head. "It's all passed us, now. Let's start over. A real relationship. Committed. Without the Bieber fucker getting handsy."

Anastasia smiles. "I'll promise to place boundaries with Ethan if you promise to start calling him by his name." She holds out her hand for me to shake and I just look at it.

"That's a hard bargain, Anastasia...but I accept. Let's kiss on it." I reach over and yank her towards me, making her giggle, and press my lips to hers. Her hands find my hair like they always do and before I know it, I find myself on top of her and she's grinding her hips into mine.

"I need you, Christian."

Oh, fuck.

"Please say you brought a condom." She tugs lightly on my hair and I smile. "Oh, thank god." She yanks my head back to hers and her lips find mine again.

XxXxXx

After I recuperate from another round of sex, I slip the condom off my dick and tie it, deciding to let it drop to the floor instead of heading towards the waste bin like I usually do. I have a better idea.

I roll onto my side and pull her back to me, her back to my chest and I spoon her, nuzzling her neck.

"Oh!" She startles, but soon relaxes against me. "This is new." her hands rest on my arms and she shimmies back until her ass sits perfectly against my groin. My first thought is to grind against her, but I force myself to stay still. There's plenty of time for that later.

I kiss the spot behind her ear. "This is the way our first time should have ended. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head. "No, no. None of that. We've started fresh, remember?"

Right. I relax back against her and kiss her shoulder.

"Christian?" She turns her head to look at me before relaxing back against her pillow.

"Yea?"

"How can you be so sure you don't need that type of lifestyle anymore?"

"I told you, I left it behind me."

"I know, but do you miss it? I mean...for you...I'm willing to try some things, but I'll never be okay with that punishment stuff...the whips and all that-"

"Ana." I cut her off. "I need you more than I need that lifestyle. I'm sure there are aspects of it I'll miss, but I don't need it. You satisfy me more than BDSM can. I'm not willing to put you in that situation. I don't want you to change for me." I move to kiss her shoulder again, but she ends up moving, turning to her back. Panic starts to rise in my chest, but she grips my arm tightly with both hands, her subtle way of showing me she won't touch me.

"But, I'm new to this whole sex thing, Christian...What if..." She blushes and looks away. Okay, now I'm intrigued. "What if I'm curious?"

My eyebrow shoot up. "Curious?"

Her face is crimson and she brings both hands up to hide her face, making me grin. I pull her hands away from her face and she looks over at me.

"You don't have to be embarrassed around me, Anastasia."

She chews her lip and twirls her hair around her finger. I'm going to have to coax it out of her.

"What do you want to try?"

"Uh...well, I don't think being tied up would be too bad."

"Too bad, huh?" I grin and she hides her face in her hands again.

She nods behind her hands. "I might...like it."

I chuckle and pull her hands away again, kissing her lips. "I don't mind exploring your likes or dislikes, Anastasia, but you have to promise to be honest with me when you don't like something."

She gives me a smile and nods.

"This is going to be fun." I'm giddy. I'm the luckiest bastard alive. Not only is Anastasia willing to try for me, but I get to be the one she explores her sexual preferences with. She's mine and mine only. I know I'm a selfish asshole and I'm trying to change that, but I'm not willing to share Anastasia.

My lips find hers again and I wrap my arm around her again, turning her and pulling her back against me. "Mine."

She giggles. "As selfish and domineering as ever." She teases.

Damn right. "Sleep." I command, making her giggle more.

"You'll be here when I wake up?"

"Of course, I will."

"Then you've got a deal, boyfriend."

I hum and nuzzle into her neck. I like the sound of that.