It had been a couple hours since Bella's first hunt. She had done well with finding and finishing her meal, which was two foxes and a coyote. Though it was her hunt, it was my kill. She had been unsure with that part, so I helped her out. Once she was done, it was time to bury the animal carcasses in the snow.
Digging in the snow was easy work and she was so fascinated with how little effort it took her to conceal the critters. That was done in no time and quickly our time in the snow turned into a snowball fight, which turned into another race through the forest.
How happy and amazed she was when I lost, and she won our fourth race of the evening. Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and I'll never forget the look on her face when she gloated about outrunning me. Her laugh was musical and the look in her eyes was pure joy.
She's very happy that she's steady on her feet and no longer a clumsy human. I wasn't sore about losing, though I did joke around about it, which made her laugh more. But she wasn't laughing now as we sat face to face in the snow as she questioned me, wanting answers about why she was now a vampire. Trying to do the right thing, I began to confess about what I had done.
"I don't want to begin your second life on a lie." I said truthfully.
My words hung in the air like a dark cloud. The expression on Bella's face changed from joyful and content to worried.
"What does that mean?" Bella asked.
I inhaled deeply, breathing in the fresh snow mixed with our scents. Her fragrance comforted me as I worked up my nerve to tell the truth. I was hardly prepared and as nervous as could be, after all the truth may be mine to tell, but it was up to her how she would accept it. I couldn't make her forgive me and that's what had me scared. I realized I could lose everything tonight.
However, hiding the truth wasn't an option. There was always a chance that her amnesia would improve, and her memory would come back to her. I didn't want to be a coward and wait for that to happen.
I took another deep breath. This was it, time to come clean to the one I love.
"Bella, the car accent was my fault. I'm responsible for everything." I explained, trying to sound brave, but missing it by inches.
"I don't understand," Bella didn't hide her confusion. "You've never been in a car accent."
"I know." I sighed. "There's a first for everything."
"How did it happen?" She wondered.
"Stupidity." Is all I said.
As much as I wanted to admit my misconduct it was rather difficult. Not sure how to correctly say it, I fell silent. I really wasn't sure how to go about revealing my sins to the angel that was my heart and soul, my guiding light. Whom I stupidly drink, almost to her death.
Above not knowing how to properly say what needed to be said, I was scared. Afraid that she would no longer love me. Or would run from me when she found out what I did. That would be horrible.
Bella raised an eyebrow. "Edward," She grabbed my hand. "I don't understand what you are trying to say. Can you please stop speaking in circles and tell me what it is that you are trying to tell me? The longer you drag it out the more it's starting to seem like a big mystery."
I opened my mouth, but I couldn't speak.
The feeling of uncertainty weighed down on me. Pinching the bridge of my nose my eyes drifted to the snow. My eyes examined each powdery flake while my mind replayed my horrible crime, and Bella encouraged me to speak. Her voice was all that it took. I looked up at her, our red eyes met, and I found my courage to speak.
"We weren't in a typical car crash." I began to explain. "It started with an argument that I caused when our neighbor Frank bought a wreath over and I became jealous. I hated that wreath. I was so upset that he's attracted to you that I actually accused you of wanting to cheat on me."
Bella gasped. Her red eyes were huge as she looked at me but didn't speak a word.
"We were driving. Well, I was driving down the highway." I quickly corrected myself. "You told me to slow down, I should have listened. But I didn't." I continued, my words following fast. "I came inches from a head on collision -"
"And this was all over a Christmas wreath?" Bella cut me off, sounding dumbfounded.
I nodded my head yes. How badly I wanted to stop there but I knew that was the wrong thing to do. She needed to know the truth.
"Yes. It was stupid and very childish." I admitted.
"You think?" Bella's tone was sarcastic.
"Yes." I agreed. "Please let me continue. I have more that I need to say but it's difficult when you Interrupt me."
"Sorry. Go on." Bella said, sounding skeptical.
"It also wasn't wise for me to be looking at you instead of the road, when I saw inside your mind for a second." I admitted, wishing I could change the past. "Which is why I didn't see the deer in front of us and had no time to stop when I plowed into it and almost ran over the other."
She stared at me; questions danced in her eyes, but she allowed me to continue.
"I swerved to avoid hitting the other deer. Our car skidded on black ice which had us driving through the forest where we only stopped when our car crashed into a tree." I was talking fast, so fast that if she were still human, she wouldn't have been able to understand me. "You hit your head during the crash. You were unconscious and your head was bleeding. The aroma was very enticing."
She frowned. Was it possible she knew what I was getting at? Still, she said nothing, letting me go on.
"I fed from you Bella." I said shamefully.
"You what?" She seemed shocked.
"I didn't bite you to save you. Not at first."
There was no easy way to say that, but it had to be said. I watched Bella's face drop as realization of what I was saying sunk in. She let go of my hand then.
"I almost drained you." I shuddered, remembering how weak she was.
"No." She breathed in disbelief.
"Yes." I pushed myself to tell her everything. "I wasn't thinking clearly. I love you so much and would never mean to hurt you, but I couldn't stop. My monstrous urges got the better of me. If it wasn't for the smell of fire and gasoline coming from the car, I'm not sure if I would have stopped. If you would be sitting here with me now."
My voice broke towards the end. A mixture of feeling liberated and frightened invaded while venom tears welled up in my eyes.
Bella's body was very rigid, her eyes never strayed from my face. What she saw in me at that moment, a monster or a man, I'm not sure. But she kept looking at me.
"Did you hear me, love?" I asked. "I nearly killed you. I'm so sorry."
"So let me get this straight," Bella stood up, not giving an answer to my question. "You and I were fighting over a silly thing and then you… a vampire with quick reflexes crashed the car because of a deer?"
Shamefully I nodded.
"And then," Bella said with her hands on her hips and a fierceness in her tone. "Decided to drink me like I was a fine aged bottle of wine?!"
Her raised voice made it obvious that she wasn't the least bit happy with me. I couldn't blame her.
"I messed up." I sighed, standing to my feet.
Well, that was a mistake if I ever made one. Bella's crimson eyes turned hard; we were now standing face to face. My hands were at my sides and hers on her hips.
"You took my life so you could drink me like a bottle of wine! How could you?" She demanded.
I didn't respond.
Suddenly Bella let loose a yell that echoed through the night. In one rapid move that no human would have been able to see, her hands wet from her hips to my chest. With a force that would have brought down a brick building, she shoved me.
"Whoa!" I shouted.
The force from her push sent me flying twenty feet in the air, yelling in surprise and knocking down trees as I went.
Finally, my back slammed on the side of a mountain stopping my flying adventure. Snow and rock rained down on me, creating an avalanche and burying me. Wanting to make things right with Bella I began digging my way out.
Above the spot where I was digging, I heard dainty footsteps. Followed by a voice that could make the toughest bull coward in shame.
"Edward Cullen," Bella's voice came through the snow pile that I was underneath. She sounded pissed. "Before I really do something I will regret, hear my warning. Stay where you are."
"Stay where I am?" My words were muffled by the snow.
"Yes."
Feeling confused by her words that sounded like she was giving a punishment to a small child I blinked. Slowly I began to understand that her banishing me to the snow was the equivalent to a parent giving a timeout to their defiant child. That should have felt degrading, instead it felt like something I deserved.
"Stay in the snow and cool off!" Bella shouted. "When I feel like talking to you, I'll come get you."
With that she was gone.
Loathing myself for everything I did, I listened to her, and stayed under the snow. I made no attempt in trying to dig my way out. I sat in there, covered in snow thinking about everything and wishing I could change the past. Though wishing didn't change anything, it only made me feel worse.
Locked tight in my snow fortress there was no scene of time. My phone died so I have no idea when Bella came and dug me out. All I know is that it was still dark and she was a bit calmer and wanted to talk now. She might have been calm but that didn't mean that she wasn't pissed. She wanted to know exactly how I caused the accident.
Shaking the last remains of snow out of my hair, my stomach tightened in a way that made me feel sick. But I made this mess, I had to speak.
"Bella, I'm so sorry for everything." I began, running my hand through my wet hair. "I messed up. There was black ice on the road."
"Extra, extra!" Bella said sarcastically, with her right hand up in the air, pretending that she was holding a newspaper. "The one-hundred-and-seven-year-old vampire, or seventeen-year-old boy that always made a big deal that I was a fragile human got defeated by a deer and… BLACK FUCKING ICE!"
I sighed. "It sounds ridiculous when you put it that way. I'm so sorry. If I could take it all back, I would."
"Oh, hell fucking NO!" She shouted the last word. Her tone made me freeze. "I'm finally a vampire! But if you think you are ever driving any time soon, think again!"
I stared at her, expressionless. What was that supposed to mean?
"You won't be driving for the next century!" She half shouted.
"What now?" I couldn't believe my ears. Certainly, she wasn't serious. "You're my wife, not my mother. You can't revoke my driving privileges."
"Oh! Says the boy that has been acting like my father for years!" Her words were loud and made me cringe. "You may not like that but while I'm a newborn I'm pretty sure I'm stronger than you since it didn't take much to push you earlier."
She wasn't wrong about that. I nodded, giving her a silent yes.
I quickly began to wonder what she planned on doing to me. Whatever it was, I knew I deserved every bit of it.
"But don't worry, dear husband. I won't hurt you," She said with a hint of rage in her voice. "But I will make every car you try to drive into bowling balls for Emmett. For when he wants to cut down trees." She winked at me.
Even though I can't read her mind, I was almost sure her smart remark about cutting down trees had something to do with me bringing down those trees when she tossed me like a boomerang. Though I was sure I made the connection behind her words, that didn't mean I agreed with it.
"Now, love." I began, trying to keep my voice even. "Don't you think that's a bit of an overreaction? Do you really find it necessary to punish your husband?"
Bella rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't even start. You broke my truck when I wanted to go places. You just have to deal with at least a hundred years where you don't get to dive." She winked again, but I knew she wasn't joking in the slightest.
Fear, cold and uncertainty coursed through me, sundered me, making me question things I used to be so sure of. No longer did I feel that I possessed her heart. Not just because it was no longer a working organ, but because Bella seemed to be acting cold to me. She knew how much I loved cars and here she was threatening to disfigure my favorite toys.
"We are on equal grounds now." Bella went on. "I don't need Help from anyone to make you miserable, I can do that all on my own. And after nearly killing me, I think I have a few passes to decide a few things. Like you decide over my mortality."
"I'm so sorry." The words slipped from my lips.
"Don't get me wrong," Bella held out her hand to stop me from speaking. "I love that I'm now a vampire, but I know it's because of… a deer… and black ice." She said flatly.
I hung my head.
Bella giggled to herself. Moving only my eyes, I looked at her.
A wicked smile played on her lips. "I can already hear Emmett laughing until venom tears roll down his eyes when I tell him what made you crash my car." She laughed, shaking her head. "And maybe Rose will laugh at this too… a vampire defeated by an animal and black ice." She mumbled the last part.
"Fine." I said, sounding less than agreeable. "You can take my license, see to it that I don't drive until you see fit, but please don't mention this to Emmett. It's embarrassing enough that I made a mistake when I was angry."
"Sorry, but this is too damn good not to tell Emmett." She winked again. "This is gold, as he would put it. So shall we get home so we can charge our phones and I call him to bask in his humor?"
Feeling like a sad puppy dog I took a deep breath. "How long will you be holding a grudge against me?"
My voice sounded strangled, and I was fighting back venom tears. The proof was written in her laugh, I screwed up so bad she no longer loved me. Why else would she want revenge?
"Oh honey," She replied in a sticky sweet voice. "Haven't you heard women, and especially wives hold grudges like there is no tomorrow? You better sit down and strap yourself in because this is going to be a long ride."
Of course, I had heard about that. I just never imagined that I would experience it for myself.
"But I thought you would accept my apology." I said, sounding every bit like the child I was. "I said I was sorry more than a hundred times. How long will punishing me last?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess you will just have to wait and find out. It's good that you are immortal."
"Ridiculous." I mumbled under my breath and rolled my eyes.
"And I suppose that you think what you did was not ridiculous." Her voice was firm and the expression on her face was neutral.
The way she looked at me made me feel like she expected me to say something more than the apology I already gave. But what more did she want me to say?
"Please, Bella," I my voice quivered. "Love, tell me how I can make it up to you. I'll do anything."
"I think I need to put some more thought into it. And maybe consult our brothers and sisters." She said with a finger tapping her chin. "But you are still not driving until at least a century has passed."
"This is going to be torture, but I deserve it." I spoke honestly.
"Ding, ding, ding! He got one right today. Where is the confetti?" She said sarcastically with mock joy.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. She was really overdoing the sarcasm, really acting dramatic. But maybe her behavior was caused by my actions from when I almost killed her. Even though she had planned on becoming a vampire in the future, I overstepped my boundaries when I made her my meal. I knew that. I really did deserve every bit of her hatred she now had for me.
"I really am sorry." I apologized again, my voice sounding slightly whiny. "I should have done everything differently. You don't know how much it's killing me that you're upset. I'm sorry."
Bella let out a deep exaggerated breath. "Edward, if you say sorry one more time, I will add a decade to you not driving."
That was definitely something I did not expect her to say. I stared at her, deadpan for a second.
"Just because I'm apologizing. Why?" I felt so confused.
"Because your voice gets this annoying tone when you say sorry, and it makes me feel like I married Jessica fucking Stanley." She threw her hands up in the air.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, dumbfounded. "I'm beginning to get the feeling you're trying to pick a fight, but I'm just happy you're alive."
"I'm not trying to pick a fight; I'm just stating how I feel. After hearing you say sorry a million and one times, it gets annoying." She explained. "Now can we go home? Or hunt? Yeah… that sounds nice."
What she said in the last part explained a lot. Things I hadn't thought about but should have. She was younger than I was, a newborn not even a day old. Of course, she wanted to hunt again. I should have thought of that. She was going to be thirstier than I was. I'd have to keep an eye on that.
Also, I was sure that half of her grumpiness was caused by hunger. Maybe after she finished another meal, she wouldn't be so… mean.
"Of course, we can hunt, but about going home to our house in Chicago with neighbors all around us," I begin slowly. "I'm not too sure if that's a good idea since you are a newborn. I think maybe we should move somewhere more secluded."
Bella shrugged her shoulders. "Okay. Maybe you go home, charge your phone and call the airline, and get two plane tickets to Forks until we figure out where we're going to live. Does that sound good?" She asked, sounding less angry than before.
What she said made a cold chill run down my spine. There was no way I was taking a newborn vampire on an airplane, being in close proximity to humans and smelling their enticing blood pulsing under their skin, wouldn't be wise. That would be madness. She would be too tempted to drink someone, which would end up exposing us for what we are.
"I still need to go home to take a shower and change my clothes." Bella said when I didn't respond. "I might not sweat anymore but I still feel quite dirty being dressed in the clothes I pretty much died in. But first I want to hunt."
"Yes." I agreed, realizing it wasn't right to keep her from our house. I changed my mind about that. "After you hunt until you're full we go home so you can clean up and be comfortable. I have no right to keep you from taking a shower and a fresh change of clothes. I owe you that and so much more." I said and quickly added. "But please tell me if being around humans is too much for you because it can be overwhelming."
"I hear someone trying to kiss up," She mumbled under her breath and rolled her eyes at me.
With those simple words she shot off into the forest. I was after her in an instant. She slowed so I could catch up and we ran together.
"I'm not trying to kiss up." I said truthfully as we ran, keeping my voice low.
"It sure sounds like you are." Her words were a whisper, and she seemed a bit irritated.
"I love you more than I can express in words." I admitted with so much emotion in my voice. "But can you tell me something? Do you still feel that way about me?"
"If I didn't," Bella turned to me, her face softened when she looked at me. "I would leave and not punish you, idiot. So, there's no need for that kicked puppy look. You are the one that drank me like a bottle of wine, not the other way around."
I suppressed from rolling my eyes at her comment about the bottle of wine. I really hoped she would drop it soon, I hated being reminded of my horrible mistake.
"All this talk of you punishing me and begrudgingly me means you still love me?" I wondered, sounding like a child.
Bella stopped running then and so did I. We stood face to face in the night-black forest.
"Yep." She simply said. "Why bother otherwise?"
I was confused about that and raised an eyebrow.
"You see," Bella began, thoughtfully. "Parents punish their kids all the time. They do it to teach them, but they also do it out of love. If they didn't love their kids, they would just let them be and not care to punish them when they do something wrong, or even dangerous so they never repeat the action again." She sighed. "I know, I'm your wife who loves you a lot and not your parent. Though sometimes you seem like you need guidance. That's all I'm trying to do."
"Okay." Was all I could say.
"But," Bella went on. "I think I have been quite clear through the years how I feel about you and now you question me if I love you."
"On the contrary, love." I said quickly. "I'm not meaning to question you. But I messed up in a very big way. For the three days I held you in my arms while you went through your transformation, I was frightened that I was unworthy of your love. That I screwed up so badly I was scared you would see how horrible I am and leave me."
Bella let out a dramatic breath and rolled her eyes.
As still as could be I stood there. Hoping and praying that she would say something to ease my fears.
"Can we just drop this?" Bella asked, sounding annoyed. "I don't want to deal with your emo shit. I love you and I'm happy being a vampire now. We have eternity to be together, but can we still not waste it on going around in a circle about this? It's getting old."
I laughed in relief as she put her arms around me and wrapped me in a hug. I gladly embraced her. It felt very good to hold her.
"Sure, we can put this to bed." I agreed, trying to push it out of my mind. "I won't bring it up if you won't."
"Good." She placed a kiss on my lips that I was more than happy to return. "But I'm still holding you to that punishment and I'm still killing your favorite car. It's only fair since you murdered mine."
She ended our hug, and a wide grin was painted on her face. Something about her smile told me she was not joking around.
"I wouldn't expect anything less." I said truthfully, not trying to keep the sadness out of my voice. "I will miss my car and my driving privileges though."
Outside I was very composed but on the inside, I was crying and worrying about my cars. Especially my Ashton Martin. I would have to sell it. Or ship it out of the country and hide it somewhere safe. I knew I deserved a punishment, but my car certainly didn't. It was completely innocent.
"I understand that, but it was your choice to drink me like a bottle of wine." She reminded me. "Now you must reap what you sow."
"You're right." I sighed.
There was no way I could argue with that. Even though I didn't really choose to feed from Bella that day I crashed the car. I did do it and I had to own up to my mistakes, even if I didn't like the punishment that was dealt out to me. I made a promise at that moment to myself, and to her that I wouldn't be quick to act on anger.
Before we ventured off into the forest for her second hunt, she had a serious talk with me. Letting let me know that if I ever was in a jealous rage again, where my anger would get the best of me, and I did something stupid that could be harmful. She wouldn't hesitate to put me in anger management. Feeling like such a child, I agreed, though I found myself wishing that I was a little old when my father created me. Then maybe I wouldn't have such a quick temper. But it was useless to wish for such things.
After all was said and done, we raced each other through the snow. From time to time, she brought up that I drank her like a bottle of fine wine. Though she was half joking, there was a seriousness to her words. Each time she brought it up, I felt guilty beyond reason.
Once her hunt was done and she was full we went back to my childhood home in Chicago. Where we lived happily ever after… kind of.
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