Breathing hurts.
Her lungs are filled with dust but she doesn't have the strength to cough nor to escape. Something heavy is pressing against her back and pinning her down. All she knows is pain, she breaths and exhales pain, eats and drinks it, it flows through her veins as if it's the only thing she's ever known, as if it can't leave her alone, as if it will live with her for the rest of her life.
Blond strands cover her field of view and she hates the messiness of it all, but she cannot move, she cannot fight, as much as she wants to, she's powerless to do anything at all, powerless ever since she was born.
When she looks down at her leg she finds nothing but a bloody stain where it should be, red freely flowing from the open injury, but she doesn't even try to use Total Concentration Breathing to stop the bleeding.
'Masao,' and Ayaka does not know whose name is that, but it appears on her mind all the same like it's the only person she can think about right now. 'Masao, masao.'
A whimper comes from her mouth although she tries not to cry. She cannot cry, she does not have that luxury, but the tears come despite her wishes.
Then she sees him, recognizes the ring on the bloody hand sticking out from the rubble and knows it's her baby brother.
She moans like a pathetic animal, something very small and defenseless that cannot fight and is condemned to suffer because of her own weakness.
He was gonna get married next month. He was supposed to share sake with the girl he loved and live a long, long life raising his children and feeling nothing but happiness until the day he died. He was destined to live a normal life, he should have never picked up a sword, should have never died a horrible death at the hands of demons.
And she cries, because she was the one that should have died. Her baby brother was good, not like her, he was the kindest, warmest person that had come out of that wrecked house of theirs, despite that wrecked house of theirs.
He deserved so much more, so much more than this world could ever offer him. But now he was dead, because she had been stubborn, because she had thought they could take on an Upper Moon.
"I'm sorry," she cries. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, your stupid big sister couldn't save you because of her stupid pride."
But the mountain of corpses behind her is not just Masao, all her siblings are cold and unmoving on the floor, their blood painting the streets. And the grotesque picture of crimsons and reds will remain with her, forever.
"Damn you!" She screams, and Ayaka can feel the hoarseness that comes with it. "Damn you, Daki! Damn you, Gyutaro! I swear I'll kill you one day! I swear it on my siblings' corpses!" Her voice breaks and she's left feeling nothing but pain.
But the Sun has already risen, and she is but a weak, pathetic thing that held onto her pride and lost the only thing worth living for.
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Ayaka wakes up with a tingling feeling on her limbs and a crow pecking at her cheek. With a blink, she recognises it to be hers.
"Caw!" she croaks out. "Lady Iwamoto, there's a strange man in the garden."
"I told you that lady Iwamoto is too formal," Ayaka sluggishly says. "Just Aya is fine."
Her crow gives an annoyed sound and shakes her head. Ever since O-gi got assigned to her, Aya had been unsuccessful in making the crow relax around her or even on dropping the titles and honorifics O-gi held in such high regards.
Aya had not even been able to carve the name of her old crow in the tomb her grandmother dug in a corner of the garden, and that was something she regretted. Thankfully, Oyakata-sama remembered he was named "Shuri", but she didn't know if that had made her feel better or worse.
So this time she had made sure to know and call her crow by the name she was given, and had even tried chatting with her and gifted her rice cookies or sweet water from time to time. But O-gi had refused any kind of advances on making their relationship become something more than colleagues.
No, they were even less than that, it felt as if O-gi saw Aya as a master she was indebted to, which was something Aya did not enjoy. But she was loyal and fearless, accompanying Aya on all the missions she had gone to in the past few months, and for that she was grateful.
Once she wasn't trying to ruthlessly kill demons, Aya had discovered they weren't as complicated as she had at first thought. In fact, every time Aya had mentioned the cure to the demons, there had only been two, vastly different reactions; the first type was one of anger and mockery, they made fun of her attempt on choosing to go back to being human because why would they need to? They enjoyed being demons and eating humans, compassion or kindness were meaningless to them if they could live to their heart's content. Then there was the second type, who accused her of lying just to make them let their guard down, beheading them the moment they agreed to such a preposterous idea. She wondered, sadly, if the possibility of kindness was such a foreign thing for them, did they truly believe there was no one good in the world? Up until then, she had been unable to find any demon willing to turn back into a human.
"You have to be careful," Tamayo had said, taking Aya's hand in between hers. "It won't be easy and I fear not many demons will agree. The goal you're going after is hard and dangerous, and you may never find a demon who accepts your offer."
Aya smiled despite her words. "I still want to try."
"Very well," but Tamayo's gaze held concern. "You'll have to sacrifice many things along the way, are you okay with that?"
"I don't mind," and she was being honest. "If I can help someone, no matter what, I'll do everything I can. It's what my father would have wanted."
"Thank you." Tamayo genuinely said. Aya feared she'd start crying right there and then. "Thank you for seeing us, Aya."
Months later, she now understandood the real weight of Tamayo's warning.
"Give me strength, father," Aya sighed, checking her leg was still there.
"Hasn't Tanjirou come back yet?" she asked her crow, perched on one of the bedposts. When she shook her head Aya asked again. "What about Inosuke and Zenitsu?" O-gi gave her a new negative and Aya tried not to be disappointed. Now that she finished all her missions earlier, she was stuck waiting for her friends to finish theirs. So much for being the strongest.
"Well, let's try and see 'everything' again," she said, walking to the garden. Ever since that time in the train, Aya was unsuccessful in using her eyes to their greatest potential. The longest she had achieved to do so had been only for a few seconds, not even her grandmother's training had helped. "Come, O-gi, I'll give you some cookies later."
O-gi cawed again, hovering above her head. "There's a strange man in the house!"
Aya hummed and stretched her limbs to get rid of the numbness on her limbs. The temperatures were decreasing and it was starting to get cold, as the flowers on the Butterfly Estate's garden started to lose color and were replaced by more somber tones, slowly becoming autumn.
She saw on the roof a huge colourful form by the corner of her eye. "That's funny, I thought you said there was a strange man in the house." She blinked. "Oh gods, there's a strange man in the house."
Almost immediately after, she heard someone call her name in the distance, and Aya instantly recognized Kanao's voice.
She reunited with her on the back door of the Butterfly Estate, where a flurry of girls had gathered in a little crowd.
The moment Kanao saw her, she clutched to her arm and pointed to the huge man that O-gi had warned Aya about. She held Kanao's hand and took in a moment to take in his appearance; his muscly arms made him resemble a bull arrayed with fine golden jewelry and extravagant red eyeshadow.
"What… what's going on here?" She asked, when seeing Aoi and Sumi were trapped under his grasp. They complained loudly, demanding he let them go, but the man paid no mind to their protests and raised an eyebrow at Aya's appearance.
"He's a kidnapper! He's trying to take them away!" Sumi cried, also clutching to Aya's arm and crying on the sleeve of her haori. This only confused Aya further.
"Tell me, why do you need Naho and Aoi!?" Aya yelled, as O-gi took her designated place, perched on her shoulder.
"Yeah, leave them alone!" Kiyo followed, with Sumi quickly joining her. "Mean, you're mean!"
"Shut up, you brats! I'm going on a mission so you don't stick your nose into this." He looked at Aya a second time and seemed to realize something. "You! You're the suicidal tsuguko from the pillars' meeting!"
"My name's Ayaka Iwamoto, not suicidal tsuguko!" She replied, silently wondering if all pillars knew her with that nickname as well. Kanao still held onto her. "But call me Aya, please!"
"Aya my ass." The man clicked his tongue. "Stop pestering me. I'm a Pillar, I can do whatever I want."
"Wrong! Being a Pillar doesn't make you better than anyone nor does it give you the right to treat people like this!" She pointed a thumb at her chest. "Take me instead of Aoi and Naho, Sound Pillar!"
"No!" Aoi's voice came from the man's shoulder. She sent Aya a bitter stare. "I don't want your help, turn back and leave me alone!"
Aya felt a pang on her chest. "What…? But Aoi-"
"I said I don't want your help!" Aoi interrupted her. "Buzz off!"
Meanwhile, the man was humming to himself. "It is true that a tsuguko would be better than a lower ranking member of the corps."
He dropped Naho in favour of taking Aya, who suddenly found herself hanging upside down on the man's shoulder.
Aoi let out a groan, still under Uzui's arm, while the three little girls cried in relief and hugged each other in between tears on the floor. Kanao only kept her worried gaze on Aya.
"You are really rude." Aya told the man. "But I said I would go in Aoi and Naho's place, so you have to let Aoi-senpai go."
He only rolled his eyes and adjusted Aya on his shoulder and Aoi under his armpit. "I can't take just one person, I need at least two members to help me on this mission."
"Hey, I'm serious, let go of Aoi-senpai!" She insisted, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Aoi only sweated profusely and looked up at Aya.
"Let it go, Aya, he's a Pillar," she said through gritted teeth. But Aya was very stubborn.
"Even if he's a Pillar, he can't do as he pleases! He has to let you go, Aoi!" she continued protesting, worried for her friend's sake.
"Just shut up! I let go of the little girl, didn't I!?" The man exclaimed.
"I said let Aoi go! You're a Pillar, learn to be polite first!"
A thousand thoughts were going on inside Kanao's mind. 'Would she be punished for this? Should she use her coin?' But her coin was with Ayaka, who kept it in her pocket.
'Of course,' Kanao thought, 'my coin.'
And just like that, Kanao ran to tug at Aya's uniform, body trembling all over.
"Don't fuck with me, you're gonna move now!?"
"Aya said… she doesn't wanna go…" Kanao whispered, sweating profusely.
Her act of courage was quickly followed by the three girls who started throwing themselves at him, calling him things like 'perv' and other nasty names to describe a despicable person. Aoi only stayed still, heart beating loudly in her chest.
"What are you doing to these girls!? Let them go!" Aya saw Tanjirou's head of red locks and her expression brightened despite the circumstances.
"Tanjirou help us!" Sumi sobbed. "This man's a kidnapper!"
"I mean, technically he-" Aya started muttering, but Tanjirou ran to headbutt the man so fast her voice was interrupted. Suddenly she was far higher and the heads of her friends were little dots. "-isn't a kidnapper."
Now as a little head on the floor Tanjirou tried for Uzui to let Aya go just like Aya had done the same for Aoi. "You can't take people however you please!" he demanded, with that stubbornness of his Aya liked so much.
The man sent Tanjirou a half lidded gaze. "I'm a Pillar, so whatever you guys want is not my problem. I can take both of these girls if I want to."
"Then I don't recognize you as a Pillar!" Tanjirou only kept insisting. "Let Aya and Aoi go already, you are not taking anyone with you today!"
"Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me like that!?"
"The only thing you have to do is let Aoi go, why do you insist on being such a prick!?" Aya finally snapped as a frown appeared on her face.
"Yeah, prick!" One of the little girls cheered from her place, as all the others joined her, including Kanao although weakly. "Prick, prick, prick, prick!"
"Listen up, I'm Tengen Uzui, the former shinobi! I already said I don't need any permit to take whatever girl I want who isn't Shinobu's tsuguko!" He gestured to the girls he was carrying. "And none of these are Shinobu's tsuguko, so I'm gonna take them to the Red Light District with me!"
"You're gonna what?" The bitter coldness of her voice made a shiver ran up everyone's spine. The little girls were still scared of her.
Recognizing the smoke coming out of her pipe, Aya's expression brightened. "Grandma!"
Turning around, Tanjirou saw the small woman engulfed in ashy clouds. "Kaede-san, be careful, that man's dangerous!"
"Hold this for me," she said, handing her pipe to Tanjirou. "You will not take my granddaughter to the Red Light District."
Uzui didn't complain or mock her. Instead, he stayed very still, looking at Aya's grandma with caution.
It was like a sudden gust of wind. In the blink of an eye, Aya was on the floor again, being held by her grandmother, and Uzui was staggering on his feet, a hand over his nose, which was slowly becoming purple.
"You kicked me!" He exclaimed. "What the hell's wrong with you, grandma!?"
Aya stared in silence at Aoi, who her grandmother hadn't saved, with a look of worry. "I won't repeat myself, let Aoi-senpai go."
Kaede took back the pipe from Tanjirou's hand and failed to hide her smug expression as she purposefully ignored Uzui. Aya had the suspicion that she didn't even try to appear humble. "Don't touch my granddaughter ever again."
"Aya," Kanao held onto her arm again, looking worried. "Are you… okay?" And even when she nodded, Kanao didn't let go.
"You may have probably broken my nose but I still have permission to take them to the mission!" Uzui exclaimed, looking down at them from the roof.
"Then we'll go in their stead!" Tanjirou fiercely suggested.
As if on cue, Inosuke and Zenitsu appeared at both sides of the Pillar, although with clearly different attitudes.
"L-l-l-l-let go of Aoi!" Zenitsu trembled, face of a greenish color. "Even if you're some kind of m-m-m-muscle monster, I won't allow you to t-t-t-t-take a single step!"
"That's right! We still have strength left from our last mission, so we can go with you!" Inosuke said without hesitation.
Aya hummed and sent the Pillar a squinting glance. "I still think you're very rude, learn some manners." She frowned. "But I'll go for Aoi's sake, so please let her go already."
There was a minute too long where Uzui remained silent, a menacing stare on his eyes.
"This one seems pretty weak anyway." He simply said. In the blink of an eye he dropped Aoi without any consideration, Aya was fast enough to catch her midair though and Aoi was left flabbergasted on her arms. "I guess then you guys will come with me," the Pillar continued.
"Don't treat Aoi like that." Aya said, placing her friend on the floor, who held onto her shoulders, slightly dizzy.
Uzui only shrugged. "I let her go, didn't I? So now you have to come too. If you don't, I'll just take the other weakling."
Aya pressed her lips together and remained silent.
"Don't go, Ayaka." Kaede started. "It's too risky, I don't like the idea."
"It's fine," she said, looking back at Tanjirou whose face showed a frown. "Just don't call Aoi that anymore."
"Well," Kaede squinted, noticing the look on Aya's eyes, "I guess I can't stop you."
"Don't worry," Aya turned to her and Kanao with a smile instead of with the frown she previously wore. "I'll be back safe and sound, not like on that one mission."
After fidgeting for a while, Kaede tugged Kanao back inside. Aya hoped she wouldn't worry in her stead. After all, Kanao had also seen the time when she nearly turned into a demon. Aya waved goodbye to Aoi as she went inside without a single word, trying not to think too much about her friend's mood.
"Come on," Uzui urged, getting down on the floor and waving a hand for them to follow him. "I don't have all day."
Zenitsu shrieked in his place and Inosuke cackled, "of course!"
Instead, Aya suddenly perked up. "Wait! I have to tell my mum I'm going on a mission first!"
Uzui raised both his eyebrows and looked at her with a strange expression. "You have to tell… your mum."
She nodded enthusiastically, "yeah! She'll make us some food for the trip! What do you want? I'm sure my mum will prepare it without trouble."
Aya ran inside and came back after a while, tugging her mother by the kimono.
"I'll write you lots of letters, so there's nothing for you to worry," Aya's muttering could be heard in the distance.
Once she was in front of him, Kaori eyed Uzui's huge form up and down, taking in the appearance of someone who for once was taller than her. "He's very handsome," she whispered into her daughter's ear, at which Aya replied with a disgusted expression.
Uzui, still flabbergasted, allowed Kaori to take his hands in between hers. "Please take care of my daughter, I'm sure you're a great swordsman, Pillar-sama."
"I was making fugu-sashi," she continued. "I'll prepare it for everyone, isn't that nice, Tanjirou, Inosuke, Zenitsu?"
All three of them cheered while Uzui stayed silent and looked down at Aya's mum. His stomach rumbled a little, making him blush.
"Do you want it as take out?" she offered.
"... Yes, please."
It was purely coincidental that fugu-sashi turned out to be Uzui's favourite food.
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I'm not particularly proud of this chapter but since no one's paying me, I guess I can have a few bad chapters for the sake of my own sanity