An Experiment In Human Mating Rituals:

Baaaaaaaaaaa!

Toothless bent his head down as he flapped his wings to gain some height over the trees and glared at the wooly white sheep that he'd just snatched from a flock of the stupid creatures.

The sheep ignored him.

Baaaaaaaaaaa!

He growled at it.

Baaaaaaaaaaa!

What is wrong with this stupid sheep? It was perplexing the dragon to no end because they were almost always silent with fright when in the clutches of his claws.

"Quiet!" he thought at the verbose pain in his ears.

Baaaaaaaaaaa!

"I said shut it!"

Baaaaaaaaaaa!

"Don't make me kill you."

Baaaaaaaaaaa!

The warning fell on an oblivious mind, making Toothless snarl at his Queen's intended dinner. She preferred her offerings still alive and warm, but there was no way Toothless was listening to that obnoxious bleating all the way to her island.

Baaaaa

He shifted his grip on the sheep and crushed its neck, making it fall limp in his claws.

Toothless sighed in relieved remorse. He always felt bad about the fate of these poor fluffy idiots.

"…Black dragon I know of is a…"

"A Night Fury."

What the...? Toothless paused in midflight, hovering on the spot as his head swung back the way he'd come, ears twitching at the human voices. Gronckle droppings! I've been spotted!

In a year's worth of nightly raids, that had never happened.

What are humans doing in the forest at this time of night? And so far from their village of strange looking dwellings?

Now slightly panicked, he flew back on silent wings to investigate, ears straining for the next words. He dipped below the tree line, then landed entirely to drop his dead annoyance on the forest floor. Toothless hesitated as he slunk through the trees on silent paws, changing his direction slightly as he followed the sound of the female voice, the evening bugs quieting as they sensed a predator in their midst.

"Do you think we should tell the village?"

No! Bad idea!

"I don't know," a young male voice replied. "Would they even believe us?"

I'd rather not find out.

"There is the strong possibility they would think we were making it up to take attention away from everything that happened tonight."

Now Toothless was curious. What? What happened tonight? Is something going on in the human village that is actually interesting? He and Luna had occasionally spied on them for something to do, but they'd found their routines to be rather monotonous after a while. And they were loud and obnoxious to listen to for the most part, often rhapsodizing on their dragon kills, or whining about their livestock being stolen and having to rebuild their houses all the time due to fire issues.

"There is that. Not to mention the small problem that we could not corroborate each other's sighting because we're not supposed to see each other." The young male huffed out a more audible than normal breath and silence reigned for a half a minute as Toothless finally crept up to the clearing the humans were in.

He got his first look at the two humans who had spotted him, undoubtedly because of that stupid sheep.

They were young humans, both small and slender in comparison to the vast majority of the other humans on this island.

Toothless wondered if he should permanently silence them before they could give away his presence, but found he really didn't have the stomach for outright murder when they hadn't actually done anything to warrant it.

Yet.

"Can you imagine the prestige if we brought down a Night Fury?" the female said excitedly.

Toothless snorted quietly to himself in amusement. As if that tiny little human is capable of taking me down.

The young male obviously thought so as well, for he laughed in a disbelieving way. "Like that would ever happen. We couldn't even see it except for when it crossed the moon. And I didn't hear anything but the sheep. It's silent and invisible in the night. You'd have nothing to aim at."

Toothless smiled in approval at the smart boy. Perhaps not all humans are a blight on the surface of the earth.

The girl crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the boy. "Leave me some fantasies, Hiccup."

The boy raised his hands in surrender. "Sure. Sure. If anyone could catch themselves a Night Fury, it would be you anyway."

Toothless rolled his eyes. Never going to happen. She'd be better off setting her sights on a Gronckle. They're slow and not the brightest dragons out there.

Apparently the boy's words were enough to calm her mild ire, for her glower cleared and she smiled at him brightly. "And that's one of the reasons why I love you; you're very good at flattery."

Toothless huffed in silent laughter. The boy really was a smart one if he'd already mastered the fine art of mollifying a temperamental female. He had gone through his own trial and error period when it came to saying the correct things to Luna. The worst error being when he'd once tried to give her a compliment in the form of comparing her scales to the beauty of glistening snow. Just... not quite that poetically because he'd gotten all flustered by her big blue eyes, but the intent was there. It had come out sounding more like, 'Luna... You're like snow. I mean, your body is like snow. I mean, uggghhh, you glisten. Yeah. That's it.' Somehow, she'd taken that as an insult to her warmth and she didn't speak to him for two whole days, demonstrating just how cold she could be.

The scrawny boy flushed, his body temperature visibly rising in Toothless' infrared based night vision as he stammered and made pathetic attempts at coming up with an appropriate response to the girl's declaration and compliment. Toothless could definitely sympathize. The one with the strange name of Hiccup (as if Toothless was any better) was still stammering when the girl stepped forward and forcibly quieted him by grabbing his upper body covering and pressing her mouth to his.

Toothless had seen this act before, but he'd never quite understood why humans would do such a strange thing. Wouldn't it make more sense to simply say 'shut up'?

As the two young humans continued to press their mouths together, their arms wrapped around each other and their jaws moved as they apparently used their tongues too. And noises of pleasure were starting to emerge from them.

As heated pheromones started to waft through the air, Toothless quickly came to the conclusion that mouth touching was more than just a 'shut up' gesture. In fact, he was getting decidedly uncomfortable as he realized this was some form of mating procedure. Ugh. I do NOT need to see this! he thought with disgust as he quickly backed away, not wanting to witness anymore before they started humping or something. (Been there, seen that. He'd wished for the ability to scrub his eyes raw afterwards.) There was something about human mating that was incredibly unappealing. It was all sweaty and grunting and squealing like pigs. And most of them had hair in unattractive places, which he would have been quite content to never find out about. Dragon mating was much better. More like a dance in the air than a roll in the mud on the ground.

Toothless was very happy that he had been born a dragon.

Going back to the mystery of the evening, he was thinking about returning to the village tomorrow to do some spying; there was still that comment about things happening that had him curious. And he thought it prudent to keep a careful eye on these two to make sure they didn't start spreading tales of Night Furies on the island. Maybe Luna would want to come with me?

As Toothless slithered through the dark forest back to where he'd left the Queen's offering, he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he pressed his mouth to Luna's and snuck his tongue into her mouth. He snorted as the instant answer of, bite it off, came to mind, distracting him enough that he accidently stepped on a dry twig, snapping it with a cracking sound that echoed in the silent forest.

Oops. Toothless winced and forced himself to concentrate on where he was going, his excellent vision making seeing in the dark a non problem. But there was still that little niggle of curiosity at the back of his mind to try and press his mouth to Luna's. Just because.

By Thor, I love her. Sooooooo much,

He was so lost in her taste. Her scent. The silky depths of her hair where his hand was buried at the nape of her neck. The way her soft curves pressed against him as her arms clutched him around the neck and shoulders.

Hiccup moaned in surrender as Astrid's delicate little tongue dominated his. He was happy to let her.

Astrid echoed his moan with a hum of delight, fingers carding through his messy hair mindlessly. She never thought that she'd grow to love kissing so much in such a very short time. But she did. And she was already looking forward to every stolen kiss that she could get away with until they figured out how to talk their fathers back into something resembling sensible.

Yes, her fiancé was a bit scrawny for a Viking, but she honestly didn't care. She'd rather have a smart, caring, sweet, gentlemanly boy who knew the meaning of a bath (cause Hiccup smelled amazing, like soap, hot metal, and a hint of male musk) than an oafish large male who only ever thought of themselves, forced females around, picked their noses, and smelled like dead fish.

I could hug and kiss Hiccup forever and be happy to do it.

And she vowed to thank Thor every single day for Hiccup, for she loved him beyond all measure.

SNAP!

Astrid and Hiccup jumped apart like guilty teenagers (which they more or less were) at the sound of the crack of a breaking branch,

They stared at each other wide-eyed for a moment. "What was that?" he whispered.

Astrid just shook her head. And then his warrior goddess sprang into action, tugging her axe out of a nearby tree, scanning the depths of the forest with wary eyes as she sidled over to the desecrated bush and toed her sword up into the air. She then tossed it at Hiccup in an easy throw.

He was ecstatic when he caught it by the hilt for once without fumbling. Of course, she didn't see, still tense and ready for something or someone to spring out at them. Figures. I finally do something half decently cool and she's looking elsewhere. Hiccup came to stand at her back, taking up a defensive position. He scanned the dark shadows as well, ears straining for another warning sound.

A full five minutes passed before they relaxed, the returning twitters and chirps of the evening insects singing an indication that all was well.

Astrid huffed out a sigh. "I guess it was nothing. But I should be getting back anyway before my parents start to worry." She walked back to their makeshift bed and put her armour and belts back on, sheathing her axe across her back. Hiccup followed her around like a faithful puppy. She left him the sword belt and the sword. "You keep that one, just in case. Are you sure you're going to be all right out here?" she asked as she walked to the other side of the clearing and extricated her throwing daggers from the bark of the tree they were embedded in, sheathing them in the bandolier type leather strap that held them.

"I'm sure," Hiccup was quick to reassure. "I'm not afraid to be alone. I have something to prove to my father and I refuse to go right back home on the first night."

Astrid gave him a quick smile of approval as she started searching the grass for the dagger that she'd dropped when Hiccup had shown up. "I wouldn't go right back home either if I was you. But you should at least come into town in the morning for breakfast and to watch me rip a few pieces off of Elof's thick hide. Preferably with a very dull knife."

Hiccup chuckled as he spotted the gleam of steel and picked up Astrid's dagger for her, handing it to her. "I wouldn't miss it for anything. I have to work in the morning anyway. And I need more supplies to set up a proper camp out here. While I'm working, I'll eagerly wait for the yelling and cries of pain to start and then come running."

Astrid laughed, kissing him on the cheek. "You know me so well."

Hiccup blushed again. "Yeah," was all he could say.

She touched his warm cheek briefly, smiling at him with moonlight reflecting in her eyes. "Have a good sleep, Hiccup. I'll look for you tomorrow, even if I can't say hi."

Hiccup touched her cheek in return, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone, still marveling at how soft her skin was. "I wish you a good sleep as well, my Goddess. Dream of me?"

Astrid flushed with pleasure at his touch and words. "Always."

And on that cryptic remark, she pulled away and disappeared into the forest, heading back towards the village of Berk.

Hiccup stared at the spot he'd last seen her for a long time. What did she mean by 'always'? Did she mean that she'd been dreaming of him already? Or did she mean that she'd dream of him from now on? Either way, he supposed, it's more than I ever hoped to hear from her. Sighing pathetically in a lovesick fashion, he moved to his blanket and pillow and settled down to sleep for the night, her sword at his side and the moon and insects to keep him company.

And his very clever mind started plotting ways to capture or kill himself that Night Fury as a way to prove to the moronic adult males in his life that he was worthy of being a future husband to Astrid and a chief for their tribe.

And if that didn't work, there was always his original plan that he'd come up with earlier.

Oooooooo. Or maybe I could combine the two.

They'd respect me for sure if I found the dragons' nest by using a captured Night Fury as a guide.

A little over two hours later, Toothless returned to their hidden sanctuary after taking his turn placating the Queen for another day.

After making a detour or two.

With a childish sticking out of his tongue, he flew right past the tiny island watch tower that contained a snoozing Viking. And then, unable to resist, he circled back and flew even closer and sent a very controlled burst of tiny blue flames at the corpulent male, setting his leather foot covering on fire.

Toothless snickered to himself because he knew the now hopping and cursing human would assume he'd let his foot get too close to the fire while he dozed.

Stars, I love playing with the humans. Don't get him wrong, he loved Luna beyond all measure, but their life would be a little too monotonous if he didn't have some extracurricular activities to keep things interesting. I can't wait until we've progressed to the point where we can use mating as a way to pass the time. Frequently. Very frequently.

Luna, who had some unknown date in her mind for when they were 'old enough' to engage in mating acts, liked to pretend she was above such immature actions against the humans. But he knew for a fact that she lived to torment the fishing boats by going invisible and causing absolute chaos on their ships by moving things just enough to make the humans fumble or by releasing their nets and letting all the fish go and then laughing her head off as the humans blamed each other for bad knots or incompetent hands.

Toothless flew around to the watch tower on the other side of the island, hoping to catch a second human asleep on the job.

No such luck, this time. This human was wide awake, on her feet, and staring out over the ocean with keen eyes.

Figures.

He'd yet to catch a female human asleep on the job. Just like a dragoness, they were clearly more responsible than their male counterparts, which is why nature had made the females the mothers of young. If males were in charge of the dragon eggs, half of them probably wouldn't survive.

As he quickly dove out of the Vikingess' line of sight, he thought, It's a good thing I'm basically invisible against the black night sky.

Unless there's a silhouetting moon involved, apparently. Must remember that one.

Flying away on silent wings, he rounded the back of the island and came to a gentle landing on the cliff nearest their home that overlooked the ocean in one direction and their little piece of paradise in the other.

"You were gone longer than normal," Luna said as he settled onto his haunches right beside her. She leaned into his side as he joined her in her perusal of the moon and the constellations, accompanied by the steady sound of crashing waves on the rocks below them.

Toothless gave his gorgeous girlfriend, who's iridescent scales outshone the moon in beauty, a sideways glance, wondering how she was going to take the news he was about to impart. And like all males, he tried to downplay the scenario as much as possible in a faint hope of saving himself from the anticipated wrath of his mate. "I had a small issue with a noisy sheep and a couple of young humans who were in the woods near the sheep pasture."

It didn't take long for Luna's keen mind to connect the dots to what he didn't say. She turned her head and gave him an incredulous stare. "You were seen? By humans?"

Toothless studied his toes like he'd never seen them before. "Maybe."

"There is no maybe. Either you were or you weren't."

As much as one could mentally mutter, 'yes', that's what the ashamed dragon did.

"Toothless!"

"It was the blasted wooly menace's fault! It wouldn't shut up! I had to kill it!"

"Toothless." Her tone was resigned this time. "What did you do?"

"I turned around when I heard them say 'Night Fury', dropped the sheep on the ground, and then snuck up to their clearing and eavesdropped." He paused there, not really sure how to justify his reasoning on letting the humans live. But, honestly, he wasn't a murderer and wasn't sure if he ever could be. Killing a sheep who was destined to be dinner anyway was bad enough. Killing intelligent, if bothersome, humans just seemed a little too much like killing one of his own kind.

And, as far as he knew, Luna felt the same.

But, so far, neither of them, despite living on a human settled island, had encountered any problems with them. (Until now.) It helped that both had the ability to go invisible if necessary. (Luna was especially good at it.) And despite playing with the humans a bit, they hadn't actually done anything that had given away their presence on the far side of the island.

"Annnndddd?" Luna was dying of curiosity now. And he was taking his sweet time continuing his story. "What did you hear? Did you kill them? Leave them? What?"

"They talked about whether or not they should tell their village about seeing me and decided not to, mostly because they thought they wouldn't be believed."

"So you're going to trust them to stay quiet? You know it could cause major problems if the humans started hunting us."

"I know. That's why I'm going to be keeping an eye on these two humans."

"You are?"

He nodded. "You can help me if you want. We can call it an adventure or something. And who knows? It could be fun. And maybe we'll learn more about the humans."

"If you say so."

"I do. I already learned something new tonight."

"You did?"

He nodded again, repeatedly and quickly, glowing green eyes glittering with excitement and mischief, which made Luna look at him suspiciously. "I learnt that mutual mouth pressing means more than just 'shut up'. It seems to be some sort of mating thing. The two young humans did it, and they seemed to be enjoying it very much based on their pleasure sounds and how their body temperatures rose. I'm pretty sure they were using their tongues too."

"Really?" Luna said disbelievingly. "I can't see how that can be pleasurable at all. It sounds rather gross, actually." Toothless slumped a little at that, making Luna roll her eyes. "Don't tell me. You wanted us to try it, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah," he admitted. "I know our mouths aren't really shaped right for full on mouth pressing but I thought it could be interesting to try just for the sake of curiosity."

He looked so dejected at the thought of not doing the experiment that Luna almost immediately caved in. He'd mope about it for days if she didn't. And really, it couldn't be that terrible to lick his tongue with hers. They licked each other's faces all the time in demonstrations of affection. This was sort of like that. Just… slimier.

"Fine. We can try it."

Toothless immediately lit up, of course. "We can?"

"Yes."

"Really, really?"

"Yes."

"Really, really, really?"

"Not if you're going to be an idiot about it."

"Sorry."

Luna rolled her eyes at her cute but clueless almost mate for what had to be the thousandth time in a year. "Just do it."

"Okay."

They stared at each other for a couple of awkward moments, neither really knowing how to start something they had no clue how to do. But then Toothless took a deep breath and puffed out his chest, filling himself with false confidence.

Then he licked her cheek sweetly. "Thank you for indulging me, my beautiful moonbeam." As he thought, he moved around a bit so he was more in front of her, giving her muzzle little licks along the way. At the last word, he pushed the front of his rather wide mouth to hers dead on and then just sort of left it there.

Luna had thought the licks were very nice, and she'd closed her eyes in pleasure. Then his mouth pressed to the front of hers and she opened her eyes to look at his. "This is weird. And not particularly comfortable."

"Agreed. Maybe it's better with tongue licking?"

Luna obligingly opened her mouth, retracted her teeth, and prepared to be disgusted.

And then Toothless ran his tongue along hers and she found she really wasn't. He did it again and her eyes closed as a tiny moan of pleasure escaped her. She reciprocated the move, stroking his tongue with hers and he moaned too. Their mouths opened wider and soon they were fighting to see who got to lick who in a tumble of writhing, ultra sensitive tongues.

In no time at all, Toothless was making a rumbling purr sound deep in his chest that she copied in a gentler fashion as their tongues danced together. By mutual agreement, their wings started to flap, catching the air, still kissing as the dragons rose into the sky. One was black as night, the other was white as light itself. They flew straight up with powerful flaps of their wings, front legs entwined.

Once they'd reached a height that exceeded the reach of the moonlight, high up in the atmosphere, they pulled apart, hovering in place and looking at each other in wonder.

By the light of the enchanted moon, Toothless has found yet another way for me to fall even deeper in love with him. As if his fun, artistic, sweet, and caring nature wasn't enough. Luna licked his cheek and ears affectionately. "That was amazing."

Toothless grinned at her, mouth hanging open slightly. "Sooooo, you wouldn't mind doing it again?"

She flew around him in a circle, making his head spin on his neck to keep her in sight, fluttering her eyelids at him in a flirtatious fashion. "I suppose we can add tongue licking to our daily routine. And perhaps watching your humans isn't such a bad idea, if they have other interesting things for us to try."

Toothless beamed at his dragoness. "Awesome. Can I tongue lick you again now?"

Luna laughed enticingly. "Perhaps. If you can catch me." And then she flew off like a bolt of lightning.

He chortled in delight and shot after his feisty dragoness, heart thrumming in anticipation of the hunt.

By the Great Dragon, I love her. Sooooooo much.