It came to Uzui's mind, quickly and unexpectedly as he got his nose fixed on the Wisteria House, that one time he asked Himejima to pray to his deity.
A few years back, Himejima had been slightly less muscular and his hair was shorter, neck thinner. Uzui's hair had been messier, too, and he moved in an uneasier manner, there was more youth to his flesh, less experience. Of course, having just been claimed a Pillar.
Naturally, Himejima had refused because he prayed to Buddha, not the god of festivities. And as much as Uzui asked (in fact, he had asked every time there was a Pillars' meeting, and the number was surprisingly big for people of their trade) Himejima had never given in. But he hoped his tsuguko did.
It was something childish, he knew, but when he announced his divinity to the four mortals in front of him the only thing the girl did was squint, look Uzui up and down and claim that "she had her gods and he wasn't one of them".
It was a pity, he thought, he'd like at least for one of the Stone Breathing users to pray to him. They were all religious in their neat and tidy way, weren't they? They all had something on their blood that was correct and just, and it wasn't weird (although users of the Stone Breathing were scarce) that in between them swarmed the monks and the religious that hadn't lost their faith for some reason, having witnessed a world full of the evil that were demons.
'Fine,' he thought, because he didn't need the girl's prayers. He wasn't a god that fed on prayers, Uzui didn't need another god, he himself was his own god, he himself hallowed and worshipped his own divinity. He didn't need gods he knew wouldn't help him because he had himself and his instincts, and he trusted that more than any other thing he could pray to.
The mortals he chose for the mission were short, young and inexperienced; their swords were barely worn out and their bodies lacked scars or injuries. If he had to guess, Uzui would say they had barely defeated more than twenty demons.
He looked at them, cheerfully chatting, having lunch like school girls without showing any signs of being on their way to a mission. Suddenly he was unsure of whether he had made the right choice.
Uzui could not ask Shinobu or Mitsuri to come with him because of a mere hunch, it would be stupid to take time from a pillar because of something like that, even he knew that. But lately the upper ranks were more scarce and the corps was mainly made out of newbies that were killed shortly after going into the battlefield. And the more time passed, the bigger the difference between the Pillars and the other members of the corps became. Rengoku died, and Uzui didn't want to think about what would happen when one after another, his comrades died and the corps was left adrift.
He munched on the fugu-sashi and sipped on his drink without much interest. He was a considerate man and over everything a man who loved his wives and life, he had thought the contrary because it was his favourite food, but it all just tasted like ash to him.
"Hey, you," he called. They all sat tense around him, except for the boar boy who carelessly devoured the food. At his sudden words, they trembled. "Not you, Himejima's girl."
From in between the four of them she was the only one to look up slowly, with a tranquility he had only seen worn by Oyakata-sama. A look to her shoulders and he recognized the patterns on the cloth of the haori, he had to confess he felt jealous because of the special attention, and for a moment he was seven again, looking for the attention of his father. stolen by another brother or sister that was just better than him at standing poisons.
"Is your mum single?"
In the long minute that followed that question the boar boy moved to her lap and started taking the girl's food in messy fistfuls. Regarding her, the only thing she did was look at him with wide open eyes.
When she finally talked she sounded confused, eyebrows raised in mere surprise. "Ex… cuse me?"
"I asked if your mum was single," Uzui repeated, taking more fugu-sashi in between his chopsticks. "I wouldn't mind seducing her if my last meal was something from her."
"She's a widow," Himejima's tsuguko immediately said.
Uzui raised both eyebrows. Widows were never exempt from the need for company.
"Then you're saying she's free?"
The only answer he received was but a blink. "She's clearly not interested."
"You sure? I believed I heard her say I was very handsome."
She only gave him a tough glare. "Stay away from my mother, please. Aren't you married?"
The blond boy yelled behind her, as if using her as a shield. "You are married!?"
"Of course I'm married!" Uzui exclaimed. He threw the stack of letters to the blond's face with a huff and stared unmoving at how he fell back and ended up under all the papers. "We're gonna look for my wife, that's why we're going to the Red Light District, those are all letters she sent by crow."
"I still don't know what the Red Light District is," the redhead muttered, at which the wisteria girl nodded.
"It must be a cave," the boar commented, stopping for a moment on his restless feast just to continue once more. Both the hanafuda boy and the tsuguko nodded in understanding, content with the explanation. In silence, the blond only blushed fiercely.
"I still don't believe you have a wife," he hissed under his breath, being dugged up from the mountain of papers by the redhead and the tsuguko, cheeks still red.
"Those are a lot of letters," the redhead pointed out. "Has your wife been on this mission for so long?"
"I have three wives," Uzui just said.
"What do you mean three wives!?" the blond suddenly exclaimed. "How is it that someone like you got three wives!? Are you kidding me!?"
A quick punch sent him flying to the other side of the room before the horrified stare of the demon boy, the barely surprised expression of the girl and the disinterest of the boar, who just went from the fugu-sashi to the dessert without any preambles.
"Any other complaints?" Uzui added with some bitterness. His words were followed by silence for two of the remaining except for one.
"You're really rude," the girl whispered. "Really, you should work on your attitude."
Another punch left her hunched over her own stomach. At the very least she was more resistant than the other one.
"You're just proving my point," she said without breath and a little groan. This time the boar clicked his tongue and looked up at her. The redhead had the decency to look nervous while he helped her sit up, at which he received a strangled 'thanks' from her part. The blond was still on the floor.
"So-" the redhead started, nervously playing with an earring. "You tell your wives not to stand out, how are we exactly gonna do that?"
"Get up," saying that Uzui took the girl by her forearms and brought her up to her feet on a whim. Getting rid of her haori, he took her hand and spinned her around a few times. "Nice bust, big waist," he pinched her thigh at which she yelped, cheeks of a strong, ashamed red, "you should eat less, besides your shoulders are too broad."
"Hey!" The redhead cut in between her and Uzui. "Why are you touching Aya like that!? Can't you see she's uncomfortable!?"
Uzui frowned for a moment as the redhead took the haori from the floor and gave it to her once again 'take it, Aya.'
"Aya…" Uzui whispered. "Ah, the girl?" When he looked at her she didn't look back, but he only shrugged. "It's for the mission, get over it."
"Even if it's for the mission," the redhead continued. "It's not okay to touch someone like that without their consent."
For the second time the boar looked in their direction, and as if suddenly making a huge discovery he exclaimed: "Hey, that man's making you uncomfortable, Akiko!"
Uzui's brow furrowed in confusion and the tsuguko finally talked:
"It doesn't matter, Inosuke." She played with a strand of hair and a grimace on her face. "Thanks for defending me, Tanjirou."
"Despicable," the blond whispered once they all sat back again.
Uzui decided to ignore that comment in favour of continuing his explanation, although his mood was clearly shown on the tenseness of his jaw. "The important thing here is that we must infiltrate the Red Light District but not as clients, but in a deeper way."
"In a deeper way?" The redhead wondered.
"My wives are kunoichi, la crème de la crème des ninjas." By then he had lost his appetite, pushing the fugu-sashi aside. "We suspected this place would be perfect for demons to roam freely, and we finally managed to reduce the possible houses to three. So you guys will infiltrate these houses posing as `maikos'."
"The 'Tokito', 'Ogimoto' and 'Kyougoku' House, right? I'm surprised they are still open."
At the familiarity of the voice, deep because of old age and wise like a maple, the four kids (because that was what they were, kids, naive and still inexperienced, that believed their lives had any worth in battle and would survive everything together) suddenly turned around.
The tsuguko was the first one to exclaim:
"Grandma!"
Followed by Uzui, who scrunching his nose up and groaning at the pain, only said:
"Ah, the old lady."
The girl didn't only have a mother, but a grandmother too, what else did she have, brothers? Cousins? Uzui would say she was the strangest member of the corps he had ever seen if not because Mitsuri's family had invited him once or twice to have tea in their little house. This shouldn't surprise him, although it would always be remarkable to see a member of the corps with a family (or at least one they got along with).
"I still don't like the idea of going to the Red Light District," the old lady started, only to be crushed in between the arms of the tsuguko, who didn't stop giggling against the crook of her neck and shoulder.
Uzui watched, uneasily, how that toughness on the old lady's face melted, being merely reduced to a woman being hugged by her grandniece.
"We are here too," the blue girl said, being flanked by the pink girl. Instantly the purple tsuguko smiled and went to meet them.
"Kanao wanted to come," explained the blue girl, who looked strangely uncomfortable in the little room. "I… uh, wanted to come and thank you for… saving me."
The wisteria girl smiled and waved it off. Shinobu's tsuguko didn't say anything for a long while. "I was worried."
The loud one suddenly got up and ran to the doorway. "About me!? You were worried about me!?"
"No, idiot, she was worried about Aya," the girl of the two ponytails whispered, and he instantly started crying.
"Aren't we friends, Kanao!? Huh!? Do all the moments we spent together mean nothing to you!? Like that one time you splashed me with disgusting water!? Am I the only one who treasures our friendship!?"
And he continued crying, this time leaning on the shoulder of Himejima's tsuguko, who only sighed and patted his back as her and the other girls started chatting.
"Hello, hello, everyone." The Insect Pillar appeared with a light step and a smile as the purple girl guided all three of them to somewhere else in the room (the blond was still on her shoulder) like obedient children following their mother. "It's good to see you, Uzui-san."
"Oh, Shinobu," he simply said, still watching the ease with which Himejima's girl controlled the other two girls. "Hello."
"Shinobu!" The boar ran to them, looking down to meet the eyes of the Pillar. She smiled at him, also having to look up.
"Good afternoon, Inosuke," she sweetly said. "I heard there was a mess, but it's all sorted out, is it not?"
"Yeah! Gonpachiro, Monitsu, Akiko and I saved Aoi and Naho from the kidnapper! So it's all good!" The boar smiled proudly and Shinobu praised him, which only made him beam brighter. Uzui did not appreciate being called a kidnapper but he had punched enough people for today.
"If you're done with the visits and the thanks or whatever, you can leave now," Uzui said with a wave. The wisteria girl suddenly stopped talking with the other two, and her old grandmother walked up to him. Her gaze felt like needles pinning him down to a wall (it was sharp, full of strength and iron, it turned his blood into ice).
"You are a complete idiot." In the background the protest of her grandniece over the insult could be heard. "I don't trust you to keep Ayaka alive, so I'm coming with you." They all stayed silent in the long second the old lady took to continue talking. "And the demon is in the Kyougoku house, even a child would be able to see it."
"Kaede-san, I don't think a mission is a place for you to-" The redhead tried to persuade her, but she only crossed her arms over her chest with determination on her face.
"If what you're saying is right you've already lost your three wives, and I can't allow Ayaka to be under your command, what kind of Pillar are you?"
"Hey," Uzui left his swords aside because he didn't believe he'd be able to hold them without hurting anyone. "Who do you think you are?"
The old lady only chuckled in bitterness. "Who do I think I am? Someone who is able to keep her subordinates alive."
"Kaede-san, please stop," the redhead stepped up before the growing dark expression that must have been painted on Uzui's face.
"Do you think you can do it better? Is that it, stupid old lady?" The woman was small, so small he could step on her if he wanted to, but her words were much bigger, how could something so small provoke such big feelings?
"Grandma," Himejima's tsuguko called, "stop it."
"Well, since we're on it, why not hold a competition?" Shinobu's sweet face stuck in between the two of them, raising a suggesting finger with a smile she'd use to talk to children who fight over a toy.
"That's perfectly flamboyant for me," Uzui said in a way that was too fast.
"Doesn't sound too bad." The old lady turned to the trio of girls with a severe stare. "Ayaka, Kanao, Aoi, you are on my team."
"Hanafuda boy, boar, loud one," he instantly called after her, "you're coming with me."
"What!?" The blue girl exclaimed. "Ever since when am I a part of this!?" She turned to Shinobu's tsuguko, who had no intense reaction. "Kanao, say something!"
She only hesitated and shrugged, turning around to look at the wisteria girl.
Himejima's tsuguko lightly nudged her ribs. "It will be fun." And at this the pink girl was left blushing and with a little smile, as if she had done something right.
However, the blue girl stayed very still and bit her lip under the careful glance of the old lady, who looked at her up and down, and ended up tiredly agreeing without much conviction.
Neither the boar nor the blond objected, the first one out of a playful feeling, the second one, instead, had fantasies in his eyes (maybe Uzui shouldn't have mentioned he had three wives).
"Isn't it a little bit unnecessary?" The redhead was the only one to oppose (or at least who had enough courage to). Both the old lady and Uzui spoke at the same time:
"It is not."
"Wow, you could cut the air with a knife," Shinobu said in between giggles. "Then I'll leave my girls under your care, Kaede-san. And Uzui-san," suddenly she turned to him with a smile that was too tense, "don't ever try to take any of my sisters by force again."
The wisteria girl giggled under her breath and whispered "oh, lady Shinobu is angry."
"We brought everything you asked for, mister Pillar." The face of the wisteria house's servants peeked from another room with a box by their feet.
The boar cackled. "Let the competition get started!"
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Wah ive been busy moving out for college, sorry for the delay!
The rld arc is quite long in my adaptation, I hope everyone enjoys it