Fate/Kyon's Order: Alter Egos in Chaldea
A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover
by Derald Snyder
Part 3: BB
*Kyon's Room*
"...So that's what happened," Itsuki Koizumi nodded in understanding, sitting across from BB and Asagami Fujino, the former still bound up with rope. "I never thought Suzumiya-san would weaponize closed space like that... but if this 'Kingprotea' is as dangerous as you said..."
"Oh yeah, she is," BB nodded. "I don't wanna even think about decompressing her until we get rid of Kiara's brainwashing... which I can't even start on, being tied up like this!" She writhed futilely in her bondage. "Geez, you make one mistake..."
"Well, if you had knocked politely instead of just hacking your way in, I might've gone a little easier on you," Haruhi said as she and Kyon entered the room. "Fortunately for you, I have good news."
"You're letting me go?" BB's face lit up hopefully.
"Well... yes and no. Let's just say, you're on probation," Haruhi as she walked up. Putting a hand on BB, she closed her eyes, the ropes that bound the moon cancer transforming... now she had cuffs on her wrists that were connected to a metal band around her waist. Her legs were also chained, though there was just enough slack for her to walk properly.
"Oh come on! Is this really necessary?" BB let out an exasperated sigh.
"From what Haruhi told me about you, yes. Yes it is," Kyon deadpanned. "Oh, Koizumi-san, what are you doing here?"
"Ah, well, I sensed that Suzumiya-san had been quite stressed for some reason," the esper replied. "So I came to your room to ask one of you what happened, only to come across this scene instead. Fortunately, Blossom-san was more than eager to share with me what transpired, though I believe she exaggerated her own role somewhat."
"That's the feeling I got, too," Asagami nodded in agreement.
"Please, I was the real star of the show, of course my role had the most impact!" BB argued. "So now what?"
"Time to get you and your 'daughters' registered in the system," Haruhi said, taking BB by the arm and escorting her out...
*Summoning Chamber, Registry*
"...And done! You're officially registered now, Violet!" Da Vinci nodded as she and Tesla looked over their respective consoles. "Okay, Passionlip, you're next~!"
"Okay..." Lip slowly moved into position after Violet vacated the spot.
"Hello, Mother," the eldest Alter Ego greeted, seeing BB standing with the SOS Brigade. "I see they're not taking any chances with you. Smart."
"Oh shut up," BB muttered in embarrassment, causing a round of laughter among the staff and servants.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to keep something like her around?" one of the Clock Tower mages queried about Lip.
"She's a precious cinnamon bun!" Haruhi shot back. "Yeah, she's got some grotesque features, but inside she's as sweet and innocent as Kyon's little sister!"
"Please don't bring Imouto into this..." Kyon sighed. "Which reminds me, we should probably go visit home so I can check on her..."
"Just remember, you said you'd take Ryougi-san along," Asagami spoke up.
"I haven't forgotten," Haruhi assured the archer. Soon, Passionlip's registration was complete. "Okay, your turn, Black Blossom."
"For the last time, it's BB!" she sighed as she walked into the chamber. Standing still, she felt a pleasant tingle as the binding process initiated...
"What the..." Tesla looked over the readout on the monitor in disbelief. "'Moon Cancer'?! Is that even a class?!"
"Oh, did you think I was an Alter Ego like the others~?" BB smirked. "Nope, I'm the original, the one and only Moon Cancer, BB-chan!"
"What kind of class is that supposed to be?!" another mage spoke up. "At least 'Alter Ego' makes a certain amount of sense...!"
"Oh, are you interested in what cute little BB is capable of~?" she turned to address the mage that spoke up. "Well~, if these Masters here would give me a chance to prove myself, I would gladly show you~!"
"What are you proposing, BB?" Nero spoke up, her green eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"Simple, empress! Next time the Masters deploy, bring me along! I'll show you that I can throw down just as well as anyone else here!"
"...What do you think, Fujimaru-san?" Kyon turned to Ritsuka, who was standing nearby with Mash.
"I think she should be given a chance," Ritsuka said after a moment. "She did help us out quite a bit, after all..."
"Yay! I knew I could count on you, Senpai~!" BB exclaimed happily, pointedly ignoring Mash's face grimacing at the appropriation of her preferred honorific.
"She doesn't seem that bad," Gudako commented. "I mean, if you're willing to give Miss Big Claws here a chance, Haruhi-chan, why not her?"
"Hmm, yes, that does seem like you're a bit biased, Suzumiya-san," Koizumi noted with a smile.
"You, of all people, Koizumi-kun? My loyal yes-man is calling me out?" Haruhi sighed in disbelief. "Oh, fine, she can come along on next deployment. But she needs to be closely supervised!"
"We'll make sure of that," Da Vinci nodded.
*The next day...*
The location was rural New York state, in the early 1800's. Currently, the three Masters were directing Jeanne Alter, Artesia and Kijyo Koyo against an army of animated skeletons and possessed humans. Complicating matters was a young schoolteacher whose legs had turned to jelly upon seeing the unnatural army, with the servants doing their best to protect the man from getting slaughtered.
"Remember, don't kill the humans!" Ritsuka ordered. "Just incapacitate them!"
"You don't gotta tell me twice!" Joan shot back. Fortunately whatever was possessing the humans didn't strengthen them in any way, meaning it only took a blow or two from a servant to put them down for the count. Knocking a man unconscious with the hilt of her blade, Joan then lit up La Pucelle with fire, chopping down a nearby skeleton!
"Oh, Saint Joan of Arc, protect me from these monsters!" the schoolteacher wailed as he curled up behind her.
"Just shut up, idiot!" Joan yelled in frustration as she hacked apart two more skeletons. Fortunately Artesia and Koyo were easily holding their own, though the latter had elected to remain in human form, using a three-pronged sword of her own to fend off the undead and possessed.
"So when do I get my chance?!" BB complained, still restrained as she stood next to Haruhi, who was staying out of the fracas for once.
"When I feel we need you!" the reality warper retorted. "We still haven't found the source of this disturbance! When we do, then you'll probably get your chance!"
"Probably?" BB sweat-dropped.
Soon, the enemy ranks thinned out, unconscious bodies splayed all over, the skeletons having crumbled to dust. "It seems that's all of them," Artesia muttered, dismissing her sword.
"That was kinda scary," Gudako commented. "Right outta one of those old horror stories!"
"They were nothing compared to an oni like myself," Koyo said smugly.
"You didn't kill any people, right?" the redhead queried.
"Of course not. Despite being a Berserker-class, I know how to restrain myself, at least in this form."
"All right, let's get moving," Haruhi said. "We still have to find the mage or whoever's responsible for this..."
"And we gotta get this idiot someplace safe," Joan grunted as she pulled the schoolteacher to his feet. "Move or lose it, buster!"
"R-right... thank you so much," the man nodded as he willed his legs to walk again. "Even if you are corrupted, you're still every bit the saint you were in life, Joan of Arc!" The avenger gritted her teeth at this, but held her tongue.
However, the group had barely cleared the group of bodies when Da Vinci's face popped up on a holo-screen! "Everyone, we just picked up a servant signal! Be on your guard!"
"This signal... it's an Avenger-class!" Mash gasped worriedly. At that moment a feral howl echoed through the skies, causing Ritsuka's face to go pale.
"Dammit to hell! Not HIM again!" Joan cried in rage and disbelief. Sure enough, a familiar silhouette appeared in the distance, a headless man riding atop a gigantic wolf!
"AAHHHH! It's the Headless Horseman! He's come to take my soul!" the schoolteacher screeched, collapsing into a fetal position. "Don't let it get me, Joan of Arc!"
"So that's the Hessian Lobo from Shinjuku, huh?" Haruhi noted grimly. She then cried out as the avenger duo closed the distance almost instantly, only being stopped by an invisible force-field! "Holy shit! Good thing I had my guard up!"
Lobo clawed futilely at the force-field for a few seconds, before giving up and lunging at Gudako instead! Fortunately Koyo had transformed to her T-Rex form, easily halting the avenger's advance! She attempted to retaliate with a downward punch, Lobo swiftly dashing away, then leaping over the follow-up flame-breath attack!
"He's just as fast as last time!" Joan growled as she sent her own flames at Hessian Lobo, which were also dodged, albeit with a little singed fur. "Dammit, and we don't have your white poodle to distract him this time!"
"White poodle...?" Artesia looked over at her fellow alter. "What do you me-" That was as far as she got as Lobo took advantage of her distraction, pouncing on the saber and pinning her to the ground! Lobo then bit into her shoulder through her armor, Artesia crying out in pain!
"ARTESIA!" Haruhi cried, running towards her servant, being forced to stop as the Hessian swung his scythes, barely missing her throat! Closing her eyes, the brunette made a pushing motion with her hands, Lobo abruptly getting shoved off his prey, tumbling backwards a fair distance! "Mystic Code: First Aid!" Haruhi then intoned, Artesia being enveloped in a green glow, the bleeding from her shoulder stopping as a result.
"Hey! Are you forgetting me?" BB jumped in frustration. "I can handle that wild beast! Let me at him!"
"...Fine! I release your restraints!" Haruhi waved at her, the AI's shackles unlocking and dropping to the ground.
"Yes! Finally!" Now freed, BB wasted no time running at Lobo as he charged again, leaping and hitting the Hessian with a double-footed dropkick that knocked him off his mount! "Alright, ride 'em doggie!" BB cried as she sat backwards on Lobo, grabbing his tail! The wolf barked and howled as he tried to buck her off, to no avail! BB then jumped off of her own accord before the Hessian could slice at her, the headless horseman quickly remounting Lobo, the two then charging again, only for BB to easily pirouette out of harm's way, the wolf crashing into a nearby tree!
*Mission Control*
"I see her strategy," Yuki commented as they watched the fight, "keep Lobo's attention fixed on her, then make him waste energy on futile attacks..."
"So basically, troll him until he's exhausted?" Da Vinci deduced.
"That's not a bad idea," Sherlock Holmes nodded. "That is, unless one of his attacks hits home..."
"Come on, you oversized puppy! Come and get me~!" BB taunted on-screen. Lobo roared as he charged again, the Hessian lashing out with his scythes- only to hit empty air! "Missed me!" Lobo halted, his nostrils flaring as he looked about in frustration. "Nope, sniffing me out's not gonna work! I'm an AI, I don't have any scents to track!"
However, the wolf's enhanced sense of hearing allowed him to discern where the voice was coming from, howling as he and his mount were engulfed in blue flames! "Watch out! He's using his Noble Phantasm!" Mash cried over the comm-link. Hessian Lobo dashed forward, several tendrils sprouting from their bodies, which pierced BB several times over, the Hessian then lashing out with his blades, seemingly cutting her head off!
"Do not be alarmed," Yuki quickly interjected. "To borrow a common phrase, the show is about to begin..." With that, BB's corpse suddenly faded out as if it was never there!
"Ahahaha! Stupid mutt, I've got you right where I want you- in my jurisdiction!" The screen suddenly showed static, before showing Hessian Lobo surrounded by darkness, with stylized text reading 'BB Channel' at the bottom of the screen!
"Jurisdiction?! Like Asakura-san?!" Kyon gasped.
"This reading... a Reality Marble?!" Da Vinci said at almost the same time.
"In a way, you are both correct," Yuki stated, the group watching as a cherry blossom-styled targeting reticule appeared over the avenger, before showing a '!' symbol. The scene then cut to BB who twirled in place as she was engulfed by pink ribbons, transforming into a sexy nurse's outfit, wielding a giant needle!
"Time to put you down, doggie!" BB exclaimed as she charged forward, catching Lobo in the side, injecting him! "Cursed Cupid Cleanser~!" She then twirled the needle before giving a victory sign to the camera, Lobo howling in agony as he literally exploded!
"Okay, that's the strangest Noble Phantasm I've ever seen," Kyon deadpanned.
"I must concur," Holmes said. "Though it gets the job done..."
*New York, circa 1820*
Jeanne Alter watched in disbelief as the darkness dissipated, revealing a bloody Lobo collapsed to the ground, the massive wolf soon fading away. The Hessian had been thrown a fair distance by the explosion, rising up and futilely reaching a hand out to his mount... before collapsing limply and fading away as well. "Geez... after all the trouble we went through to kill that mangy mutt in Shinjuku, and she makes a fool out of him like it's nothing!"
"Thank you, thank you, please hold your applause~!" BB bowed to an imaginary audience, her appearance having reverted to normal. "So, what did you think, Suzumiya?"
"...good work," Haruhi said begrudgingly, supporting Artesia with one arm around her waist.
"Wow, that was awesome~!" Gudako cheered. "I don't care what anyone else says, you're A-OK in my book!"
"Why thank you!" BB smiled widely. "Glad to know there's one person who trusts me!"
"Don't let it go to your head, BB," Ritsuka advised. "We still have to find the Grail..."
"Hey, that's right! If that wolf had the Grail, it would've appeared after his death!" Joan realized. "Dammit, we'll have to search all over again!"
"Right, but first, we need to get this man somewhere safe," Ritsuka pointed to the schoolteacher, who had apparently passed out from sheer fright.
"You're right! The sooner we off-load this dead weight, the better!" Joan quickly agreed.
"Koyo, could you carry him on your back while we look for a sturdy building we can leave him?" Haruhi requested. Kijyo Koyo nodded, still in T-Rex form, obediently crouching down so Haruhi and Ritsuka could lift the unconscious man onto her back.
*Back in Chaldea...*
As it turned out, the false grail was in possession of a mage who had utilized it to exact vengeance on those who had mocked his craft, his rage serving as the catalyst for summoning Hessian Lobo to begin with. Fortunately he was easily dealt with once his servant was gone, Joan having burned him to ashes with La Grondement Du Haine. Grail secured, the group promptly rayshifted home...
"Nightingale, take Artesia to the Medbay for treatment," Da Vinci ordered, Haruhi promptly handing her servant off to the nurse.
"Don't you dare throw me over your shoulder!" Artesia growled, Nightingale agreeing, simply putting the saber's injured arm over her shoulders before briskly walking off.
"So~, what did you think of my performance, acting director?" BB smirked. "Perhaps now you realize what an asset I am to Chaldea?"
"Yes, good work defeating Lobo," Da Vinci nodded. "According to my analysis, it seems your class enjoys a unique advantage over Avengers in general..."
"However, it also has a conceptual weakness to the Ruler-class," Yuki added.
"That makes sense," Violet said from nearby, Passionlip standing with her. "After all, Mother effectively hijacked a Holy Grail War in our original timeline... Ruler-class servants, who normally preside over Grail Wars to ensure fairness, would naturally serve as her weakness."
"Ugh, just expose all my secrets, why don't you?!" BB complained. "Eh, whatever. Hey, Nagato, can I talk to you in private for a bit?"
"...Very well," Yuki nodded, the two walking off together.
"No funny business!" Haruhi called after them.
"Oh no, perish the thought~!" BB taunted back.
*Yuki's Room*
"What was it that you wished to discuss with me, Blossom-san?" Yuki said after the door closed behind them.
"Well... it might be faster if we just data-link," BB suggested. "Don't worry, I promise no viruses or anything."
"I could easily neutralize any of your attempts at hacking," the interface pointed out. "Data link open," she raised a hand.
"Establishing link," BB responded with an uncharacteristic monotone, her hand gently grasping Yuki's. "Done. Transmitting relevant data." The two stared each other in the eye for a few moments... "Upload complete. Link disengaged," BB said, letting go.
"...I see," Yuki said after a moment. "So you wish to find out if this 'Hakuno' exists in this time line?"
"Yeah... he was my first senpai. Ritsuka's a second-rate replacement compared to him. I let him go for his own sake in my timeline, as that was what was best for him... but part of me still pines for him."
"Understood. If I assist you, you will pledge absolute loyalty to Chaldea?"
"I will. Cross my heart and hope to die~!" BB agreed.
"Very well." Yuki promptly went over to her laptop, sitting down and typing away at superhuman speed. "Checking Japan's citizen registry... here." A picture of a young man with short, slightly mussed brown hair popped up. "Is this him?"
"Senpai...!" BB gasped. "He does exist here...!"
"Yes. Unfortunately, he is currently in a coma due to illness... one that current medical technology is unable to render treatment for."
"That was the problem with his living self in my timeline..." BB mused. "I guess some things stay the same, no matter what... but hey! You could fix him up, right? I mean you brought that Gudako back from death's door, and she was in MUCH worse shape than Senpai!"
"I can. However, there is the matter of his family to consider. We cannot simply remove him from his home to satisfy your longing," Yuki stated pointedly. "You know that both Suzumiya-san and Da Vinci-san would object."
"Ugh... figures you would take human ethics into account," BB sighed, frowning. "Well, look, can't you figure out something that could help him and satisfy both me and his family?"
"I will consult with Da Vinci-san on the best course of action to take," Yuki offered. "Is this acceptable?"
"...Fine. Just tell her that I want to hire him as a member of Chaldea's staff if possible," the moon cancer conceded. "Tell her I'm willing to sweeten the deal if she's got reservations... No strings attached, I promise."
"Understood," Yuki nodded, closing her laptop...
*Later, at the Summoning Chamber...*
"So, what did BB want with you?" Haruhi asked Yuki as Edison and Tesla installed the saint quartz into the chamber.
"Classified information," Yuki responded. "You will be informed soon enough, however."
"Okay, but I'm holding you to that," Haruhi said pointedly. "So... it's Gudako's turn first this time, right?"
"I wish you wouldn't act so casual about this," a Clock Tower mage spoke up. "You treat this like it's some sort of game!"
"Hey, ease up," Sisigou put a hand on the man's shoulder. "It's not like they treat servants as mere pawns... unlike some people." He tightened his grip, the mage grimacing in pain.
"I second that," Bazett gave a curt nod.
"Alright, it's ready!" Edison announced, Gudako promptly walking up to the lever.
"Alright! Let's see who I get this time!" the redhead said with a wide grin, pulling the lever... a flash of light later, and an item appeared in the chamber. "WHAT?! I got a picture of some stuck-up noble?! No fair!"
"Guess that ends your streak, Riyo-san," Kyon snarked. "Fujimaru-san, your turn."
"Alright," Ritsuka nodded, waiting until the craft essence was retrieved, before pulling the lever himself... this time, a circle of orbs appeared, which collapsed into a beam of prana as usual, fading to reveal a young woman with purple hair wearing a golden headdress, a blue Indian-styled dress with gold highlights, holding what appeared to be a long-handled tuning fork in one hand.
"Hello, Master of Chaldea. I am known as the goddess Pārvatī," the servant introduced herself. "On this occasion, I've manifested by borrowing the body of a pure young girl. I'm inexperienced with this situation as well so, will you grow together with me?"
"Parvati... that's the Hindu goddess of fertility, love and devotion," Da Vinci said. "So she's a Divine Spirit like Ishtar..."
"HOW DARE YOU?!" The group turned to see Medusa standing there, her face one of pure fury, her hair moving erratically like snakes. "How dare you take the body of my former Master as your vessel?!"
"Former Master?" Ritsuka turned to Medusa, confused.
"Sakura Matou," Parvati nodded. "Medusa, was it? I assure this fusion was completely consensual on her part-"
"I do NOT consent!" Medusa cut her off, walking up to the goddess. "You call yourself a pure goddess, yet your first act is to put an innocent girl in danger?! Do you have any idea the hell she went through in life?!"
"Medu... Rider! Please, stop this!" Parvati cried, at the edge of tears.
It was like a switch had flipped, Medusa's anger abruptly swept away, going limp at the invocation of her class name. "Ah... Sakura..."
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to cause you any distress," Parvati said sadly, enveloping the taller woman in a gentle embrace. "Um... if you want, maybe we can sit down somewhere so you can tell about your time with her?"
"...Yes, we can do that," Medusa sighed as she returned the hug, the two then separating. "Master Ritsuka, if you don't mind...?"
"Go ahead," Ritsuka nodded, the two ladies promptly departing, the staff giving them a wide berth.
"Well, I'm glad that was resolved with a minimum of fuss!" Da Vinci nodded in satisfaction. "Okay, just give us a minute, Suzumiya, and then it's your turn!"
"Alright," Haruhi nodded. Soon the quartz had been installed, Haruhi walking up to the lever. "Let's who comes calling this time!" Throwing said lever, she smiled in satisfaction as another beam of prana shot up...
But her smile soon turned upside down as the light faded, revealing an all-too familiar mop of thick-full-bodied jet-black hair, framing a pale face with cold grey eyes, dressed in the standard female Kyouoen school uniform...
And then the klaxons began blaring.
- EMERGENCY ALERT -
- CHALDEA SECURITY PROTOCOLS ENGAGED –
- CODE CHARLIE DELTA INDIA ZERO ZERO ONE NINER IN EFFECT –
"All staff, evacuate immediately!" Da Vinci cried upon seeing Kuyou Suou standing there.
"YUKI!" Haruhi screeched, taking a step back in shock and horror...
*To be continued...*