Fate/Kyon's Order: Alter Egos in Chaldea
A Haruhi Suzumiya & Fate/Grand Order Crossover
by Derald Snyder
Part 7: Aside: Hakuno's Revival
It was like being jolted awake, after having slept a dreamless sleep for eternity... His eyes opened as he abruptly sat up, the petite girl before him removing her hands from his body. "Good morning, Hakuno Kishinami. How are you feeling?"
"Wha..." Hakuno blinked, looking around... he was clearly in a hospital room, wires connected to his chest leading to a heart monitor, an IV drip in his shoulder... then he saw a familiar face- a young girl with long brown hair and matching eyes... "Ha- Haruka?!"
"Nii-chan! You finally woke up!" Haruka Kishinami cried as she grabbed her fraternal twin in a tight, grateful hug. "Oh, thank goodness! I'm so happy! Mama-baka and Papa-baka might've given up on you, but I never did...!"
"Mom and Dad...? Wait, what's going on?!" Hakuno grunted, realizing this Haruka was a little taller than he remembered.
"You have been in a coma for over two years now, Kishinami-san," the petite girl from before spoke up, Hakuno realizing that she possessed unnatural lilac-colored hair. "The local doctors were unable to help you, but I have restored you to full function... or rather, peak health."
"T-two years?!" Hakuno gasped in disbelief. "But- how could you cure me when the doctors couldn't?!"
"She says she's an alien," Haruka grunted as she finally pulled away, wiping her tear streaks. "Apparently she's advanced enough that she can hack reality, not just computers..."
"S-seriously?!" Hakuno's eyes went wide.
"It is fine. My name is Yuki Nagato, by the way," the alien bowed. "I restored you at the request of an acquaintance, in exchange for her loyalty."
"An acquaintance...?"
"That'd be me~!" Another girl pirouetted into the room, with long dark purple hair secured with a red ribbon, wearing a black jacket over a white leotard and black skirt. "Morning, Senpai~! You probably don't know me, but I know you!"
"Uh... who are you?" Hakuno asked, having a vague sense of deja vu for some unexplained reason.
"I'm so glad you asked~! I'm BB, the ultra-cute and ultra-immature super-advanced AI from the future! I know what you must be thinking, 'how does an AI exist on the material plane?' Well, I've currently manifested as a Heroic Spirit servant, basically a physical ghost of sorts! Doesn't mean I can't feel pain or get killed, though..."
"Uh..." Hakuno looked over at his sister, his face demanding an explanation, only for Haruka's to reflect his utter confusion.
"All will be explained in due time," Yuki cut in. "Black Blossom-san here wanted to hire you and your sister as staff members for an organization we currently serve..."
"Let me guess, one of those top secret, 'if I tell anyone you have to kill me' deals?" the young man deadpanned.
"Well, kind of~, but it's not as bad as you think!" BB replied. "Trust me, Chaldea is a lot more laid-back and fun than you might be led to believe!"
"That being said, the organization does engage in serious work to preserve the human order," Yuki stated. "Most of the human staff is stretched somewhat thin, so any help is welcome..."
"But... I'm not even out of high school yet! I'm not qualified!" Hakuno protested. "And what about our parents?!"
"Forget them!" Haruka yelled. "They gave you up for dead and adopted a new son as a replacement! I called them out, but they wouldn't listen, so I disowned them! They had no right to just forget you like that!"
"D-disowned them?! Seriously?!"
"It is fine, for now," Yuki interrupted. "Perhaps in the future, you can see them again... but for now, your unique situation enables us to recruit you and your sister with a minimum of fuss, so to speak."
"Oh... you mean, since I was all but dead before you helped me, no one's gonna notice if we vanish off the face of the earth..."
"Exactly! See~? Now you're catching on! As expected of my senpai~!" BB said with a grin.
"But, where is this Chaldea?" Haruka inquired.
"It is located on Mount Meru, Antarctica," Yuki replied.
"Antarctica?!" Both twins exclaimed in shock.
"Uh, hello, did you miss the part where I said it's more laid-back than you'd think?!" BB sighed.
"But it still must be freezing down there!" Haruka said.
"On the outside, sure," BB shrugged. "But on the inside... well, you'll see when you get there~! Can't spoil everything for you, can I, S-e-n-p-a-i~?"
"We will explain some things during the flight there," Yuki assured them. "And of course, the other human staff members will help you get up to speed."
"Right, but how does an alien get involved with these guys, anyway?" Hakuno asked.
"I am personal friends with one of the staff," Yuki responded. "He goes by the moniker 'John Smith' there, as most people there believe his birth name does not suit him very well. He has a unique sense of humor, and I believe you two will get along well with him."
"Among a few others~," BB winked. "So, what do you say?"
The twins looked at each other for a moment... "Well... given that you saved my life, I guess the choice is obvious. We accept."
*And so...*
"Have I mentioned how uncomfortable this is?!" Haruka complained as she and Hakuno rode together in the military plane, Yuki sitting across from them.
"Several times!" Hakuno groaned. They were both clad in thick winter clothing, as the plane did not have complete insulation from the cold outside, though at least they couldn't feel any wind, despite the howling from outside...
"Excuse me, this is your ultra-cute flight attendant~!" The trio turned to see BB dressed in a sexy attendant's uniform. "We are on our final approach to Finis Chaldea! All lunch trays should be returned to their upright positions!"
"We don't HAVE lunch trays!" Haruka cried in exasperation.
"Geez, I was just trying to lighten the mood a bit," BB dropped the cutesy act. "I get it, you're uncomfortable, you're freezing, you're thinking 'how the hell did we get ourselves into this situation?' But I promise the destination is well worth it!"
"Yes. It will not be much longer, I promise," Yuki added.
"I sure hope so!" Haruka groaned as she hugged herself tightly, trying to preserve what body heat she could...
*Finis Chaldea, Loading Dock*
Needless to say, Haruka was already feeling a little better after disembarking the plane with her brother beside her... At a glance, the hangar seemed the same as any other military installation, save the white mountain landscape outside... as the bay doors closed, Haruka's attention shifted to the pilot talking with two other people... One was a nondescript male with short brown hair, dressed in a green uniform, standing a little taller than his companion, a beautiful brunette dressed in red and blue, holding an ornate staff in one hand.
"That is John Smith," Yuki's voice spoke up, causing the twins to jump in surprise. "I apologize for startling you. Suzumiya-san says I am too quiet for my own good sometimes..."
"Who's Suzumiya?" Hakuno asked.
"Haruhi Suzumiya, John Smith's fiancee," Yuki replied. "You will meet her soon enough. For now, let us go to greet Da Vinci-san."
"Da Vinci?" Haruka mused. "So is she related to Leonardo Da Vinci?"
"...in a matter of speaking, yes. She is the current acting director of this facility, after the previous director and acting director died."
"Th-they died?!" Hakuno gasped.
"Yes. The director Olga Marie Animusphere was killed by a bomb from a saboteur, forcing Dr. Romani Archaman to step up in her place. But I shall explain more later. Da Vinci-san, I have brought them." She greeted as they approached the duo.
"Yo, Nagato-san. I guess things went well, huh?" John Smith greeted. "So where's BB at?"
"I'm coming~!" BB cried as she ran up, back in her usual attire. "Just double-checking that we weren't being traced or anything. It's all good!"
"That's good to hear," the brunette nodded. "Hello, Hakuno and Haruka Kishinami. I'm Leonardo Da Vinci, the director of Chaldea. Now, I know what you must be thinking, namely, why is Da Vinci a woman? Well, that's because I was summoned in the form of the epitome of beauty- the Mona Lisa!"
"...Ooooookay," Hakuno said after a moment. "So, uh, you're one of those Heroic Spirit ghosts or whatever?"
"Yes, I'm a Caster, as I'm sure you deduced from my staff," Da Vinci nodded. "I assume BB and Miss Nagato explained the basics to you?"
"Um, yeah, but... a lot of it went over my head, to be honest," Hakuno sighed.
"Me too," Haruka concurred.
"I told you not to get too technical, Nagato! But did you listen?! Nooooooo!" BB chastised.
"Now, now, BB, I'm sure Nagato-san did the best she could," John Smith interjected. "Trust me, I was pretty confused about things when I was first hired here, myself. But you'll catch on soon enough. After all, I'm as average as they come, so if I can grasp this, surely you can."
"You sell yourself too short, Kyon!" another female voice called out, the twins turning to see another brunette walking up, this one wearing a yellow sundress with a matching headband and a ribbon tied on one side of her head. "You're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for! You're just not very book-savvy, is all!"
"Yare yare, I was just trying to reassure the new arrivals," Kyon sighed.
"Kyon?" Haruka raised an eyebrow.
"Old high-school nickname. Don't think about it too hard," Kyon shrugged. "Anyway, this is my fiancee Haruhi, one of three Masters stationed here."
"Masters? So you command the Heroic Spirits?" Hakuno said, trying to recall.
"Something like that, yeah," Haruhi nodded. "Technically I'm the oldest Master here, the other two are barely out of high school. About your age, that is."
"Really? Why so young?" Haruka inquired curiously.
"Well, at the start, we had forty-eight potential Masters, but due to sabotage by a mole, all but two were killed, with one remaining in critical condition, only recently having been restored by Miss Nagato here," Da Vinci explained. "We were practically running on a skeleton crew due to that, though the situation has improved slightly since then, thanks in no small part to many of the servants summoned here."
"But how can only three Masters handle so many summoned servants?" Hakuno asked next.
"We only take a few with us on deployment," Haruhi responded. "Ritsuka, the one Master that survived the bombing, usually takes a team of up to six servants, depending on the severity of the crisis."
"Yep, and you could say that I joined due to one these crises~!" BB spoke up. "So! How about we get outta this cold hangar and show these two around the place?"
"In that case, how about we get you two something to eat first?" Kyon suggested.
"Is the food here good?" Haruka asked.
"Oh, you have no idea..." Haruhi smiled knowingly.
*Salon de Marie*
"...Okay, I was not expecting this," Hakuno muttered as he looked around the elegant decor.
"It's like stepped into some rich person's house or something," Haruka said in awe.
"Well~, what did you expect of an establishment run by one Marie Antoinette?" BB said sardonically.
"Marie Antoinette? She was Queen of France, right?" Haruka tried to recall.
"Yeah, didn't she say 'let them eat cake' or something?" Hakuno added.
"Actually, no she didn't," Kyon shook his head. "That was just slander during the French Revolution..."
"Oh, now I remember!" Haruka lightly punched a fist into her hand. "She was beheaded by the rebels, right?"
"Yep," Haruhi nodded. "But would you believe, her former executioner actually works here as a bartender?"
"Seriously?!" Hakuno gasped. "How did that happen?!"
"Charles Henri-Sanson is something of a professional. Execution was his job. You know the phrase, 'nothing personal'?" Kyon pointed out. "Queen Marie understands that, thus she holds no grudge, at least as far as I can tell."
"Anyway, you want something to eat?" Haruhi offered. "Don't worry, they've got all kinds of dishes, it's not all pheasant under glass or stuff..."
"How about just a sandwich and chips?" Hakuno asked.
"Sure, I'll get that ordered for you, Senpai~" BB said with a grin. "You want anything, Haruka-chan?"
"Just some ramen would be fine," the brunette replied, BB nodding before heading to the counter. So the group sat at a booth together, the twins sitting across from Kyon and Haruhi.
"So, uh, you weren't a Master right away?" Hakuno asked Haruhi.
"I wasn't one of the original forty-eight, no," Haruhi shook her head. "I only just joined recently, though I think I've more than proven myself here."
"Not like that was hard for you to do," Kyon snarked. "You're good at almost anything you put your mind to, except strategy games."
"Oh, sure, bring up my one weak spot," Haruhi snarked back, rolling her eyes. "But, enough about me and Kyon, let's talk about you. Anything interesting about your lives?"
"I dunno... before my coma, I was about as average as you could get, like Smith-san here," Hakuno shrugged. "Got average grades, didn't really do too well at sports... Haruka here knows a thing or two about history, though."
"It was my best class in school," the younger twin nodded in agreement.
"Well, you'll be seeing quite a few historical figures here," Kyon nodded. "Just be prepared for some of them to be a little different from what you've read about..."
"Well, it's not like historical records are 100% accurate," Hakuno pointed out.
"Okay, here's your food!" The twins turned to look at the new arrival, doing a double-take upon seeing her fox ears and tail. "Ramen for you, sandwich and chips for..." the new arrival stopped cold as her eyes met Hakuno's. "Y... you..."
"Is something wrong?" Hakuno asked. "Do I have something on my face, ma'am?"
"Oh...? OH! Oh, no, no, that's not it!" the fox girl set down the sandwich and withdrew a few steps. "Ah- (ahem) I'm sorry about that, you reminded me of someone I knew awhile back... Um, W-what's your name?"
"Hakuno Kishinami. And this is my sister, Haruka." The fox's reaction was for her eyes to roll up in her head, collapsing bonelessly to the carpet below. "Uh..."
"Wow, I didn't think she'd outright pass out like that," BB deadpanned as she walked up. "Hey Cat, can you get some smelling-salts for your original here?!" she called out.
"I'm not wasting salt on stupid me!" answered another fox-girl dressed in a maid's outfit. "Just throw some ice water in her face or something!"
"Nah, I've got a better idea," Haruhi said, getting up and walking over to the fainted kitsune. She then kneeled down and spoke directly into her ear, "Tamamo-no-mae, if you don't wake up this instant, I'm going to let Cat draw all over your face and take pictures!"
"NO! Don't let her do that!" Tamamo immediately snapped awake, jumping to her feet. "Oh, it's you, Master Haruhi."
"Wait, Tamamo-no-mae?! The evil kitsune spirit from feudal Japan?!" Haruka gasped.
"That's her," Kyon nodded. "She's trying to be better nowadays, though."
"Y-yes, that's right," Tamamo said with her head bowed. "Um... are you really Hakuno Kishinami?"
"Yeah... do you know me somehow?" Hakuno asked, thoroughly confused.
"Allow me to explain~!" BB exclaimed. "You see, Fox Caster here was summoned into a digital Holy Grail War in 2030, inside the Mooncell supercomputer, which is also where yours truly hails from! And her Master as an AI program based off none other than- guess who!"
"Me?!" Hakuno gasped.
"Wow, so you became a Master in the future, huh? Things are finally starting to make sense now!" Haruka exclaimed.
"Not me, but an AI," Hakuno pointed out. "So that's why you freaked out, Tamamo-san..."
"R...right," Tamamo nodded. "Gosh, it feels so weird for you to call me by name, instead of my class..."
"But that's because he's technically not the same person," Haruhi reminded her. "So try not to get in his pants, okay?!"
"I-I wouldn't do that! How dare you!" Tamamo scoffed. "I'm the model of a good housewife! Or at least I try to be..."
"Well, better than torturing humans for sadistic pleasure, like in your legend," Haruka agreed.
"...Well, I admit I've done things in life I'm not proud of," the kitsune sighed. "But being summoned as a Heroic Spirit has given me a chance to turn over a new leaf! And I'm not the only one here who thinks that way!"
"Well, good for you, Tamamo-san," Hakuno said. "I might not be the Master that you served in the future, but hopefully we can be friends, at least..."
"Y... yes. I would like that very much," Tamamo nodded.
"Hey, stupid me! Get your tail back to the kitchen! These dishes won't make themselves!"
"Shut up, Tamamo Cat! This is important business here!" Tamamo snapped back.
"Tamamo... Cat?!" Haruka's face contorted in confusion, as did her brother's.
"Um, yeah... you might say Cat's an alter ego of this Tamamo," Kyon explained. "BB here's got a few Alter Egos of her own as well. And they all seem much nicer than her..."
"Ouch! That's a low blow, John Smith!" BB pouted.
"He's right, though," Haruhi taunted. "At the very least, they're more straightforward than you are..."
"Most of them, anyway," Tamamo concurred. "Anyway, yes, I probably should get back to the kitchen. Um, it was very nice meeting you again, Ma- (ahem) Hakuno. Oh, and make sure you say hello to Nero as well!" With that, she bowed before taking her leave.
"Nero...?" Hakuno asked.
"Yep! Fox Caster there wasn't the only servant your AI self had! So once we're done here, we'll head to the auditorium! That's likely where we'll find her!" BB asserted.
"Hmm, sounds like you were quite the ladies' man," Haruka teased.
"Um, yeah," Hakuno felt his face heating up, drawing chuckles from Haruhi and BB...
*Auditorium*
"Halt!" exclaimed the well-built man with bronzed skin, red eyes dressed in skimpy black clothing with a golden crown that seemed to mold around his head. "As much as you may want to see the auditorium, is not yet up to the standards that Rome's glory demands!"
"So, you're a Roman emperor, then?" Hakuno guessed.
"Ah, you must be new here! Yes, I am the first ruler of Rome, it's founder, Romulus!" the bronzed man declared. "I am Rome itself!"
"Wow!" Haruka gasped in awe. "You look more glamorous than I imagined!"
"Well, keep in mind, Heroic Spirits don't necessarily always look like they did in life," Haruhi pointed out. "Not to put down Romulus here or anything..."
"So, is Nero working in there?" BB inquired.
"Yes, my granddaughter is quite busy inside! If you wish for an audience, you should come back another time!" Romulus asserted.
"W-wait, granddaughter?! You mean... she's EMPEROR Nero?!" Haruka realized.
"Indeed she is! A splendid image of Rome's glory, with all the beauty that entails!" Romulus exclaimed.
"But... I thought... Nero was..." Haruka stammered.
"A man?" Kyon finished for her. "Yeah, I know, I was pretty damn shocked myself. And she's not the only gender-flip around here, either. Hell, we have both a male and a female version of the legend King Arthur!"
"Th-there's a male AND female King Arthur?!" Hakuno said in utter disbelief.
"Yeah, alternate timelines or something like that," Haruhi shrugged. "Don't try to make sense of it, you'll just break your brain. Oh, and before we go any further, Nero did NOT play the lyre while Rome burned, okay?! That was bad rumors spread by her political rivals."
"Y, yes, I knew that much," Haruka grunted, regaining her composure somewhat.
"Look, O great founder of Rome, could you at least open the door and tell Nero that her Praetor is here?" BB requested.
"Praetor?" Romulus raised an eyebrow, slightly nonplussed. "Very well, if you insist..." Cracking open the door to the auditorium, he shouted, "Dearest granddaughter, your Praetor has arrived!"
"What?!" There was a sound of several items falling to the floor, then rapid footsteps, the head of a beautiful blonde woman with green eyes peeking out a few seconds later. "Where is... he..." she went silent upon locking eyes with Hakuno.
"Um, hi," the young man waved halfheartedly. "Emperor Nero, I presume?"
"Ah..." Nero emerged fully from the auditorium doors, revealing her red dress with a transparent section of skirt that revealed her legs. "P... Praetor... it cannot be..."
"Oh yes, it can~!" BB exclaimed with a wide smile. "I mean, he's not exactly the same Sovereign of the Moon Cell that you made a contract with before, but hey, close enough, am I right?"
"Yeah, she and Nagato-san helped me come out of my coma," Hakuno nodded. "Um, sorry if I don't live up to your expectations, I'm just a high-school student here."
"No, that's... I..." Nero stammered, looking about to faint.
"Granddaughter! Pull yourself together!" Romulus bellowed. "An empress of Rome should always stand tall, a model to her citizens!"
"AH! Y, yes, that's right!" Nero gasped, coming back to herself. "Ah, thank you, Founder. I nearly forgot myself there!" She turned and bowed to Romulus, before turning back to Hakuno and Haruka. "Well, allow me to introduce myself properly. I am Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, the fifth emperor of Rome! It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance once more, Hakuno Kishinami!"
"Um, yeah...the pleasure is all mine," Hakuno gave a formal bow. "And this is my twin sister, Haruka."
"Ah, fraternal twins, is it? Splendid! A pleasure to meet you as well!" Nero exclaimed with a wide smile.
"Uh, yes, thank you," Haruka also bowed to her. "Just don't think you can get in Nii-chan's pants like with his AI self in the future!"
"HARUKA!" Hakuno promptly buried his face in his hands in embarrassment, drawing laughter from Haruhi and BB.
"N-no, I would most certainly not do such a thing without full consent!" Nero asserted, her face also burning red. "Honestly, kind of whore do you take me for?!"
"The Whore of Babylon, as you were once known," Kyon said in an obviously snarky tone of voice.
"Oooh, burn!" Haruhi snickered.
"You will cease disparaging my granddaughter in such a manner!" Romulus boomed.
"Take it easy, O great founder, I was joking," Kyon raised his hands defensively.
"W-well, it's not for nothing that I earned such a title, I suppose..." Nero sighed.
"I-it's all right, miss Nero," Hakuno said as he took her hands in his, having recovered somewhat from his earlier embarrassment. "I don't think you're a whore or anything like that. Maybe a bit egotistical, at worst..."
"Umu, but of course~! As the Empress of Roses I must shine for all who lay eyes upon me!" Nero proclaimed, despite blushing from the direct contact. "Oh, I just remembered, have you met with that fox caster yet?"
"Tamamo-no-mae? Yeah, we met her at that Salon de Marie," Hakuno nodded. "Um, did you two compete over my future AI self?"
"Well, something like that, yes," Nero nodded. "We still argue sometimes over who you- er, he loved more..."
"I'll bet that was interesting for future you," Haruka ribbed.
"Oh, you have NO idea~," BB said with a sinister grin.
"Right... well, let me be 100% clear: I am not interested in any sort of romance at this time," Hakuno said slowly and deliberately. "But I wouldn't mind being friends with you and Tamamo, though."
"Y... yes, I understand," Nero nodded solemnly. "You may not be the Master I once served, but I will do all I can to support you and your sister. Is that acceptable?"
"Sure, thanks," Hakuno concurred, wincing as a crash was heard inside the auditorium.
"Neroooooo! Where have yoooou gooooone?!"
"C-calm yourself, Caligula! Nero, hurry up and get back in here!" cried Julius' voice.
"I'll be right there!" the saber called back. "I'm sorry, but I must go calm Uncle down! Excuse me." Giving a quick curtsy, she retreated back through the double doors. "Uncle! I'm right here! Please calm yourself!"
"Neroooooo!"
"Unfortunately, Caligula was summoned as a Berserker-class," Romulus shook his head. "It can be hard to keep him reined in, at times..."
"Yeah, Mad Enhancement is no joke," Kyon nodded grimly. "Well, let's move on... we'll show you the gaming room next. Some of the younger employees snuck in their game consoles, and some more stuff's been added recently, too..."
"A gaming room? Wow, BB wasn't kidding about it being laid-back!" Hakuno said.
"Told you so~," BB smirked. "And that's not even the best part, Senpai! Wait until you see Fantasia Resort~!"
But then, the intercom clicked on, Da Vinci's voice calling out, "Excuse me, but it's time for the summoning session! Would the Masters please report to the Summoning Chamber? Thank you~!" *click*
"Ah, damn, I forgot," Kyon sighed, checking his phone. "Guess the rest of the tour will have to wait... Let's go, Haruhi."
"Well, hey, at least you'll get to see us summon Heroic Spirits!" Haruhi said with an eager grin. "I wonder who'll come to say hello this time?"
"Well, I get dibs on the first summon!" BB exclaimed.
"Uh, what?" Kyon said.
"Well~, I told your alien friend to tell Da Vinci-chan that I was willing to sweeten the deal in exchange for helping me revive and hire Senpai here," the moon cancer explained. "And now I'm going to hold up my end of the bargain, no strings attached~!"
"Wait," Haruhi said as realization dawned, "You aren't going to-"
"Ah, ah, ah! No spoilers, Master~!" BB cut her off. "I want Senpai to see this too, after all. Come on, let's go!" She took Hakuno's hand and dragged him off, the young man stumbling to keep pace.
"HEY! Come back here!" Haruka cried as she gave chase, Kyon and Haruhi jogging after her...
*Summoning Chamber*
"So, the humans are mostly the ones in uniforms like mine, or dressed in business suits. Though I would avoid interacting with the latter if I were you," Kyon explained.
"Duly noted," Haruka nodded. "They seem a bit stuck-up, anyway..."
"So, uh, what's with the BB lookalikes over there?" Hakuno pointed. "Are those her 'alter egos' that you were taking about?"
"That's them!" Haruhi affirmed. "Let's go say hi real quick..." As they walked over, she elaborated, "So, the one with glasses is Violet, the one with the giant claws is Passionlip, and the one with bandages is Kingprotea. And no, she's not injured, that's just her look."
"Right," Hakuno nodded as they approached, Kingprotea being the first to notice...
"Hakuno-senpai!" she cried in jubilation, running forward and grabbing the young man in a bear hug. "You're here! You're really here! I'm so happy!"
"Um, hi," Hakuno grunted, caught off-balance from the sudden assault.
"Hey, you can't just glomp him like that!" Passionlip protested, her face coloring. "I-I can't even do anything of the sort! It's not fair!"
"Protea, let him go, please," Violet gently ordered. "You shouldn't just jump on people like that, you know..."
"Aww..." Protea sighed as her grip loosened, Hakuno breaking free and moving back a few steps. "Sorry, Lip. I forgot you can't hug people..."
"Um, yeah, what's the deal with her, anyway?" Hakuno gestured to Lip's massive chest.
"P-please don't stare at them..." Lip turned away a little.
"Mother designed her that way," Violet answered. "Passionlip could be said to be a living trash compactor, compressing data with her claws and then disposing of it in her chest area."
"Yeah, remember, these guys used to be AIs in a supercomputer," Haruhi pointed out. "I actually fell into Lip's chest storage by accident once, but she was able to get me back out..."
"I'm sorry for that," Lip whimpered.
"Hey, hey, I already forgave you, remember? Don't worry about it," Haruhi shook her head with a smile. "Look, grotesque appearance aside, she's actually really sweet once you get to know her..."
"Yes, I can see what you mean," Haruka concurred. "Just as long as we keep our distance, right?"
"Right..." Passionlip sighed. "At least Miss Nagato made it so that my claws aren't deadly while I'm in Chaldea... otherwise you'd lose an arm from just touching them!"
"I believe it, as big as they are," Hakuno nodded. "At least you three seem easier to get along with than BB herself..."
"I heard that, Senpai!" BB's voice called out from nearby the chamber itself. The group turned to see the AI typing away at one of the consoles, Tesla keeping a wary eye on her, a silver haired woman dressed in a futuristic bikini standing nearby with a rainbow-colored sword in hand.
"That's Altera," Kyon explained, "She was once a living WMD meant to destroy the planet, but she was taken in by the Huns instead..."
"The Huns?" Haruka mused. "As in Attilla the- no. No way. You cannot be serious!" she gasped as realization dawned.
"Yep, that's the one," Haruhi nodded. Haruka promptly fell to her knees in slack-jawed disbelief.
"Okay, done~!" BB exclaimed, promptly stepping away from the console. "See, Altera? Nothing to worry about!"
"Well, as neither Nero or Tamamo are here at the moment, someone has to keep an eye on you in their place," the former leader of the Huns stated stoically.
"Ara ara, I haven't done one thing worthy of suspicion, have I?" the AI said with a smirk. "Interrupting Haruhi and Kyon's love time doesn't count~!"
"What?! You walked in on them getting jiggy?! Have you no shame, BB?!" Hakuno cried in disbelief.
"None whatsoever, Senpai~" BB winked back. "Oh, don't worry, I already got punished for that... I'll be sure to knock next time~!"
"You had better," Haruhi growled.
"Well, now that she's finished, it's my turn to shine!" exclaimed a muscular man with a lion's head, dressed in a blue bodysuit with red highlights and red gloves, two light bulbs jutting from his shoulders. "Ah, I see some new laborers! Welcome, I am Thomas Alva Edison, inventor extraordinaire!"
"What?!" This time, it was Hakuno's jaw that dropped from disbelief.
"Um, yeah... it's better not to think about his appearance too much," Kyon shook his head. "He really is Edison, though."
"Yes, and I am his superior, Nikola Tesla!" Tesla proclaimed from nearby.
"What was that?!" the lion-man whirled to face his rival. "Superior?! Anything you can do, I can do better!"
"And yet you can never come up with anything original!" Tesla shot back.
"I invented direct current!"
"Alternating current is superior!"
"That's what you think!"
"ENOUGH!" Da Vinci shouted. "Do I have to get Helena to separate you two again?! Knock it off!" The two promptly ceased their argument, simply turning away from each other with arms crossed. "(sigh) Honestly... now then, Edison, I believe you were going to tell us about an improvement you made to the system?"
"Ah, yes! Thank you for bringing me back on track, Da Vinci!" Edison smiled. "(ahem) Now then, when this whole thing first started, as I'm sure Master Ritsuka knows, it used to take four Saint Quartz to activate the Fate summoning system! But once I was summoned, I managed to improve the efficiency so that it now only requires three!"
"Saint Quartz?" Hakuno asked.
"See those rainbow rocks installed over there?" BB pointed. "That's what he's talking about."
"Oh. Okay then," Hakuno shrugged.
"Hm, clearly not a magus," Edison muttered. "But, no matter! Now then, as many as 30 quartz can be installed into the system at a time, which would obviously result in ten summons! Basic math! However! Thanks to my continued tinkering and fine-tuning, it is now possible, once ten summons have been performed, to initiate an eleventh summon with no additional cost!"
"Wow! Really?!" Gudako gasped. "That's totally awesome!"
"Yes, yes it is!" Edison roared. "But of course, I'm sure you would like to see this in action, which is why we are all gathered here today! So, who wants to go first?"
"Wait a minute," Hakuno spoke up. "Um, Edison-san? You were talking about basic math... How do you intend to divide 11 summons among three Masters? One of them is going to come up short..."
"It's okay," Ritsuka spoke up. "We'll do three each, and Haruhi and Gudako can have the last two. I've been here the longest, so it's only fair."
"Ah, excellent! How gracious of you, Master Ritsuka!" Edison nodded. "That solves the problem nicely! And good on you for bringing up the issue to begin with!" he addressed Hakuno. "I can tell you'll make a fine addition to the workforce!"
"Just don't make him work 23 hours a day, alright?" Kyon snarked, causing a rumble of laughter through the room.
"Bah!" Edison snorted. "So, who goes first?"
"Me, of course!" Gudako exclaimed. "Suzumiya got to go first last time!"
"Right, right," the brunette conceded. "Gudako first, then me, then Ritsuka, that ensures she and I get the last two."
"Sounds good to me~!" BB smiled. "Come on up, Gudako! Let's see who comes calling, shall we?"
"You bet! Here I go!" Gudako cried, throwing the lever, causing a ring of energy to form in the chamber, which promptly collapsed on itself in a flash of light, revealing... "Aww! I got some stupid black keys!"
"Too bad, you got the consolation prize," BB shrugged. "Okay, Suzumiya, you're up!"
"Alrighty then," Haruhi took Gudako's place throwing the lever... again, an item appeared. "Huh... a clawed metal gauntlet. No thanks, I'll stick with my black keys."
"Suit yourself," BB smirked. "Your turn, Senpai~... er, the Master, that is."
"Right," Ritsuka chuckled as he walked up.
"Oh my, two Senpais? Making a boy's harem, are we~? Da Vinci teased, eliciting a few chuckles from the crowd.
"Th-that's not it!" BB's face went red. "Two boys does not a harem make! Are you trying to make me get subjected to that fox caster's Polygamist's Castration Fist?!"
"Uh... THAT doesn't sound good," Hakuno grunted. "Remind me not to get Tamamo-san mad at me..."
"Don't worry, I'll protect you from the big bad fox," Haruka snarked, gently patting her brother's shoulder.
"I thought it was the brother that was supposed to look after the sister," Haruhi joked. "Right, Kyon?"
"Don't drag my Imouto into this," Kyon looked away.
"Ahem!" Da Vinci loudly cleared her throat. "If we could get started...?" A round of muttered apology was heard. "Good. You know what to do, Ritsuka."
"Of course," the young Master said, throwing the lever. This time a ring of golden orbs began to spiral, shifting into three halos of light, which then collapsed into a beam of prana shooting into the ceiling- the telltale sign of a successfully summoned servant.
"Yes!" BB pumped a fist. "Just as I planned!"
"What do you me..." Ritsuka trailed as an all too familiar figure became visible, drawing gasps from Vio, Lip, and Protea...
"No way...!" Haruhi's jaw dropped upon seeing the familiar purple hair, black jacket with wide sleeves that hid it's wearer's hands, and of course, the leg-blade stilts with long spikes at the knees... Her eyes then opened, revealing oceans of deepest blue...
"I'm the Alter Ego of pleasure, Meltryllis. I'd really rather not, but I suppose I'll form a contract with you. You should be honored, okay?" the new servant said stoically.
"So this was what you were plotting..." Tesla muttered.
"Yep! Since Yuki held up her end of the bargain," she winked at Hakuno, "I thought I'd give my second Senpai a special surprise~!"
"Oh, wonderful. I should have guessed you had something to do with this," Meltryllis muttered, turning her head to look at BB.
"That's right! Welcome to the material plane, Melt! And it's not just me, your sisters are here, too!" She pointed to where the other Alter Egos were gathered.
"H-hi, Melt!" Passionlip waved with one claw. "I'm glad to see you again..."
"I'm sure you are, Lip. Just don't annoy me and we'll get along fine," Melt said as she walked out of the chamber, briefly glancing at Haruhi.
There was no hint of recognition in those twin oceans.
"...I guess she really doesn't remember," the reality warper whispered to herself as the Alter Ego went and joined her sisters.
"Probably should try to not piss her off then," Kyon muttered. "I wouldn't like getting sliced up by those leg-blades..."
"My turn again!" Gudako exclaimed, running back up to the lever. "Come on, give me a servant!" Sure enough, the golden orbs appeared again... "Yes!"
From the beam of light emerged yet another familiar figure... "Servant, Saber! I'm totally here because I was summoned! Or something like that~"
"Suzuka! You came!" Haruhi cried happily.
"Woah! Is that Suzumiya?! And Ritsuka?!" Suzuka Gozen gasped in shock.
"Welcome to Chaldea, Suzuka," Ritsuka said with a warm smile.
"Huh?! You guys already know each other?! No fair! I'm supposed to be her Master!" Gudako complained.
"Hey, it's coolsies! I'll totes serve any of you three here!" Suzuka said with a grin. "Oh hey, Melt and Lip are here too! Sweet! How're you hanging?"
"I-I'm doing fine!" Passionlip nodded.
"I don't know you," Melt deadpanned "Speak to me so casually again, saber, and you'll be a head shorter for it."
"Yow, talk about a sourpuss," Suzuka sighed as she walked to Ritsuka's side.
"She doesn't remember anything from before," Ritsuka whispered into her ear.
"Oh, right, I remember now..."
And so Haruhi went again, successfully summoning another servant... This one appeared to be a long haired blonde black-blue hair decorations, a short fur coat over a black dress with a V-cut to show her cleavage, and a small spike beneath her lower lip, holding a short spear with two extra prongs at the hilt. As she walked out of the chamber, one more feature became obvious- a large, blue-scaled serpent's tail. "Servant, Lancer... Good grief, what would a mortal want with a snake like this? I am a fiend who moves to her own desires alone... you'd better not expect to tame me, okay?"
"What the fu- fudge?!" Haruhi caught herself just in time. "Another evil servant?! Why does this keep happening to me?!"
"Hmm, maybe this speaks to something deep down in your soul," the serpentine Lancer smirked.
"I don't think so," Kyon said forcefully. "I know Haruhi better than anyone else. She might be a bit self-centered at times, but she's not evil by any means!"
"Well, aren't you the valiant knight riding to the rescue," the serpent licked her lips. "I'm guessing you must be her mate. Too bad, I wouldn't mind having a taste..."
"Touch Kyon and you die a slow, painful death. Full stop," Haruhi warned sternly. "Don't think I won't hesitate to restrain you like I did BB here!"
"Oh yeah, she had me bound up real good," BB nodded, frowning. "You'd almost think she had a bondage fetish or something..."
"Oh, my, I suppose I'd better watch myself, hmm?" the serpent woman chuckled as she walked to an unoccupied corner of the room.
"I think we'll have to put this one under escort for a while," Da Vinci sighed. "Just to be safe."
"At least you're learning to make reasonable concessions," Hans Andersen spoke up. "You just dodged a scolding, there."
So Ritsuka went again, getting a hydra dagger, all three of the next summons resulting in craft essences. Then Gudako went for the last time...
"Huh? She looks like Artesia..." the redhead pondered, before the translucent form of Saber Alter collapsed into a memorial essence.
"Artesia, you here?!" Haruhi called.
"Yes, Master," the saber servant in question asked up, taking the memorial essence in hand, which promptly absorbed into her... She gasped and clutched her head briefly, shaking it off as she stood straight again. "...Ah. Shinjuku. So that's what that fool Joan was talking about..."
"So you got the memories of Artoria Alter from that pseudo-singularity, hmm?" Da Vinci pondered. "Sorry about that, Gudako."
"It's okay. I don't mind!" Gudako shrugged. "At least I got Suzuka, she seems like a lot of fun!"
"Oh yeah! You and I are totes gonna get along like besties!" Suzuka grinned.
"Alright, just as I calculated! There's enough residual energy for one more summon!" Edison declared. "Master Haruhi, would you do the honors?"
"Gladly. Please don't give me another dark or evil servant this time!" Haruhi pleaded aloud, causing a few chuckles, the loudest coming from the serpent lancer. With that, she threw the lever, a ring of rainbow orbs spiraling before collapsing into another beam of light...
"Servant. Lancer. I am the mistress of the underworld. Be grateful that I answered your summon..."
Haruhi's eyes went wide in recognition. "Ereshkigal?! Okay, scratch what I just said, I don't mind this 'dark' servant one bit!"
"Huh?!" the blonde's eyes opened, scanning her new Master in confusion. "D... do I know you?!"
"You met my ancestor-Ruler self in Babylonia," Haruhi said aloud, before adding telepathically, "Actually, that was really me, but just play along for now, okay?" (ahem) "Anyway, I'm Haruhi Suzumiya! And I'm sure this guy is familiar to you!" She pointed to Ritsuka.
"It's nice to see you again, Ereshkigal," Ritsuka said with a smile.
"EH?! R-R-Ritsuka?! Wait... does that mean... I'm in Chaldea?!" Eresh gasped in realization.
"Oh yes, you most certainly are!" Quetzalcoatl exclaimed. "Maravilloso! With your arrival, everyone from Babylonia has now gathered here!"
"Everyone?!" Ereshkigal gasped.
"Oh yeah. Even Tiamat and Gorgon are here, if you can believe it," Haruhi said. "Don't worry, we've taken the appropriate precautions with them."
"Okay, not what I was expecting for an underworld goddess," Hakuno commented.
"Me neither!" Haruka concurred.
"Well, she's merged with a human host, just like her sister Ishtar," Da Vinci pointed out.
And speaking of the (red) devil of Venus... "Hey, what's all the commotion in here?!" Ishtar grunted as she floated into the room, only to stop cold as she saw that familiar mop of blonde hair. "Ereshkigal?!"
"ISHTAR!" It was like two magnets attracted together, the sister goddesses colliding in a tight, grateful hug, laughing in elation as they spun about, joined a few seconds later by Quetzalcoatl, who was simply unable to help herself.
"Um, wow," Hakuno grunted. "Is it always this lively when Heroic Spirits get summoned?"
"You should have seen what happened when Jeanne Alter or Kuyou Suou arrived," Kyon snarked. "On second thought, maybe not."
"It's too bad I can't hug you like that, Melt," Passionlip lamented, Meltryllis just rolling her eyes in response. "Oh, d-don't be like that...!"
"Now, now, give her some time to adjust," Violet advised. "I'm sure she'll come around in time..."
"Whatever," the Alter Ego of pleasure sighed.
*To be continued...*