"I don't want you to leave me," Mayu pleaded. She flickered, and briefly, Mio saw Sae standing there before Mayu came back. She was a constant shadow, sticking to them both, possessing her sister and haunting herself. Even now her sister was still a little fuzzy, as if the spirit with her couldn't decide which outfit would be better. As a result Mayu was in her torn up clothes with splatters of blood across it and that creepy look in her eyes. Mio swallowed and turned away, trying to ignore the longing stare directed at her back.

"I don't want you to leave me," Mayu begged again. "Let's stay here."

Mio pretended she didn't hear her. She ran her hand across the side of a house, letting it ground her. She focused on the sensations of things to calm her anxiety.

In her other hand the torch was warm and overheating.

Around her neck her camera was even warmer, not quite enough to burn but to cause her noticable discomfort. Her neck was aching from carrying it on her makeshift strap - a sturdy piece of leather she found back in the Osaka House - and her arms were burnt from when the camera did get too hot and had to capture more powerful ghosts. She shuddered at the thought of certain ones. If she admitted which ghost particularily frightened her, they would have probably been surprised. They were all frightening in their own ways, but they were also sad, something Mio felt from every single touch. Agonized pain and pleading to her to stop it.

The ones that frightened her most were those touches of Itsuki and Chitose, the latter especially. Chitose was not scary herself, of course; but whenever she latched onto Mio, memories that belonged to Yae had flooded her mind. Each time a feeling associated with it rang strong. She could almost believe they were her own memories and feelings and felt disoriented after every battle. That little girl frightened her most. Because she felt she knew her even when she didn't, not really. And she was the one of two who actually brought Yae from within her. Mio admitted she felt a shift at the gate. Saw the girl standing there crying. She thought nothing of it, because at the time, she assumed it to be the village distorting her view. Mio had turned, and thought nothing else about it.

Meeting Itsuki had sparked something. His soft features so familiar. Maybe that was why she had listened, and not corrected him when he called her Yae. Because Yae was answering for her and she didn't even realize. She felt moments of dissosocation with her and Itsuki as it continued, in which she would apologize, but the voice did not sound like her own. It sounded lighter and airier, a little more girly than her own. Chitose scared her because Mio felt attatched to a little girl she had never really known and felt such concern for her, and it reminded her that there was another person inside of her body just like Mayu.

Another thing that scared her - but had not presented a problem quite yet - was Mayu and Sae discovering she really did have Yae with her. Yae, who refused to make herself known to her own sister. She only appeared when they became seperated. Mio couldn't really blame her, and she certainly wasn't going to out the girl from her only safe place here. She would try to conceal her as long as she could. She even appeared before her when Mayu had ran and sighed. 'That isn't my sister.' Then vanished. Mio didn't know where to place the uneasiness she felt when she said that. Maybe it wasn't her sister, either.

A hand patted her, and she heard her sister groan, "I don't feel well."

Biting back the sigh of relief, Mio tilted her head and looked carefully over Mayu. Ah. The possession was over. For now, anyway. Mio immediately patted her pockets. Two small sealed containers of water were in her pockets - one on either side - of her thankfully accomodating skirt. She scavenged through them and found a small little barrel. She gave Mayu a measured look, trying to remember if she was attacked by a ghost in battle recently.

"Thirsty or sick?"

"Thirtsy, I think."

"Okay. Here," Mio offered her sister the small glass vial of water. "That should help a little."

"Thank you. I think we could find some sort of paper to strain more water from that river." Mayu offered, popping the cap open and taking a sip. "I think."

"We could try. I'm not sure if it would work. Or if the river is within the boundaries of this place." She turned to look at her sister. "It is a good idea to try."

"Here. Let's share, just in case." Mayu offered the other half of the water. Mio went to protest but her sister's face fell into that familiar broken puppy expression. "Please don't say no. You're doing more work than me and need to stay hydrated. Okay?"

Mio hesistated, biting her lip, but then nodded and reluctantly took the vial, tossing the remaining of it down like a shot. She was incredibly thankful for it. Her throat was apparently very dry and she ran her tongue across her lips to capture any extra. She pressed back her greed for more and put the vial in her pocket next to the other full one. She felt around to see what else she had so she could keep track of their resources.

Some bandaids were in there, too. More like patches to of cloth and - what was considered this time periods neosporin, the small wooden item from earlier - were tucked with the bottles. Herbal medicine, she reminded herself. Only on Mayu's insistense they be called this. And by Mayu, of course she meant Sae.

They came to the steps and Mio took a deep breathe. She turned and offered her hand to Mayu. "We already did everything. We need to get to the shrine and take the secret tunnels down there. Then, we can leave this place."

Mayu had a strange expression on her face. She looked nervous, and Mio tugged a little more instently on her arm. "Yes, we can leave..." Mayu whispered almost dreamily.

"Here. Walk in front of me. I know your knee really hurts and I don't want you in any more pain." Mio arranged it so she was walking diagnolly behind her, their hands still clasped together. This way, if Mayu slipped, she could catch her, and support the long endeavor. "Whose idea was it to build these steps anyway?"

While the last question was directed more inwardly, she saw the answer scribble itself across her brain. Sae and Yae's great great grandfather. It made sense, she supposed. A shrine was sacred and made sense to be built away. Higher up to represent being closer to heaven, too, she guessed. Nobody wanted to walk up a hill with no traction. Still, these stairs left her very uneasy. They were so narrow and had a sharp descent.

Mayu's hand squeezed hers tight. "You won't leave me, right?"

Mio swallowed. Here we go again.

She ignored her and pressed ahead. They were nearly to the top now. Desperate for Sae to not appear she slammed her body forward, pulling her sister along. Her only answer was a small puff of surprised air escaping, but otherwise she skipped up the steps faster after her. Mio made sure her grip was tight and felt Mayu leaning on her as they climbed. She screamed in delight when they finally landed on the top of the steps.

"We're almost there! We can go home, Mayu!" Mio cheered.

Before she could take another step a loose grip caught her shoulders and whirled her around.

"You won't leave me? Us? You won't right, Mio?"

Mio tried to yank her arms back. Her sister clung like a leech, eyes crazed and wide.

"Why don't you love me?"

She closed her eyes, wishing she could also close her ears off. She had to resist.

"Mio please, just say yes," Mayu begged. "She is being so persistent..."

Mio narrowed her eyes. "Control her, Mayu. Stop letting her take over."

"But, Mio, she's so strong."

"I know, but I need you to try. Calm down and focus. Shut your eyes."

Mayu swallowed and nodded. A good while passed before her eyes opened again, and Mio smiled at her. "Better?"

She piped out a small yes. She looked forlorn. Again, Mio stepped forward, but again Mayu's grip caught her. She spun around.

"Mayu, come on we don't have time!"

"I can't go any further," Mayu whispered. "I have such bad feelings..."

"There's nothing bad. It's all Sae's doing. I know she's scary and controlling you but we just need to get through there and then you're free."

Another pause lingered between them. This one made Mio very uneasy, but knew Mayu had something important to say by her demeanor, and so she shifted her feet impatiently.

"The thing is..." Mayu began, "I'm not really scared of her. I...I sort of...agree with her. This palce isn't so bad and us staying will only benefit everyone. I think we should listen to her."

Mio stared. She. Stared.

After a long and very uncomfortable silence Mio finally puffed out, "That's not funny, Mayu."

"No, no! Really! Its nice here! We could live here together and earn the ghosts forgiveness! We could all repent here!"

Mio recoiled, and she felt Yae's being flare inside of her. She was recoiling as much as she was and Mio wanted to slam her head into the steps. Great. They both had crazy sisters.

"Seriously, Mayu, we don't need to earn their forgiveness! We aren't them. What's done is done. Come on," She stomped - she was so shameful to admit it - but she stomped quite dramatically and let her shoes ground into the dirt and manuvered around her sister. "This is ridiculous. I'm leaving and so are you."

Her vision whirled again as Mayu spun her around, again, and Mio went to glare but the look she was recieving gave her pause. She swallowed, because while it was indeed Mayu standing there, she could tell it certainly wasn't her sister in charge of her actions. Her eyes were dark and skin sickly looking.

"Sae. I. Am. Not. Your. Sister. Now stop possessing mine." She felt rather bold.

"But we are. We're together," Sae - Mayu - whispered."And we will stay together. One way or another, Mio."

Mio's mouth fell open in alarm. She had never been called her own name except by Mayu, the other's happily reffering to her as Yae. It was startling and disorienting. Had Sae known this entire time?

As if reading her thoughts Mayu - Sae - smile lightly. "Mio, Mio, Mio." She sang.

All she saw suddenly were a pair of hands descending upon her and she panicked, immediately raising her own and blocking her neck, thinking she was going for the kill because Sae had an unhealthy obsession with that particular region. But Mayu - Sae, Mio assured herself - did not go for her neck. They landed gently against her shoulders. She huffed out a breath, eyes wide. Mio's hands lingered in front of her face, letting out a choked gasp.

Mayu grimaced and tightened her hands on her sister's shoulders. "I'm so sorry for this."

"Mayu?"

"I don't want to do it but you won't stay any other way!"

Mio swallowed a sudden uneasiness. "Do what? Mayu what are you talking about!"

"I'm sorry!" Mayu sobbed, "It's the only way we can be together, if not through the ritual. I want us to stay here, and.."

"What on Earth are you talking about! Just spit it out!"

"You won't listen!" Mayu screeched, causing Mio to flinch. "You won't, after everything we have offered you! Alternate routes, performing the ritual, everything we have offered you and you keep turning it down. I don't want to leave! I want to stay here, with you!" Mayu shook her sisters shoulders, rattling her head. Mayu never yelled at her. Mio had the temper, not her.

She felt fingernails dig in. "I'm..I'm so sorry for this but you leave me no choice!"

Mio opened her mouth to speak. The hands on her shoulders squeezed briefly, and before she could even formulate the words, Mayu shoved all her weight forward and shoved her sister off the steps. Mio was airborne for a brief moment, reality catching up to assure her this was real and not a vision. She didn't have time to try and catch herself. She couldn't catch herself. There was only air. Her feet scrambled to find purchase but she had apparently been on the edge and didn't have a prayer. The air held her, and she felt her heart stutter in surprise. Gravity reclaimed her quickly, and she was falling backwards. The stairs were steep enough she skipped a good patch of them, but she scraped across a rough patch, and she saw inkspots swirl in her vision. She slammed her eyes shut.

She tried to stop but she was already tumbling down at a fast rate. She was picking up speed and quick. She twisted midair in time to collide with the stone steps stretching so far down. She vaguely remembered she had worried about Mayu falling down them. Her arm slammed into a broken corner, but she could only gasp, because she was still falling; before she could react another piece of her body made a loud crack. Her body stifled down the pain because there was just too much for it to process. A jab in her hip. A slam against her thigh. There were no ghosts, nothing supernatural, yet she pleaded for the steps to stop hurting her out of habit. As if begging ever stopped it from happening. She summersaulted over a particularily bouncy section. Her vision swam and she shut her eyes, not realizing she had opened them again. Nausea swirled in her stomach. Letting out a low sob she stretched one hand outward and latched onto a step to slow her quickening decent. It only ended with her arm being horribly yanked and her fingernails slipping up. The falling fell like eternity. She couldn't stop her momentum. She could only try and curl in on herself against the sharp edges and broken pieces she felt jab her. She lifted her hands to protect her head. Her skin felt oddly sticky and her leg felt numb. One particular sharp section jabbed her tailbone.

She bounced one final time, and with a harsh thump landed - thankfully - on dirt and leaves. The sudden stop knocked the wind from her lungs. She was sprawled very ungracefully on her back, unable to feel anything in her arms and legs except a dull throbbing that did not feel it belonged to her. She coughed, and when her eyes opened her vision was spinning, and the coughing turned into awful gagging and dry heaving. Oh god, she felt sick. She blinked again to see the sky above her, vision spotted with inkblots. Pass out, she begged. Her body felt like it had been through a grinder. Her muscles were loose and she felt like jelly.

She twisted to move and groaned when everything screamed at her to stop moving.

She craned her neck to see where her sister was.

Mayu skidded down the steps, falling and skipping, and Mio waited for her to fall. She didn't. She stumbled and slid a lot, but she didn't take an awful tumble like she just had. Her figure was foggy in the shadows and she was screaming her name. When she reached her side and collapsed to her knees, sobbing and wrapping her arms around her. "Oh, Mio, oh, oh my God! Mio!" She cried harder and squeezed tighter when she didn't answer. Oh. she hadn't answered.

Dazed, Mio let Mayu pull her into a sitting position, watching her warily. "What...?"

"Are you alright? Mio?" Cold hands fluttered across her forehead, checking her injuries. "You're bleeding an awful lot. And you have so many scratches. Oh, God, Mio...Mio, please, say something!"

She went to, but when she looked up and saw Sae watching her with flickering amuesment, she slammed it shut with a snap and leaned back. She could smell the decaying blood lingering on her. She blinked, once, twice, and then finally she shifted back into her sister when after ten long seconds. Everything was getting worse. A quick shift of a butterfly flickering by to tell her of the change. It was her sister there again.

"Mio...?"

"Sae," Mio coughed out, taking a deep breathe. "You...you aren't you."

"I am. I'm me, Mio. Here..." She cradled her sister in her arms to help her sit up. "Come on, Mio, let's..." Mayu's voice trailed off. Mio turned to look at her, but she was looking at her lower body.

"What is it?" Mio was hysteric, afraid to look. "Oh, God, Mayu what's wrong? Is there a bone?"

"Mio, your...your leg is..." Mayu broke off in a sob.

Mio, hesitantly, looked down at herself. Her body felt colder - if that was even possible - as she examined Mayu's words. They didn't register. Not yet. The way her left leg sat twisted agasint the barren ground. It looked familiar. So very, very familiar. Her mouth fell open, and she looked at her sister dumbstruck.

My leg, it's-" Her voice broke off. She felt like she was choking, suffocating even though she was clearly breathing fine.

"Everything will be okay." Mayu assured. "It will. I promise."

But nothing would be alright. Nothing at all, Mio thought. Her eyes rose to the sky as she processed the image of her own gnarled leg.

'It's broken. It's broken. It's broken.' Her mind repeated, even when Mio refused to acknowledge this. The realization swept across her. She felt all sense of orientation leaving her. Reality slapped her harshly across her face. She still felt sick from the fall, and all the stress was making it worse. She choked on a sob. "Oh, God, Mayu, you broke my leg! You both did!"

Mayu's face fell and her expression twisted into grief. "She made me! She said it was the only way for us to be together! It was only a passing thought! I thought that I...I mean, it wasn''t- I...I wanted to do it, because now we have to stay, and, well-"

"-Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying this was your idea, and Sae encouraged you to do it?" Mayu didn't respond, and that thought made Mio freeze, and she looked at her sister in alarm. Her voice dropped into a low whisper, "That wasn't completely Sae, then? That...that was your idea?"

Mayu looked appropriately abashed. "No, not entirely. I mean, it was a fleeting thought, and, well, she encouraged me and gave me more of an idea on how to do it. And she wanted it as well. We...we both wanted you to stay and, so..." Mayu curled her arms around her chest. "Oh, Mio, please forgive me! I...I don't know what I was thinking! It sounded like such a good idea..."

Mayu leaned forward to wrap her arms around her sister, but Mio quickly scrambled back, crying out as her broken leg twisted against her.

"Mio, be careful!"

"Why should I be careful when you just pushed me down a dangerously long flight of stairs? Stone stairs!" She huffed and batted away Mayu's hands when she tried to help. "Don't touch me! I can't trust you!"

Mayu recoiled from her words. "You can trust me! I'm your sister!"

"Can I?!"

"Yes!"

"Well answer this! What if I had died, Mayu? What then? " Eerie silence answere her question. Mio conencted those dots quite easily. Her head flung in her sister's direction. "Oh my God. I'm...I'm right...You wanted me to..." Her voice trembled. She brought her hands to her face. This whole ordeal had been terrifying, but that, that made everything else look like a cake walk. While she had a small inkling that this was true she didn't really believe her sister wanted her dead. That Sae wanted her to be dead. Well, she supposed that's what she gets for not being realistic.

Her mouth opened and closed as she found her voice again. "...you wanted me to...is that what you meant by being together...?"

Mayu curled her legs up, wincing when her knee bent wrong. Mio leaned back from her when she drew closer. "I didn't want to...I...I just wanted-" Mayu opened and closed her hands, trying to form the words she wished to say. "I want to help so much. I wanted-"

"-you wanted it so I couldn't leave and then that would help her. Staying here until we join the rest of the lost souls here."

"You wouldn't do the ritual and there was no other way." Mayu whispered softly. "I was panicking as we got closer to escaping. I thought I could convince you to stay, to help them. To become one with you but you wouldn't...you wouldn't..." She stifled a sob and hung her head. "You didn't want to become one with me and that thought hurt, but maybe, I thought, we could at least be together if I could not become a butterfly."

During her monologue, Mio watched in horror as her sister shifted between herself and Sae. She didn't know what was her sister and what was the other entity's true thoughts anymore, they were so tightly intermingled together now. They were one. She searched for Yae, begged her to come out, but the girl rejected her immediately and Mio growled at her. She was making home in her body she could at least try to help. Mio felt a coldness in her chest as the actions and words settled into her head. She processed them. Again and again and again. She dug her fingernails into the ground and lifted her body, aware everything would hurt. She wasn't strong by any means but she could at least carry herself. It helped that she often had to assist Mayu. She grimaced and grinded her teeth as she manuevered herself carefully into a standing position, trying to angle her broken limb. She broke into sobs when her leg flared and she almost went down. Mayu limped to her side, arms steadying her. Mio didn't even register her reaction. She was terrified and distrustful of her own sister, who admitted to trying to kill her. Adrenaline lanced the pain. She wheeled around, the pain on the backburner, hand cracking sharply across Mayu's face so hard her head whipped to the side.

Mayu's hand feebly lifted to caress her face. It took her a moment, but she turned. A red mark was already making itself known, but Mio couldnt feel anything remorseful of her answer; only regret, sympathy, and a strange satisfaction. She had always held back her anger, and it felt good to let Mayu know she wouldn't tolerate much more of her stupidity. She at least hoped this slap made her feelings clear. Their gazes met evenly, one bewildered sadness and the other cool indifrence.

"I don't want your help." Mio stated calmly after a long pause. With an effort she turned to the large tree. It took quite a bit of time, and lots of falling and crying out into the night, but eventually, Mio had found a decent sized branch to use as a makeshift walking stick. She ran her fingernails along it to catch any potential splinters and cradled it in both her hands. Without turning back to look at her sister she limped feebly toward the tree. Her leg hurt like hell but she refused to let it slow her down. It could be taken care of after they got out of this dumb place. She could only splint it. Maybe. She wasn't an expert on injuries at all. Her memories of Mayu's fall were blurred by pain and grief, and when one of them was injured, it was normally herself that ended up hurt. People would probably be surprised to learn that Mayu was the one who handled the first aid of the two of them, but she sure as hell wans't asking her the best method for handling this. Her sister - blessedley quiet right now - was leaving her to her buisness. She would just need to suck it up for now. She wanted to go back up the steps, but those were looking awfully long with her twisted leg. And with her psycopathic sister trying to kill her she didn't need a second tumble. So, she went to the tree. It had always seemed a safe spot. Behind her she heard the scuffling of footsteps and bit back a grimace. Of course she would not go anywhere else. She wanted her after all.

When they both made it inside she leaned back against the wall and slid down it. Her leg thorbbed angrily and she winced. Mayu limped over to her side. She was too tired to protest the contact. She did involuntarily stiffen when she settled next to her, head resting on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Mio. I really am." Mayu eventually whispered.

"You tried to kill me. That's not something easily forgiven."

"I wanted us to stay together," Mayu pleaded.

"You tried to kill me."

"...for Sae, and Yae, because I know you feel her inside of you, too.."

"You. Tried. To. Kill. Me." Mio emphasized, anger rising. "You wanted me to die."

"...Please, Mio,"

"Mayu, please, just..." Mio felt the threads of her anger cutting themselves. She was gonna lose it. "Be quiet."

"...only for us...to be together..."

The temper she always held back from her. "Mayu, please, be quiet,"

"I swear, Mio!"

"Mayu shut up!" He hands curled and her nails dug into her side. Mayu laced her own hands through her curled elbow.

"I know it sounds so silly..."

Snap.

Silly?!

Mio yanked back from her, staring hard at her sister. Mayu met hers evenly, her dark glittering eyes begging for forgiveness and understanding. Anger - sharp and hot - rolled through her body. How could she so easily forgive her for this? For everything she's done? Sae's smiled filtered through Mayu's lips and left an uneasy twisted smile on both their faces.

Mio found herself backhanding her sister. Again. Out of fear, out of frustration. She also hoped that maybe she could slap Sae's spirit right out of her. Her nurturing side was screaming long after her hand connected with fragile flesh. The piece of her that always cared so much for Mayu. How little it assured her here, as Mio was quick to inwardly tell it to shut up. She felt Yae bubbling inside of her. Not enough for them to notice, but for her to offer calm reassurance to Mio. To lend her own emotions to prevent the anger from completely consuming her. Even with that help, a break had formed between the two of them. Her sister may not have felt the harsh reality of it but Mio sure did. Whatever happened to them, their relationship would forever be strained now. Mio could not, would not trust her, and she would be damned if she was going to let Mayu get away with thinking that this was their perfect little happy ending for everyone.

"It's not silly. It's stupid. The fact you would even use the word silly to describe any of this is absolutely infuriating! Silly, causing me to almost fucking die? I don't care what happens to anyone here! I only care about us getting out!"

Mayu gasped. "Mio! How can you say that?!"

"How can I not?!" She huffed and turned away.

Mayu clutched both her hands, but Mio refused to look. "I swear, I only wanted everyone to be happy. You wouldn't do the ritual. That left only this option."

"Or - this is just a thought - we could have gone home and left this village here!"

"How can you be so selfish?!"

"I'm selfish because I want to live?!"

"Yes! When everyone here is suffering so horribly as it is!" Mayu was screeching her voice was so high. It was so abnormal for them both to be yelling. It was a rare occurence Mayu raised her voice. "They do not hurt us on purpose! They don't know what else to do, because whatever happens, whatever they touch, they are so tainted by darkness that it comes off as constant pain!"

"Of course I feel bad for them! But I'm not sacrificing myself for this!"

"What about Yae! I know you feel her. She's with you, as Sae is with me! I've seen her once or twice! All Sae wants is to see her again. She's so upset."

So she had known. "Of course I feel Yae!" Mio twisted around to face her. "Why the hell do you think she hasn't appeared to you two? She's fucking afraid of Sae! This isn't the sister she remembers. You know what, neither are you, Mayu Amakura."

Mayu flinched back, hands curled against her chest. "What do you mean?"

Mio leaned in closely, glaring. "Yae refuses to appear because Sae is nuts. I can't say I blame her, either. She's a lost cause and you're letting her delude you into this thinking. Or maybe this is you and your just as fucking crazy."

"It's not being diluded! It's being together! The ritual will solve all of our problems, Mio, and you're not understanding! I didn't want to kill you but that was the other option. I couldn't let you leave, not with things stuck this way. This poor village and the poor souls inside.." Mayu bit her lip before continuing. "They would be spared, and we would be together. Always. We would all rest happily."

"I don't want to die. What happens to me when I'm lamenting about my own death, how Uncle Kei would worry about us after just losing mom? I wouldn't be resting. I'd be like them. I would be haunting everyone and wallowing in my own misery."

"You would have me," Mayu whispered feebly. "We would be together."

"If you kill me Mayu, I'd avoid you for the rest of eternity. I barely want to be near you now."

Her sister had stilled. Her head down, hands curled into tight fists at her side.

"You're free to stay here. I'm done with it."

She was a mirror of her sister, she realized, and wondered if she had even planned what leg would break. The thought made her shrivel in distaste. Except for a few differing things - mainly outfits and the style of their bangs - they were more alike than ever. Disgusted, and heavily frightened, Mio huffed and ripped the red bow off the front of her shirt. She tossed it behind her and heard the slight patter of it bouncing off one of the pinwheels. Her gaze met Mayu, who looked hurt by the action. Of course she was. She had picked out their outfits. Everyone thought Mio had but in reality, Mayu really had the better fashion sense. Whenever she tried to correct a person she would simply compliment Mio as they did, much to Mio's uneasiness. She couldn't be credited with everything, but Mayu did not seem to mind, and so she accepted the favoring choices of fashion, pretending she even knew anything about it, when in reality she would have worn simply jeans and tank tops.

Mayu credited Mio with everything but what no one realized was she had the most sense about things. Fashion, knowledge, first aid; all these skills and more and she batted the compiments away, let Mio take credit. Even after the fall Mayu had become only more loving toward her sister. Why, though? What had happened? Her leg handicapped her and she was strong spiritualy, but why did she never make her own life? Her own identity, someone she wanted to be.