AN: Oh my god. I had so much fun writing this chapter so I really hope that you enjoy it 😊

Chapter Twenty Eight – If I Was Dead

Kuon couldn't sleep and there was a very good reason that he couldn't sleep. How could people who you believed for such a long time to be dead, that you thought that you were responsible for their death, how could they come back to life and think you'd be fine? He felt exhausted and not from lack of sleep? Boss and his father should be appalled by his inability to not get a good night rest before a day of filming. It wasn't very professional.

Kuon shifted as he heard a sound in the house. He had hoped that Kyoko would have just stayed in bed as he had asked her to do. She had wanted to stay up with him but then she had started to drift off gradually and she deserved to be able to get some rest. He could deal with things himself.

He looked over to where the noise was coming from and saw his father there. "Hey, did I wake you up?" he asked and Kuu stared at him.

"You look like crap," he said before yawning, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be blunt," he told Kuon as he came to stand next to him. "Are you okay? I mean, a lot of strange things have been happening to you recently. Are you okay?"

"I don't mind you saying that, I'm just glad that I have the experience that comes with modeling to hide the fact that I look so bad," Kuon chuckled but he sighed. "Dad, I…" he looked down not knowing what to do. He was so angry and he knew that if the anger boiled over it might come out as anger towards the wrong person. He was so happy that his parents had welcomed him back with open arms. He didn't want to ruin it and put up that wall again. "You answer my question first."

"No. You didn't wake me," Kuu shook his head, "I find myself wandering around the house at this time of the morning," he said as he checked at the clock which showed it was three. "Because I look for something to eat. It's weird that my son would have the exact opposite metabolism as me."

"I think I share your metabolism," Kuon laughed, "What I don't share is your appetite and love for food. To answer your question, I don't think I'm okay," he said as he looked forward. "I don't know if I can ever be okay. There's just….too many questions in my mind."

"Like what?" Kuu asked and Kuon turned to him.

"If something had happened when I was still Ren Tsuruga. If I had gotten into an accident and died, would you have…cared?" he asked before seeing the look of shock and pain on his father's face, "I mean I know you would have been sad but would you have planned a funeral?"

"Kuon," Kuu looked down and closed his eyes to steady himself, "You being injured had always been something that Boss and I had discussed and if you were so injured that it would take a miracle for you to act on the level that you were, then your mother and I were allowed to break the pact. We would have come seen you had you been disfigured in a car crash or suffered traumatic brain injury. As for if you died, there would be no earthly or godly power that could stop us from coming to Japan as soon as possible and arranging your funeral. Even when you weren't present in our lives, you were still highly prioritized. You do know we love you, right?" Kuu asked with uncertainty.

"I'm sorry," Kuon said quickly, "I know. I know what sacrifices you and Mom made. I love you so much dad, you've always been my hero and I've come to terms with how stupid I was. I know you love me," he said before looking down. "I just…Dad," he said looking at him painfully. "If I were to share with you a secret could you just keep it between the two of us, I mean, Kyoko already knows but could we leave Mom out of it. I just need someone to vent to, if that's okay."

"Okay," Kuu said very slowly as he studied his son, "but Kuon, god if you have a terminal illness then I want your mother to know as soon as you're ready to tell her and then we can get tests and I could finish my current jobs, move back to Japan if you need someone more than Kyoko to take care of you," Kuu said trying to keep his panicking to a minimum.

"Dad," Kuon said slowly, "It's not that at all. I just…Rick's alive."

Kuu paused. He stared at his son unsure of what to say to that. For so many years they had thought that Rick had been hit by a car and died. He had even had a funeral. For months Kuu and Julie had tried to go through all of their options to help Kuon cope and they had gone for the last resort in which Kuon had been separated for them and had found a new life where they weren't involved.

Rick's death was the catalyst event for him not being able to hold his son in his arms for such a long time.

He felt anger at that but he tried to keep his temper. He fingers tapped on the table as he looked at Kuon, "Are you certain?" he asked. His son cared about Rick and that friendship meant a lot. However, in Kuu's mind, he just wanted to flip the table over and say some very rude words about how he felt and how life had screwed over the Hizuri family.

"Dad, I saw him, I talked to him," Kuon said and then stared at the table, "I don't think his parents even knew or they are as good at acting as you are. I just…Dad, I can't process these emotions and I feel so…I can't make sense of it. I'm so angry at him but I'm so happy and in disbelief that he's not dead. I…I can't figure out what to do or how to feel and it's…"

"Kuon," Kuu said as he reached out to hold his son's hand. "It's okay for you to feel whatever it is you feel. You were depressed for a really long time. I mean, you were depressed when you were fifteen, sixteen."

"Twenty-one, that's when I started feeling better," Kuon told him and Kuu blinked back in shock. "It wasn't until I met Kyoko and fell in love with her and told myself that maybe I deserved love that I could start figuring out what happened with Rick. Six years of depressed feelings that are completely wasted."

Kuu paused, watching his kid. He felt even angrier at this situation than before. He hadn't known it had been going on for so long and Kuon had had to suffer in silence. "Kuon, you have every right in the world to be pissed about this. You have changed in so many ways. I'm almost thankful that this happened because you have a beautiful girlfriend, a thriving acting career, and you've matured into the person that you were supposed to become."

"Dad, if I were in Rick's position then…what would you have done had I just left and pretended to be dead?" he asked and Kuu looked at him, the pain showing on his face.

"I would have never forgiven myself for you getting hurt," he admitted honestly. "I probably wouldn't be able to stop myself from feeling that pain. Every time I would have gone to an acting stage, I would have seen your smiling face when you were a little boy telling me that you wanted to be an actor. I would have most likely quit the profession because you weren't even given an opportunity to act. I don't know what I would have done but I would have felt completely lost. Your mother though, I don't think that anything would have been able to comfort her."

"And that's why you wanted Boss to take me to Japan," Kuon said and Kuu nodded.

"As long as we knew that you were alive then that's what mattered. We were afraid that if you stayed here too long you would have been swallowed up by your sadness," Kuu sighed as he showed the same emotions as he had when talking about Kuon's sadness to Kyoko over cake. He had often doubted his abilities as a father and he had wanted every day to hold his son in his arms and make sure he was okay. It was only the information that Boss allowed him to have that made it so he could pull through each month.

"Dad," Kuon said weakly as he hated seeing this much anguish on the man's face. "It's okay. I'm here now."

"And you have absolutely no idea how grateful I am that that is the case," Kuu told him. "But Kuon, even if you had had your death faked and you came back, I would be disappointed that you wouldn't tell us but I would have let you in the door, taken care of you. I think that even if you were a homicidal maniac, I would still want to visit you in jail. Those years that I was a father to you are some of the best years of my life."

"What do you mean the years that you were a father to me?" Kuon asked as he chuckled and raised an eyebrow, "I don't remember firing you as my dad. Are you voluntarily resigning from that role or something?" he asked a he chuckled seeing the shocked expression on his father's face once again.

Kuu put a hand on his heart and looked up, "I would never do that. I want the honor of being your dad, I would never turn down such an important role. I will carry it with me proudly and now I get to brag to all of my friends about your amazing work and how my son is a top model and all of Japan adores him."

"And I get to brag about my father," Kuon laughed, "So, thank you," he said and Kuu nodded. "Thanks, I really needed to talk to someone about that." Kuon paused before looking down, "I have another favor to ask you?" he asked and Kuu tilted his head to the side.

"Okay," he said before looking at him, "What is it that you need? Listen, if there's any way that I can…"

"Nature hike," he said and Kuu blinked. "You know when I was young and whenever I needed to clear my head and you had a day off, you would take me out to look at different parts of nature. You would talk to me about the different birds and trees and the fresh air would clear my head."

"I remember," Kuu smiled as he bathed in the nostalgia.

"You want to do that again the next day that we both had a free day?" he said and Kuu grinned.

"Definitely," he said before standing up and declaring proudly, "I am so happy that my darling son. My intelligent, talented, amazing, superstar of a son would agree to spend time with me. I will have to document this down as a moment to always be proud of," he said as Kuon laughed. He really did adore his father even if that made him a daddy's boy.

End of Chapter Twenty Eight

Thank you for reading

Thank you, reviewers of Chapter Twenty Seven

Brennakai, KrisXD, PaulaGaTo, RichkeyZero

Response to Reviews

More Rick explanation will be next chapter but this one I really wanted to show the father-son bond. I really wanted to explore the anger that was happening within Kuon so that he can really face Rick knowing how he feels. Also, he does have Kyoko to support him but I think he needed to know how Kuu felt.