11

Santana's POV

I didn't know what was going through her head when Brittany kissed me. It was unexpected, to say the least, but what surprised me the most was how pure it was. I felt something, and that scared me. So, even though I liked it, I pushed Brittany away and asked her to sleep on the floor.

"I won't do it again," she said. "I promise."

I sighed and agreed to let her sleep in my bed with me. I didn't know where the air mattress was anyway.

"I'm sorry." She sounded upset.

"It's okay," I said. "But please don't tell anyone."

Once we were lying down in my bed, she asked, "Do you want to play the question game?"

"We should sleep; there's practice tomorrow morning."

"Please, Santana?"

"Fine."

"So, when did you start cheerleading?"

"I was in seventh grade," I replied. "My mom signed me up so that I'd be doing something active. What about you?"

"I was in grade six," she said.

"Why?" I chickened out of asking the entire question.

"Why what?"

"You know." I'd never felt such a lack of confidence. I thought it was maybe because I didn't want to hurt Brittany.

"Why did I kiss you?" she asked for me. "Well, I don't know."

I wasn't satisfied with the answer, but I didn't pressure her to say more. I couldn't have told her the reason for many things I'd done.

"We should go to sleep," I said, yawning.

"Okay."

I knew what was coming and half-smiled when Brittany kissed my forehead before turning over to go to sleep.

Until Christmas break, school was normal. Every morning, Brittany and her mom came to pick me up for Cheerios practice. I was getting more used to the hard work-outs that Sue gave us. Most days after school, Brittany and I did something together. Neither of us brought up the kiss again, but things felt just a bit more awkward between us than they had before.

When school was finally out for Christmas break, I gave myself a few days to rest before forcing extra cheerleading practice on myself to stay in shape. I didn't have a lot to do over the break. The first Monday, though, I went to Brittany's, but after that, her family was too busy with their Christmas traditions.

Most days, it was just my mom and me at home. My dad couldn't just take off work for two weeks; doctors don't get holidays very often. Christmas Eve, though, he came home from work early.

Our regular family tradition was a big dinner on Christmas Eve with my abuela. She was my only family on my dad's side, so she came over often.

The first thing my abuela did when she arrived was question me. Her questions weren't meant to be rude, but I couldn't answer a lot of them truthfully because of her very conservative beliefs.

"Santana," she started, "how's school?"

"My grades are good," I replied, my voice lacking confidence, "and I'm a cheerleader."

She was happy with my response, but the questions got harder. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

I wasn't sure how to answer the question. Sure, I was having sex with Puck, but I didn't consider him to be my boyfriend. Still, I said, "Noah Puckerman." I really did love my abuela, but she made me feel small every time she interrogated me.

Finally, it was time to eat. Since it was the holidays, we sat at our dining room table that had been properly made.

I finish eating before everyone else. I know I can't stuff myself like I do most holidays because I need to stay skinny for the Cheerios; my popularity depends on it.

"You don't want more food, mija?" my mom asked when I told her I was done eating.

"I'm good, Mom," I replied. "I'm full."

"You need more food. You're skin and bones," Abuela stated.

"I said I'm not hungry." I was a little upset at their concern. It was my body, not theirs.

My abuela sighed. "Does this have to do with cheerleading?"

"No. I'm just not hungry."

"Well, if it's not for cheerleading, you must want to be skinny for your boyfriend then. Noah, is it?"

"Can you excuse me?" I asked. Without waiting for a response from anyone, I said, "I'm going to the bathroom."

I went to my bedroom and packed some comfortable clothes in my backpack. Zipping up my jacket, I wrote a note and left it in the kitchen before putting on my shoes to leave. The note read, "I went out to get some air. I'll be back soon. Santana."

I ran down sidewalks covered in a thin layer of snow, the cold air stinging my face. My legs froze in the dress I was wearing. Still, I didn't stop until I got to Brittany's house. I wasn't sure if she was busy with her family or even if she was home, but I rang the doorbell.

It was Brittany's mom who answered the door. "Santana, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Is Brittany home?" I didn't bother to answer her question.

"Yes, but it's Christmas Eve; shouldn't you be with your family?"

"Sorry to bother you," I said, my voice wavering, "but I couldn't stay at home."

"You must be freezing," she noted. "Come in."

I was grateful as I entered the house.

"We were just watching 'Elf' in the living room."

Once I took my jacket and wet shoes off, Mrs. Pierce got me a mug of hot chocolate from the kitchen and led me into their dark living room.

"Brittany, Santana's here."

"Come sit with me," Brittany said.

I followed her voice and used the light from the TV to find Brittany on a loveseat with a blanket over her legs. She had a bowl of popcorn on her lap and was holding a mug of hot chocolate much like mine.

When I sat down beside her, she spread her blanket so it covered my legs as well, then she asked, "Why are you here?"

"My abuela was picking on me," I said.

"Okay."

The Pierce family was about halfway done the movie that I had seen many times before, so I understood what was happening on the screen. I loved the feeling of family that radiated through their living room. It felt more like home than my house ever did at Christmas.

Brittany's feet found my ice-cold ones and stayed there, trying to heat me up. "You ran here?" she whispered.

I nodded.

Once the movie was finished, Jessica turned the living room light back on. I noticed that she still had a brace on her wrist, but the cast was gone.

"Why are you here, Sanny?" she asked.

Jessica was quick to come up with a nickname for me after I'd met her a few times. If she wasn't so cute, I wouldn't have tolerated it.

"She just wanted to come," Mrs. Pierce said before I could answer. "How about you go to bed now?"

"So I can wake up early and open presents!" Jessica exclaimed.

"That's right," Brittany's dad said.

I had never met him before, but I noted his Asian background and wondered if he really was Brittany's father. Jessica looked a bit like him, but Brittany didn't at all.

Once Brittany's parents went upstairs with Jessica, Brittany got off the loveseat.

"Do you want to stay the night?" she asked.

I knew I should probably go home, but I really wanted to stay and see the Pierce family's Christmas traditions. They sure seemed more interesting than my family's.

"Sure," I replied.

Brittany and I hadn't had a sleepover since the time that she kissed me. I hoped it wouldn't be too awkward for us.

I quickly texted my mom to say that I was going to stay at Brittany's and come back the next morning. Based on her response, she was upset, but she understood that Abuela had gotten to me and I needed to get away for a bit.

We went to Brittany's bedroom.

"Did you bring pajamas?" she asked.

I had noticed in the living room that she and her sister were wearing matching Christmas onesies. It was cute and made me wish once again that I had a sister. Maybe then our Christmas traditions would have cute stuff like that.

"I brought sweats and a t-shirt," I said, remembering that I was still wearing a dress. We always dressed up on Christmas Eve; I hadn't even thought twice to change before leaving the house.

"Your dress is really pretty," Brittany said. "I've never seen you wear one so fancy before."

I sighed. "For my abuela."

"I have another Christmas onesie." Brittany opened her closet, then took out a Christmas onesie. "It's from last year."

I smiled. I wouldn't normally dress like that, but the fact that Brittany wanted to include me in her family traditions made me feel welcome, and I liked that.

I took the onesie from her and went into the bathroom to change.

"You're cute in that," Brittany said when I returned to her room.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"We should go to sleep. Santa's presents come tonight."

I wondered if she actually still believed in Santa, but I didn't bother to ask. Slowly, I lay down beside Brittany in her bed, facing her.

"Goodnight Santana," Brittany said. "Merry Christmas Eve."

"Goodnight," I replied, barely making sense due to how tired I was.

Brittany smiled and kissed my forehead before rolling over to go to sleep.