AN: I actually got a spark of excitement working on this fic again and I've got some plans for it 😊 but I think I was motivated because of the reviews. Also, I'm super excited since it's my birthday on Saturday 😊

Chapter Thirty Five - Hallucinations

Kuu kept his hand placed on Kuon's body gently. He looked at his son trying to clear away the shock so that he could think clearly. One of them had to calm down and it felt as if Kuon was on some kind of drug whether of his own taking or someone else's. Kuu couldn't figure it out. He had seen the photographs of the car, of the body with the blood down his head but the man he had just seen had obviously not been shot in the head.

"I'm sorry," Kuu apologized nervously as his hand spread over Kuon's chest. "I'm sorry, I need to just think about this," he said as he saw that the man he had his hand on was going into a panic attack. Was this really Kuon or was it a spy to hurt him? He had never seen Kuon this weak before.

"I'm sorry," the man apologized quickly as he closed his eyes, "I shouldn't have come in per-person, I should have phoned. I can't be here. They'll see you and -"

"They'll see me?" Kuu asked confused.

"I just can't stay here all right, I gave you my message and I have to - I have to go," he said panicked and Kuu tried to take deep breaths in. He was still trying to figure out what had happened and the shock that was going through his body.

"Where are you going?" Kuu asked him as he saw his son break free of his hold. "Ren," he said as he saw Kuon look back at him nervously, Kuu nodded. He had felt that was the best choice because saying his son's name out loud might set him off. "If you can't stay here, please be safe," he said not knowing what he could do. He placed the gun back into Kuon's pocket. "I wish you would stay."

"I can't stay, it's way too dangerous," Kuon replied. "Is she with someone else?" he asked and Kuu sighed knowing that he meant Kyoko.

"No, she's not with somebody else," Kuu tried to tell him and Kuon attempted to steady his breaths. "She's in the house right now, you can see her if -"

"There's no time just please do something for me," Kuon whispered.

"What is it, Ren?" Kuu said as he wanted to knock his son out and tie him up and demand an explanation but he wasn't even sure what his son had been through and whether he'd ever see him again.

"Please make sure that she's happy," he said before running off – a little clumsily – into the night and leaving Kuu there completely stunned. Something was going on and as much as he wanted to chase Kuon, get him onto the ground, demand an explanation, demand that he get medical attention, something within Kuu trusted that his son knew what was best for him.

Damn it

…

…

Kuu looked at the ramen that he was cooking over the stove. His mind kept going to various possibilities of what to do but the thought that he kept coming back to time and time again was that he should have made Kuon stay. His son was in trouble and he hadn't gone after him because he was still in shock that right at this time, he was alive. He was still alive, right?

Kuu started peeling vegetables as he watched the pot and heard footsteps into the kitchen. He looked up, not realizing how drained and pale he looked. Kyoko wasn't used to seeing his natural hair color, not many people were since he had dyed his hair to match with his wife and son.

"Kuu-sama?" Kyoko asked as she came over to him. "Can I help?"

"Sure, yeah…yeah, umm these vegetables need to be cut up," Kuu said as he gestured to some of the things that he had already peeled. Kyoko smiled as she picked up a knife, she tilted her head to the side. Something was wrong with him.

"Is everything okay?" she asked him, "You look as if you've seen a ghost."

"No, no, it's…it's not okay," Kuu said as he nervously stirred the pot. He should have taken him somewhere safe. Kuon couldn't face this by himself, Kuu had failed his son and now he had absolutely no idea where he was. He should have knocked him out, at least convinced him to let him and Julie check his body for any health risks. Instead he had lost track of him again.

"So, you haven't seen any ghosts?" Kyoko asked a little disappointed and Kuu bowed his head, his body starting to shake.

"I should have knocked that ghost out. Pulled that ghost back in here. Hidden the ghost in the attic," he said and Kyoko looked at him, she narrowed her view as she tried to pull the answer from him. Maybe he was just going into his grief again and talking about his regrets. "Let's just focus on you," Kuu said as he turned to Kyoko. "You just accepted a new acting assignment, right?"

"Yeah," Kyoko nodded, "They're doing some kind of Dark Moon reunion, though there were some parts that needed to be…recast," she whispered as a few tears ran down her cheeks.

"Do they know who is playing the role of Katsuki?" Kuu asked and Kyoko felt the knife stabbing her in the chest. She shook her head and put her hands on the counter.

"Why did he have to die?" she asked as her body shook and Kuu paused. His mind was turning over whether he should tell her the truth or not. Would she forgive him if she found out he lied to her?

"I don't know," he said looking at the water sadly, "Sometimes people just can't be with us any longer."

…

…

Kuu couldn't breathe. Even though it was a clear day around them he couldn't breathe. He had just seen photographs of his son and just that image of him with that gun shot wound in his head and the blood caking his head and hair was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. Maybe he shouldn't even be alive.

He didn't know what to do, who to call first. He didn't know how to explain this to Kyoko and he definitely didn't know how to tell Julie. He went back into the police station and his hands shook as he asked them to see the picture again. Feeling the bile rise into his throat, he pulled out his phone undetected and took a picture of his son in that state. Was it sick? Probably, but it might help him in the future.

He had failed his little boy but maybe he could make it up to him by taking revenge. As he finally got out of the station again and into the sunny day, his stomach couldn't take it and he vomited into a plant. Maybe he could pay for the damage but he couldn't help it. His little boy had died in such a painful way. He only hoped that the pain had been quick.

As Kuu staggered to his car and tried to calm himself enough to drive, he closed his eyes.

"Daddy, I want to be an actor just like you," the memory of that little boy could be heard in his head. He had failed his son. If he had been a better father then Kuon would have never gotten involved in this gang lifestyle. He was supposed to have a bright and promising life.

Kuu didn't know how he was able to get home but as he unlocked the door, he saw his son's manager trying to figure out the paperwork from the day before whilst also trying to get in contact with Kuon. "He's not going to answer his phone," Kuu said as he placed a shaking hand on the documents. "Take the time you need but it might be in your best interests to go back to Japan," he said and Yashiro blinked at him.

"Is Kuon okay?" he asked concerned and Kuu froze, he bowed his head and then shook it.

"Kuon isn't with us any longer," he said as the pain stung him like a million bee stings. Yashiro stared at him confused. "The police wanted me to identify a photograph and I can tell you that it's Kuon," he said and Yashiro blinked still very confused.

"Can I see it?" Yashiro asked and Kuu pulled out his phone.

"It's pretty graphic," he said and Yashiro nodded, bracing himself. Kuu felt the tears in his eyes again as he loaded the picture on his phone and set it before Yashiro. The manager's body turned extremely pale as he took the phone and tears appeared in his eyes.

"Thank you," Yashiro said trying to hold in his urge to puke, "for letting me know."

…..

…..

"Kuu, darling?" Julie asked as Kuu started to serve up the meal. Kuu wasn't sure what to say to anyone and he felt terrible holding this information in for himself but he was starting to think that what had happened outside wasn't real. Maybe he should go back to the psychiatrist? Tell them that he was hallucinating again and that he had just imagined his son coming back extremely injured and that he had just let him escape.

It had to have been a dream, a hallucination and he didn't want Julie to worry. If he told her what he had just experienced she would be more troubled. They had to move forwards and maybe concentrate on Kyoko's work, on celebrating her birthday and Christmas the way that Kuon would have wanted it for them.

"Are you sure that you're okay?" she asked and Kuu looked at her.

"I think I'm going crazy," he said and Julie walked over to him, she wrapped her arms around him and let her head rest on his shoulder.

"Did you see him again?" she asked and Kuu nodded, "Maybe it might be best to ask for some of those antidepressants that you were offered. I think that you're just being triggered by Kyoko being here, you know that when you start to feel stress you start to see his ghost," she whispered before feeling the tears down her cheeks. "I wish that he had never come back here," she said and Kuu nodded. "He could have stayed in Japan as Ren and he would have been alive," she said and Kuu had to agree with that.

"It just…it felt so real this time," he said and Julie kissed his cheek.

"Can I say that I'm a little jealous of you," she said and Kuu looked at her sadly, "I really wish that I could see him the way that you do. I would tell him how much I love him. Wrap my arms around him and make sure that he's okay. I never even had the chance to say goodbye to him," she said before looking at Kuu. "So, he was in a car explosion, that's how he died?" she asked and Kuu felt his gut twist, he had never shown her the picture on his phone, he couldn't do that to her.

"Julie, I just wish that he wasn't dead. I feel like I failed him," Kuu sobbed and Julie wrapped her arms around him. She didn't know what to do because she felt the same. It was one thing knowing that he was in Japan but he wasn't in this realm any more. Still, her husband looked as if he had interacted with a ghost. She would do anything to be able to interact with Kuon and make sure he felt loved even if it was a hallucination in her own mind.

End of Chapter Thirty Five

Thank you for reading

Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Thirty Four

H-Nala, kotoko-98, ktoll9, paulagato