20

Brittany's POV

Having Santana at the fair made it even more fun than it usually was. Sure, she was a little scared of some of the rides, and she got hurt on the slide, but I know she had fun too. She even won me a stuffed duck and played along with the "ferris wheel game" that I used to always play with my mom.

After leaving the fair, Mom dropped me off at Santana's house for a sleepover. Santana's dad was apparently on night shift, and her mom was visiting family for a few days, so we were the only ones at her house. We watched Step Up before heading to Santana's bedroom.

"Are you excited for school to start again?" I asked once we were sitting on her bed.

"Some aspects," she replied. "We've already built up our popularity, so it should be easier than last year. What about you?"

"I love school, but are we going to keep sleeping around? I don't like that I hurt Mike's feelings."

"We have to keep sleeping around if we want to be popular," Santana said.

"Okay, but Quinn's popular, and she's dating Finn."

"We already talked about this, Britt. The more boys, the more popularity."

"What about girls?" I asked.

Santana looked confused. "What do you mean, 'what about girls?'"

"What if I want to sleep with girls too?"

"That won't help your popularity; why would you want to do that?" Santana replied.

I said, "Because girls are pretty, and I think I like them too. Besides, it's not just about popularity for me, and I'm pretty sure that's not everything to you either."

At first, Santana looked defensive, but then her expression changed to something more sad and reflective.

I knew that she wanted to be popular to be accepted, and I knew that she didn't love or accept herself. I didn't want Santana to ever feel lonely, sad, or unaccepted. She deserved to feel loved, no matter what she did. I knew I loved her, but I wasn't sure how to show it.

Leaning in slowly, I kissed her on the lips. Surprisingly, she didn't back away, but she didn't respond to the kiss either. I pulled away.

"I told you not to do that again," Santana said. Her voice wasn't angry, but it was more defensive.

"Please, Santana," I begged. "I really want to."

She sighed loudly. "You cannot tell anyone about this."

I smiled, moved her hair away from her face, and kissed her again. This time, Santana responded to the kiss, and I let my fingers get tangled in her dark-colored hair.

"Turn the lights off," Santana mumbled.

I walked away from the bed to turn off her bedroom lights, and then I returned to the bed.

When we started kissing again, I tried to look into Santana's eyes, but she refused to look at me. This was important for me but seemed to make Santana nervous, so I decided we should stop.

"We don't have to do anything," I said quietly.

"Please don't say anything," she replied.

She pushed me onto her bed further and took off my shirt. I knew where everything was leading, and I wanted it. So, I decided to let Santana do whatever she wanted.

My first time sleeping with a girl (namely Santana) was awkward. The second it was over, she ran away and into the bathroom.

"Why won't you talk to me?" I asked through the door once I got dressed and went to find her.

"Just go, Brittany," Santana said. "That didn't mean anything. Sex isn't dating; it's meaningless."

I knew that Santana was sad, but she didn't let me try to help her. So, I called my mom and asked for her to bring me home.

I barely slept that night. For some reason, Santana was upset with me. I had told her that we didn't need to do anything, but she had acted like she wanted it too. Maybe she just didn't want to admit that she slept with a girl; she hadn't been happy with the idea when I'd brought it up. I wished I could help her, but she wasn't even responding to my texts.

I woke up the next morning and immediately turned on some upbeat songs to dance around my room with. I needed to distract myself from last night when I'd slept with the person who meant the most to me, and she'd acted as though it was nothing.

There were two more days until school started, but cheer practice started that day. It was also Jessica's first day of school for the year. I helped her get ready for school, and then my parents and her all left. My mom and dad both had to work, so I was be home alone.

Since Santana wasn't answering my texts, I texted a girl from my dance class that I knew was attracted to girls.

"Can you come over?" my text read.

She did come over, and I poured my heart out to her before we slept together. I couldn't see how Santana didn't think sleeping with girls wasn't a good thing. It's like she thought it was sinful, like I'd heard many people say before. In my opinion, though, it wasn't much different than sleeping with boys. I just needed a way for her to see that.

At cheer practice later that day, Sue was hard on all us girls. Santana didn't talk to me during the run, but once we started stretching she walked up to me.

"Forget that it ever happened," she said. "I'm still your friend."

On one hand, I was glad that Santana didn't hate me and was willing to still be my friend, but I didn't want to forget that I'd ever slept with her. I decided I just wouldn't mention it to her, and then I could still think about it whenever I wanted.

"Okay," I replied.

The first two days of school before the weekend were average. Other than cheer practice, I went to my classes and spent time with Santana. Her birthday was the next Wednesday, but since we'd already celebrated, she didn't want anyone making a big deal out of it. I still gave her a card.

Soon, school became normal again, with homework, cheer practice, and parties. I was alright with that. The biggest problem was that Quinn was mad. Finn joined the glee club, and she hated giving him freedom. I knew they wouldn't last much longer.