26

Brittany's POV

As soon as we returned to school after our Thanksgiving break, we started extra glee club practices in preparation for Sectionals, which were in a week. The glee club became filled with drama. Everyone knew that Finn wasn't the father of Quinn's baby, except for Finn and Rachel. I hated the secrets; it's always been my opinion that people should be honest. It can prevent a lot of pain further down the line.

The worst of it for me, though, was when a majority of the glee club was on a party line phone call at school. That was when everything really started to go downhill.

"Sex is not dating," is what Santana had said.

Before I could think about what was coming out of my mouth like word vomit, I said, "If it were, Santana and I would be dating."

Everything froze. I didn't want to look at Santana, and I couldn't focus on what anyone else on the party line was saying. When Santana hung up, I did too, looking at her, then matching her expression of indifference. She made it look like it wasn't a big deal, but I knew that it was.

After school, Santana still came over to my house as planned. I hoped she wasn't too mad. We made it up to my bedroom and I sat down on my bed before Santana said anything.

"Why did you have to say that, Britt?" she asked, her tone upset, scared, and I could almost hear a faint glimpse of relief.

"I'm sorry. It just slipped out of my mouth. I didn't mean to say it. Please don't be mad at me!" I was anxious.

"We aren't supposed to tell people about us having sex," Santana stated. It was a fact that she had reminded me of numerous times before.

"I know, Santana," I mumbled, standing up, reaching out my hand to link pinkies.

She shook her head. "Not now."

My heart ripped a little in my chest. Santana never denied my pinky when we were alone… or at least she never had before.

"Please forgive me. You're my best friend," I practically begged. I knew I couldn't use the phrase I love you or she would back off even more, as much as I wanted to tell her that instead.

"You're still my best friend," Santana said, "but I just need a bit of time."

When Santana left my house, I didn't cry. I felt broken, but I didn't cry. Crying would mean that something awful had happened, and Santana would come back to me, I knew it.

In glee club rehearsal the next day, Santana and I didn't sit together. We didn't always sit beside each other in glee club, but that day felt different. It felt like Santana was making a statement, both to me and to all the glee club members that had been on the party line the day before that she definitely wasn't dating me.

Finn had heard about Puck being the father of Quinn's baby after Rachel told him. I knew when he got angry that our chances at Sectionals were over. If he couldn't perform with us, we would be short a member, below the number of people necessary to compete as a glee club. I was upset with Rachel. I kept glancing at Santana, and I knew she was too. She enjoyed glee club just as much or more than I did (though she'd never admit it), and I knew she wanted to win the competition.

Jacob Ben Israel came in to replace Finn. He annoyed me more than anyone. Everybody annoyed me that day.

I pulled Santana aside after rehearsal.

"Have you had enough time yet?" I asked, trying not to pressure her in any way.

"I don't know, Britt." Her voice cracked.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Can we please just forget that yesterday ever happened?" She was begging; Santana almost never begged.

"Of course."

While I didn't want to forget what had happened, I knew that Santana wasn't ready. I would wait for her, I'd always known that, and in that moment, I was willing to do whatever I could to get her to become herself around me again.

"Thank you," she whispered, reaching out her pinky to link with mine as we walked down the hallway.

The next day was the Sectionals competition. Since Santana and I were mostly back to normal, I asked her to sit beside me on the bus. She did, but she made sure to keep her distance, still trying to convince the rest of the glee club that we were nothing more than friends, even though they clearly didn't care.

Hearing Santana say that glee club was "the best part of her day" to the club in the green room made me so proud of her. I told them that I gave Coach Sylvester the set list, even though it had been both of us. I wanted everyone to know just how wonderful Santana really was, and everyone would believe my story, since acting dumb worked for me anytime I lied, except to Santana.

Santana had a huge smile on her face the entirety of our performance, despite it being put together last minute. I loved seeing her so happy.

Hearing that we won wasn't the best part of that day to me. The best part was Santana telling the glee club that she enjoyed it. But winning was a great bonus too.

Santana came over that evening.

"I'm glad you told everyone that you like glee club," I told her as we sat in my bedroom.

She didn't respond.

"You know I think you're incredible, right?" I asked. "And I love you. But I'm tired of pretending I don't just to make you comfortable."

"You don't have to pretend anymore, Britt," she said, her voice soft and shaky. "I know you love me, and I think… I think I should tell you that I love you too."

"You've told me you love me before." I linked my pinky with Santana's, scooting closer to her on my bed. "You love me as a friend."

"Of course I love you as a friend," she whispered, "but I think I love you as more than that too." She paused. "I don't want to tell anyone, and I am not going to date you, but I just thought you needed to know that."

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

Of course I was hurt that Santana had said she wasn't going to date me, but her telling me she loved me as more than a friend was more than I'd wished for. I wondered if Santana secretly dreamed about or wished for those things as well.

"We should sleep, Britt," she said. "We have our crazy exercising punishment super early tomorrow."

"You know, I should be upset that Coach Sylvester is punishing us for allowing the New Directions to win, but I'm too happy to care." I smiled as Santana and I lay down on my bed to go to sleep.

"I'm happy too, B," Santana whispered.

I pulled her closer into me and kissed her on the forehead like I'd been doing for over a year before kissing her for real.

"Let's go to bed."