Chapter Forty Eight: The Kill Trigger

48.1

Lory paced his office as he looked out of the window. All of them were concerned as to where Kuon's head was. Was he really going to kill himself or was he going to try to take all of that pain which he had been through and toss it towards the sun and watch it burn. As much as he didn't want the first one, he knew how easy that would be. He just didn't want that life for Kuon.

He didn't think he had expressed it as much as he had wanted to but he didn't want to see Kuon live through what he had experienced by someone else writing it. Kuon had gone through emotions that were so painful and intense and nobody could really blame him for this. Someone who hadn't experienced that sort of pain would not have been able to write it sufficiently and if there were people who shared Kuon's journey then he was terrified for the state of the world. It would be a much bleaker world than he saw possible.

He looked over at a file of research he had done for psychiatrists, therapists, and medication. Maybe this was the only path that could lead Kuon back to who he used to be but if Kuon agreed to go on it or would oppose it wasn't something he knew for certain. He felt like he was getting to know less and less about Kuon these days but who could argue that Kuon wasn't being careful and that he needed to be careful having gone what he did.

Lory sat down before hearing a knock on his door and looked up, "Come in," he said and saw Yashiro walk in. He smiled to the man before gesturing for him to sit down. "I think that you can guess the topic which I'd like to talk with you about."

"If it's not to do with concerns about Kuon's psychological health or at least his physical health then I'm lost," Yashiro admitted and Lory sighed. He nodded slowly and Yashiro sighed. He turned to look away from the agency president. "I don't know how I'm supposed to help him with that. If he's got his mind set on something, it'll be even harder for us to reach him with how much he's suffered."

"So you agree with me," Lory sighed as he bowed his head. "You think that it's quite possible that Kuon could do some harm to himself."

Yashiro stared down and then looked away, he opened his mouth to speak but then closed his mouth and shook his head refusing to speak. He didn't have any right over his friend's life and doing this might break their friendship entirely and yet he felt that he had to at least offer the option. He opened his mouth again as if to speak but then shook his head. "I think that we should give him some time to adjust," Yashiro said and Lory leaned in.

"But that's not really what you're saying, Is it?" Lory asked, "or at least what you would like to suggest."

"I suggest that we give him some time to adjust but we shouldn't completely dismiss the idea of locking him into a mental institution," Yashiro said before challenging Lory with his eyes. "I don't want to ruin my friendship with him but I want him to survive. More than anything I want him to not only survive but thrive and I will believe in him. Either now or later, I want him to be reborn. I still think he deserves it."

48.2

Kuu exchanged a look with Kyoko as he put the phone down and heard the sound of a heavy bag being beaten up. He sighed and bowed his head as he pushed his hair back and they turned in the direction of where Kuon was. He wasn't right. They didn't want to say anything because they were just so glad to have him back but it was as if he had come back with a hundred demons riding on his back. They couldn't blame him though. Neither of them could have returned to a normal if they had suffered in the same way he had.

"Kuon," Kuu said as he went to where the bag was and saw that it had been ripped apart and Kuon had blood on his fists and around his mouth. Kuu looked down at Cain and then walked over to his son. He didn't know why there was so much blood. Kuon had been beating up a punching bag and punching bags couldn't bleed. It was hard to imagine that Kuon had snapped and lost it but he didn't know how else to characterize the situation.

"They can't beat me," Kuon said with a weak laugh and a slanted smile. "They're not going to get me here. They're dead. Everyone. The media. The critics. Those damn producers and directors who just feast on other people. They don't have the power to control me," he said before pointing at his dad and Kuu took a couple of steps backwards. "You hear that, you can't control me. You can't hurt me."

Kuu let his arms drop to his sides and he sighed trying not to show the pity he felt for his son. "Kuon, can you look at me?" he asked and Kuon ran his tongue over his lip before turning to face his father. "Why would I ever hurt you?"

Kuon stared at him and looked away. "How do I know that you're real with me? How do I know that I can trust you? You probably want to make money from my story as well. You want to take control of my life. You want to write my story."

"Kuon," Kuu sighed. "You should know that I'm someone who would never want to hurt you. What do you mean that I'm not real with you? Why would I lie?" Kuu asked as he felt his heart ache. He watched his son and saw the way there was a haunted look in his eyes. He knelt beside Cain so he could pet the dog who was whining at Kuon.

Kuon looked at the bag and took a deep breath in before punching it again and this time he burst the bag and his hand hit the wall. Kuu's eyes widened as he stared at his son and looked around for some bandages. He didn't want to bring Kyoko out here but as he got near to Kuon he saw there to be a strange look in Kuon's eyes. He had seen this look in other men whilst he was filming but never from his son and not outside of a scene.

Kuon reached forwards about to strike him but Kuu managed to block him. He took a deep breath before blocking him again. "Kuon!" he yelled at him trying to get through to his son and found his back to hit the wall. He grabbed Kuon's hand again as he managed to dodge a series of punches and then reached out, grabbing Kuon by the collar and pressed him in a spot that knocked him out.

Kuu finally realized that he was bleeding but he knew that Kuon wouldn't want to truly hurt him. His son needed help and he didn't want to admit that what Lory had said on the phone made sense. Kuon had broken in ways where none of them had the skills or expertise to help him. Kuu looked down. Kuon needed to be locked up somewhere where he couldn't hurt himself or other people. "I'm sorry," he whispered to his little boy. "I'm sorry for more than you will ever be able to understand."

48.3

"Dad," Kuon said as he handed Kuu another wet towel as they sat in the living room and Kuu shifted. His body was pretty bruised but if it had been someone else then they might have died and Kuon realized that. His father was trained in martial arts and maybe the one additional weakness that Kuu had was that his father would put his own life behind Kuon's and that was why both of them were alive. He couldn't just get triggered like that.

Kyoko watched Kuon softly, "We know that you don't mean to do it," she told him and Kuon looked away. He had wanted to have been a husband and father but the worst thing would be if he were to ever direct this kind of behavior towards his sons. Kuon looked at his dad with a sort of puppy dog pleading expression.

"Again, can I ask you to take care of my family?" he asked and Kuu nodded.

"Of course," he said and Kuon bowed his head. "It won't be forever. Hopefully it won't be for long at all but we'll do everything that we can to help you."

Kyoko smiled gently, "I'll make sure that no one else is able to tell your story and then hopefully, if you want it to be told, I'll stand beside you as you tell it all yourself. That is if you want to speak it aloud. I don't want anyone else to steal your voice from you."

Kuon reached a hand out towards Kyoko as he thought about the twins he wouldn't be able to be around for. He felt tears in his eyes as he battled against what he wanted and what would help him in the long run. "Hopefully you'll forgive me for missing out on everything."

"I'll consider it my new project in videography," Kuu promised his son knowing that Kuon had to choose how to handle his mental health and his PTSD. "I'll capture everything on film that I can and then you can watch it later and I'll try to do it as if it's all in your point of view. These are my grandsons," he smiled and Kuon sighed as he looked away. He nodded silently. He was a danger to those around him. Why couldn't they admit that to themselves?

End of Chapter Forty Eight

Thank you for reading

Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Forty Seven

H-Nala, Kaname671, Kotoko-98