Like the Riddler, the Condiment King was considered one of Batman's less serious villains.
Unlike the Riddler, he knew it.
Mitchell Mayo had been a stand-up comedian, when he had fallen prey to the Joker's laughing gas. In a fit of madness, he had created the Condiment King persona as the ultimate supervillain. The Condiment King had attempted to rob an upscale restaurant, a crime which had lasted for ten minutes before Batman arrived and defeated him with a single blow.
Once the effects of the Joker's toxins had worn off, Mayo figured the entire thing was over. Never again would he don the suit of the Condiment King. Why would he? He wasn't a bad guy. He was a comedian! He had a successful stand-up tour and a regular role on a major sitcom. No need to throw that all away on a career in crime.
Imagine his surprise, when the restaurant called him in a fit of panic.
"We've gotten dozens of calls, asking if the Condiment King will reappear this year," the owner told him. "The entire restaurant is booked solid! Everyone wants to be there, when the Condiment King returns!"
"I don't get it," Mayo said. "Condiment King is a dumb villain."
"But he's a great sales gimmick!" the owner said. "I will pay you ten grand, if you agree to show up on April Fools Day, in your Condiment King persona. All you have to do is break in, pretend to rob the place and go home. Easy money!"
"The Condiment King never says no to a bit of gravy!" Mayo said, in his best villain voice.
And so the Condiment King returned, to the delight of all the restaurant's patrons. Mayo enjoyed pretending to be a villain, going from table to table, cracking jokes with all the wealthy Gothamites. The job went well, until Batman appeared.
Batman, it seemed, was not in on the joke. He picked up Condiment King by the throat and threw him six feet away, onto a table that was covered with food. With mashed potatoes running down his face, Condiment King tried to make a bold escape, only to be tripped up by a Batrope. The entire restaurant burst into applause, and Condiment King was taken away by the police.
He was in police custody for an hour, before they let him go. The restaurant owner gave Mayo a bonus for a job well done, and asked if Mayo would consider doing it again next year.
Mayo agreed. The Condiment King's once-a-year appearance quickly became his most steady, most successful gig. How many people could boast getting a full month's salary in twenty minutes?
That was about ten years ago.
Mayo's career wasn't going so well these days. He had tried breaking into the movie business, without any success. His first role was playing a wacky store owner in a direct-to-video film. His second role was in a buddy comedy which bombed so badly at the box office, he was too ashamed to put it on his resume.
There hadn't been a third role. Mayo went crawling back to his sitcom job, only to be told he'd been replaced by someone younger and more attractive.
The Riddler took full advantage of Mayo's low state. He sent Mayo an anonymous package with a fake necklace and a set of very specific instructions.
Mayo left a one-word note at the agreed-upon dropoff site.
Yes.
That year's Condiment King routine went a little bit differently than normal. Sure, he robbed all the patrons and got defeated by Batman, as usual. But no one noticed when the governor's valuable necklace was swapped with the fake, amid all the chaos. Not even Batman suspected anything. Why would he?
Mayo had a big smile on his face as he walked out of the police station with the real necklace in his hands. He took it directly to the Penguin's restaurant.
The man at the front desk refused to let Condiment King inside, until he whispered one of the secret passphrases which was used to indicate he had stolen goods for sale. Condiment King had been quickly rushed to a side room, while it was verified that, yes, Condiment King had just been picked up by the police for robbery.
The Penguin himself showed up to greet Condiment King. Penguin didn't usually associate with small-time crooks—especially ones with such dreadful fashion sense—but in this case, he made an exception. First impressions were so important, especially when five million dollars were at stake.
Penguin was in the middle of explaining how the fencing process worked, when the police burst in and arrested them both. Detective Harvey Bullock took all the credit for the arrest, saying it had been his genius idea to plant a bug on Condiment King.
Mayo quickly accepted a plea deal with the police. They dropped all charges against him, in exchange for his testimony against the Penguin. When Mayo returned to his apartment that night, he found a briefcase with a million dollars cash, waiting for him. There was also a note.
This concludes our business.
Mayo never learned who had contacted him, or why. He figured it was someone with a grudge against the Penguin, and there was no shortage of people who fit that description. As a comedian, Mayo could appreciate the irony of the Penguin, one of Gotham's great crime lords, being brought down by the Condiment King.
"Hail to the King," Mayo said to himself, as he counted his money.
Twenty miles away, the Riddler smiled as he watched the secret camera in Mayo's apartment. "How cute," Riddler said. "The jester thinks he's the king."
Of course, it was the Riddler who masterminded the whole scheme to defeat the Penguin. He had sent Condiment King the fake necklace and the instructions. He was the one who left a bug on Detective Bullock's desk, complete with a note suggesting that he use it on Condiment King. Bullock hadn't questioned the note, because it was written in Officer Montoya's handwriting, and if truth be told, Bullock was a bit of a glory hog.
"I hope Penguin learned his lesson about underestimating criminals," Riddler said. "Next, Poison Ivy will—"
Riddler's phone dinged with a text message, and his face broke into a large grin. That had been much faster than he expected. It was almost humorous how his most successful trip to the police station had been on April Fools Day.
"Change of plans," he said. "Catwoman's on the chopping block for tomorrow night."
After descending three flights of stairs, Catwoman could now clearly see her prey on the bottom floor of the Gotham Museum. "Perfect," she purred to herself.
"I wasn't expecting company tonight," a voice said from behind her.
Catwoman whirled around to see a stupid-looking man in an even stupider-looking costume. "Who are you?" she asked.
"I'M KITE MAN!" he screamed. "And I'm here to steal those valuable jewels from the display case, same as you."
"Find somewhere else to rob," Catwoman said. "I was here first."
"No way," Kite Man said. "I disabled the security alarms to the building."
Catwoman couldn't help but be surprised. She had gotten a brief look at the security room, and it struck her as a professional job. Way beyond the skills of this amateur.
"Well, I knocked out the guards," Catwoman said.
"And I thank you for that," Kite Man said. "It makes me so happy, I'm flying as high as a kite!"
"Please don't make any more kite jokes," Catwoman said.
"You didn't like that joke?" Kite Man asked. "Gee, maybe it wasn't my best kite joke ever, but it's up there! Get it? Like a kite?"
Catwoman groaned.
"Ask me what my favorite TV show is," Kite Man said.
"No," Catwoman said.
"I'll leave you alone, if you ask me what my favorite TV show is," Kite Man said.
"Fine," Catwoman sighed. "What's your favorite TV show?"
"It's Saturday Kite Live!" Kite Man said. "HA HA HA HA! And with that, Kite Man goes up, up, and AWAY!"
Kite Man ran towards the staircase railing, pulling out his favorite kite as he did so. He jumped off the edge and used the kite to fly across the museum, towards the diamond exhibit. Since someone else was watching, Kite Man showed off a little by doing an unnecessary flip.
Catwoman knew she had to act quickly. She jumped down the stairs and dashed across the room, only pausing a moment to yell, "That's not a kite! That's a hang glider!"
"Kite Man! Heck yeah!" Kite Man cheered, as he swooped down towards the display.
He and Catwoman reached it at almost the exact same time. Catwoman's fist was around the first jewel, when Kite Man landed directly on top of her. She screeched as he flattened her to the ground, and the display case fell over. As soon as the glass broke, a piercing alarm ripped through the air.
"Guess you didn't disable the alarm system as well as you thought you did," Catwoman said snarkily. "Now get OFF of me!"
"I lied," Kite Man said, slapping a pair of handcuffs on her wrists. "Selina Kyle, you are under arrest for attempted robbery."
Selina could only gape in shock, as six hidden police officers appeared, guns drawn. Had she just been outsmarted by Kite Man?
"Sorry," Kite Man whispered in her ear. "I didn't want to betray a fellow criminal, but it was the only way to get my sentence commuted."
Just like with Penguin's arrest, no one ever suspected the Riddler had planned the whole thing.
No one besides Batman, that is.