Hi, so here is another chapter and I hope you enjoy this is the first one of Season 3, the first one of Jay's spiral (that will climax at the end of Season 3) and my flashbacks about Camille so stay tuned because it is gonna be one hell of a ride!

Disclaimer-Nothing is mine

Please Read and Review.

And TRIGGER WARNINGS for Self-Medicating and that first episdoe of Season 3.

On another note, I will not update between now and Xmas Eve. As some of you know I tend to do a multiple update Xmas Eve and maybe even New Years Eve so while I will carry on this story expect two or three chapters on that day.

Born Under A Bad Sign

Chapter 16-Help Is Not Coming

Jay is back at work, Erin is a wreck, Hank is going to kill both of his kids and ends up making a decision that affects their life. And in the past Camille comes to Jay with a question that will lead to Jay's life (and everyone else's) being blown apart.

8th March 2015

Jay woke up feeling like death.

If one could wake up feeling like death.

It usually came after a hangover.

Especially when you were on painkillers.

It wasn't that he was addicted. To prove to himself that he wasn't he went cold turkey for a week at a time whenever he did it. However it was the nights that he dreamt of Yates what made him do it. He could take the dreams of Nadia, that was par for the course now but he couldn't take Yates. It was his face looming over Jay with that smile that had him waking up desperate for the whiskey bottle. Now that Will had moved out it was easier. With Nadia it was just screaming but Jay had woken himself up with screaming since Afghanistan and so therefore he could manage.

But it was Yates that sent him spiralling.

Him and Erin both from what he could gather.

Whenever Hank came round (which was often because Jay suspected Erin's…whatever it was had thrown the man for a loop) it was okay. Hank was watching him out of the corner of his eye as they watched whatever sport was on but it was manageable because with Hank here he felt safe. He couldn't describe it but he felt…safe…ever since he was fifteen Hank had always had that affect on him. With Hank there, there was a sense that he wouldn't be hunted down like a dog by a deranged serial killer.

But Jay was a grown ass man with a drinking problem and he was not going to ask for help. He was a Halstead, being grown, having a drinking problem, having nightmares and doing fuck all about it was part of the DNA structure. Ask anyone. So instead he did what he did best and pretended he was fine.

Because he was fine.

He was…well he was alive and that had to mean something.

So when he was offered the chance to go back to work he took it because the day that he found that he was looking forwards to watching Days of Our Lives and General Hospital he knew he was in deep shit.

And that was when he called Hank.

"You are sure you're okay to do this?"

"Hank it's an undercover assignment, I am fine"

Hank shot him a long look. They were in the downstairs parking lot getting ready and he was in his undercover suit all ready to go.

"You spoken to Erin?"

"Erin made her choice"

"So that's a no then"

"Jay—"

"You know you two are just as bad as each other. Neither one of you wants to admit that you miss each other. Besides it's all just a blame game for Erin. She's not mad at you or herself really, she's mad at me"

"Why?"

Jay grinned though it felt stiff. He wanted to make light of the words and turn them into a joke but he found that he couldn't. Perhaps it was for the best, it was an insult to Nadia if he let those kinds of words come out as anything other than serious.

"Because she blames me?"

"Why?"

Out of everything that Jay had said he got the impression this had shocked him.

He didn't know why. Certainly it didn't shock him.

"Because Nadia is dead Hank. And I didn't stop it."

Hank was silent for a long moment and when Jay caught his expression he realised that Hank was looking at him with a mixture of pity and alarm

"When was the last time you slept?"

"When was the last time you slept Hank?"

Antonio knocked on the door.

"Were ready Sarge"

"Good" Jay said smiling though he knew that it was perhaps a bit too bright and manic for what he was about to do next.

Even Antonio shot him a look of concern.

Jesus it must be bad.

"It's his first day back! HIS FRIST DAY, HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?"

Antonio, Adam and Kevin all collectively winced. Hank was on the phone in the office speaking to someone while Al made coffee in that calm and often unnerving way that Al did whenever Hank went off on one and Antonio who had seniority in this scenario wanted to go in their but…well…he didn't want to leave Eva and Diego without their father and Voight (and he was Voight in this moment and not Hank) looked like he meant business.

They had lost Jay and then there had been the video…God even Antonio was going to have nightmares about the video for a long time. And he had been Jay's friend, hell he was Jay's friend. He was not the father figure that Jay had. Antonio still wasn't sleeping right since Yates even without Erin's rather conspicuous absence that Hank had told the brass was sabbatical and was really just an excuse to go on a piss up every night like she was in college and her body could keep cashing the cheques all that pain inside of her was writing.

Antonio had been there, the only thing that had kept him going after he had lost his partner was his wife and kids. He had no idea how some people did it alone.

"Someone has to go in there and ask him what he wants to do"

"Well we have to do a trade and then we get Jay back Adam" Al said with an eye roll.

"I'd have thought that was obvious"

"Who are we using. Because we can use Kim man but—"

"Antonio get in the car"

"Wha—where we going?"

"To Erin's"

"ERIN?"

"Are the three of you collectively deaf, blind and dumb? Yes Erin. Because this requires a skill set that Erin has, she knows what Jay is thinking in this moment, she knows what he will do when he chooses the moment to attack. There is a reason why Erin and Jay were good together. They've been partners since they were sixteen. Now will one of come with? Because if Erin is drunk were gonna need to get her sober pretty fast and I for one am not holding her head up in the car"

Antonio supposed it had to be him.

Seniority and all that.

Man what a crock of shit that was turning out to be.

"You know what bugs me the most?"

"Oh god what? The video? You think the video doesn't make me feel sick? The second Antonio showed me—"

"You blamed him and he blames himself"

That shut Erin up.

"I don't blame him"

"He said you told him that"

She has as well.

"Hank…you don't know what it's been like"

Evidently that was the wrong thing to say.

"You think I don't know what it's like to lose a friend? And to feel like it's my fault? You think I don't know what that's like?"

"I know you do. I know you know what it's like to misplace blame too"

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I blamed Jay for Nadia's death for a millisecond that I regret. You blame him for Camille"

That threw him.

She knew it would as well.

"No I don't"

"You threw him out the house"

"I asked him to come back a week later! He was back a week later!"

"Camille told you to bring him back. But you looked at him with this…awful look for months afterwards. And then when she died…why do you think he went to Afghanistan so quick? He knew you didn't want him around and Jay's been the punching bag for one man's grief and—"

"STOP"

It was a command and she stopped because Erin had realised that she very much wanted a career after this and admittedly this was not the way to do it.

"I didn't…Erin I didn't…"

"You did Hank. So don't put shit on me about Nadia. Jay's been playing the blame game just as long as I have. And you don't understand it. Because Jay thinks he got Camille killed and I think I got Nadia killed and we both had parents that made us feel like shit while you did fuck all. So, get off your high horse will you? You don't own the moral high ground when it comes to being right"

And with that she grabbed her radio, opened the trunk of the car to grab the files and went to save her fucking partner.

She didn't know it but she had done one of those few impossible things.

She'd left Hank Voight stunned into silence.

19th April 2004

He and Camille were the only two in. Erin was in detention, Justin was at football practice and Hank was at work and so Jay had come home with the dogged determination that came when any High School Senior realised finals were coming up and that they would have to study.

He had spread out his books on his bed and was just about to decide weather to get Math out of the way now or push it back to later in the week when there was a knock at the door.

"Yeah?"

"Hey Jay"

"Hey Camille"

"Did I interrupt you?"

"No" he said with a smile. "You need a hand with dinner?"

It was odd how disturbing domestic he had become. He'd never even helped his own mother with dinner. Not even at the end.

"No" she said coming in and then sitting on the bed. Her hands were in her lap and she was twirling them around a bit and Jay watched her. It was…unnerving to see Camille so out of sorts. She was the one who was usually so put together out of all of them.

"No I…I need your help with something else Jay. Something that I don't want you to tell, Hank or Justin or Erin about. I just…I'd ask Meredith but she can't keep a secret from Al to save her life. So I'm asking you."

"Okay?"

"Come with me to the Doctor's"

Jay blinked. Out of all the things that he had been expecting her to ask him for that had not been one of them and it took him a second to register what she was asking him to do. Once the words had taken route however he couldn't stop the shiver that went down his spine, it was a full body shudder.

Because he had heard those kinds of words before.

"Is something wrong?" he asked and he hated how small his voice had become. Now he was seeing her it was like he was seeing her for the first time and he could see the bags under her eyes how her hands had become very thin. How had he not noticed that?

But then again how had any of them not noticed that?

Camille smiled and her smile was the same as his Mom's had been. She had known too, before everyone else she had known too and it was that, that made Jay feel like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

She reached out and took his hand and he realised that it was trembling.

"Yes sweetheart" she said and Jay thought it absurd, obscene that she was comforting him, that she had to comfort him after everything.

She pulled Jay down on the bed next to her pushing the books out of the way and taking his hand in hers. She reached out and gently knocked a knuckle against his cheek in that motherly way that only she could get away with. Anyone else and he'd have their hand.

"Yes sweetheart" she said again. "Yes, there is something wrong"

8th March 2015

Everything hurt.

Again.

But he was not going through this again.

Will (Thank the powers that be) was off duty so Jay pushed Ethan Choi aside and signed himself out AMA. He was just out to his car and wondering how on Earth he was going to drive it when.

"What the fuck do you think your doing?"

Hank. Again.

Seriously did the man have a senser for shit like this?

It took Jay a moment to realise he had spoken this thought aloud when Hank had gone.

"For you two yes. Now get in the hospital"

"No"

"Jay—"

"Hank I am done with hospitals. It's a few burns, some bruises and some electrical aftershocks, believe me I've had worse"

Hank didn't seem to like that answer and Jay didn't care. He was wired too tightly like a spring going off. He and Erin might have put their differences aside…she had gone after him after all and she was in the car with Hank her hands shaking as she went through withdrawal (or that was what Jay was assuming it was) but then again with Erin you never knew.

He was rearing for a fight now. He didn't know why, didn't know why the constant mood swings were hitting him, with Nadia it had been crippling depression and fear and now he was angry.

Looking back it was much the same with Camille.

"Jay if you don't want to go to the hospital get in the car. But if you don't then I will call Will and tell him that on your first day back after a near fatal stabbing you were kidnapped, tortured and now leaving the hospital AMA"

Jay winced before he could stop himself. Will was going to be brutal when he found out about that one.

"Fine" he said. Any good solider recognised defeat and so he climbed into the back of the car next to Erin. The movement pulled on his stiches and a little cry escaped him just before he sat down and clamped his mouth shut. When he turned to look at both of them they were staring at him with wide eyes.

"Just drive"

"Jay—"

"Erin please I just need to go home and sleep it off and—"

"Oh were not going home"

Jay blinked.

"What?"

"That's the other thing" Erin muttered softly. "We are going home but not to our apartments"

It took Jay's drug and pain addled mind to figure out just what the hell she was on about.

"Beg pardon?"

"Home Jay" she said softly.

"As in…"

"My home" Hank said.

"Oh bloody hell"

"Don't even think about it Jay I've already locked the door"

Jay turned his gaze away. He wasn't in the mood for what Mouse called Army moves anyway.

They got to Hank's house in silence and stood in the living room like two teenagers who had been caught making out drunk at a party.

"So" Hank said throwing his keys on the table. "This is what's gonna happy. Erin's getting her job back but there's conditions, weekly drug tests, cutting Bunny out of her life and moving in with me"

"Okay—"

"You" Hank said cutting off Jay's response. "Have been stabbed six time, injured and are self-medicating—don't look at me like that Jay I'm not an idiot you were half strung out this morning. Nobody's noticed because everyone was just so glad to see you alive. So you too are moving in until I am convinced that I can let you go back to your apartments without doing yourself bodily damage. And the both of you are talking through your shit about Nadia tonight. Greg Yates is responsible for Nadia and Greg Yates alone. If he wanted you dead Jay you'd be dead and you damn well know it. Erin, Nadia was his type weather or not she was your friend or not. Nadia was also a junkie and a prostitute before she met you and that didn't give her a great odds of survival on the street. It's tragic, it's hard, it's life. I have already buried my wife I am not burying my children along with her. So sort it out and you are not leaving here until you do. Touch the beer in the fridge and your back to patrol"

And with that he stormed out.

"What the hell just happened?" Jay asked.

"I think Dad just grounded us" Erin quipped.

"Oh hardy-ha—"

"Are you self-medicating?"

"No…I took some painkillers with some vodka. Just like you did. So don't judge"

"I didn't. Fair warning though I might have mentioned to Hank some stuff about you and Camille"

Jay scoffed. "Hank and I are never going to be good about what happened with Camille Erin, I've given up trying to talk to the man about it or ask forgiveness. I did what she asked me to do and I kept it a secret. There are times when I'm just glad he let me back into the house"

Erin opened her mouth and then shut it again.

"I don't blame you for Nadia" she said suddenly. "And I'm sorry if I ever made you think that I did. I know you did all you could for her. I know you Jay"

"Still wasn't enough"

"No" Erin said and her voice wobbled a bit. "And I will miss Nadia every day until the day I die. But…but I am so, so fucking glad that you didn't die Jay. There was a point where…where I really thought that you did. Hank was doing CPR and Adam couldn't find a pulse and everyone was watching and…" she trailed off looking away and her hand found Jay's. He gripped it back, he had not heard about that part of the story.

"Thanks" he said lamely, but really? What were you to say to that? Other than thanks.

Erin sat on the arm of the chair for a moment and Jay gave up the pretence and sat down next to her. It was a squeeze but it worked.

"I miss Camille" he said quietly. "I really…she'd know what to do here wouldn't she?"

"Yeah" Erin said her voice soft but her smile genuine. "She'd ream us both a new one"

"Think Hank did that pretty good"

Erin laughed again. She tangled their fingers together.

"All good?" she asked and Jay nodded.

"All good"

"You think there's any chance he's fixed my window?"

"No. How much do you want to bet that he's not fixed my sliding door issue?"

"None whatsoever."

"You think he's in the hallway?"

"No" she winked and raised her voice. "Let's go Jay, I know a guy who can get us five kilos of coke"

There was a pause and then.

"VERY FUCKING FUNNY" Hank said shout slightly muffled from behind the closed doors and Jay and Erin both dissolved into giggles.

It was the first time he had laughed in months.

Jay thought that despite everything, it wouldn't be the last.

And that had to be a good thing.

And there you go hope you enjoy and I will see you all next time for multiple updates.

Next Chapter-Jay is still living with Hank but he can see the light at the end of the tunnel (at least until Mouse is taken hostage) and in the past Camille and Jay deal with her diagnosis and her decision to not immediatly tell her husband.