62

Bella giggles and shakes her head when I try to lead her upstairs as soon as we get home. I want her in my bedroom, in my bed, preferably right now, but she reminds me we have things that need to be discussed before we can move any further.

She makes me a cup of coffee and a mug of blood for herself, and we sit on opposite ends of the couch, sipping our beverages and sharing matching grins.

She tells me about the talk she had with Renee before she left. How Renee told her she'd never seen her daughter so happy but that she also warned Bella to be careful with that heart of hers because our situation is so delicate.

"Were you lying when you said that to Jessica?" I ask softly. "Were you just trying to stake your claim?"

Bella looks shocked. "No, Edward. I've known that my feelings for you were more than a mere interest the second I met you. As soon as you shook my hand, I knew I'd been irrevocably changed, but I tried to fight it."

Before I can ask her why, she sets down her mug and scoots closer to me, taking my hand in hers. "I never wanted this life, Edward. I could never condemn someone to an eternal life just because I don't want to live without them."

"You wouldn't be condemning me if I choose—"

"I didn't know that in the beginning. You have two children, and I knew you'd never, could never fathom the idea of living forever if it meant saying goodbye to them one day." She brushes my hair back and plants a kiss on my lips before pulling away. "And then Angela brought Ben home, and I could see how happy she and Alice are with their immortal boyfriends. They're too young to be tested for their bonds, so it'll be a couple years before they can apply for EL. I know that if they choose to suffer the three day burn you would possibly want the same. I thought maybe with time, you'd consider spending an eternity with me."

I swallow thickly. "And even then, if the girls decide they want to be changed, but I don't feel the same. What would that mean for us?"

Her eyes grow sad. "It would break my fucking heart, but it's ultimately your choice to make. I'd support you either way and be with you until you took your last breath, and then I'd make arrangements to follow you."

Just the thought of Bella not existing in the world, with or without me, is devastating.

"Don't," she whispers and moves back to her spot. "Please don't put my feelings into account when you make your decision."

"How could I not, Bella?"

"Because I'd hate for you to resent me, and you would, eventually. One day, you'd look at me and regret letting me convince you to do something out of sheer selfishness. I never want to see that look in your eyes." She scrubs her face with her hands. "Taking the three-day burn isn't something you can take back. It's permanent, and it's something you need to think long and hard about before you make your decision."

"Okay."

She sighs, leaning her head back on the couch and looking up at the ceiling. "This is why my mother wanted us to talk before we went any further. She wanted me to be sure of what you wanted before we even considered getting together." Bella frowns. "And now I feel like my selfishness might have ruined that. If we had this talk before I acknowledged that we're mates, you would know your answer."

"No, Bella." I move closer to her, but she just sits. Her body caved in on itself in defeat. "I've thought about it probably ever since you got here. Like you, I fought it, but after seeing that my girls would be taken care of no matter what they choose, all I could do was hope that you reciprocated my feelings and pray that I'd get to spend forever with you."

"You don't know what you're saying, Edward."

"I do," I vow. "I know exactly what I'm saying. I want you; I want us and however many years we'll have together."