Daughter of Hate

by Blutus Mindpretzel

The war is over. Azula's motives remain unknowable as her child stands to shake the foundation of everything built since the fall of Fire Lord Ozai. For Toph, Mai, Aang, Katara and the rest, the world is an even more dangerous place than it was when they were children. And despite being long since gone, Sasuke's impact continues to shudder their world, perhaps more than they know.

31. Chapter 31

AN: For clarification's sake, since I realize now that I've failed to directly address it, Ursa is in her early forties in this story. That is perhaps a couple years off what she would be canonically, but in this universe, Ozai picked her out when she was a touch younger and she had Zuko and Azula when she was in her later teens. Her precise age was never super important to me so I guess there isn't a specific number, but that's just generally where she's at, for anyone who's curious.

Hope you're all having a great week, and hope you enjoy the chapter!

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Chapter 31: The Search Begins

Ever since she had first met Sasuke in the tavern along the port town she and her crew had been laying over in, Ursa had been forced into several situations that had caused her to be frightened, be it for herself or others. Sailing the seas for so many years, she had reached a point where fear was more a motivator for her than it was something to be concerned about; when she had been at a point in her life where the thought of seeing her children again was as much a fantasy as anything could seem, apathy towards danger had become her lifeblood and she had allowed herself to use that to make decisions that might otherwise cause others to break under stress. But when Sasuke had walked into her life, he had brought hope with him, hope that Ursa had never expected to feel again. All of the sudden, there was reason to fear, fear that she wouldn't be able to see her children again after being presented with the opportunity, fear for her homeland when the invasion had broken out, fear for her children and grandchild when they had come into her life, and fear for Sasuke when she realized just how much she loved him.

And despite all this fear that she had quietly hidden away, using it as motivation and never letting it cripple her, Ursa didn't think she had ever felt quite so scared as she did just then, as her body tensed while she stared at Sasuke.

He seemed to have almost shut down when she had made her admittance, his body somewhat slack, his eyes not looking towards anything in particular as they glazed over, and it was clear that his mind was elsewhere than in the moment on that terrace with her. There was no real sign of emotion on his face, and if his eyes hadn't held that mist that indicated he was perhaps lost in his own head, Ursa might have assumed that her news might not have affected him in the slightest. He remained where he had been, leaning slightly against the marble rail, barely even seeming to be breathing; Ursa wanted very badly to reach out and touch him, or ask him to say something, but she was worried what might happen if she did.

What did I expect?

All during their conversation, through the anger, the passion, the frustration, and comfort, she had been battling just breaking out and telling him that this had happened, and it had finally spilled out when she couldn't restrain it any longer. She knew she would never have been able to keep this from him, but it didn't make it any less stressful to admit to him.

She knew perfectly well that Sasuke was emotionally stunted. He wasn't stupid by any means, but when it came to such things, it was clear that his development wasn't such that he might have even known what was right or wrong in a given situation. Ursa had an inkling that Ty Lee had known well more than he had that their angry romp together had been a taboo thing to do, but that hadn't stopped him from piecing together that his actions with Ty had satiated a painful toll on Ursa's heart. And it had been clear that seeing her distraught by his actions had damaged him just as badly, perhaps worse, than she had been.

Ursa had been able to spend a great deal of time herself pondering over whether or not their relationship was actually something that Sasuke should have been involved in; she knew fully well that, despite how ready she had been to lash out at Katara for bringing up the specifics of her love, that there was more going on between her and Sasuke then anyone she had been with in the past, be it her romantic interest in that young man from her village, nor her time spent being wife to the Fire Lord. It was love she felt for Sasuke, but what kind of love exactly was something she had been careful to tread around in her mind for fear of what it might cause her to realize. And she knew fully well that her own selfishness was what was keeping her from really taking a step back and examining her relationship with Sasuke. Because she truly, genuinely loved him and was happy just to be with him. And she knew he loved her back.

But this…

That was likely why she was overcome by such fear just then.

Could this be what drives him away from me?

It was cruel, horribly so, to add this weight to Sasuke's shoulders when he was already bearing so much. Ursa couldn't help but feel a wave of shame at forcing this information onto him when he was so caught up with his relationship with her, his daughter, Azula, and clearly several others, all while having to try and find a way to protect the world from the spirit invasion that was plaguing it. But Ursa hadn't been able to keep it in, not when her hunch was anything but shaky.

She felt her body tense as she watched the mist life from Sasuke's eyes and his gaze flicked to her as he spoke in his usual flat tone.

"You 'think' you are?"

Ursa swallowed and kept his gaze while offering him a slow nod.

"It would still be so early, but… I've noticed fatigue setting in over the past few days and its caused me to lash out and snap at some of the others. I've found a lack of appetite and the idea of eating makes me feel almost ill. And… and I don't know if you could call it the instinct of a mother, but… I just feel that it's true."

He regarded her in silence, but she could tell fully well that he believed her. But his next words were nearly enough to buckle her knees.

"I can found out for certain."

With a warm numbness spreading all the way to her digits, Ursa had to practically force the words out with how difficult speaking suddenly seemed to be.

"…How…?" she just managed to whisper and Sasuke pushed himself away from the balcony softly to walk around in front of her slowly, looking almost at ease with the situation.

"My abilities. I can use them to feel within you without actually being inside of you, and I can see if there's something… living, in there."

It didn't make any sense to Ursa and she found herself only shaking her head in sheer, overwhelming bemusement. Sauske gently cocked his head and looked down towards her midsection.

"I just need to touch your stomach. And then I'd know for sure if you are or not."

He said it with such an air of finality that Ursa felt as though he had already done it. She nearly could feel herself shrinking away from him as she realized the very idea of having her suspicion confirmed or denied had her stomach in knots.

Why would I? Don't I want to know?

It was when it struck her that her fear wasn't coming from being told that there was something growing inside her of her, but that it was coming from the idea that there wasn't, she closed her eyes tightly and gave a short, sharp nod.

"Yes."

She opened them to see Sasuke standing before her, looking hesitant.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like you—"

Ursa tightened her jaw and nodded even more firmly.

"Do it. Tell me."

She knew that if she was given any more time to think about it, she might very well have fled from the terrace back to her room where she could crawl into her bed and continue to suffocate under the weight of what could be. Somehow, that seemed more appealing to her in a sense than learning the truth.

Sasuke slowly exhaled and walked up to stand just in front of her before slowly lowering himself to her knees. His hands came up to gently rest on her thighs, before sliding gingerly up to her waist and underneath her shirt. He was so gentle, so delicate with her, Ursa had to resist reaching out and running a hand affectionately through his hair, and it was likely only her anxiety that prevented her from doing so. His palms traced up to rest against her belly, and he closed his eyes a moment and it was then that Ursa knew that for all he was trying to front with, there was fear in him too. He seemed to push it aside quickly though and he looked up to her.

"Are you ready?"

Ursa brought her hands down to briefly clasp Sasuke's as they rested against her stomach before she nodded.

The sensation that followed was deeply uncomfortable and Ursa very nearly squirmed away from him at the feeling. It was as though her entire body had just been lit on fire before that fire had become the feelers of a thousand tiny insects sweeping their way through her insides. The crazed thought came over her briefly to take her sword and cut herself open to rid herself of the monsters that felt like they were burrowing about inside her, but it took only a split second to remind herself of what was happening and she calmly drew in breath, closing her eyes as she focused on the comforting touch of Sasuke's hands on her skin rather than what that touch was actually doing to her.

After only a few seconds, it was over, though as her body tried to relax after the rather torturous sensation, Ursa wouldn't have been surprised if Sasuke told her the process had taken the better part of an hour. Blinking lightly, she slowly turned her head to look down at him.

Sasuke didn't need to say a word. He remained where he was on his knees before her, hands still on her stomach, but the typical coldness was absent from his eyes now, replaced with a very raw emotion that she could tell he was trying to keep hidden. It took her a couple moments, but she realized too that his hands were trembling as they gently touched her belly.

Ursa's mind buzzed blankly and her body suddenly felt entirely unaffected by gravity. Her heart thudded loud, tolling beats in her ear and she could barely think to even keep breathing.

I'm pregnant.

It was surprising enough to Ursa that her legs didn't give out then and there. Just like that, the anxiety that had been eating away at her was put to rest, replaced by clarity and understanding. So caught up in their love had they been, she and Sasuke had conceived a child, regardless of any intentions they had possessed. Pure, unadulterated and careless love, and now, for the first time in over two and a half-decades, Ursa found herself pregnant, just as simple as that. In a time so uncertain, so chaotic, with so many things that needed to be balanced, with her own daughter damning anyone who so much as looked at Sasuke the wrong way, with Mai, Toph and potentially others doing their best to hide their own feelings for him, with an entire ethereal army looking to claim the lives of both Sasuke and Soza, Ursa was with child.

How could I have been so… careless?

She would have been lying to herself if she said that the idea wasn't something that genuinely filled her with hope and happiness, but there was no doubt that things were to become so much more complicated as a result, and most certainly not just for her.

Why was it then, that she felt no regret for this?

She realized then that there was still anxiety within her, though no longer focused it was on her uncertainty. It was focused on the person who had shared equally in causing this all to happen, the person she should have done much better in protecting from her own passion.

Sasuke…

Looking back down to him, she found him right where he had been, soundless and hardly moving save for the shaking in his hands that was almost imperceptible to begin with. Feeling her heart pounding against her chest, she forced herself to reach to him gently and brush her fingers against the top of his head.

"Sasuke?"

He didn't seem to reach her touch or her gentle speaking of his name. Ursa couldn't bring herself to try anything more than that and she closed her mouth and waited for him to say something.

The seconds became minutes as Sasuke remained kneeling before her, his hands never leaving the skin of her belly. Ursa was prepared to stand there all night with him, but eventually, his hands slipped upwards, pulling up her shirt and baring her stomach to the night air. Feeling a chill run up her spine, Ursa felt his hands move around her sides to gently hold her lower back and as he did, he closed his eyes and brought his face forward and shakily, he kissed her belly.

Ursa watched as two tears dropped down land atop Sasuke's head as she felt a rush of throbbing emotion bring them from her eyes. Finally feeling safe in doing so, she drew her hands through Sasuke's hair and held his head while his lips remained pressed to her stomach. For her, it was as perfect and relieving a moment as she could have asked for.

"What have I done…"

The joy of the moment came crashing down around her as she heard his words and Ursa felt her brow furrow. She stroked down his cheek with her fingers, asking a somewhat worried question as she did.

"Honey, what are you talking about?"

Feeling genuine hurt as he pulled away from her, Ursa watched as Sasuke withdrew his hands and slowly stood, his eyes still fixed on her stomach. The emotion was still raw in his eyes, but still hidden enough that she couldn't tell exactly what was going on in his head.

Don't… don't hide this from me, please, please just tell me what you're feeling…

Sasuke stood beside her, shoulder to shoulder, and pressed his hands to the railing, leaning over the side of it, his head slightly bowed. If Ursa didn't know any better, it looked for a moment like he was considering leaping over the side of the terrace.

"Myself… and Soza. That's what the spirits are after. Because of some imbalance we represent, some threat that they can't stand existing in the physical world. And now…"

His body gave the smallest twitch like he was forcing himself to keep from retching.

"I did this to you. You… you're pregnant. Because of me. And because it's mine… you… they'll…"

Suddenly his eyes flashed with pure ire and he turned his head to the sky. He opened his mouth and roared, the sound blanketing Ursa's ears and she saw his black eyes roll over with red and purple, and she smelled ozone as blue flickers of lightning traced up and down his arms. She practically expected to hear a crack of thunder as Sasuke stood before her, suddenly as menacing and towering as a mountain avalanching in a snowstorm. Stepping back, she waited for lightning to shoot from Sasuke's arms, for a firestorm to engulf the sky, for a pure burst of power to channel his rage.

But as the roar finished echoing around them, Sasuke's shoulders slumped. His eyes went back to their dark state, his head bowed again and a moment before where she had seen a hateful and furious monster stood only an exhausted, ashamed and depressed looking boy. She barely heard his voice then, quiet as it was with her ears still ringing from his scream.

"I've put you in danger. When they find out about you, when they sense whatever it is that let them know Soza was mine, they'll come after you too."

He didn't fly into another state of rage, but his fingers cracked the marble railing as he clenched down on it.

"I put you in danger."

Her instincts were still shouting that there was still danger, but Ursa remembered very vividly still how fearless she had forced herself to be when she had stopped Sasuke from exploding down his warpath in Ba Sing Se. He had been like an inferno then, and she had still rushed to him and wrapped him in her arms. And despite some effort it had taken, she had calmed him. This memory was well enough for her to step forward now, and hug him as tightly as she dared. She knew that she would never be able to relieve him of the guilt that he was feeling, but if she could just share the blame, maybe it would help him.

"This was as much my choice as yours, Sasuke. I don't think either of us meant for this to happen, but we were so… caught up, caught up in how happy we were together."

Ursa knew that it had been foolish to ignore the possibility as she had when she was taking Sasuke in bed, but she meant the words she said then; everything about being with him had felt right and it had been enough for the idea of a potential pregnancy to fall by the wayside as she had allowed her heart to simply swell with the joy that Sasuke gave her.

"I should have been more careful," Sasuke growled into her shoulder, and she could feel the hammering of his heart, indicating his mounting anxiety. "I want you to be safe, I should have done better to keep you safe. Everything I do puts someone in danger, and I don't…"

He hugged her back, but she sensed the anger and desperation behind the action more than the affection.

"I won't lose you. Not because of this, and not ever."

"You won't," she said softly, trying to sound as reassuring as she could.

"Why did this have to happen…" he murmured, and Ursa wondered if he had even heard her. "This should never have happened."

Knowing that he was slipping further and further, Ursa released a gentle exhale and let her instinct take over. She pulled back from Sasuke and held him by the arms in front of her, making sure that he met her eyes.

"Sasuke, I want you to listen to me. And I want you to be honest."

As she realized what she was about to ask, Ursa felt a sudden stab of fear and found herself wondering if she even wanted to hear the answer to the question she was about to ask him.

"If none of this was happening, with this war, with the spirits… if there was no Kyoshi, no invasion, no Koloss, nothing to fear, would you…"

That same fear jabbed her again, and she steeled herself.

Just ask him.

"Would you feel differently?"

He looked at her, and every second that ticked by felt like an eternity to her. Somehow, she felt that he was going to tell her what she feared, that he didn't want this commitment, that he didn't want to have to think about having children at that point in his life, not with anyone, that this was never something that he—

"Yes," Sasuke said quietly. Ursa continued to hold him, feeling her own pulse slamming in her neck as she waited dangerously on edge for him to elaborate. Sasuke looked down away from her, seeming almost ashamed to meet her eyes then.

"Yes, I would," he continued softly. "I… I want this. I want this with you."

If she had possessed any less willpower, Ursa imagined she might have started crying again then and there. Sasuke seemed to consider his own words before he grit his teeth and jammed his eyes shut before stepping forward to bury his face in her chest.

"But… for this to happen now… Ursa, I've put you in—"

In a series of smooth swift movements, Ursa drew her hand through his hair, tilted his head up and lowered her own to kiss him deeply. She didn't want to hear any of this, and Sasuke needed to know that this wasn't something she would ever blame him for.

"Not a word about that," she said against his lips. "I love you, Sasuke. Regardless of when this happened, I'm happy… so happy that it's happening at all. I will be fine. The baby…"

She was momentarily stunned into silence at the idea that she would in fact be having another baby.

"…the baby will be fine. I know we haven't known each other long, but I feel like my whole life has been building towards this moment."

It was then she noticed something in the back of her mind, a dark and creeping sensation. It took just a moment to identify it as guilt of her own, though it was not the same kind that Sasuke was feeling.

"The spirits will be out of our lives soon. Don't you fear for it, Sasuke. Not for one more minute. Have faith, that everything will work out just as it needs to."

She found that her own word choice rather surprised her, but she quickly shook it off, as well as the guilt that had come crawling into her head amongst the shock and joy that was holding her.

It won't be like Azula and Soza. And it won't be like me and my children either. We'll both be here for this baby, and we will love it as much as anything we ever had.

It wasn't lost on Ursa that this was not the source of her guilt in the slightest.

"A… baby…"

Sasuke's words sounded disjointed and airy, almost as though he were in the mist of sleeptalking. At a brush, Ursa looked down to see Sasuke's hand tracing over her belly, rubbing gently. His expression looked just as distant, as though he couldn't quite believe that this was something that could even happen, let alone that it even was.

"What are we going to name it?" he asked and Ursa found it to be her turn to be stunned.

"I'm sorry?" she asked, and he looked to her as though surprised by her confusion.

"The baby," he said matter-of-factly as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Ursa stared at him for several seconds as she tried to wrap her mind around his thought process and as he continued to look back at her somewhat expectantly, she was hardly able to keep from pinching his cheek out of pure affection. She settled for pulling him in for another kiss before smiling at him.

"We don't need to decide that right away, you know," she said, in a tone she hoped didn't sound too patronizing. Sasuke crossed his arms looking to be deep in thought.

"I know, but I think we need to think about—"

Ursa lay a finger over his lips again and kissed him on the forehead.

"Let's just worry about Koloss for now, alright? Then, when this is over with, I promise you, we can sit down and have a long talk about a name."

He didn't look entirely reassured, but gave a somewhat reluctant nod in response; his eyes flicked up to hers and he leaned up to kiss her back and Ursa couldn't help but throw her arms around him and they pressed their lips against each other again and again and again.

It was a happy moment. Ursa kept telling herself that, repeating it over and over in her head as she passionately kissed Sasuke and pressed her body tightly against his. The love that she felt for him made the idea of being pregnant with his child feel nothing short of perfect.

But she knew that there was more to this than just him and her. So much more.

She tried to keep from thinking about Zuko, what this was going to do to him; it was clear that he resented Sasuke for a fair few things, but this… how much weight would this add to his burden? And Azula…

Heaven help me, what about Azula?

Ursa had been able to ignore the fact that she was with the young man who was father to her daughter's child, but the fact that with this he would now be father to both Azula and her own children… even at that point, Ursa couldn't shake what a twisted thought it was. And that was to say nothing to how Azula would react when she learned of this; to Sasuke's word, he had taken her through a great mental labyrinth, forcing her to explore herself and hopefully come out a better person because of it. Would finding her mother pregnant with Sasuke's child cause her to break down all over again, perhaps even worse than before? She had threatened murder before, would this be what truly pushed her over that edge? Ursa knew that Sasuke would protect her, her own safety wasn't something she was concerned about, but it wasn't lost on her that this might be the final breaking point between her and her daughter.

And I still haven't been able to talk to her on my own… tell her how much I love her and how sorry I am. And now, to tell her that I'm… I'm pregnant?

Her own children were one matter, but this wasn't even to account for what it was going to mean for Toph, for Mai, for Katara, for the rest of the group who already had such a complicated relationship with Sasuke already, what would this mean for them?

For Soza, how was she supposed to react to something like this? It was clear that she was experiencing some level of confusion already over the idea of her father being with her grandmother, how was she supposed to hear that Ursa was pregnant with Sasuke's child and have any sort of understanding as to what that meant? The entire affair wasn't fair to her as it was, and for this… then what? Thoughts of Soza hammered her painfully, and she tried to figure out how they might go about taking this topic to Sasuke's daughter.

What is she supposed to think? Will she look at this baby and think it's like an aunt or uncle? Will she see a sister or a brother? Will she… will she hate it for what it represents? Will she even understand?

How could Ursa hope to explain love to her granddaughter, such love that had caused this to happen? Was she supposed to say that the father of Ursa's present children, Azula and Zuko, was a man she had always hated more than anyone? That had it been up to her and she had married the man of her choosing back when she had been but a teenager, Soza's mother would never have been? Somehow, they had managed to explain the love between Soza's father and grandmother, still a horribly taboo thought when Ursa thought about it in that light, but this… how could they even begin to approach this.

But as she thought to all the people she knew that this announcement would affect, to her, they all paled in comparison to the boy she currently was kissing almost feverishly, trying not to get worked up to the point of wanting him then and there on the terrace.

Sasuke had recently been informed that he was the father of an eleven-year-old girl who had spent her life being raised by a mentally damaged and sadistic mother, who had raped him over a decade ago, something unbeknownst to him. He had been told that the spirit world that was attached to the physical world was coming for him and his daughter, to murder them for representing an imbalance. He was about to risk his life on a hunch resulting from some very shaky information, and he was doing that all while trying to balance several shaky relationships with people whose world he didn't belong to. Guilt, anxiety and fury dominated his mind regularly, and it was clear that there were times where they were close to taking him over.

And Ursa had seen fit to carelessly take him in bed because of their love, and was now going to make him a father twice over.

It was so disgustingly selfish that she could barely even think to it. She hadn't cared to think about this consequence, nor had she done her best to think in Sasuke's best interests, since he was so very stunted as far as his emotions were concerned. He had just asked her about naming the child as though it were routine and that he knew exactly what needed to be done. Sasuke clearly didn't quite grasp the gravity of what was happening, and perhaps it would remain something that only caused him to draw a helpless blank the more he thought about it.

I should have protected him. From his own feelings and my own. And yet I let him knock me up. Maybe… maybe I even wanted this to happen.

As though he had read her mind, Sasuke drew his hands up and underneath her shirt and Ursa bit Sasuke's lip as his hands met her breasts and began to vigorously massage them. She could feel him growing as his midsection pressed against hers and she didn't even try to keep from moaning into his mouth as he tightly squeezed her body, fingers flicking over her nipples and at the idea that her breasts would once again start to produce milk by the end of her pregnancy, Ursa groaned in a state of pure lust and she pulled Sasuke tight to her, nearly lifting him off his feet.

Even still, as they worked on each other under the night sky, Ursa could still feel guilt, that oppressive blanket pulling gently over the back of her head, reminding her what she had just done to Sasuke, what had been forced upon him. It was wrong, and she knew it had been, to so carelessly plunge into her love and joy as she had, without taking the responsibility she knew she should have. But now she was pregnant and while she felt shame for her actions, every time she asked herself, she found that she didn't want to change a thing.

Under the starlight, she did her best to use her lust to overpower the guilt but it remained nonetheless, guilt for her children, guilt for Soza, and guilt for the boy she loved. And thought it all, she heard the words Sasuke had said repeat back in her own head, meaning coming just as sincerely to them as any words could have.

What have I done?

---

Zuko had known right away that something was different about his sister. From the moment she had openly told Toph what she had done, without any sense that she was gloating, nor did she make any attempt to defend herself, he knew that something was amiss. The Azula he had known would have laughed all while making the confession and then immediately started blasting blue flames and lightning at Toph the moment she had charged. And when she had done nothing following her beating other than ask Toph why she had stopped, Zuko had known that something was deeply, deeply wrong.

Maybe not even wrong… maybe just changed.

It was a mystery to him what Sasuke had done with his sister in the five days they had been gone, and somehow he had a feeling that Sasuke wouldn't be likely to tell him if he asked. While he hadn't gone out of his way to openly antagonize Soza's father, he knew that it likely was no secret to Sasuke or anyone else that Zuko was dealing with a fair bit of resentment.

Zuko knew that his first gripe with Sasuke being that he had fathered his niece wasn't exactly a fair grudge, considering what Azula had done, but it was difficult for him not to feel angry anyway that Sasuke had played the other role in conceiving Soza. Irrational perhaps, but still, he couldn't help how he felt.

His mother on the other hand, was a very different story.

Zuko didn't care that Ursa and Sasuke hadn't known before they had started partaking more intimately in one another's company about Ursa being Zuko and Azula's mother, or that Sasuke had bore a child with Azula. He didn't care that his mother had openly said that she and Sasuke were in a casual relationship rather than a seriously romantic one, especially since it couldn't have been more obvious that had been a lie. And he even found himself not even caring if being with Sasuke made Ursa happy.

He's sleeping with my mom. He's sleeping with my mom.

It had been enough to nearly drive him into a rage on more than once occasion and it was likely only due to the constant chaos around them that he hadn't already walked up and punched Sasuke across the mouth. But still, be it physical or not, his resentment for the young man was not something he had tried to keep from himself, so asking Sasuke about Azula likely wouldn't have ended in a healthy respect for either of them.

This was how Zuko found himself outside Azula's door, trying to muster up the courage to knock.

He knew that she was still awake as he had pressed his ear to the heavy wood and distantly heard the padded sounds of someone pacing within the room. He remembered a time so very long ago when he had intruded on his sister while she had been sleeping, and had found her lying through her teeth that she had given him credit for Aang's murder out of care for him. Finding the Avatar alive had proven that Azula had given him the fame for the act to cover herself and keep Ozai just as disappointed in Zuko as he always had been.

I can't even remember the last time we've spoken one on one.

It was of course fear that kept him from knocking and entering; Zuko might have been Fire Lord, he might have been close friend to the Avatar and one of the most proficient firebenders in his nation's history, but none of that came close to stopping him being frightened of his sister. He knew that there was blame to be placed on his shoulders as well for how dangerous she had become; Zuko had hoped that turning her loose at the end of the war and allowing her to take part in 'covert' or 'diplomatic' missions would be enough to mellow her out as she finished maturing into adulthood, but he had felt an inkling even then that his decision was simply causing Azula to grow into more of a monster than anything. Still, keeping her appeased had become his goal with her, and even at cautious urging from his uncle, he had kept his distance from Azula just as much and she had seemed happy to do the same with him.

Maybe if I hadn't abandoned her… the same way mother left us… maybe we wouldn't be here right now.

Zuko knew enough about guilt to know that it would devour him if he let it and so, swallowing his trepidation, he rapped his knuckles sharply on the door to Azula's room. He heard the pacing stop, though he heard no voice from within either permitting him to enter, nor telling him to leave. Giving it a couple seconds, he opened the door and stepped inside, closing it gently behind him.

Azula stood in front of the nightstand the guestroom had for her, palms pressed down on it as she looked into the mirror. She was clothed in only a nightrobe, and as he saw her eyes glaring intensely into the mirror as though she were trying to stare herself down, he wondered if she had even heard him knock or enter. After a few seconds, that wonder was banished as he took a single step forward and Azula's eyes flashed to him with enough furious emotion behind them to make Zuko almost want to retreat immediately.

"What do you want, 'Zuzu?" she said in a voice that was almost a snap, but not quite.

"I wanted to check on you and see if you were alright," he said evenly, clasping his hands behind his back and doing his best to maintain his overall calm demeanor. "You had a long night. And I'd imagine several long days with Sasuke."

He winced mentally as he knew that he had immediately overstepped. Prodding that deeply so quickly was not at all a wise choice and judging by the way Azula's eyes narrowed, he had indeed erred.

"If you're here to ask me about Sasuke, you can forget it," she growled, turning her eyes back to the mirror. Looking closely, Zuko could see smudged dark tracks down her cheeks from where makeup had clearly run due to tears, though it was almost imperceptible as a result of the cuts, bruises and blood that still stained her face following her encounter with Toph. "I have no wish to talk about that, not with anyone and especially not with you."

"Why especially not me?" Zuko decided to press. He knew that this was going to be a game of words, to see if he could speak the right pattern at the right time, for it was only with her guard down that Azula was going to even consider telling him even the slightest bit of what was going on with her.

"Oh please," she sneered. "You and mother have just been waiting and watching for this, to see me weak. You surely relished watching that blind little dirt dweller beat me the way she did."

She pushed her hands from the nightstand and turned to face him. Her eyes glinted with accusatory and hateful fire, but as she spoke instigating words towards him, her voice didn't turn up in the typical smile that usually came when she was pressing someone this way.

"Tell me, dear brother," she said, crossing her arms. "When you and mother came rushing to my side afterwards, was it out of pity? Or because you just couldn't resist gloating over seeing me so… low?"

Though he immediately wanted to deny either, Zuko reminded himself of the game he needed to play along with.

"I suppose there was some pity," he started with. "But mostly we were just scared and sad for you."

Azula's mouth scrunched in disgust.

"Lies," she snapped. "You've always been weak so perhaps the sight of me being beaten was a little too much for you. But you can't play away that mother was surely just in heaven watching me being hurt like that."

At that, Zuko couldn't keep from bursting out.

"Mom never wanted anything like that!" he said in a raised voice. "She was begging with Sasuke, pleading with him to stop Toph! And when you were shot, when you took that for Ty Lee, she was crying over your body! Telling you how much she loves you and how sorry she was and how there was so much she still wanted to tell you!"

His fists clenched somewhat desperately, Zuko watched Azula's eyes lock on his own, probing for weakness and truth. Her expression weakened a moment and he knew that she was desperately trying to believe him; then, that expression darkened and she lowered her head causing part of it to fall into shadow under the lamplight.

"You dare try and use mother's love against me? I know that she holds no such thing for me, it's only you she cares for. What am I but a monster in her eyes?"

"You're wrong!" Zuko yelled. "She loves you! Just as she loves me! Did you ever stop to think about how much leaving us with father hurt her?"

"If she cared at all, she would have stayed!" Azula barked, and Zuko realized that both of them were quickly losing any edge they had in trying to use words to their advantage. They were being overrun with emotion, but if this was what it took for Azula to talk to him, he would open up as much as he could.

"She couldn't!" Zuko rebuked. "Do you know what she had to do?! She killed grandfather to save my life after he ordered father to kill me! He allowed her to kill him so that he could become Fire Lord, but he forced her into exile after she did it to avoid being executed! She didn't leave because she wanted to, she left because she had to!"

He realized partway through talking that this was likely all new to Azula, who hadn't been there on the airship when his mother had told him what had really taken place that had forced her to leave their lives. Azula's chest heaved as she stared at him, and he could see her struggling with whether or not she wanted to trust him.

"And so what?!" she finally burst out. "She did it for you, not me! She came back for you, not me!"

"Azula, father used you!" Zuko roared, doubling down on just trying to hammer as much reinforcement into her as possible, doing all he could to make her think about what had happened in her childhood, and how much of it was wrong. "He turned you against me, against mother and uncle, against the whole damn world! You were meant to be his prodigy, his soulless, heartless vessel to carry on his legacy! Think back, how much did he pay attention to you before you showed your aptitude with firebending?!"

Zuko could tell immediately that those words had caught her off guard. She seemed to flinch back just barely, her lips tightening as her brow furrowed towards him.

"You dare… be quiet, 'Zuzu," she managed to hiss, but Zuko sensed weakness and drove onwards.

"Why can't you just look and see that there's people who truly love you, who want better for you?!" he shouted. He hadn't expected this at all when he had knocked on her door, but the fact that he was saying it now felt like years of burden were being lifted from his shoulders, as though he had been waiting his whole life to say these very words. "Stop looking at people as objects! Stop obsessing over Sasuke, stop abusing Ty Lee, stop treating your own daughter like a fucking trophy!"

He watched her chest rise and fall deeply as she took in deep breaths over and over.

"Where do you think this leads?! I know it's been in your head for years to overthrow me and take the throne, and Azula, if I thought that would be all it would take for you to be happy, for you to wake up and understand more than just your twisted desires, I would step down as Fire Lord in a heartbeat! But you're sick! You've been sick since you were a child, and it's only gotten worse; I know blame rests with father, with me, with mother, but at the end of the day, nothing changes if you don't want it to!"

Zuko suddenly realized that there were tears pouring down his face as he felt desperation gripping his heartstrings. This was all he had for Azula he realized, and if she wouldn't be receptive of this, then there was nothing more he could do for her. Perhaps he had been holding these cards to his chest for years, but now that he was playing them, he would have nothing left when he was done.

There were only four words left he could think of, the last thing he could say to try and shake some sense into her dark and fragile mind.

Please… please…

"I love you, Azula!" he screamed, and his voice cracked and broke on the words and all at once, Azula's face flew into a furious guise of fear and fury and she screamed back at him.

"I KNOW!"

Her words echoed around the room, rebounding against Zuko with all the strength of a tsunami. He took a staggered step back, his mouth gaping just slightly, but he could come up with nothing to respond with. It had only been two words she had hurled at him, a mere two syllables, but with them, a confirmation that Zuko never thought he would ever hear.

She knows… she knows I love her.

Zuko had gone through periods where he very much believed he hated his sister. For hurting Iroh, for betraying him in multiple instances, for using their father against him, for her obsession with power and pride, but never at any point had he wished Azula dead the same way he was certain she wished that of him. There had always been love in his heart, when he thought back to that sad little girl who had come sniffling to his room because she didn't think she could firebend, that little sister who had perked up only at his words of encouragement and given him a big hug before running off to bed. Much had changed since those days and from Ursa leaving, to Ozai controlling, Zuko felt that little sister who had been willing to be vulnerable with him had long since died. The Azula who had grown into her teenage years and into her adulthood had been someone that he had always assumed thought the same of him as she clearly still felt for their mother: someone who hated Azula because of who she was.

She knows.

Azula stood before him now, looking somewhat stunned that she had said those words herself. Her arms still remained tightly crossed and her nostrils flared as she turned away from him, her hair whipping over her shoulder.

"I've lost my firebending, brother."

Zuko forced himself past the shock of Azula's first admission to him in order to focus on the second she had just said; part of him wanted to keep trying to push a dialogue about their relationship, about their mother, but he knew he had to be comfortable letting her lead the way with whatever connection he felt between them now. This second confession was just as shocking a thing in its own right.

"Lost… your ability to bend at all? Or just—"

Whirling on her heel, Azula drew her arms back and thrust towards Zuko with a motion that he had seen before, a motion that he had leapt in front of Aang to deflect just a week ago. He braced himself for the lightning, that telltale flash of blue, but as he pressed his heels firmly in the ground to steel himself against his sister's attack, he found himself blocking nothing. Azula stood before him, still holding her stance as though she had just fired a jet of electricity that Zuko hadn't seen, sister and brother both standing battle ready for several seconds before Azula withdrew the hand that had thrust two fingers towards Zuko, looking down at her forearm with disgust written on her face.

"It's gone. I've been trying ever since we I got to my room an hour ago… but I have nothing. There's nothing."

She grit her teeth and clenched her hand into a tight fist.

"I am nothing."

Her eyes came up to meet his and he saw the distress lingering in her ferocious gaze.

"So no, I'm not alright."

Turning away from him again, she spoke quietly towards the wall as though she didn't feel able to address her own brother any longer.

"If there's nothing else, 'Zuzu, I'd like to be left alone."

"Azula, I lost my bending once too! And I—"

"And if I wanted to hear that story, I would have asked you, brother," Azula snapped.

Zuko stood there for a moment, rigid as a board. So much had happened in such a brief span of time, Azula admitting she knew of his love for her as well as admitting the loss of her bending, and now she was asking him to leave. It almost seemed like she didn't want to gain her bending back, the way that she had cut him off. She still just wanted him to leave.

And not demanding it of me… asking if of me.

He wanted to stay. He wanted to tell her about how he had lost and regained his bending. He wanted to ask her what Sasuke had done to her. He wanted to ask what had caused her to confess to Toph in front of everyone and allow herself to get pummeled as a result. He wanted to keep talking to her and see if he could coax anything else out of her to try and get some sort of read on what was going on in her mind. Because as it still stood, she was just as much an enigma as she always had been, even more so, but this time, Zuko knew very well what that positive feeling was surging on his insides.

Somehow, he was feeling hopeful for his sister.

"Okay. Well… if you need to talk or anything… I'll be in my room."

She made no reaction to this as Zuko allowed himself to retreat back to the door and step back out into the hallway. Just before he closed the heavy wood behind him, he could have sworn he heard a soft sniff from where he knew Azula was still standing.

---

Toph sat at Soza's bedside, feeling the soft rise and fall of the girls' body as her breathing shifted her ever so slightly against the mattress in a consistent rhythm. It was about the only thing that Toph thought might have felt steady to her in quite some time.

She had barely managed any sleep lying in the bed next to Ty Lee, and both her friend, as well as Yue and Jin had seemed to be sleeping soundly when Toph had rolled over to sit up and walk quietly from the room. She knew she should have felt tired, but her body was telling her otherwise and the very idea of trying to sleep had put her stomach in knots. Her mind racing with a collection of overwhelming thoughts, Toph had pushed up from the bedside to quietly exit the room. It was more appealing to her to try and pace the halls, giving herself something to do while she tried to stave off the steady flow of relentless loops that her mind was taking her through. She remembered the last time she had experienced a panic attack, it had been Ty Lee who had been there for her, and she had been beside Toph just moments ago in bed, but Toph couldn't think of anyone she'd rather less bring her emotions to just then. So it happened that Ty Lee was the first topic that Toph forced her mind to tackle.

When she and Jin had confronted their friend and tried to understand why she had allowed Azula to torture her the way she had, Toph had been exceptionally angry, but not because of how her friend had handled her relationship with the princess. Certainly that was part of it, but what really had pushed Toph's buttons further than anything was something she hadn't chosen to bring to light, something she wasn't even sure that Ty Lee even noticed or had considered. While she had been caught up in her own personal frustrations, anxieties and emotions, she had forced herself onto him.

Ty Lee had fucked Sasuke. No matter what her feelings had been, she had used them as an excuse to attack him like a bitch in heat. And she had known damn well Toph's feelings for him. It was of course her after all who had come to Toph that night in Ba Sing Se to calm her down and try and help her through those same feelings.

Ty… how could you?

It wasn't at all like what Ursa was doing; the older woman had known Sasuke before she had met a single one of them save for the decades past when she had known her children, as well as Mai and Ty Lee. Regardless of how Toph felt about it, she had come into Sasuke's life when Toph hadn't been able to, and it was clear that she was making him happy; when Toph had left the room, she had used her bending to quickly scan the halls and stairs around her to see if she might be interrupted while pacing the halls, and had felt her stomach turn as she had felt the presence of both Ursa and Sasuke upstairs on a terrace, quite close together. She had been trying to force herself to reconcile with this fact that Sasuke was with Zuko and Azula's mom for days with only moderate success, and then… then Ty had gone after him. After she knew damn fucking well how Toph felt.

It had taken Toph some time, but the only real word she could find for it was betrayal.

Thinking about how not only had Ty Lee done what she had, but how she clearly had been so caught up, and still was, that she hadn't even considered apologizing for what she had done made Toph so sick that she quickly tried to force the thoughts of her friend from her mind. She continued to walk the halls and as the other glaring topic that was haunting her started to trickle in, she found herself walking for a very particular door. Reaching it, Toph opened it quietly and stepped inside; the door clicked shut quietly behind her, and she swallowed before pacing to the bedside of the room's one occupant, the one she had tucked in not hours ago, and sat down.

Soza's breathing came in steady and slow, a clear sign that she was indeed in the midst of sleep. Toph felt some envy of being able to just throw aside so much raging emotion and pass out as she reached to brush the side of the girl's face. Letting out a quiet hum from within her slumber, Soza shifted her head slightly as Toph gently touched her, caught up in who knew what kinds of dreams. Toph pulled her hand back to rest on Soza's thigh over the covers as she felt her eyes start to burn with tears as she should have known they would. Hours ticked by as she sat beside the girl who perhaps had no idea just what it was that rested on her shoulders.

Toph loved Soza, she knew that to be true. The girl had been the greatest gift that Toph could ever have hoped to receive in the wake of Sasuke stepping out of her life. Part of her had thought that she would grow out of her feelings for him just as she assumed everyone else thought, but when she didn't, Soza had somehow filled the gap that he had left behind.

Makes a little too much fucking sense now.

But who Soza's father had been was never something that had mattered to Toph. The first day that Azula had asked Toph to watch after her four year old daughter while she attended to some royal business had been a shocking moment, and one that Toph had initially balked at the idea of. She had walked hesitantly up the stairs to the child's bedroom, feeling ready to shout for Ty Lee if she found herself ill-equipped to deal with a toddler as she was expecting, but when that door had opened and Toph had felt the soft patter of feet run up to her and start hammering her with questions, she vividly remembered starting to smile.

And from there, she had been thankful everyday to be a part of Soza's life, to grow as close to her as she had become, years of feeling as much a blood relative of the girl as she did towards Aang, Katara, or anyone. Soza had come to seemingly love her as well, never seeming hesitant to tell her how she felt, never holding anything back, and always eager to share with her. Azula's daughter, who to Toph's hurt, had become just as dismissive and disdainful of others as her mother was, had still never seemed to grow apart from Toph whatsoever and if anything, it had felt that they were growing closer as Soza neared her teenage years.

It had never made sense. Despite how grateful Toph had been to have the girl in her life, she had always known in the back of her head that Azula's decision to allow her to spend time with her daughter was bizarre at best. She had always been able to feel Ty Lee, Mai, Katara, or honestly anyone seem to tense up when she causally would bring up the subject and she knew they were just as lost as she was. Toph had gone as far as trying to corner Zuko into admitting why his sister had chosen her to be one to get so close to her daughter, but there had never been an explanation, at least not one that had convinced Toph he knew any better than she did.

Now it does though… and I'm a fool for not seeing it coming.

Of course Azula had been using her. For years, Toph had tried to convince herself that perhaps the princess had become a better person quietly beyond her notice, and while she never so much as seemed to have so much as a few words to share with her, Toph still clung to this. The whispered discussions between the rest of her friends regarding Azula came to exclude her and she knew that was because they all believed that there was some relationship between her and the princess that made Toph no longer consider her an issue.

But it had all been according to Azula's plan. She had surely known the moment that she had heard the crying of the newborn Soza that this would be her plan. Who else but Toph would she happily be willing to sacrifice for her daughter's gain of power? Who else but the girl who had been perhaps her strongest contender when Sasuke had been with them during the final days of the war, whom she had accused more than once of trying to steal him?

I'm such an idiot.

It was less an angry thought as it was a condemning one, for Toph was far less concerned with what this had meant to her as to what it meant to Soza. Guilt for the role she had played surged through her as she remembered that just that evening, Soza had murdered someone, something that likely hadn't even registered with her. It would be something that would come back and hit her when she was least ready for it, when she was at her weakest, and she would realize that she had taken a life.

And it never would have happened the way it had, if Toph hadn't allowed herself to be used as she had. She thought back to when she had been tortured before her near execution, how she had been able to hear Soza screaming desperately over her own cries of pain.

That had all been in the cards, in the damn deck that Azula had stacked against her own daughter from the moment she was born.

Toph grit her teeth and she gently drew her fingers along the girl's outline underneath the covers, feeling her heart pang every time she felt Soza's heartbeat lightly thump against her touch.

"I was made to hurt you," she whispered, hardly able to hear her own words even in the quiet of the room. "I was used to make you cry. Soza… I'm so, so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

The voice that spoke out behind her just as quietly made her nearly leap from the bed in fright and Toph whipped her head around, biting down a curse in order to not wake Soza.

It had of course been Sasuke, perhaps the only person other than Ty Lee and Aang whom Toph had known to be able to sneak up on her. Now that she was paying attention she could sense him, but prior to, he could have walked up behind her and put his arms around her before she would have even known he was there.

Toph tried not to think about how much she might have liked that.

Sasuke silently treaded over to where Toph was sitting and sat down beside her, leaving them both resting just beside Soza who was still sleeping peacefully, never the wiser to the two people joining her in her own bedroom. As his thigh touched hers, Toph released the quietest sigh through her nostrils.

"Don't try and tell me that," she murmured to him. "I was too happy to be close to her for all those years and I never once thought as to why Azula so easily let me do it in the first place."

"Would you have given up your relationship with Soza just because of that?" he asked, and she furrowed her brow.

"What are you talking about?"

"Would you have distanced yourself from Soza if you had known what Azula was planning?" he said, not so much a clarification as it was him repeating the question. Toph supposed she had understood it even when he had asked it, but that didn't make it any less easy for her to reply, even as she answer came to her with perfect clarity.

"No," she said quietly. "I wouldn't have."

She turned back towards Soza, and gently took the sleeping girl's hand, squeezing it softly.

"She's done more for me than she could ever know. And I'll never be able to…"

Trailing off as she realized that she was all but stepping in rather imposingly as a surrogate parent, she withdrew her hand and swallowed.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I wasn't trying to… I know she's not my—"

"Toph, I couldn't be happier that my daughter has had you at her side as she's grown up."

Sasuke's words caused her heart to swell in a manner that was both hugely relieving and deeply painful. She didn't reply to this, but he followed up shortly thereafter, a rather grim smirk audible in his tone.

"I don't suppose I can blame you for what you did to Azula as such."

Toph felt bile forming in the back of her throat as she was even just reminded of what had happened earlier that evening. The thought of slamming her fists and feet into Azula's body should have been something that filled her with satisfaction, but it brought nothing but sickness to her thinking about it then.

"Why did you let me?" she asked bitterly. "I know you were holding everyone back with some power of yours, and you did nothing to stop it."

For a moment, she wondered if he was even going to be willing to tell her, but he did.

"She asked me not to."

Feeling even more confusion flood her insides, Toph could only open her mouth slightly, but found there were no words she could think of to say; Sasuke continued softly before she could find her voice.

"She motioned to me before she confessed to you. I obeyed her wish, and you probably have to admit yourself that based on her reaction after you stopping clobbering her, that it made sense why she wouldn't want anyone interfering."

"You're telling me she feels guilt now?" Toph asked, her tone adopting a slightly mocking timbre. "You telling me that whatever you did to her caused her to develop a conscience?"

Sasuke didn't seem to play into her rather rhetorical questioning.

"She's always had a conscience," he said softly. "But she hid it from herself just as she did everyone else."

Though she quite nearly demanded that he tell her what had happened between him and Azula then and there, Toph restrained herself. She wanted quite badly to know what Sasuke had done to the princess in the five days they had been gone, but the fact of the matter was that in just one night upon their return, Azula had taken a shot for Ty Lee, confessed to Toph her true intentions in allowing her to get close to her daughter, and had not so much as raised a hand in defense at being attacked. She knew full well something had happened with the princess, and while she wanted to know what it was that had caused such a slew of behavior most unlike Azula, she had a feeling that Sasuke wasn't about to tell her, even if she asked. There were still qualities of Azula that were just as they always had been: coldness, tactlessness, and a quiet venom that had made it clear part of her was just as she had always been. But what exactly had changed was still a mystery.

"I wasn't going to let you do it forever, of course," Sasuke added. "If I had gotten a sense that she was in danger of any… permanent damage, I would have stopped you. That, and Ursa, Zuko and Ty Lee were about ready to murder me for letting you go that far."

He phrased it almost as a joke, but Toph could hear the touch of regret in his voice.

"Ursa seems to have forgiven you awfully quickly," she said somewhat casually, and felt a touch of pleasure at how she felt Sasuke tense up.

"You saw us…?" he quickly cut off as Toph put on one of her patented smartass smiles and waved a hand over her eyes. "I mean, you… you—"

"Yes, I was able to feel you both," Toph said with a gentle sigh, surprised at how easy it was for her then to talk about it. Maybe after what Ty Lee had done, it had shocked her into finding Sasuke and Ursa being together not quite so upsetting. "Don't worry about it, it was my own fault and I was down here when I did notice you guys upstairs doing… you know, doing your thing."

Sasuke said nothing and Toph could tell he was trying to come up with something to say that would make things less awkward as they had suddenly become, but Toph quite found that she had a more she wanted to say regarding Ursa.

"She makes you happy, doesn't she?" she asked quietly and Sasuke waited a beat before answering.

"Yes."

Toph closed her eyes.

"I'm happy for you both."

Again, she could feel Sasuke's smile more than she could see it, a sad one this time.

"No, you're not. Not really."

Toph supposed it had been rather a stupid thing to even so much as think to say, to throw out something that she most certainly didn't mean.

"I guess not," she replied and silence fell between them again.

It had stupid of her to start probing about Ursa, especially when Toph knew damn well that just about any answer he could give to any of her questions would have been enough to make her feel uncomfortable. They sat side by side quietly and she knew that his mind was just as much on the kiss they had shared back on the island as hers was.

Should I ask him about that? What it meant to him, truly?

She didn't know how vulnerable he was just then, nor if asking him would drive him further away, but the thought clung to the back of her head rather fiercely. Still, she held her tongue.

When this is all over… I'll ask him then.

Toph realized though as she sat beside Sasuke at Soza's bedside that there was something else, something she wanted to know, something she was even more scared to ask him about than the kiss.

"Sasuke?" she inquired, turning her head slightly towards him.

"Hmm?"

She felt her own body tense up at the very idea of asking him this, but she forced the words out and tried not to feel like he was as far away from her as he felt, even though he was sitting just beside her.

"Did you know?"

A pause as he took in her question.

"About how Azula meant to use you to awaken Soza's eyes?"

She nodded firmly before she found herself begging him not to tell her. Sasuke shifted next to her and it was clear that he was formulating the best way to respond even before a word came out of his mouth.

"I'm not sure I—"

Unable to help herself as she suddenly felt an overwhelming amount of adrenaline coursing through her veins, Toph found his hand in the dark and took it, squeezing tightly.

"Sasuke, please don't lie to me. You never lied to me when we were kids."

It was a desperate ploy to urge him to tell the truth and she felt his pulse through his hand quicken a moment before he gently squeezed her back. Toph felt certain again that he wasn't going to reply to her, but his words came out with all the brutal honesty that she had asked for.

"When we were aboard the airship, after you and Soza had both been out, I came to see both of you in the room that you were both sleeping in. Azula was in there, standing over you and I heard her talking."

He paused a moment before sighting quietly.

"I suppose, given what she's said now, that her words back there make a good deal of sense."

Toph felt the tears coming and she lowered her head, letting her hair fall around her face and hoping it would keep him from seeing her tears.

"Fuck…"

Swallowing, she tried to keep her voice steady, something that to her ears didn't seem to be working all that well.

"Why didn't you tell me…?"

Sasuke's voice, in a contrast to hers, was strong and clear even as she heard the pain echoed underneath it.

"I hoped I had misunderstood. Or maybe because Soza's Sharingan were already awakened and you were still alive. I thought there would be no more to it, and that you wouldn't ever have to know what Azula had been planning. I knew that it would… I knew that would hurt you."

To her surprise then, Sasuke reached out and put an arm around her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I wish it hadn't been my decision to make, but I just… I just wanted you not to hurt anymore than you already were."

His fingers brushed over the mark he had left on her, and the ambiguity of his words disappeared.

"I'm sorry," he repeated quietly. "I just wanted to—"

No more words escaped his mouth as Toph buried her face in his chest. She was able to keep herself from crying, but it was likely one because she was able to hold him the way she was that such a feat was possible. She couldn't tell if Sasuke was surprised either, but the way he put his arms around her then made such a detail entirely irrelevant.

Toph couldn't keep her mind from returning to a night on a beach years ago, wherein Sasuke, leaning against a fallen tree, had put his arms around her in a very similar fashion, allowing her to sleep beside him that night as she had rather desperately climbed halfway onto him. They had been but children then and somehow, it didn't feel any different to Toph then as it had over a decade ago. She put her arms around him in return and hugged, trying to squeeze out her anxiety, her distress, as much of her pain as she could. Somehow, she knew that Sasuke was happy to take it.

"I don't get it, dad… are you with grandma and Toph?"

Toph felt her stomach fall through her body as she realized that Soza's measured breathing had stopped. She turned her head slowly and felt then the difference in weight of the pressure of Soza's body against the mattress and found that she was propped up slightly on her arms.

"No, not at all," Sasuke said with an amused calmness that surprised Toph who knew her cheeks her flushed red. "Toph and I are friends, and friends can hug one another."

Soza gave a tired sniff as she sat further up.

"I know friends can hug each other," she said, still sounding slightly bleary from having just woken up, but there was still some of her usual sassy edge in her tone. "That just looks like a pretty intense hug."

The lack of a filter that Soza possessed only caused the heat in Toph's cheeks to intensify, but Sasuke seemed to remain unfazed. Toph remembered how uncomfortable she had felt him being when he had been sitting with Ursa and Soza, and the girl had directly addressed his and Ursa's intimacy., and yet now, he seemed to be perfectly in control of his feelings; his heartbeat was steady, his body language was calm, his voice was even.

How did he manage that in just over a week?

"What, are you looking for one like that?" Sasuke asked and Toph found herself further caught up in surprise as he walked around her and wrapped Soza up in a gentle and playful hug.

"What're you… get off—!"

Soza's words were annoyed, but Toph heard the smallest of giggles emanate in a muffled tone, pressed as she was to Sasuke's chest. It was as heartwarming a thing as she could have heard and Toph tried to keep the smile from her face, but knew she was failing.

I can tell he's still unsure of what being a father means… but he's trying.

She also had the feeling that Sasuke's sudden practical tackling of his daughter was just as much a means to take her mind off of intimate things as it was to appease her, for when he broke apart from her, she seemed to have forgotten about it entirely.

"Why were you guys in my room?" she asked; Sasuke sat down again on the bedside and Soza seemed to eagerly kneel beside him.

"I needed to wake you up," he said softly. "I… we're leaving in a couple hours."

Soza's stance stiffened as her voice echoed with the eagerness her stance gave way to.

"Leaving to go where?"

Toph could tell that Sasuke was trying to figure out how best to explain what was going to happen, as it took him several seconds to relay to his daughter what he wanted to say.

"I just spoke with the chief; he's making ready with supplies for us and we're going to be dropped off as far north as the Northern Water Tribe roads lead. From there, we're going on foot to try and track down the key to beating the spirits."

It was honestly rather adorable the way Soza bounced on her knees, the idea of both going on this trip with her father and likely finally being in on the loop of something; Toph had been able to tell that being told so little over the past week was driving Soza up a wall, but with a surprising restraint, she had kept this to herself. Perhaps it was due to her belief that no one would likely be able to tell her much of anything, but she had likely had this all bottled up inside her, and it was likely why she hadn't gone to Sasuke herself yet and asked him what had happened between him and Azula while they were away. This seemed to be enough for her just then.

"I'm ready!" she said with an energy that only a child could produce. "Who's coming with us?"

Sasuke paused again, and strangely enough, Toph could tell that he didn't want to say what came next, despite the fact that he had so urgently informed the group that it should only be him and his daughter.

"No one else," he finally said, his voice even quieter. "Just you and me, kid."

Soza stopped bouncing and Toph could tell she was trying to process this. A moment later, she threw her arms around Sasuke in a tackling hug that was nearly enough to knock him over sideways into Toph.

"I'm ready!' she repeated, even more excited sounding than before. The idea of going on a trip alone with her father clearly had her excited, but when she spoke again, there was a touch of hesitation.

"Not even Toph? Or anyone?"

Again, Sasuke paused on his words and Toph could tell even more so that something was bothering him, something he clearly wasn't comfortable bringing up. For a moment, Toph considered letting him squirm before she spoke up herself to save him.

"This is something you two have to do on your own," she said. "Your powers are going to let you withstand any cold weather you encounter and will let you make your way through the storms that you'll run into. The rest of us, even firebenders like your mother and Zuko, aren't going to be able to reliably deal with that, and we can't have you and your dad protecting us when you have other things to worry about."

Toph didn't know if the bit about Soza being able to handle the elements as a result of Sasuke's blood, but she figured he'd appreciate the ad-libbing regardless. She could feel Sasuke swallow as he nodded firmly in response to her words, indicating he had been glad for the assistance.

"That's right. This isn't going to be like some kind of vacation, kid," he said somewhat sternly. "The conditions have every chance of getting pretty bad, and we're going to need to be ready to hunker down. I'm hoping the trip doesn't take long, but it could be a while before we so much as get a chance to lie on a bed for a while."

Part of Toph was expecting Soza to mellow out slightly as a result of this warning, but if anything, she only seemed to get more fired up.

"It won't be a problem for me!" she declared. "And I won't be slowing us down! Not one bit! Mother never wanted me to so much as leave the royal grounds without her supervision; I'm ready to get out there and take on whatever it is I have to!"

It would have been impossible then for Toph not to feel a rush of nostalgia at Soza's words. She remembered how she had originally joined up with Aang, Katara and Sokka, and how so much or her reasoning for doing so had been to escape the life that she held as that of being a child of noble blood. Toph realized that despite the occasional grudging words that Soza had occasionally floated in her company, she had never once assumed that she was of that same ilk as her, unhappy with being cooped up in a privileged life. She couldn't be sure, but the way she was acting with her father now might have been the happiest that Toph had found her to be. It almost made her forget that Soza had taken a life the night previous.

Sasuke waited a long moment before a Toph heard what sounded like him ruffling her hair, and she let out a soft grunt.

"Dad, you know I don't like it when you do that…"

Toph could hear him smiling.

"Forgive your old man, kid, just a habit."

It was a much more imperceptible movement, but somehow Toph knew that he had pressed his pointer and middle finger to Soza's forehead.

"Meet at the back gate of the palace in two hours," he told her, standing from the bedside. "From there, we leave."

---

Sasuke left his daughter's room and smiled as he listened to Soza immediately start bombarding Toph with questions about what she should bring and what she should prepare for, as well as relaying how excited she was to be having this opportunity to go on a trip with her father. Just before the door closed, he heard Toph's amicable tone as she responded, but he knew that she was worried as he felt. It didn't feel right to leave their conversation the way he had, but it was what he got for trying to have it while they were sitting at Soza's bedside. Toph deserved more than what he had given her just then, and he knew that there was a plethora of questions she had for him that she more than deserved an answer for. It was rather stunning to him that the only person whom he had told about what had occurred between him and Azula had been Ursa; he had been expecting at least Zuko and Ty Lee to corner him, but he hadn't seen them since Toph had all but concussed Azula in the fireplace room. He supposed he should have been glad at the outcome, but more so he was just on edge as a result of the lack of interrogations. When he knew they must have been coming, it made it a fair bit worse.

He walked back to the room he had briefly lain down to close his eyes in; his black travel cloak was draped over an armchair, and a set of his equipment, kunai, ninja wire, and explosive caltrops that he had spent a great deal of time custom making were also near the chair's legs. Sasuke found it rather embarrassing that they had taken him the time they had to make, but he supposed he should have just been happy that he had them at all. Kusanagi was resting against the chair's arm, ever present and something he found he was never quite able to go anywhere without. It was an unrealistic thought, but every time he looked at the sword, he hoped he would never have to draw it again with the intent of using it.

Sasuke had managed as much sleep as he could before he had woken rather restlessly and saw that it was a couple hours before dawn. He had visited the chief after walking Ursa to her room and informed Tangith of his intention to essentially do exactly what it was that had been suggested. Tangith had taken this news well as he had expected and told him to meet at the palace's rear entrance at dawn which Sasuke had agreed to before going to see Soza and Toph. He looked down at the bed now and tried to imagine a world where his mind wasn't racing so badly that he couldn't manage perhaps a last hour or two of sleep on a genuine, comfortable mattress, but he knew it would be a fruitless endeavor. Collecting his things, he threw on the cloak and made for the door, opting to just walk the palace grounds until it was time to leave. There was a good bit on his mind and perhaps thinking some things over would be helpful to his state of mind.

Moving from his room back-first, Sasuke turned and practically collided with Yue who, judging by her own surprise, hadn't been paying much attention to where she had been going either. She stumbled backwards and yelped, and balanced herself out quickly, giving him a reproachful look that was more a sign of distant affection then it was one of actual anger.

"When they tell you to take a girl off her feet, I don't think they mean that literally," she remarked dryly, and Sasuke smiled at her clear attempt at humor, despite the very apparent weariness and anxiety that was in her eyes.

"How are you?" he asked in response, and she cocked her head from left to right ponderingly and shrugged.

"I've been better, but I think that's the state of about everyone."

She looked past him down the hall.

"Soza awake?"

Sasuke nodded.

"She's looking forward to this, though we'll see how long that lasts once we really get into the thick of it."

Yue nodded back and seemed to consider something, shifting her weight from her left to right foot briefly before sighing and asking, "Are you sure you don't want anyone else coming along?"

Her real question was apparent and he reached out to give her shoulder a brief, appreciative pat.

"We'll be alright."

She looked anything but convinced, but it was a sign of their bond that she didn't press the issue.

Sasuke was struck then that since they had rejoined the group, save for their rather intimate meeting in the airship, he and Yue really hadn't had much time together. While they had been traveling back to the Four Nations it had seemed as though they had been graced with nothing but time to spend in one another's company, but now, he hated to find that the moment between them was actually a touch awkward. Maybe that was because of the kiss or maybe it was because, prior to Ba Sing Se, they had spent hours alone together each and every day; with Yue as his guide and protector of sorts, she hadn't seemed to let him out of her sight hardly at all, but with the reveal that she had been used to trace his movements indirectly, she had remained with him, but seemed to have drifted away somewhat.

It was true that Sasuke had wondered if she had been what the spirits had been using to follow them. He was quite grateful for the fact that such a conclusion didn't wind up making much sense; it would explain away some things about the nature of their pursuit, but it didn't add up to what Gilbert's presence in the Northern Water Tribe had meant. They had gone nearly a week without seeing a single spirit and then Gilbert had shown up as, as Aang had described it, under a hunch of his own. Though Sasuke was perfectly fine with Gilbert being dead, he slightly regretted the man's death, partly because he would have liked to interrogate him about how he had found them, and partly because he wanted to bloody the man himself for laying hands on his daughter, shooting Azula, having Toph nearly killed, and plenty more.

I would have taken my time with him.

Sasuke felt sick to his stomach just thinking about Gilbert, but he did his best not to think on it. That was a dark path that he was trying to stay as far from as he could and in any case, it had nothing to do with Yue. Gilbert had somehow found them on his own by some means, and Sasuke had to accept that wasn't something he knew or understood. He was fine not knowing if it meant that Yue was clean in all this.

"I, uh…" Yue started, scratching the back of her head. "I just wanted to see you before you left. Tell you not to be long, okay? And look after your daughter."

Feeling a smile creep onto his face, Sasuke inclined his head.

"Thank you, I will. Have you seen your parents yet?"

He could see it in her eyes that she hadn't the moment the word 'parents' had left her mouth, and she bit her lower lip.

"No, not yet… I had been about to, but you and Azula came back when I was about to head over and, you know…"

She met his eyes and cracked a small smile of her own. There was a level of appreciation in her eyes, and he imagined that she might have thought he forgot about her predicament.

"I was nervous to even think about it, but I talked to Ursa. Somehow, just talking to her made me feel better about it, and she even said that she'd come with me if I was feeling anxious."

Sasuke felt his heart swell for Ursa; even despite the heat between her and Ursa, she was willing to put that aside to help her through a difficult thing.

"She's a good woman," Yue said softly and gave him a wry look. "You're lucky to have her."

He swallowed before he replied, dislodging the lump in his throat.

"I know."

The thought of what had been looming over him all evening came back to him then and he suddenly couldn't keep himself from blurting out a series of words that he might have otherwise kept to himself.

"Listen, Yue, about Ursa…"

She crossed her arms and looked at him expectantly, and he felt a last chance to at least withhold the most crucial piece of information, which he grabbed just in time.

"I… would you mind just keeping an eye on her? While I'm gone?"

It was something that hadn't so much as passed between them, but Sasuke could tell that Yue understood what he was implying. There was every chance that the spirits would arrive during the time he was gone, and if that was the case…

"I'm just… you know, I'm just worried. And I can't just ask anyone," Sasuke said, and words started to flow from his mouth like a river breaking through a dam. "Most of the others might have issues with that, you know how things have been, and I don't want to just go asking Katara or someone, even if I know they would, that's not… I trust you, and I—"

"Is she pregnant?"

Sasuke's heart stopped as Yue quietly asked the question that cut through his ramblings like a knife. He looked at her and saw a gentle melancholy in her eyes, even as she smiled at him knowingly, and he knew then that any lie he gave at that moment to play it off would be in vain; she would see clean through him.

"How did you know…?" he asked, even quieter than she had. Yue lowered her head, her silvery hair falling around her, a pained look on her face.

"I don't know. A hunch, I guess. Since you've been gone, she's had these… kind of moody swings. I overheard her nearly bite Katara's head off, and I knew she was stressed about you and Azula, but it was really unlike her to lose control the way she did. She's been going to bed early and taken naps during the day… and I noticed she hasn't been eating much either."

She looked at him and smiled, a sad expression as she gently cocked an eyebrow.

"And just now, you didn't exactly make it seem like you were asking just any old favor."

Sasuke didn't know what to say. The last moment he had shared with Yue had been one wherein she had kissed him, in what seemed like a hopeful intent to him. He didn't know if she intended to pursue him further, but now, regardless of what she thought, he was asking her to look after the woman he loved and who would become the father of his child.

Could he have been any crueler?

"Sasuke, it's alright."

He realized his eyes had fallen to the floor in shame, his mouth set in a tight line while his fists clenched at his side. Untensing his body, he inhaled slowly and looked at Yue whose smile had gone from sad to reassuring.

"I'll look after them both."

Her own implication couldn't have been missed and Sasuke felt such relief pass through him that he couldn't keep from quickly closing the distance between them and wrapping her in a tight hug. He knew he owed her more, a long conversation, an explanation, so much that he couldn't give her just then, but he tried to put as much into the embrace as he could, every bit of his emotion as was possible. Yue seemed surprised a moment, but she slowly brought her arms up and reciprocated his hold, putting her arms around his back and sighing relievedly against him.

"But you come back."

She pulled away from him and gave him a weak shove, and Sasuke could see her eyes glistening. He gripped her shoulder and gave her as confident a nod as he could.

"I will."

Nodding back to him, she gave a sniff and walked past him, her footsteps fading away behind her. Sasuke kept himself from looking back, as much as he felt the urge to and tightened his grip on his resolve.

I'll see her again.

Squaring his shoulders, he walked in the direction that she had come from, taking a calming breath.

He walked the grounds on his own for a period of time, letting himself collect his thoughts. It was a good exercise for him to do as he found a whole list of things that he would have liked to resolve before leaving, but that he promised he would when he returned. By the time the sun had started to rise, he was walking assuredly towards the palace's rear entrance, ready to depart and secure victory over the spirits.

As he might have expected, a small group was waiting for him at the enormous gate that he and Azula had passed through several days prior. He remembered that he had somewhat told them all that they would talk about it again in the morning, and imagined that he was about to get an earful for going ahead and okaying the plan with Tangith without really so much as a word to anyone.

Well, in a way, I told the truth. I'm sure we are going to talk about it now after all.

Katara was standing at the front of the group, her arms crossed and her expression intense. Sasuke found himself inwardly glad he had taken the time to collect himself as in a lesser state of mind, he had every confidence that the fierce woman before him might have picked him apart.

"Ever the lone wolf, I see," she said cleanly, her clipped tone not quite betraying the anger that he could see in her eyes. He shrugged as he looked around her and saw Aang, Sokka, Suki, Toph, Soza, Mai, Ty Lee and Jin all standing in something of a formation behind her. He wasn't surprised not to see Azula or Zuko, but felt his heart sink when he didn't see Ursa present.

"I figured we'd talk it over out back here," he said airily, glancing at his daughter as he did; he saw her smile widely at his casual attitude and it seemed she was getting quite the kick out of him talking back to Katara this way. "Nice morning breeze coming through, get some fresh air…"

"Cut the shit," Mai said, and she nearly shoulder Katara aside as she walked up to confront him. He stopped a couple paces from her and looked into her flat, piercing eyes. "Did you really think you would just be able to walk out of here with Soza?"

"If I had wanted to, we would have been gone a long while ago," Sasuke said and as he watched her chest swell angrily, he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. As he would have expected of her, her eyes widened slightly in surprise at his touch and her body both tensed and relaxed.

"I'm sorry, Mai," he said. "But I think you know full well that this is how it has to be."

She chewed the inside of her mouth a moment before adopting an exasperated look and tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"And you won't take anyone with you?" she demanded, crossing her arms. Sasuke didn't look away from her as he answered.

"Give me one reason why taking someone else with us would be a good idea."

Mai opened her mouth, closed it, and opened it again before gritting her teeth and looking down. Sasuke could see the muscles in her mouth working furiously as she tried to come up with some answer that he wouldn't be able to refute and felt himself reassured as he had, in the back of his head, wondered if she might have been able to offer him some valid point.

Behind her, Aang took a somewhat nervous step forward.

"I could come," he offered hesitantly and Katara and Sasuke both looked to him at once.

"No," they said in unison, voices echoing together, and Sasuke looked at her as she returned his gaze. Her eyes were so incredibly vibrant and intense that he couldn't even think of looking away. He waited for her to reinitiate against him, telling him that he wasn't going anywhere without them, but after a moment, Katara looked down to Soza who glanced back at her almost challengingly. Katara pursed her lips and let out a long exhale through her nose.

"You take care of her," she said curtly. "And the both of you come back as soon as you're possibly able."

The idea that she was actually relenting had Sasuke practically stunned into silence, but he distantly knew that it would be best to act on this before Katara had a chance to change her mind.

"We will," he said, glancing around at the others gathered around. Suki and Ty Lee both had their eyes turned away from him, likely for very different reasons. He could sense the anger in Suki as she was turned away from him, and he wondered if she was only there to keep an eye on Ty Lee who had a complete air of despondency and discomfort about her. Sasuke didn't like the idea of leaving things awkward with any of them, but the best he could do for them just then was track down Koloss and make things right by their safety. Mending relationships would have to come afterwards, he thought, even as he looked sadly at Ty Lee.

Fuck it.

Knowing full well what this might incite for the others, but finding he didn't care, he walked up to Ty Lee and before she could so much as look up to meet his eyes, Sasuke put out an arm and pulled her into a hug. His mouth near her ear, he murmured softly.

"It'll be okay."

He had wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault, that the things she was eating herself up over weren't anything to be concern herself with, but he knew as well as she did that denying her blame was more disrespectful to her than anything. It was clear that Ty Lee knew what she had done, and she didn't need to be given some false words to try and alleviate the guilt; she would have to find her own peace with that, and Sasuke hoped that the forgiveness he had silently offered her would have been able to help, the comfort he had tried to put into his hug.

He pulled away to avoid the gesture looking too intimate, but the glowing in the eyes of Katara, Mai and Suki all told him plenty well that his embrace of her hadn't been seen as welcome. Still, as Ty Lee looked up in shock at him, her mouth twitched in a small smile and she nodded as her eyes started to glisten.

"Thank you," she said, and Sasuke, knowing she had understood his intent, moved away from her and made it only a step before Sokka had wrapped him in a bear hug.

"I know sis can be a bit overbearing, but do what she says, alright?" he said into Sasuke's shoulder. "No one here wants to lose you."

The emphasis he put on 'no one' was unmistakable and Sasuke deeply appreciated the words and he found himself hugging Sokka back.

"Same to you," he replied and as he pulled away, he directed his words to the group as a whole. "Keep each other safe. I'll come back, but I want—"

"We've got it," Sokka reassured him, offering a big smile. "No matter when they come, no matter how many, we'll all be okay."

Trying not to feel the words only add to his anxiety, Sasuke nodded firmly. Soza walked up to his side, smiling up widely, looking to be the only person there who was genuinely feeling some level of joy.

"Are we ready?" she asked eagerly, and Sasuke smiled at her, putting a hand on her head and looking back over his shoulder towards the shadowed pillars and hallway that led back into the palace.

"Yeah, I think we can—"

His eyes caught sight of the barest motion in the dark and his heart jumped into his throat. He looked down to Soza, speaking as quickly as he could without sounding conspicuous.

"Forgot something, be right back."

Before anyone could inquire as to what it was he was missing, Sasuke turned and jogged away from the gate, joining the shadows cast by the pillars and he slipped back into the hallway. He was certain he was out of sight just as a hand reached out from a niche in the side of the hallway just beside the door. Had it been anyone else, Sasuke would have immediately grabbed the wrist attached to the hand to keep it from touching him. As it was, he let the fingers close around his collar and yank him into the niche, well hidden from any wandering gaze, and Sasuke's eyes closed as his lips met Ursa's. Their arms wrapped around one another as they kissed intensely for several seconds before they pulled apart just barely. Sasuke looked at her and saw that her eyes remained close as she pressed her forehead softly to his.

"I just got you back… I don't want to let you go," she said quietly and he realized how much weakness she was showing him just then. Her hands were shaking ever so slightly and there was no smile on her face.

She's always been the rock to me… I have to be that for her now.

"It'll just be a quick trip," he said dismissively. "I'll be back before you—"

"Promise me," Ursa said then, very intensely as she took his chin between her thumb and pointer finger. "Promise me, Sasuke. Promise me you'll come back, you and your daughter both."

Her seriousness was almost unnerving to him, but he understood more than a little as to where she was coming from. He considered if there positions were reversed, and it was Ursa having to leave to go hunting after something that so little was known about, not knowing truly when it was that he was going to see her again. The thought made him sick.

"I promise, Ursa," he said and she seemed to almost stiffen as he spoke her name and she swept him up in a hug that Sasuke imagined only a mother would be able to give. He closed his eyes and slowly brought his arms up to cradle her back.

"I love you," he said and was surprised as the words nearly caught in his throat, swelled as they were by emotion. He tracked his hand around her body, running down from her breast to her belly, gently massaging it.

"Both of you."

He supposed it might have been a touch overboard to say something like that when it was clear that Ursa was already so emotional, but he hadn't been able to help himself and she released a small noise into his shoulder that might have been a restrained sob. She hugged him all the tighter before pulling back and kissing him again, and he could tell she was putting as much into it as she could.

Like it's the last time she'll ever be able to.

The desperation that stabbed at him then was nearly enough to make him ask her to come with, despite the fact that he knew she would be in danger no matter whether or not she was with him. But if he wasn't there to protect her…

Sasuke had told himself that the spirits wouldn't know to come after her; their sensing of Soza had surely come after she was born, and they wouldn't know of what Ursa had growing inside of her. That tiny bit of life he had sensed, it would be safe from their detection.

He had forced himself to believe that.

"We'll be okay," Ursa said, immediately after she broke apart from him. He could tell that she had sensed his unease just as she always seemed to be able to tell when something was troubling him. "You just worry about taking care of your daughter and getting back. Everyone here will be okay."

He tried to will himself to pull away and head back to the group, but the opposite was achieved and he moved forward to press against his head against her chest, closing his eyes and trying to imprint the feeling of comfort she gave him. Ursa let him remain there, stroking the top of his head softly.

After a long moment, Sasuke pulled back and away from her. They stood a few feet apart, regarding one another silently before she smiled softly, her voice a promise to his ears.

"I love you."

Sasuke walked away from her as quickly as he could, feeling his weakness grow and grow and knew fully well that if he stayed at her side any longer, he would lose the ability to leave it.

He was just able to remind himself to not look like he was in any great rush and he slowed his pace to as casual a walk as he could as he approached the group.

Lorna had joined them at the gate with a pair of guards at her side and while no words were passing from her mouth, she looked nearly about ready to start shouting at Katara who looked nearly the same. Sasuke remembered how he had overheard the two women practically screaming at one another the night he had brought Azula to the palace and he tried to keep from smirking at what might have been racing through their minds just then.

"What'd you forget?" Soza asked as he rejoined them, a padded traveling cloak that would no doubt keep her good and warm thrown on, and Sasuke gave her a small smile.

"Something important," he said before turning to Lorna who twisted her head away from Katara, though her eyes remained on her for a moment longer before she met Sasuke's gaze.

"Chief Tangith regrets that he couldn't see you off, but he is spending the morning with his military advisers," she said in a clipped tone and Sasuke could tell just from that what actually was going on. It wouldn't surprise him that a man like Tangith was immediately working on preparations for an invasion. The urgency of his mission hit him rather hard then and he put a hand on Soza's shoulder.

"I understand. We'd best be going as is."

Jin stepped forward then and Sasuke saw her pulling two rucksacks behind her, one larger and the other smaller.

"I got these ready for you two," she said, looking strangely embarrassed. "Sleeping rolls, extra blankets, mittens, some stuff for a hot meal; there's a container of stew I tossed in, it won't keep too long, but should give you something nice to eat tonight. I got up early this morning and baked some biscuits as well, they should be filling enough to last you a good while…"

Soza looked at the rucksacks before wrinkling her nose and cocking her head before looking at Sasuke.

"Will we really need all that?"

Her tone was anything but appreciative and Sasuke felt perhaps the first real throb of anger towards his daughter. He looked down and shot her a look, deciding to experiment with something; Soza caught his gaze and seemed to shrink just a touch and swallowed. There was a brief and rather awkward silence, but Sasuke didn't say a word and eventually, Soza turned back to Jin and cleared her throat.

"Thank you very much," she said, and Sasuke was impressed that she didn't sound all that stiff in her thanks. Jin smiled at her and inclined her head.

"You're welcome."

Sasuke knew that Soza couldn't be held entirely responsible for her manners and dismissiveness, but he also saw no reason in taking it easy with her. He remembered how he had been when he was her age, and just like he had been, her attitude towards many things was something he would like to improve upon.

It will take time. But I'm willing to take that time.

The thought brought his mind to Azula and he asked Soza, "Did you say goodbye to your mom?"

Soza gave a small careless sniff and made an offhand gesture.

"She knows we're leaving."

She walked past him and hoisted Jin's smaller racksack over her shoulder and walked up to give Toph a big hug.

"Bye!" she said rather cheerfully and practically skipped towards the back gate. Everyone watched her leave and while Sasuke kept his eyes on her back, he was well aware of everyone slowly turning to look at him.

"Keep an eye on her, would you?" Toph asked, her voice slightly uneven and Sasuke could tell she was worried. He walked a couple steps forward and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I will."

Aang rushed up and gave Sasuke a tight hug and pulled away before Sasuke could reciprocate or otherwise. He stepped back somewhat sheepishly and flicked his eyes nervously towards Katara, and Sasuke didn't dare to look at her himself.

This… this could be a completely different problem.

Sighing, he looked around at all of them, from Suki, who still wasn't looking at him, to Sokka, who was still wearing a broad encouraging smile. He made sure to put appreciation in his gaze as he looked to all of them, even Katara, who was looking like she was trying not to glare at him. He nearly went to hug both Toph and Jin, but knew that that would only make this harder. His gaze fell on Mai last, who was looking off to the side grudgingly, her arms crossed.

"See you guys in a bit," he said, keeping his eyes on Mai as words of farewell were softly issued around him. Eventually, Mai noticed his gaze and looked at him appraisingly.

"Well… bye," she said, but even as her words were flat and dull, he saw her eyes soften as she looked at him. He almost expected her to walk up and hug him, but as the moment only grew closer to becoming awkward, Soza's voice rang out from the open gate.

"Dad, come on!"

Sasuke sighed again and reached down to shoulder his own rucksack. He stepped out into the chilly, bright morning in the wake of his daughter, and regretted that he hadn't gotten more sleep that night.

---

Soza paced back and forth under the large frozen ridge under which she and her father were camped out. It was somewhat like a cave, but the roof of it stretched up so far it almost felt more like being beneath a cliff than within a cavern. Forty feet ahead of them was the entrance to the underpass and it was a solid white whistling gale of a blizzard, the storm that had driven them to cover. Soza knew her father had the ability to withstand a storm like that, but he was being reserved with his powers, and she assumed that was because he didn't want to be lacking in any sense of his energy reserves if they encountered a real threat.

They had made excellent ground that day. Sasuke had told Soza that he was going to give her some of his energy to allow her to run for a considerable distance, but when she had informed him that she could fly with firebending, he had perked up and smiled before breaking into a run across the frozen land to the north of the Water Nation, far faster than any human being should have been able to move. Soza had needed to quickly accelerate in her flight to keep pace with him, but they had moved north very quickly; her father had taken them up several high rises and ridges and over glacial mountains, and had told Soza to keep her eyes peeled for a fjord.

Soza had felt like they had covered as much ground as if they had been on a flying bison, but the vastness of the glacial plains had genuinely staggered her, and even with how much she had disliked the Northern Water Tribe, she had found herself wishing on more than one occasion to be back, just for the semblance of civilization. It was impossible for her not to feel alone in the great white expanse, and she was very glad she had her father with her. Being lonely wasn't something she had ever really thought about or considered, but she surely had felt it during their travels that day.

The storm that had forced them into shelter for the night had loomed far off in the distance as a distant shade before spreading as an unsettling black horizon as the sun had dipped towards the horizon. Soza had felt a terrible sense of anxiety as she had looked up at the storm and realized how far away they were from any structure they could take shelter in, but her father had quickly located the tall cavern they now were in and minutes later the storm had overtaken their position, blowing and howling wildly outside.

He had unpacked somewhat then and removed a small pot and container that must have contained the stew; as Soza looked at him now, he had used some of his powers to cause the pot to levitate over a small flame he had conjured and a rather appealing smell was starting to waft through their temporary living space.

Soza eyed him while she paced, waiting for him to notice her and ask what the problem was; it always seemed to work with her mother and aunties and with Toph, but he seemed oblivious to her attempts at grabbing his attention. That, or he was ignoring her, and Soza wouldn't have that.

She marched up to where he sat beside the stew and dropped to her knees rather ceremoniously. He looked to her and raised an eyebrow.

"What's on your mind, kid?"

Soza huffed and put her hands on her lap somewhat aggressively.

"Firstly, I don't know why you won't just use my name when you talk to me. And secondly, I think it's time you teach me teach me more how to use my powers."

He stared at her with an infuriatingly impassive gaze.

"Your powers?"

She gestured frustratedly towards the levitating pot.

"Yes, like those! How to make things float, how to create a firestorm of black fire, how to summon a snake the size of the mountain, how to create a dragon out of pure lightning, how to turn into a giant purple monster!"

He raised his eyebrow further and she quickly followed up.

"I've seen what you can do, and I've heard the stories from the war days. I figure if you've shown me all these things so far, all those stories must be true; and since I know I didn't get this…"

Soza pointed to her eyes.

"…from mother, I know that I must have more powers like you have. And I want to know how to use them."

His expression remained mostly unreadable, but she finally caught some hesitation in his eyes as he spoke.

"Soza, you aren't ready. Your using of the Amaterasu, that black fire, is reckless, dangerous, and out of control. I don't—"

"I'm learning better how to use it!" she interrupted him. "You're teaching me! So why can't you teach me those other things? Dad, if you're worried about that thing with Lord Gilbert, it was just because I was mad, and because I was worried about mother! I could have controlled it if I wanted!"

She could tell that her words weren't convincing him.

"I don't want you using Amaterasu," he said smoothly and firmly. "I don't want you using anything you might have inherited from me when you're so young. Like it or not, you're unpredictably dangerous, and not just to your enemies."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Soza demanded and Sasuke turned to also get on his knees, putting both his hands on her shoulders.

"If I hadn't shown up when I did, you could have killed your mother. You could have killed Toph, or Ty Lee, or maybe everyone else there."

Soza watched as he turned his head to the right, looked down and a burst of black fire burst to life. She stared at it, mesmerized, as it moved with a swift deliberateness and precision, and sliced his name into the ice beneath them before flickering out.

"The flame follows where you look. You had created a small inferno and nearly had looked at everyone you care about with it. You understand what would have happened?"

Trying to shrug off this near miss, Soza said, "Katara would have put it out, or the Avatar would have blown it away, or Toph would have—"

Her father's eyes flashed angrily and his voice leapt in volume.

"Amaterasu would have burned through anything they would have tried to stop it with before taking their lives!" he shouted. "You don't understand how deadly your abilities are, and you don't understand control! Your emotions are too much of a hinderance to trust you in using them!"

"I would be able to if you just taught me!" Soza yelled back. "What if there's a situation where I have to use them, where I need to rely on them just like you do?!"

His anger flickered away into a deep sadness that she could see looming in his eyes.

"If such a time ever comes, where such a necessity exists, I will consider myself more of a failure of a father than I ever could have been being absent from your life for a decade."

Soza could tell that he meant it, but she didn't care, and she certainly didn't want to back down now.

"Well, that might not be up to you," she said callously. "And I think you should teach me."

Her father looked at her for a long moment, unblinking and the emotional edge disappearing from his eyes again.

"Do you now?"

She nodded quickly.

"You want to be taught the way I was?"

Soza smiled and nodded again, quicker this time.

"Yes!"

He looked her up and down for a couple seconds before nodding in return.

"Alright."

She stared at him with surprise and growing excitement.

"Really?"

Getting to his feet, he walked over to the stew and looked into the pot.

"Sure. Will be an hour before this is cooked, I suppose, that should give us some time."

Soza leapt to her feet, fists clenched.

"I'm ready!"

Reaching down, Sasuke straightened out his bedroll and lay down on it facing the stew before gesturing at the side of the icy cavern they were in.

"Run up the wall."

Soza stared at him.

"What?"

He smirked from where he lay.

"Run up the wall. No firebending, no hands. Just your own strength and your own two feet."

Soza's shoulders slumped as she looked at him cynically.

"I thought you were being serious."

Her father looked to her and sighed, and got back to his feet.

"I was."

Putting his foot out on the wall, he made as if to walk up it. And then, to Soza's utter shock, instead of falling flat on his back when he lifted his second foot, he actually started to walk up the side of their cavern, his back parallel to the floor. Higher and higher he walked, like something out of a dream, until he was at least twenty feet in the air. He twisted slightly and looked down at her, and chuckled softly at her gaping jaw; bending back, his feet left the wall and he performed a graceful backflip back down to the ground. Grunting, he lay back down on his bedroll and gave a relaxed sigh.

"How did you do that?" Soza demanded, feeling nothing short of awe from what she had just witnessed.

"Ah, that's for me to know and for you to find out," her father replied. "You wanted to be taught the way I was. So here we are. And either you're going to do what I just did, or you're going to fail, and I won't teach you."

Soza licked her lips before mustering herself up and squaring her shoulders.

"I'll do it! I'll do it even better than you did!"

She paced away from him and looked at the wall, sizing it up.

I can do this. I can do this.

"Better to do it running to start," Sasuke said from where he lay by the stew, his eyes already closed as though he were about to nap. "Might make things easier for you."

"I don't need any tips!" Soza yelled at him and only felt more determined than ever. She looked back to the wall of rough ice before her and took several deep slow breaths.

I can do this!

And she ran for the wall, as ready to conquer it as anyone could have been.