Act 97 – If You Saw Me Now

"Did you really think that taking this role would mean you were anything like me?" Ren heard as he stood alone in the kitchen area of his apartment waiting for the coffee to brew. He looked to the side where he imagined his father standing. He looked like he did the last time Kuon had seen him when he was leaving for Japan. This was a man who had wanted nothing more from him, no connection to him.

This was a man who would feel happy were he dead. Ren sighed and looked away from him. "I'm sorry," he said knowing that he was actually there alone and speaking to nobody. "I'm really sorry that I let you down. I wish I could promise that it would never happen again but you know what, Dad, it probably will."

His father didn't care about him, didn't love him. He only had himself to rely on in this world. Maybe Kyoko thought that she had problems with her mother but his parents hated who he had become. At least Kyoko hadn't changed her mother's opinion as he had his own parents. At least she might still be able to get love.

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Kyoko froze as she looked at the director who looked as if he were about to die. He always looked like the kind of individual who would be very susceptible to stomachaches, maybe as much as moral philosophy professors. She didn't know if she was supposed to do anything or what to do. Not even the actors who were more seasoned in the profession were doing anything so would it be wrong for her to just step forward?

She was hopeful when an older actor did take a step towards him, "Um, is something wrong, Director?" the man asked and by the time Director Ogata had sat down and was staring forwards as if he had just encountered a ghost. He looked up confused and the other actor continued, "Well, you're getting really pale."

Ogata laughed as he heard that. He put a hand to the side of his head, trying to steady himself which Kyoko could observe. "Um, no I'm all right. I'm just a little nervous," he said and Kyoko held in her breath. She didn't want to focus on the fact that she was nervous about this role herself, this wasn't about her. "I'm a director so I'm not used to being taped myself," he continued to laugh.

Kyoko watched them feeling as if she wanted to do something to help but she had always learned that she should just observe if she was the person with the least experience and she really was. Someone should be able to go over there and talk to him at least but they just made comments on how there was something that was making her nervous which she didn't understand.

She felt the words of the other actors sting and so decided that it might be for the best were she to speak with him. A person listening to you was enough to cheer most people up, it was sharing the pain or anxiety of ones own feelings.

Today was the day that the production announcement would be made and Tsuki Go Mori would change to Dark Moon for them to make it a little bit different. Maybe this was something that the director felt at the start of every new work he did. Maybe it was Kyoko's inexperience in the industry that was leading her to the wrong conclusion especially about what the director was going through. After all, Tsukigo Mori was an unprecedented hit twenty years ago and that made everything bigger, louder, more pomp and circumstance so to speak.

Kyoko squatted down in front of the director, giving him a hopefully comforting but somewhat innocent expression. "Director Ogata?" she asked concerned, "Are you all right?" Director Ogata didn't say anything and so Kyoko began to smile with a strong positive energy. "You'll be all right," she tried to reassure him hoping that by sharing her belief in him, she would be able to motivate him that things would work out well. "The production announcement will be over soon."

Director Ogata smiled in relief as he heard that and Kyoko smiled happily, "You're right," he said before he started to laugh and the relief faded as he was surrounded with even more gloom. Kyoko stared at him in surprise that it seemed he was shrinking and getting smaller. There was the added pressure that he had to surpass the show that had been a hit and was a lot of people's favorites. If he did well then he would be celebrated but if it didn't do well, he would be criticized about it.

She sighed, when they had talked about her and Ren performing their own roles in the drama and how they were both committed to the idea of acting those roles, he had smiled confidently and tried to prepare himself to shoot something amazing. He had shone with so much excitement and passion and confidence and now it was as if he was fading.

Kyoko's eyes flickered up and she paused as she saw that another person was not shining in his usual way. Ren looked more reserved right now, distant. Was it okay if she went to speak with him? She wouldn't need to make their friendship known if she did it just as a younger actor from the same agency, would that be okay?

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He was treading in deadly waters and Ren knew that. He didn't want to say how there were people from the original work here, he didn't want to comment that he had met some of these actors as a young boy. They might have even forgotten that. Even if his father had sent them his picture on a holiday card, they wouldn't recognize him. Yet, it was more than that. Knowing that his father had shown him love around these people before. They would have that misunderstanding and he didn't want anyone to know of that relationship between him and Hizuri Kuu.

That must be how Director Ogata felt right now. He apparently was too young to remember meeting Director Date in the past but his dad had told him how they had been introduced. His memories weren't fresh of when he was a toddler. It was only those darker moments in his life that made the pain ache. Those years he had been physically dealing with hurt and rejection and the knowledge that he had lost the love of his father.

Ren paused as he saw Kyoko approach him and he blinked wondering what she was doing there. He also didn't quite understand why she was keeping her distance from him. No, he must have intimidated her by what he said about hiding their friendship. He heard her voice and blinked, the words only half registering with him.

"Are you nervous too….Tsuruga-san?" she asked respectfully and he looked at her, breaking out of the endless loop in his mind of his father and how his father had seemed proud of him as a child but now that pride no longer existed.

"Huh?" he asked and saw a bit more anxiety in Kyoko's expression.

"Excuse me but, Tsuruga-san, you seem tense these days. Especially today," she commented and Ren blinked. He was usually able to hide how he truly felt so that people would only know what he was acting but he was letting too much Kuon sink into him on this day due to how his father had performed this role before him. "So," she continued, "I was wondering if you're nervous."

Ren blinked again, she could read him. How open of a book had he become at this moment? He stared at her, "Nervous?" he asked and she nodded, "Me?" he said and stared at her as he lost himself in his own thoughts. Was he nervous? Well, it wasn't really nervous. He was scared of not being able to make the role his own and he was terrified that it would anger his father to have him try to take over the role, Still, he knew that he probably wouldn't be able to gain his father's admiration anyway, he shouldn't be nervous about that.

Ren blinked back into reality to see Kyoko apologizing to him which made him take a step back in shock to see this, was she begging him for her life? Making him offerings? What did she think he was thinking about? Did she really fear rejection this much?

"I'm sorry," she apologized and Ren saw her cheeks turn a deep red in color. "Um, now that I think about it, there's no reason for Tsuruga-san to get nervous, that's what I wanted to say, because you'd be able to surpass the original Katsuki easily. I asked a really stupid question," she said with an apologetic smile. She rubbed the back of her shoulder awkwardly and Ren stared at her. She was adorable. Did she know that? Did she realize how cute she came across?

"That's not true," Ren told her honestly, "Yeah, I may be nervous like you say. The original is that amazing," he told her putting emphasis on that word and Kyoko took a deep breath in knowing the relationship between him and the original Katsuki. As much as she would want to say that Kuon's father would be proud of him, she would hate for someone to say that lie about her mother. She would know it wasn't true and just meant to calm her down.

"Well," Ren said as he tried to push the attention away from himself, "everyone's nervous thinking about that but you look just the same as always," he commented and Kyoko stared at him, listening to him intently. "You were screaming about whether you were going to do Mio or not. Have you already created a Mio that's better than the original?" he asked.

Kyoko felt her body go cold as he asked her that question. She hadn't even been thinking about it and that was most likely the worst thing that she could have done as a professional actress. She wanted to make acting her career and she was already acting so carelessly.

"You look like you just now realized about preparing for your role," Ren said weakly but with sympathy and Kyoko worried even more that he was just showing her pity. "Maybe you had no intentions of creating a better Mio from the beginning? That's why you're the only one who looks so relieved?" he asked and Kyoko stared at him with wide eyes. She wanted to beg for his forgiveness as an actor. She shouldn't have been focused on other things. She didn't even know how she was supposed to act better than a veteran actress when this was her very first proper role.

"But you hated the role so much you were crying but I haven't seen you like that since then. So I'd assumed you now have strong feelings for Mio," Ren commented and Kyoko felt like the ground was going to gobble her up. She didn't even like the character and she hadn't been able to relate to her and make a connection with her. She had thought that she had had time to do that but now she was seeing the gaps between her and a professional actor.

How could she find a way to love Mio and make her her own!? She had wanted to see Ren perform, she had wanted to be there to cheer Corn on and yet now she was going to be the one to let everyone else down. She hated that feeling.

As the two of them stood, a man came out and turned to the whole room. "Excuse me! Sorry to keep everyone waiting! It's almost time. Please get ready," he announced.

Ren took a slow breath in seeming to look into the distance, "It's time," he said and Kyoko looked at him again. She just wanted to be close to him. She wanted to see him perform. She wanted to see the magic that she had seen from the fairy prince Corn. She looked at him and saw a quick flash of a smile and her heart beat wanting to see him happy and successful even if his parents didn't look his way any longer.

"Let's go," he told her and Kyoko grinned.

"Yes," she said before seeing him turn and closed her eyes for a moment.

That's why I decided to do Mio, for a chance to act with you.

End of Act 97

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Thank you to the reviewers of Act 96

Anneonymous, Brennakai, Clow Angel, EchizenRyoma, Mariposa, miemieo 86,