Turbolift Confessions (part 2):

Anakin pulled back in shock and alarm as he felt Obi-Wan's emotional shield finally crack on that last word, his own complaints with his life suddenly forgotten as worry for his Master took over. He searched the very rare storm cloud grey colour of the older man's changeable eyes that meant Obi-Wan was feeling sorrow to the point of despair. (The first time he'd seen the usually steel blue eyes that colour was when Obi-Wan had carried Master Qui-Gon's body into the Theed palace hangar.) "What do you mean by everything?"

A corner of Obi-Wan's mouth twitched up into his moustache in a rueful half smile that did nothing to hide how much he was hurting on the inside as he leaned back against the wall of the lift. Anakin was still astonished that Obi-Wan was letting him feel his emotions like this, his Master was usually so determined to pretend that he didn't have any. "When I said that we needed to talk, I meant that I needed to talk to you about myself, not about your attachments. I've accepted those as inevitable long ago."

"Oh." Anakin copied him, leaning back too. He picked at the fraying end of a stitch on his tabard where it fell between his knees. "Well, now I feel stupid, jumping to conclusions again. But all right. Talk. I'm looking forward to this." He shot Obi-Wan a tiny smirk, hoping to lighten the mood, before focusing on his tabard again.

Obi-Wan chuckled lamely once. "I'm sure you are."

As Obi-Wan said 'are', the lift door opened and they looked up in surprise to see the faces of two startled clones. I bet we look stupid down here, Anakin thought. And I can guarantee the whole ship will know we're sitting in a lift for no good reason within two minutes.

"Oh! Sorry, Generals," the clone Sergeant on the left said, the corner of his mouth twitching as surprise turned to amusement. "Didn't know this lift was taken. We'll just... guard it for you, shall we?"

Obi-Wan nodded graciously. "Thank you, Rocker, that would be most appreciated."

The clone nodded and the door closed again.

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan. They both laughed, needing the release from the tense emotions that had swamped them for a few minutes.

Eventually, they wound down and Anakin nudged the other Jedi with his shoulder. "You know they're going to call this lift the Jedi Lounge or the Therapy Room or something stupid like that from now until the end of eternity, right?"

"Oh, I have no doubt my men will come up with something appropriate," Obi-Wan said dryly.

"And my men will hear it, and the next thing you know, at least one turbolift in every Venator in our fleet will be called that."

"Guaranteed." Obi-Wan sighed, shaking his head in resigned acceptance.

Awkward silence reigned again for a minute as the temporary reprieve from seriousness faded until Anakin couldn't stand it anymore. "All right, Obi-Wan. Speak. You're not getting any younger you know."

Obi-Wan wrinkled his nose at the teasing. "And whose fault is that?"

"Mine. I know. Old before your time. Yadda yadda."

"Precisely." Obi-Wan sucked in a huge breath and then let it out with a whoosh. He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his thoughts together that he'd probably had all properly lined up before Anakin derailed them with his little breakdown that he couldn't quite regret if it meant that things between him and Obi-Wan went back to the way they used to be. "Right. My life," his Master finally said. "Or more specifically, my attachments." And then he paused again.

Poor Obi-Wan. That must have been hard to admit. Anakin raised a brow at him, both sympathetic and amused. He was happy to see that Obi-Wan's eyes were back to their usual colour at least. "Go on."

"I am. Just give me a chance, my impatient Padawan."

"Yes, Master."

They shared a grin at the familiar banter that never got old and then Obi-Wan started to talk, unburdening things he must have been holding inside for way way too long.

"You know that I and Qui-Gon protected Satine for a year when I was younger."

"Yes." And boy, was that ever a surprise to see how they interacted with each other.

"What I didn't tell you was that I fell in love with her during that time. Hopelessly and completely. And she loved me back."

"I knew it!" he crowed, grinning at Obi-Wan widely. "She IS your girlfriend!"

"Was." Obi-Wan corrected gently.

Poodoo. Why do I always manage to step in it? Anakin's face fell at the reminder that Satine had been killed by Maul. "Right. Sorry, Master. I never did tell you that, how sorry I was for your loss." If I'd lost Padmè like that, I probably would have wrecked the entire city.

Obi-Wan smiled wanly. "It's okay. I knew you felt it, and that was enough."

He did? Yeah, I guess he did. I'm not as good at hiding my emotions from him as he is from me.

"Anyway," Obi-Wan continued. "Because of who we were, we both fought our feelings until nearly the very end of the year. I kissed her once, just once, before we parted."

That's it? Kriff, Obi-Wan has better control that I ever will.

"After that, we maintained a secret, long-distance quasi relationship by comm for a few years while I waffled about leaving the Order for her and she was too stubborn and prideful to ask me to. And then, about a month before the Naboo Crisis, she came to Coruscant to talk to the Senate."

Ooooo, finally! The juicy stuff! "And what happened?" he asked eagerly, turning now and sitting cross-legged facing his Master, suddenly feeling like a little boy at story time.

Obi-Wan smirked, the snarky nerfherder. "I refuse to go into details..."

Of course not.

"...But let's just say that we had a VERY successful negotiation about what we were going to do about our feelings and I told her that I would leave the Order after I'd been Knighted, because I'd worked too hard to not at least get that satisfaction."

Anakin snorted. "I totally understand that. So then what?"

"So then I met you, and my Master died, and I promised to train you."

"Oh. That sucks." To hell and back, really.

"At the time, I thought so." Obi-Wan sighed. "And you know what the worst part was, aside from breaking my word to Satine, a Mandalorian through and through who takes things like that very personally?"

"What was that?"

Now Obi-Wan was the one intensely focused on a fray on the hemline of his sleeve. "I found out months later when she officially broke up with me after not talking to me for forever that she'd been pregnant and then miscarried from grief and the stress of the possibility of being an unwed mother in a society that would force her from the throne for it."

Anakin swallowed hard. Kark. I can't even fathom how that must have hurt. If Padmè were to lose ours like that...

Don't even think it!

"Force, Obi-Wan! I'm sorry! You should have broken your word to Master Qui-Gon instead! I probably would have been happier as a slave and staying with my mother on Tatooine anyway."

"I know that now," Obi-Wan said almost inaudibly, both of them fighting tears again like a couple of saps. "But you were the Chosen One, your innate power with the Force so incredibly strong already at nine years old, I couldn't abandon you. Not you, or my duty to the Light to do what I thought was right, since no one else seemed even remotely interested in taking on a too young and untrained Padawan nor let you into the Order to train like a normal youngling because you were too old for that."

"I've always thought the rest of the Council was a bunch of fools."

Obi-Wan huff/snorted. "I know. You've made your opinion clear on that many, many times."

"Well, it's still true." And I doubt I'll ever think any differently.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Anyway. What I wanted to tell you is that I'm sorry I haven't been supporting you as much as you needed lately. You're like my brother and my most precious secret attachment and I've been making an absolute mess of it. That peace you mentioned that you feel with Ahsoka and Padmè? It hurts that you don't feel that with me anymore when I know you used to. And I know it's my fault. I know our bond is not what it used to be. Not since I faked my death and didn't tell you about it. And really not since Ahsoka left. I know you blamed me for that, and so did she, as I blatantly felt from her just now."

Anakin grimaced. "You're right. I did blame you for not interfering better on her behalf. Although, maybe I see now that you did everything that you could."

Obi-Wan looked at him gratefully, his eyes suddenly very blue and sincere. "I honestly did, Anakin. The rest of them just wouldn't listen to me. You might think I have a lot of power with the Council, but I really don't. I'm still the youngest one there and I'm still the Padawan of a man that most of them didn't like or didn't trust. I don't even know what prompted them to offer me a spot on the Council in the first place."

"Your brilliance as a Jedi, of course." Anakin said with a smile. "No one is a better Jedi than you are. You care, but you don't let your emotions rule you. You're one of the most skilled too. And don't even get me started on your smooth talking ways that win over practically everyone."

Obi-Wan laughed. "Force, I missed this. Just talking with you like this. It's been way too long."

Anakin nudged Obi-Wan's leg with the toe of his boot playfully. "It has. And I missed it too."

Obi-Wan gave him a proper smile, but it quickly faded. "I'm sorry I turned into such a cold bastard after Maul killed Satine. I didn't handle it well."

Force. Who would? "And I'm sorry I didn't support you like I should have because I was still angry with you about not telling me you weren't dead. I'm sorry I shut you out out of anger. That was childish of me, and I'll try not to do it again, no matter what stupid thing the Council asks you to do next."

Obi-Wan barked out a laugh. "Thanks," the Jedi Master said dryly before shifting into a cross-legged position facing him, his blue eyes twinkling. "Now, back to that peace and tranquility you're lacking, can I interest you in a meditation session to help with that?"

Anakin rolled his eyes but moved his hands to rest loosely on his knees. "Why not? We have about half an hour left before we go rescue the Chancellor again. Now's as good a time as any."

Obi-Wan sent him a burst of loving approval down their bond that made Anakin warm from the inside out. "Exactly, my meditation hating Padawan."

Anakin sent his Master back his own burst of happiness that had Obi-Wan beaming at him.

They never made it to the mess hall before the ship came out of hyperspace by Coruscant, but the two Jedi brothers left that turbolift more fulfilled and at peace together than they had been in a very long time.

And neither were surprised when Cody was on the other side of the door with a ration bar for each of them as he told them that all of the starfighters had been prepped and were ready for battle and the boys were waiting for their Generals to lead the way.

A/N: All right, I've deviated a bit from canon here, because I refuse to believe that Anakin was completely oblivious to Padmè's pregnancy. He was with her for approximately the first two months and should have noticed some of the early signs. He also holo commed her as much as possible during the five months they were separated, which is canon! I firmly believe he would have felt the new Force signatures inside her, and even if he was somehow oblivious to that, he'd have to be blind to not notice that his wife was expanding in the middle. :P