NA: As always, all mistakes are mine.

"Remind me again why am I doing this" I tell Rose while we're hunting for a good look for the dinner in her closet.

"Because you're gorgeous and when we feel good, we exude confidence, and we're happier" she says as a matter of fact.

"You know, ever since you've gone to all those courses, being self-deprecating isn't as fun as before." I tell her sarcastically.

"Sure, it's call maturing babe, let's all try it." She answers cheekily.

I'm joking, of course, she's a much healthier person since she's gone to therapy and started to heal her past and present. Her relationship with Emmett is solid and I love that for her. But when I'm this nervous and just want to be an anxious mess, it's not that fun.

While I change to yet another dress, I still feel uncomfortable with my own body. Every since I've graduated I have gained weight, I used to be a good size six and now I'm leaning more into a size 10 or 12 if I'm a bit bloated - which is most days I drink regular milk -, I have no issues with anyone else, and I'd never make a negative comment on another body, but I still wonder why it's so hard for me to accept myself.

"THIS is the dress, take it." Rosa states without any doubt in the matter.

The dress is a wrap dress Diane Von Furstenberg style, the deep green helps my hair to stand out and my skin looks gorgeous, you're right. It hugs my body in the right ways and hides the little pouch on my belly. The long sleeves help me to not look for a coat and the slit does wonder for my legs. You're right, this is it.

"Wear the golden heels I like, they're chunky and you're good to stand for a few hours."

"Those heels make me 6'3 Rosalie, I'll look enormous"

"You'll look imposing. An Amazonian, that's a general good look. Besides, it's not like you're not wearing heels for someone." She tells me, and I know she's being sharp.

I wouldn't wear heels before, when you were around.

We are the same height, well maybe I am an inch taller than you, that never bothered you, or at least you never said anything. But I always tried for it not to be so obvious.

"Bells, you must promise me, you won't go back to your old ways."

"What old ways?" I tell you, knowing I'm playing dumb.

"The ways when you'd obsessed with him and her." she says deadly serious.

I want to cry, because she's right. I feel eighteen again, and I hate that. I do not wish to feel so little and at the same time, too much. It was dreading.

"I'm not obsessing with them. I promise" and it's true. "I'm just nervous, I haven't spent time in the same room with him in a long time. And everyone has a plus one, but me."

"Do you want to take Emmett?" You tell me sweetly. You've always been a better mother figure than Renee. And in moments like this it shows.

"No, that'd be a bit humiliating."

"Why? No one has to know the details."

"I'll think about it, but thank you." As I take off the dress, she gives me a golden bag that'll look good with my outfit.

I'm thankful for Rose, she's all the guidance that I need in times like this, after saying goodnight to her and getting ready for bed. I check my email.

"Bella,

I hope you're doing well this first week of you back in school.

I can't believe my little girl is a Professor, time has passed too quickly.

Give me a call whenever.

Your Dad"

I think it's sweet, our tradition of mailing each other started after I left for my Master in London and the time difference was an issues, and even though Charlie Swan is a man of very few words, it's a tradition that has continued.

"Hi Dad,

I'm good, this week was a challenge and I really love teaching, hopefully the semester will be good for me but also for my student.

I'll call you on Saturday.

Love you,

Ballerina."

While the mail sends, I can't help to feel nervous for tomorrow. And I just know, you must be nervous too.

AN: This is officially my 10 chapter, I promise I'd update daily, which I kind of did, but from now on all updates will be weekly on Friday.

Next chapter is the Welcome Dinner, Dr Volturi is throwing for Bella.

As usual, reviews make me giddy, thank you for leaving them.