Chapter 3: Voices in the Void

Cartman's backyard looked like a warzone, (which technically it was,) unconscious kids lay scattered all over, and some of Kupa Keep had been damaged. The Armory had been flipped upside down, scattering weapons everywhere, the Training Stump had a penis carved into it and the dummies near it had been knocked down.

"Shit." Cartman thought as he surveyed the damage. "Fucking Kyle screwed us royal. Well two can play at that game, Jew."

Butters set Dane in a chair and began bandaging son of his wounds, including some he'd gotten from Clyde. Soon band aids covered his body and Butters stepped away to stand next to Cartman.

"The drow attack has hit us hard, milord." Butters stated nervously, looking around.

"Yes, the elves cowardly bid to take the Stick of Truth was vicious. But as long as we have the holy tool of Bahamut we can rebuild with but a mere thought. Rest assured this is only a setback. The High Jew Elf and his foul minions will never take our treasure!" Cartman stated loudly, holding up his staff to inspire his men. The others, even the wounded who were still conscious, cheered.

But this was soon stopped by Clyde.

"It's gone."

Cartman did a double take. "What?"

"The stick, they took it." Clyde stated bluntly, showing not an ounce of concern.

Cartman quickly went from boisterous to angry and got in Clyde's face. "THAT WAS YOUR ONE FUCKING JOB CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH!" Cartman roared. He then backed off and stated a bit quieter but still pissed. "Clyde. You are banished from SPACE AND TIME!"

"What?! That's not fair! I was still wounded from fighting the New Kid!" Clyde whined.

"No excuses! You're banished from space and time and that means you have to go back to the real world. Go now before I castrate you!" Cartman yelled, taking Clyde's helmet and scarf. The newly-banished boy walked off sullenly as the other members of the Keep jeered and insulted him. As he neared the screen door, he looked back at the still unconscious Dane.

"You'll pay for this, Douchebag."

The next half-hour was spent repairing Kupa Keep. It wouldn't have taken so long were it not for the prisoners. A new prison made up of cat cages and a chicken wire fence had been constructed, labeled "Kupa Keep Dungeon" with a small hut made up of plywood around it.

During that time, Dane was still unconscious. And Butters and Kenny were getting worried. They approached Cartman, who was formulating a new plane inside the Keep.

"Uh, Wizard King? Can we talk about the New Kid?" Butters asked.

Cartman looked away from the map he was studying. "You mean Douchebag? What about him?"

"Well, he's been asleep for half an hour. Maybe we should take him to the hospital?" Butters suggested.

Keen chimed in with his high pitched, muffled voice. "(Yeah, and the last thing we need is his parents suing us or something.)"

"Guys, it'll be fine. The other unconscious kids woke up no problem." Cartman said nonchalantly, turning back to the map.

"(But the New Kid looked pretty bad. Plus, he had fought Clyde before, maybe that added to the trauma or something.) Kenny stated.

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Fine, you pussies, I'll go wake him up myself." He said, opening a nearby box and taking out a hypo with a clear liquid inside.

"What's that?" Butters asked.

"A Hyper Revive Potion, it can stir any who have fallen in battle." Cartman explained, moving outside. The other two followed.

"(Uh, okay. But what is it really?" Kenny asked as they approached Dane.

"Oh, just some adrenaline." Cartman stated.

"(Wait, WHAT!? HOLD-)"

But before Kenny or Butters could do anything, Cartman had already injected it.

Dane felt like he was floating, only there was no water and he couldn't move his body. In front of him were pin pricks of light that grew then flowed around him like streams of water, one light remained in front of him. It shined brightly, though he couldn't see inside, and then voices poured from it.

"He's not ready."

"Will you be there?"

"Stupid DOG!"

"We should just terminate him."

"Is it going to hurt?"

"GET THE FUCK UP RUNT!"

"It didn't take."

"So I just focus?"

"GET UP DOUCHEBAG!"

"Dane- "

"GET UP DOUCHEBAG!"

"Su- "

"GET THE FUCK UP, DOUCHEBAG!"

The dream faded and Dane was back in the real world, he wasn't just awake though, Dane felt downright hyper. His body twitched as he could feel it's every pulsation, every mote of dirt that fell upon it, every blink, every nerve felt like it was a separate part of him.

"H-H-Hol-ly Sh-Sh-Shit…. what happened? Why do I feel like I'm on METH?!" Dane asked nervously, his mind racing, every horrible scenario going through his head.

"Don't worry, Douchebag. I just used a Hyper Revive Potion to bring you back from the cold embrace of death, you're welcome, by the way." Cartman explained.

"FUCKING WHAT?!" Dane yelled.

"Relax, Douchebag, it was just some adrenaline." Butters said, patting his back.

Dane's feared eased somewhat. Okay, he was just suuuuper hyper. That was fine, he just needed to work it out of his system. He tried to calm himself down, taking deep, ragged breaths. Butter rubbed circles on his back to try and calm him further. Cartman however, put his hands behind his back and started pacing.

"Yes, I'm sure your near-death experience has rattled you, Douchebag. But I'm afraid you have no time for rest, none of us do. You see, while you were slipping into the next world, those rotten, cock sucking drow elves took the Stick of Truth, now we must take it back."

Dane was still shaking, but was calmer now. "F-Fine, what d-do we do next?"

"Well, due to your exceptional ass-kicking skills you displayed at the Battle of Kupa Keep. I have decided to give you an opportunity at knighthood. You are to gather the best Fighters of Zaron, Sir Token, Feldspar the Thief, and Tweek the Mongrel."

"Alright, fine. Whatever, where are they?" Dane asked, getting up.

"I'll mark the locations on your map. Gather the three and then come back so we may strategize for the retrieval of the stick." Cartman said, taking Dane's phone and activating the GPS map on it. He pinned several places on the map of South Park. "There. I understand this will be a daunting task, as the elves are surely out for revenge after you inflicted such grievous injury upon them. But rest assured we will not send you unprepared. Come with me to the Training Stump, where I will teach you the secrets of magic." Cartman explained, moving towards the newly-uncocked Training Stump.

Dane was unsure Cartman could teach him anything, but went along with it, if only to burn off some excess energy.

"The art of magic I will teach you is ancient, based off the power of dragons, the Dragonshout."

"You mean like Skyrim?" Dane asked.

Cartman grew defensive. "NO! Not like fucking Skyrim! Here, I'll demonstrate."

Cartman got in front of one of the training dummies and turned away, then leaned forward and scrunched his face in concentration. "First, you must focus the mana inside you…" He explained, Dane could then hear a rumbling sound coming from him.

"Then, once it is at the right frequency, you release it into a glorious blast!" Cartman punctuated this statement with a nasty fart that actually cause the dummy to shake.

Dane actually laughed, of course this fastass would use nasty farts as magic. Well, he had always been told he'd had nasty farts so this would be no problem.

"Alright, see if you can do it too. But be warned, none have ever fully mastered the Dragonshout in any short- "

Dane had already gotten in front of a dummy and blasted out a louder and nastier fart than Cartman, it actually pushed the dummy back a bit. Cartman was stunned. "Damn! That was pretty gnarly! Oh fuck and it sticks worse too! What does this kid eat?" He thought, but quickly composed himself, trying his best to ignore the smell.

"My…in all my time I've never seen a shout so…boisterous. Are the legends true? Has the Dragonborn come in our hour of need?" Cartman asked.

"Okay, now I know you're ripping off Skyrim." Dane said bluntly.

"Shut up! Anyway, to further aid your quest I'll bestow upon you the Warrior's Garment, basic gear for any K.K.K. recruit, as well as the aid of Paladin Butters on your quest." Cartman stated, handing Dane a red headband, and what looked like a pair of gardening gloves.

"Usually we also give a Grunt Sword too, but you broke it in Clyde's face, so just keep the one you took from him, it's better anyway." Cartmen stated.

Dane looked around for it after putting on his meager equipment. Apparently, someone had put it in it's sheath and strapped it to his pants. He unsheathed it and inspected it. It was a toy scimitar with plastic jewels on it and a gold handle. Dane hadn't noticed the difference in type initially, more focused on humiliating Clyde by taking it. He felt a little bad for it, but then again Clyde had cut his lip. Remembering the injury, he felt at his lip and found it had begun to heal, thinking on his other injuries, he looked down and saw someone had bothered to bandage him, a thing he was grateful for.

"At least one of these assholes is decent." Dane thought.

"Yes a fine weapon, I believe Clyde found it during our expedition to the ruins of Ye Olde Coin Tree. Anyway, be off now, for our time for reprisal runs short." Cartman said, shooing him away.

Dane turned to leave, Butters joining him. Dane's body still felt electrified, but it was beginning to fade, and hopefully it would be gone quicker on the way to gather the others.

As they stepped from out of Cartman's front door, the sun shone in the afternoon sky, as if a blessing on their journey. The two stepped on the sidewalk and began making their way east to "Feldspar's" house.

"Hey Butters, do you know who patched me up? I'd like to thank them." Dane asked.

"Oh! Well that was me. I figured you'd be awful sore when you woke up and wanted to help." Butters explained.

Dane smiled. "Thanks man. Feels nice to have met someone who isn't a complete prick."

Butters smiled back. "No problem Douc- Err, Dane. It's my duty to help any friends in need!"

Dane continued smiling as they neared the house. Grateful for any positivity after the awful start of the day.

"Well Mom and Dad, it may not have been how I envisioned it, but I made a friend like you wanted.