Chapter 5: Rewards and Revenge
Dane and Butters rolled the albino bear's corpse back to the entrance to the forest. This took two hours and by the end the duo was exhausted, plopping down in front of the corpse to rest.
"Ah geez Dane, I can't go on much longer! This bear weighs a ton!" Butters complained, wheezing.
"I know. But don't worry, it's only a few more feet 'till we get to Jimbo's. Then we can get the masks and kick the shit out of that jackass who made us do this quest." Dane stated, also breathing heavily.
"You mean Jimbo?" Butters asked.
"No, I mean the security guard. Although, I am pretty pissed at him for not telling us how dangerous that thing was." Dane said.
"Oh. Yeah, it's weird his trap didn't work, he's pretty good at this sort of thing. Maybe it was a mistake?" Butters asked.
"Probably. Still he should've checked to see if the thing would work." Dane complained, but then reclined on the bear's corpse, closing his eyes. "But whatever, it's over and we can get the masks. Let's just hope nothing else stupid happens- "
"DOUCHEBAG!"
Dane groaned. "Son of a bitch…"
The two looked up to see that a squadron of elves was coming their way. They were composed of five warriors, two druids, a couple archers and one that had a gas mask, purple armor with chains adorning it, and a heated hunter's knife.
Dane and Butters quickly shot to their feet. "HOLY SHIT! THAT'S A REAL KNIFE! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERBODY?!" Dane yelled in his head, panicking inwardly, but managed to keep a stoic expression on his face. Butters, however, was shaking and clutching his hammer with both hands. Dane stepped forward. "What do you want?" He asked, putting as much anger and intimidation in his voice as he could.
The one with the gas mask stepped forward and crossed his arms. "We seek vengeance on you,
Douchebag, for your heinous actions at the Battle of Kupa Keep. Your unnecessary brutality will not be tolerated by the drow elves. Now surrender and come with us or we will be forced to take you violently."
Dane gritted his teeth and looked around for an escape path. They couldn't take these guys, they were outnumbered and outgunned, not to mention exhausted from fighting the bear-
"THAT'S IT!"
Dane relaxed his stance and surprised everyone by laughing, including Butters.
"HAHAHAHAHA! You dumbasses think you can beat us! That's the funniest thing I've heard since I got here!" Dane mocked, laughing some more. The elves grew angry and got in combat stances.
Butters brought Dane close. "Dane! What the hell are you doing! Their gonna kill us!" Butters whispered harshly.
"Relax, man. I got this." Dane whispered back, and without giving Butters time to respond moved over to the bear's head.
"You see this? This is a bear WE killed not two hours ago." Dane stated, gesturing to the dead animal.
The elves looked at each other. "You're lying! No way you killed that thing!" One said.
"Oh really? Did you seriously not notice that we're covered in blood? Or question why we were resting in front of it? Or even what it's doing here?" Dane asked, gesturing to his blood splattered clothing.
The elves once again turned to each other, fear growing, but the one in the gas mask just huffed.
"You two just got covered in that bear's blood when you were resting on it like dumbasses. Also, hunter probably killed that thing and hasn't come back for it yet. You didn't kill shit." He stated, readying his knife.
"Really? Well then tell me…" Dane said, walking near the bear's head and brutally ripped out what was left of his scimitar. This caused the remaining blood in the head to gush out. Upon seeing this some of the elves screamed while others vomited from the sight of blood. Dane smiled and held up his broken weapon.
"…would a hunter use a toy sword to kill it? I slammed this BROKEN TOY into that bastard's skull and shattered it, splattering his brain on the walls. Butters even managed to destroy his balls with his hammer." Dane explained, pointing to Butters' weapon, which still had blood on its head. The elves looked at it and grew scared, starting to shake. Butters, catching on, brandished it.
"We killed a bear with nothing but a broken toy and a cheap hammer. You think you can take us on? Go ahead. And when people ask why your bones are broken and you're all eunuchs, you can tell them you asked for it." Dane stated, crossing his arms and giving them a look that DARED them to try.
Things were silent for a few minutes as the two groups exchanged looks. Until finally every elf but the leader ran away silently.
"Wait guys! Come back! He's bluffing!" But his pleas fell on deaf ears and he turned back to Dane and Butters, who were now in combat ready positions. Being alone and seeing their bloody weapons, the leader turned and ran. "This isn't over!" He shouted over his back.
Dane and Butters held their aggressive poses until they were sure the elves had left, collapsing back on their butts with a groan.
"That was close." Butters stated.
"Yeah, we were lucky they bought it, otherwise we might've been captured. I know it's all pretend, but still, getting captured during the first game your part of is weak." Dane said. The two then sat in silence for a while until Dane sat up.
"Alright, that's enough rest. It looks like it's afternoon now and we still haven't recruited anybody. I'm also eager to teach that asshole who maced me a lesson." Dane stated, getting back behind the albino bear, Butters wordlessly followed him.
After a few minutes of agonizing corpse rolling, the two finally reached Jimbo's Guns. The man himself met them outside, shock filling his face at seeing the albino.
"HOLY SHIT!" He cried inspecting the bear closer, Dane and Butters came up from behind the bear to meet him. Dane stood tall, crossing his arms.
"Yeah, sorry about how mangled it is, but your weak-ass trap didn't work. The bear managed to dodged it and we had to kill him ourselves, he didn't go down easy though. We barely managed to kill him before he could eat us." Dane explained, eyeing Jimbo angrily.
"Of course the trap didn't work! It was designed for a Spectacled bear! This is a Kemode!" Jimbo said, awed at the sight of the albino.
"Wait, What?" Dane asked, his anger giving way to confusion. Jimbo turned away from the bear to face the two children. "I sent you two to kill a Spectacled bear, it's a species from South America, very rare up here, their snouts are way smaller than this one's, that's why the trap didn't work. The one you boys killed was a Kermode bear. It's an albino variant of the American black bear that's found all the way up in Canada." Jimbo explained.
"Oh, that makes sense. But why did we encounter the albino and not the glasses guy Mr. Kern." Butters asked.
"Well, I guess my intel about the thing was bad. I should've guessed when it said that the bear fell off a truck on the way to a taco mill in North Park. But who cares! This Kermode is much more rare than that glorified runt. I'll get way more money with this. Thanks kids, you really did me a solid." Jimbo said, then his face lit up in realization.
"WAIT! You kids said the trap didn't work right? Well then how the hell'd ya kill it?" He asked.
Dane pulled the bloodied remains of his sword from his pocket. "I stabbed him a bunch of times in the back of his neck and then smashed into his skull with this. But before that Butters smashed apart his balls with his hammer." Dane explained. Butter held up his hammer proudly at being mentioned.
Jimbo looked stunned. "Well shit, kid. I've heard some pretty crazy hunting stories. But I ain't ever heard of two kids killing a bear with just a hammer and a toy. You two must be the real deal."
Dane smirked. "Thanks. Now could we please get our reward? We still have another quest to finish." Dane asked.
"Of course, hold on a sec, NED!" Jimbo called into the store. A few seconds later a man with one arm wearing a bandanna, sunglasses, and military-style clothes holding a micropohone like device. "What is it Jimbo?" He asked robotically, the microphone apparently serving as a voice amplifier.
"These boys just nabbed us a Kermode! Get it in the shop and get my crafting tools ready so we can reward 'em properly!" Jimbo ordered.
"Right." Ned agreed, pushing the Kermode into the shop despite his missing arm. Jimbo followed him inside. A few minutes later, Jimbo came out holding a sword in its scabbard and a bag.
"Here, I know it ain't much considering you kids risked your lives, but its all I can give for right now. This here sword was crafted from the spine of that Kermode, real sturdy shit right there, should let ya tear through anything that gets in your way." Jimbo explained, handing the scabbard to Dane, who inspected it.
The scabbard was adorned with a symbol of a Kermode with two feathers hanging off its sides, with several wavy Inuit designs beneath it. Dane lifted the sword out of the scabbard and gasped when he saw it.
It was a bastard sword with a plain black plastic hilt that had two curving handles. The blade was decorated with similar designs as the scabbard, with a star at the base of the blade.
"THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME!" Dane exclaimed, doing a few practice swings with the weapon.
"Yep, premium craftsmanship, I figured you'd want something that was versatile so I made into a bastard sword. Ya can switch hands with this kind of sword to adjust the strength of your blows. I also made the hilt so its easier to catch your opponents blade. Oh, and before I forget..." Jimbo handed Butters the gas masks. "There's your original payment."
"Thanks Mr. Kern!" Butters thanked, pocketing the masks.
Dane sheathed his new weapon and beamed at the hunter. "Yeah, thanks. This thing is awesome. I'll be able to whoop that guard good with this." Dane stated, grinning.
"No prob, you kids may have just saved my business, it's the least I can do, especially after you two had to kill that thing yourselves. I'll spread word around town to my fellow true Americans and make sure everyone knows your a fellow patriot. I'll also keep you posted on any more hunting opportunities." Jimbo said.
"That'd be awesome. I definitely want more stuff like this." Dane said, then began walking away, Butters following, he waved goodbye as the two headed towards Token's House. "Thanks for the weapons Mr. Kern!" He called as they walked away, Jimbo waved back.
"Good kids. Weird though, I never heard of a kid who could actually breach a bear's skull like that." Jimbo said when the two were out of earshot.
"Maybe he's one roids." Ned said, joining him.
"Nah, too scrawny for that. Maybe he's some sorta strongman, like the kind in them freakshows or somethin' or maybe that toy was just really well made." Jimbo said, then shrugged. "Whatever the reason, I'm glad he's not an asshole. Can you imagine fighting a kid like that?"
"I fought one like him in 'Nam. That's how I lost my arm." Ned stated, Jimbo rolled his eyes.
"No you didn't Ned, you lost it to that prostitute you wouldn't pay." He said.
"Nah, it was totally a super soldier kid."
"Whatever, let's go inside, those Kermode beer mugs ain't gonna make themselves!"
Dane Butters, now equipped with the gas masks, approached Token's House. The security guard was still there and hadn't noticed them yet.
Dane was about to fix that.
"HEY! SHITBAG! OVER HERE!" Dane yelled. The guard turned and looked at them angrily. "Sir, I told you before -"
"Imma just gonna stop you right there slothass. I don't wanna hear any "sirs" from you since you obviously don't respect us. You clearly just got into this job to pick on people and tell them what to do, you only do this because you're not good enough for anything else, and you also don't even do your job right. You're an embarrassment to your profession and give every good security guard a bad name. You're literally a tumor on the face of reality and should just lie down and die. Now move aside and let us see our friend, otherwise I'm gonna smear your blood on the pavement." Dane said angrily. His rant got some people on the sidewalk's attention, a few even brought out their phones to record the exchange.
The security guard's face went red and he just whipped out his mace to spray it in Dane's face. This failed, obviously, and Dane cracked his knuckles, Butters also brought out his hammer. The security guard looked shocked.
"What?! Oh no!" He cried, bringing out his club. "Stay back!"
"Nope." Dane stated and unsheathed his sword, the guard gulped.
Everyone around theme started murmuring.
"Oh, this is gonna be good!"
"Who are those kids? Why are they dressed like that? And why are they covered in blood?"
"Maybe they're part of a circus? Or maybe some sort of medieval themed butchery?"
"I don't care where they're from! I hope they kick this guy's ass! He maced me when I tried to deliver a package!"
Dane ignored the chatter and charged. He swung his sword at the guard's knees, cutting them. The guard cried out and swung with his club, hitting Dane in the face. He countered with a slash at the man's arm, giving him another cut. The guard started swinging wildly, eager to end this before he got really hurt. Dane managed to dodge most, but one particularly brutal blow struck Dane in the face hard, causing his mouth to bleed and thankfully not dislodging any teeth. Dane wiped his mouth and growled, glaring at the security guard. It was at this point Butters joined in, slamming his hammer into the man's stomach. The guard slumped forward and Butter followed up with several other blows at his arms and face. Dane helped and slashed at other areas. Finally, Dane finished it by cracking the man across the face with the side of his sword, knocking him back several feet at the edge of the crowd, causing the guard to drop his club. Dane approached the downed guard, intent on finishing the fight. To his credit, the guard somehow managed to sit up and pull out his taser. The crowd gasped as he fired it at Dane, and gasped again as Dane brought up his sword to catch it, wrapping it around the bone blade, which of course didn't conduct the electricity. He continued to wrap it around his weapon, bringing the guard, (who refused to let go of the taser,) closer until he was right in front of him. He then slammed his fist into the hand that was holding the taser, causing the guard to yelp and let go. Dane turned off the taser and removed it from his weapon, tossing it into a bush. He then held the guard up by his collar and brought him close.
"Let this be a lesson: DON'T. MACE. KIDS!" Dane punctuated each word with a punch, knocking the guard backwards on to his back and into unconsciousness.
Dane silently sheathed his sword and opened the gate to Token's House, Butters following, but before he entered he turned to the people gathered.
"Uh, sorry ya had to see that folks. We just wanna talk to our friend is all. Nothing to see here!" He said before closing the gate.
Everyone started murmuring.
"Should we call the cops?"
"Hey, he said they just wanted to talk to their friend."
"Yeah but they could be lying."
"They're just kids. And they didn't seem all that concerned that we documented everything they did. So maybe they are just seeing their friend."
"Eh, your probably right. Besides, that guy had it coming."
The crowd then dispersed, each one posting the videos they took of the fight. None called an ambulance for the hurt security guard. Who groaned pathetically.
Dane and Butters walked towards Token's front door, admiring the landscaping on the front lawn along the way. When they reached the door Dane knocked on it a few times, they then stood and waited. While they did Butters spoke up.
"Uh, Dane? Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"How is it you're so strong? You beat up all those kids pretty easily, and you managed to kill that bear, and now you were quick enough to catch that taser before it hit you. Do you know how you got that way?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Well, it's just...I haven't seen many people who are as strong as you are. It seems kind of..."
"Inhuman?"
"I guess. I'm not judging or anything. I've seen some weird and dangerous stuff in this town and well, I wanna know if you're connected to any ones I know so I can help." Butters finished, putting a had on his friend's shoulder.
Dane smiled. "I appreciate it man, but the truth is I don't think I'm all that strong. Killing that bear was mostly due to dumb luck and you taking a cheap shot at its balls. In think the only reason I managed to kill it was because of the momentum from my fall. As for the other stuff like my fighting skills...I don't think it's related to anything here."
Butters pulled his hand away. "Alright, if that's what you think. Just remember I'm here to talk if you ever need to."
"I know, thanks man." Dane said.
The two jumped when the door finally opened. Now in front of the two was a black boy with a buzz cut, a purple shirt with a T on it, dark blue pants, and black shoes.
"Uh, hi Butters. Who's this kid and why are you two covered in blood?" He asked.
"Hey Token! This is Dane, the new kid in town, and, well..." Butters began, but couldn't quite figure out how to tell him how they killed a bear. Luckily, Dane had him covered.
"We had to kill a bear to get past your security guard." He stated bluntly.
"WHAT!?" Token gasped
"Um, yeah. Long story short we had to hunt a bear for Stan's uncle to get gas masks to fight him 'cause he wouldn't let us in even though we told him we were friends of yours. We wound up fighting it and got covered in his blood. Dane here managed to kill him by climbing on his back and stabbing him in the head." Butters explained.
"Holy shit! You guys killed a bear?" Token exclaimed.
"Yeah, wasn't easy. Anyway, we have news from Kupa Keep. That fatass wants you to come back so we can get the Stick of Truth back from the elves." Dane explained.
"Oh okay. Um, I'll go there right away. Sorry you guys had to go through all that. Feel free to wash off using the lawn hose so people don't think you're murderers." Token said, closing the door.
"Well that was nice of him." Dane said as the two walked towards the side of the house where the hose was. The washed off the blood on their faces first, thankfully there wasn't much, and on their clothes, which was harder to do because it had been there for several hours. But thankfully most of it came off so now the two were presentable.
"Wooh! I feel much better!" Dane said, glad to finally be clean.
"Yeah, having that stuff on felt gross." Butters stated. The two then left Token's place and headed towards Tweek's Coffee. Not even paying attention to the security guard who had regained consciousness and was cowering in his booth at seeing the two kids.