I put Martha's phone on the cockpit and we started to set in coordinates for our next destination when, suddenly, there was a sound of a ship's foghorn. The bow of a ship smashed through the side of the TARDIS and we were thrown back over the seat and onto the ground.
"What. What?" The Doctor asked confused before picking up a lifebelt with the name Titanic on it. "What?" The Doctor returned to the console as I adjust the controls. The TARDIS walls reformed, pushing the ship back outside. We materialized the TARDIS inside the ship and stepped out to see a board detailing a list of shipping companies as the fog horn sounded again.
In a large reception hall, people were in Edwardian dress and enjoying a champagne buffet. A band was playing a slow version of Jingle Bells and around the room were golden-skinned statues of male angels. One moved as the Doctor and I walked past him. We noticed a small red-skinned alien in a dinner jacket and I threw him a confused look before we went to the window and looked outside.
"Right."
"What a perfect name," I said sarcastically.
"Attention all passengers. The Titanic is now in orbit above Sol Three, also known as Earth. Population, Human. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Christmas." The ship Titanic was now a space ship instead of just a sea ship.
Once we'd changed into our formal wear, we watched a recording of a bald man with a thin mustache sitting behind a desk.
"Max Capricorn Cruiseliners. The fastest, the farthest, the best. And I should know because my name is Max." He smiled and his gold tooth glinted in the light before the screen returned to the logo.
"Merry Christmas, sir, ma'am."
"Merry Christmas." Around us, couples were dancing to the Christmas music and we mingled with those who sitting at tables eating.
"It's not a holiday for me, not while I've still got my vone. Now do as I say and sell." The Doctor and I went up to one of the angels on the side.
"Evening. Passenger fifty-seven. Terrible memory. Remind me. You would be?"
"Information. Heavenly Host supplying tourist information."
"And where did we depart from?" I asked them. "I've too much to drink."
"Information. The Titanic is en route from the planet Sto in the Cassavalian Belt. The purpose of the cruise is to experience primitive cultures."
"Titanic. Who thought of the name?" the Doctor told her.
"Information. It was chosen as the most famous vessel of the planet Earth."
"You happen to know what it's famous for?"
"Information. All designations are chosen by Mister Max Capricorn, president of Max, Max, Max..." I stared at it confused as it kept repeating the same thing over and over with its voice pitch rising.
"Ooo, bit of a glitch."
"It's all right, sir, ma'am, we can handle this." One of the staff said as two more arrived. They switched off the Host before carrying it away. "Software problem, that's all. Leave it with us, sir. Merry Christmas."
We continued looking around and mingling with the passengers, but what happened to that Host was still confusing me. The man on the vone earlier bumped into a waitress, making her drop her tray of drinks.
"For Tov's sake, look where you're going. This jacket's a genuine Earth antique," he complained and I rolled my eyes.
"I'm sorry, sir," she apologized before bending down to pick up the glass.
"You'll be sorry when it comes off your wages, sweetheart. Staffed by idiots. No wonder Max Capricorn's going down the drain." The man left and the Doctor and I stooped down to help her.
"Careful. There we go," the Doctor told her.
"Thank you, sir, ma'am. I can manage," she told us.
"I never said you couldn't. I'm the Doctor, by the way. This is my wife, the Hunter."
"Astrid, sir. Astrid Peth."
"Nice to meet you, Astrid Peth. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Astrid."
"Merry Christmas, sir, ma'am." She seemed genuinely surprised and happy by our words.
"Just Doctor and Hunter," the Doctor corrected her. "Not sir or ma'am."
"You enjoying the cruise?" Astrid asked looking at us.
"Er, yeah, I suppose. I don't know. We only just got on board."
"What you mean just got on board?" She asked confused.
"The Titanic ran into our ship so we thought we'd pop in for a tick," I told her.
"What about you? Long way from home, Planet Sto."
"Doesn't feel that different. I spent three years working at the spaceport diner, traveled all the way here and I'm still waiting on tables," she told us.
"No shore leave?" he asked.
"We're not allowed."
"That seems a waste," I said.
"They can't afford the insurance. I just wanted to try it, just once. I used to watch the ships heading out to the stars and I always dreamt of... It sounds daft."
"You dreamt of another sky. New sun, new air, new life. A whole universe teeming with life. Why stand still when there's all that life out there?" the Doctor asked her.
"So, you travel a lot?" she asked us.
"All the time. Just for fun. Well, that's the plan. Never quite works."
"Story of our lives," I joked with her.
"Must be rich, though."
"Haven't got a penny. Stowaway," he told her.
"Kidding," she said astonished.
"Seriously."
"No."
"Oh, yeah."
"How did you get on board?" she asked.
"I told you. Accident. We were rebuilding our ships and someone left the defenses down." I gave the Doctor a look.
"I'm sorry. Anyway, we bumped into the Titanic. Here I am. Bit of a party. I thought, why not?" he told her.
"I should report you," she told us.
"Go on then," he dared.
"I'll get you a drink," he told her. "On the house." We shared a smile as she walked away from us.
"I like her."
We talked as we wandered around before seeing a bunch of toffs laughing at a couple wearing purple cowboy outfits. The Doctor and I joined them as the man turned to the woman.
"Just ignore them."
"Something's tickled them," the Doctor commented.
"They told us it was fancy dress. Very funny, I'm sure," she told us motioning to their clothes.
"They're just picking on us because we haven't paid. We won our tickets in a competition," the man said pointing at the woman beside him.
"I had to name the five husbands of Joofie Crystalle in By the Light of the Asteroid. Did you ever watch By the Light of the Asteroid?" she asked us.
"Is that the one with the twins?" the Doctor asked her.
"That's it. Oh, it's marvelous." We all laughed at that.
"But we're not good enough for that lot. They think we should be in steerage," the man told us and I shared a look with the Doctor.
"Well, can't have that, can we?" the Doctor asked. With his back turned to them, he aimed his sonic at the champagne bottle in the bucket on their table. I smiled as we heard the cork popped out, spraying their expensive clothes with alcohol making them scream.
"Did you do that?" the woman asked astonished.
"Maybe," the Doctor smirked at them.
"We like you," the woman laughed.
"We do. I'm Morvin Van Hoff. This is my good woman, Foon."
"Foon. Hello, I'm the Doctor. This is my wife, the Hunter." We all shook each other's hands.
"Oh, I'm going to need a Doctor, time I've finished with that buffet," Foon laughed and we joined her. "Have a buffalo wing. They must be enormous, these buffalo. So many wings." I wanted to laugh but instead, I grabbed a buffalo wing and started eating it.
"Attention, please. Shore leave tickets Red Six Seven now activated. Red Six Seven."
"Red Six Seven. That's us," Foon said pulling out a red ticket. "Are you Red Six Seven?"
"Might as well be," the Doctor said with a grin.
"Come on, then. We're going to Earth," Morvin said.
We followed them to a man in a tweed suit who was holding up a red sign that said 6-7 on it.
"Red Six Seven. Red Six Seven. This way, fast as you can."
"I got you that drink," Astrid said holding a tray with two drinks on it.
"And we got you a treat. Come on." He placed the tray on the table and we joined the others in front of the podium.
"Red Six Seven departing shortly." The Doctor showed him the psychic paper.
"Red Six Seven plus one."
"Quickly, sir, please, and take two teleport bracelets if you would." The Doctor handed me the psychic paper and I showed it to him and received a teleport bracelet as well.
"I'll get the sack," Astrid told him as I placed the bracelet on my wrist.
"Brand new sky," the Doctor tempted and she quickly grabbed it and place it on.
"To repeat, I am Mister Copper, the ship's historian, and I shall be taking you to old London town in the country of UK, ruled over by good King Wenceslas. Now, human beings worship the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve, the people of UK go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner like savages." I looked at him confused as he told this made-up story of the story of Christmas.
"Excuse me. Sorry, sorry, but, er, where did you get all this from?" the Doctor asked him.
"Well, I have a first-class degree in Earthonomics. Now, stand by." The little red alien ran up to our group and handed him holding up a red ticket.
"And me! And me! Red Six Seven."
"Well, take a bracelet, please, sir," Mr. Copper told him.
"But, er, hold on, hold on. What was your name?" the Doctor asked him.
"Bannakaffalatta."
"Okay, Bannakaffalatta. But it's Christmas Eve down there. Late night shopping, tons of people. He's like a talking conker," Bannakaffalatta gave the Doctor a look. "No offense, but you'll cause a riot because the streets are going to be packed with shoppers and parties and..." We were teleported mid-word to an empty shopping street.
"Or not," I commented.
"Now, spending money. I have a credit card in Earth currency if you want to buy trinkets, or stockings, or the local delicacy, which is known as beef. But don't stray too far, it could be dangerous. Any day now they start boxing," Mr. Copper told us.
"Very good."
"It should be full. It should be busy. Something's wrong," the Doctor told him.
"But it's beautiful," Astrid sighed.
"Really? Do you think so?" The Doctor asked her looking around.
"It's just a street," I told her. "Nothing all that important about a street."
"The pyramids are beautiful, and New Zealand."
"But it's a different planet. I'm standing on a different planet," she said excitedly, jumping around. "There's concrete and shops. Alien shops. Real alien shops! Look, no stars in the sky. And it smells. It stinks! Oh, this is amazing. Thank you!" She ran up to the Doctor and hugged him tightly kicking her legs into the air and I laughed.
"Yeah? Come on then, let's have a look." We walked to a newsstand being manned by an older gentleman. Behind him was a union flag and he was watching a small telly in his booth.
"Hello, there. Sorry, obvious question, but where's everybody gone?" the Doctor asked him.
"Oh ho, scared!" the man told us.
"What's there to be scared of?" I asked him confused.
"Where've you been living? London at Christmas? Not safe, is it?" he asked and I had to give him that.
"Why?" the Doctor asked and I just gave him a look and he shrugged. For always being the smartest man in the area he could be quite thick sometimes.
"Well, it's them, up above," the man said pointing above his head to the stars. "Look, Christmas before last we had that big bloody spaceship, everyone standing on a roof. And then last year, that Christmas Star electrocuting all over the place, draining the Thames."
"This place is amazing," Astrid commented.
"And this year, Lord knows what. So, everybody's scarpered. Gone to the country. All except me and Her Majesty."
"Her Majesty the Queen has confirmed that she'll be staying in Buckingham Palace throughout the festive season to show the people of London and the world, that there's nothing to fear," the man on the telly said.
"God bless her," the man saluted the picture of the palace on the screen. "We stand vigil."
"Well, between you and me, I think her Majesty's got it right. Far as I know, this year, nothing to worry about," the Doctor assured the man before we were back on the Titanic again. "I was in mid-sentence," he complained to Mr. Copper
"Yes, I'm sorry about that. A bit of a problem. If I could have your bracelets." We started taking off our bracelets when the steward came up to our group. Astrid hid behind us as he spoke.
"Apologies, ladies and gentlemen, and Bannakaffalatta. We seem to have suffered a slight power fluctuation. If you'd like to return to the festivities. And on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners, free drinks will be provided."
"Thank you." Astrid stopped hiding when he was gone and came around smiling.
"That was the best. The best!" She went about her job while the Doctor and I turned towards the steward.
"What sort of power fluctuation?"
"You shouldn't be here. What's your tale? I ought to throw you to the whale. He just smiled and said, come here, let's dance. He said, borrow or steal, I'll find a way to be with my lover upon Christmas Day. And I'll run and I'll roam, I'll cover the ground. This Christmas I'll see you. I'll be around." As the passengers continued to party, the Doctor and I made our way to one of the Max Capricorn screens to get a better look at what was happening.
"And I should know because my name is Max. The fastest, the furthest, the best. My name is Max." The Doctor soniced the screen to unfasten it and get at the electronics behind it. I stepped in and rewired a few things.
"Got it?" I asked him and he checked the screen before nodding and closing the screen again. We looked at the image of the ship's status to see the shields were off-line and something was coming towards us. We looked out the window to see three meteors headed straight for us. We signaled the bridge to talk to them.
"Is that the bridge?" The Doctor asked once we'd gotten through. "I need to talk to the Captain. You've got a meteoroid storm coming in west zero by north two."
"Who is this?" a man asked us.
"Never mind that, your shields are down. Check your scanners, Captain. You've got meteoroids coming in and no shielding."
"You have no authorization. You will clear the comms at once."
"Yeah? Just look starboard!" I was grabbed from behind and I looked to see the steward behind us with two more men.
"Come with me, sir, ma'am." The men started escorting us off deck and we struggled to get them to release us.
"You've got a rock storm heading for this ship and the shields are down," the Doctor warned them before finally breaking free and going for the stage.
"Be with my lover on next Christmas Day, and I'll run and I'll roam, I'll cover the ground." The Doctor took the singers microphone once it was in reaching range.
"Everyone, listen to me! This is an emergency! Get to the lifeb..." A host put his hand over the Doctor's mouth, but he broke free of that once more. "Look out the windows!" The Host handed him off to the steward's men and they dragged us away from the rest of the reception. "If you don't believe me, check the shields yourself."
"Sir, I can vouch for them!" Astrid chimed in following our little group.
"Look, Steward, he's just had a bit too much to drink."
"Sir, something seems to have gone wrong. All the teleports have gone down," Mr. Copper told the steward as we passed by him.
"Not now!" They took us into a corridor with Mr. Copper, Morvin, Foon, Astrid and Bannakaffalatta following us trying to convince the steward to let us go.
"The shields are down. We are going to get hit."
"All these people are going to die if you don't start listening!"
"Oi! Steward!" We turned to see the man who'd been on the vone most the night. "I'm telling you, the shields are down!"
"Listen to him. Listen to him!" As the explosion sent all of us flying to the ground quickly followed by two more as the meteors hit the ship. Once everything went quiet, I looked around before starting to stand up.
"Hunter, you alright?" the Doctor asked me quietly as everyone whimpered around us. I nodded my head while rubbing my shoulder. I looked around to see the four guards lying dead on the floor. I went and checked them over. Two had a snapped neck. Another had a pipe through him. The last must have had serious internal injuries because I couldn't see anything wrong with him.
"It's all right, sweetheart," I heard Morvin tell Foon.
"Shush. It's stopping," the Doctor told them and we listened as the metal cooled groaning. "You all right?" the Doctor asked Astrid as he helped her up.
"I think so."
"Bad name for a ship. Either that or this suit is really unlucky."
"I'm telling you, it's not the suit," I laughed lightly. "It's still you.
"My name is Max. My name is Max. My name is Max."
"Er, everyone. Ladies and gentlemen, Bannakaffalatta. I must apologize on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners. We seem to have had a small collision," the steward said and that set everyone off.
"Small?"
"Do you know how much I paid for my ticket?"
"If I could have silence, ladies, gentlemen. Please." everyone continued talking over the steward before he finally had enough. "Quiet! Thank you. I'm sure Max Capricorn Cruiseliners will be able to reimburse you for any inconvenience, but first I would point out that we're very much alive."
"Doctor." We turned to Astrid to see Mr. Copper with a cut on his head.
"Are you all right?" the Doctor asked kneeling next to him.
"She is, after all, a fine, sturdy ship. If you could all stay here while I ascertain the exact nature of the situation." I looked up in time to see the steward going to a nearby hatch.
"No! Don't!" Too late. The steward opened the hatch and was sucked out into space. We all hung on to the nearest fixed object to keep the same from happening to us. I turned to see the Doctor sonic a control panel until the Oxygen Shield kicked in and we fell again.
"Oxygen shield stabilized."
"Everyone all right? Hunter?"
"Peachy."
"Astrid?
"Yeah."
"Foon? Morvin? Mister Copper? Bannakaffalatta?"
"Yes."
"You, what was your name?" The Doctor asked the man from earlier.
"Rickston Slade."
"You all right?"
"No thanks to that idiot." Astrid turned and gave him a disgusted look.
"The steward just died."
"Then he's a dead idiot," Slade commented and Astrid turned towards him and I held her back from doing anything.
"All right, calm down. Just stay still, all of you. Hold on."
"What happened? How come the shields were down?" Astrid asked.
"I don't think it was an accident." We all looked out the hatchway to see floating debris and bodies.
"How many dead?" Astrid asked sadly.
"We're alive. Just focus on that," the Doctor told her. "I will get you out of here, Astrid, I promise. Look at me. I promise. Good. Now, if we can get to Reception, We've got a spaceship tucked away. We can all get on board and... Oh."
"Well there went that idea," I sighed.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Astrid asked.
"That's our ship over there," the Doctor told her pointing at the TARDIS.
"Where?"
"There. That box. That little blue box."
"That's a spaceship?"
"Oi, don't knock it."
"It's a bit small."
"Everyone always says that until they get inside," I told her.
"A bit distant. Trouble is, once it's set adrift, it's programmed to lock onto the nearest center of gravity, and that would be the Earth." We watched the TARDIS plummet straight down before the Doctor turned to use one of the speaking tubes nearby.
"Deck twenty-two to the bridge. Deck twenty-two to the Bridge. Is there anyone there?" the Doctor called out.
"This is the bridge," someone answered.
"Oh hello, sailor. Good to hear you. What's the situation up there?"
"We've got air. The oxygen field is holding, but the Captain, he's dead. He did it. I watched while he took down the shields. There was nothing I could do. I tried. I did try," the man assured us.
"We believe you," I told him.
"All right. Just stay calm. Tell me your name. What's your name?"
"Midshipman Frame."
"Nice to meet you, sir. What's the state of the engines?" the Doctor asked.
"They're er. Hold on. Oh!" That sounded like he was in pain.
"Have you been injured?"
"I'm all right," he told us.
"Brave sailor," I mumbled and the Doctor nodded.
"Oh, my Vot. They're cycling down," Frame told us. The Doctor rubbed one of his eyes in frustration.
"That's a nuclear storm drive, yes?"
"Yeah."
"The moment they're gone we lose orbit."
"The planet."
"Oh, yes. If we hit the planet, the nuclear storm explodes and wipes out life on Earth."
"Why is ti always this planet?" I asked and the Doctor just shrugged at me.
"Midshipman, I need you to fire up the engine containment field and feed it back into the core," the Doctor instructed.
"This is never going to work."
"Trust me, it'll keep the engines going until I can get to the bridge," the Doctor explained before cutting communications.
"We're going to die," Foon said and we turned to them.
"Are you saying someone's done this on purpose?" Mr. Copper asked.
"We are. We're going to die."
"We're just a cruise ship."
"Okay, okay. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush." Once everyone was quiet the Doctor laid out his plan for us. "First things first. One. We are going to climb through this ship. B. No. Two. We're going to reach the bridge. Three. Or C. We're going to save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low four, or D, or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes, why. Right then, follow me." We turned and started walking away when Slade started talking again.
"Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge and who the hell are you anyway?"
"We're the Doctor and the Hunter. We're Time Lords. We're from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm nine hundred and three years old and we're the people who're going to save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?"
"No."
"In that case, allons-y!"
Making our way to the bridge was slow work since the meteors managed to destroy some of the working components, like the doors, not to mention the debris.
"Careful. Follow me," the Doctor ordered as we made our way up some stairs.
"Rather ironic, but this is very much in the spirit of Christmas. It's a festival of violence. They say that human beings only survive depending on whether they've been good or bad. It's barbaric," Mr. Copper told us and I just shook my head.
"Actually, that's not true. Christmas is a time of, of peace and thanksgiving and what am I on about? My Christmases are always like this." He groaned as he moved debris around again and found a Host under some metal plates.
"We've got a Host. Strength of ten. If we can mend it, we can use it to fix the rubble."
"We can do robotics. Both of us," Morvin said motioning to himself and Foon.
"We work on the milk market back on Sto. It's all robot staff."
"See if you can get it working. Let's have a look." The Doctor led the rest of us further up only to see a blocked area.
"It's blocked."
"So what do we do?" the Doctor asked her.
"We shift it," she told him.
"Thatta girl."
"Rickston, Mister Copper, and you, Bannakaffalatta. Look, can I just call you Banna? It's going to save a lot of time," the Doctor requested.
"No. Bannakaffalatta."
"All right then, Bannakaffalatta. There's a gap in the middle. See if you can get through," the Doctor told him. Bannakaffalatta moved to the front of the line and looked through the gap.
"Easy. Good."
"Be careful," I told him as the ship shook and more debris shifted.
"This whole thing could come crashing down any minute," Slade said. He'd been making negative comments everywhere we'd moved to and I was reaching the end of my limit.
"Mr. Slade, I have a message for you."
"What message?"
"Shut up!"
"Bannakaffalatta made it." Bannakaffalatta told us. Astrid pushed her way next to the Doctor and started going through the gap as well.
"I'm small enough, I can get through."
"Careful."
"I'm fine."
"Thing is, how are Mister and Mrs. Fatso going to get through that gap?" Slade asked.
"We make the gap bigger. So start."
"Keep talking like that and you won't make it through the gap at all," I told him. As we worked, we heard Morvin and Foon start laughing for no reason at all.
"What happened? Did they find a doughnut?" I kicked Slade's arm as we moved.
"I can clear it from this side. Just tell me if it starts moving," Astrid told us and we continued to move things around. We heard them talking but noticed nothing was happening.
"Astrid? Bannakaffalatta? Are you alright?" I called up to them.
"What's going on up there?" the Doctor asked them.
"I think Bannakaffalatta and I just got engaged," Astrid said with a small smile.
"Congratulations."
So I'm splitting this episode up into at least 2 parts because all together it's over 8000 words and I'm trying to keep all my chapters between 1000-4000 words to make it easier to read. Hope you guys enjoy! I'll see you next time!