They say all good things must come to an end. Unfortunately, "they" are right-whoever "they" are. We had enjoyed one last delightful, low-key day in Maine filled with blueberry pie, kayaking, a long walk, and a blissful nap. Then Tuesday morning struck, bringing with it the headache from hell and our flight home.
We arrived at the Bangor International Airport and returned the rental Subaru. We sped through the ultra-short security line only to wait through two delays, finally boarding our plane just before 11:30 AM. We were in the sky by noon, and we met Lester in front of the Philadelphia airport just before 2 PM.
"Hey, beautiful," Lester crooned as I slid onto the back seat of the Suburban.
I raised an eyebrow at him in response and rubbed my temples.
"What? You didn't miss me?"
"She's in a mood. And, for the record, it was a relief not seeing your dumb ass every day," Ximena said, sliding onto the front seat next to her brother. "The longer I work in Jersey, the more I think I need to move back to Boston to get the hell away from YOU."
Lester gave Ximena a playful punch, and she grabbed his arm, twisting it at an unnatural angle and pinning him to the seat.
"Ouch! What'd you do that for?" Lester asked, cringing in pain.
"Just reminding you of your place," Ximena said, releasing him and buckling her seatbelt.
"I'm not in a mood," I announced, laying my head back on the headrest. "I have a pounding headache, and my boobs hurt."
"Translation: She's in a mood," Ximena announced.
Ranger slammed the back hatch and climbed into the back seat next to me.
"Drive," he ordered Lester.
"You're all awfully cranky after a relaxing vacation," Lester muttered, pulling into traffic.
I leaned into Ranger and breathed in his scent, finding it strange. He didn't smell of his usual Bulgari shower gel. Maine Ranger was still Ranger, but a different Ranger. And I liked him, even if he didn't smell quite as sexy as Trenton Ranger.
We drove into Trenton, and Lester parked in the underground Rangeman garage. We grabbed our bags and took the elevator, dropping Lester off on the fifth floor and Ximena on the sixth before landing at our final destination on seven. Ranger fobbed the door open, and we dropped our bags inside the door. Ranger busied himself flipping through his mail, and I went to the kitchen to greet Rex.
"Hi, bud!" I said, flipping on the kitchen lights. "Did you miss me? I missed you."
Rex's cage was immaculately clean, his bowl filled with green hamster nuggets and his water full. There was no movement from Rex's soup can, so I grabbed some raisins from the pantry and dropped them into his bowl.
"Do you want some snacks?" I asked.
Rex scurried out of his soup can, tucking them in his cheek and munching away. "Did you have a good time with Ella? I hope you didn't get too lonely without us here."
Rex scurried back into his soup can, so I had to assume he wasn't lonely. Good deal.
I selected a banana from the fruit dish and ate it sitting at the counter. Ranger joined me in the kitchen.
"Are you okay with an early dinner since we missed lunch?" Ranger asked, setting several envelopes in front of me. "I can call Ella."
"That would be great," I said. "I'm ravenous."
"Does Baby Guppy have any cravings?" Ranger asked, helping himself to an orange.
I smiled widely at his use of the nickname, and he smirked at me in return.
"Anything is fine," I said.
"Dickie's lawyer wants to bring paperwork over for you to sign for the life insurance policy," Ranger said, peeling his orange. "Are you up to it today or tomorrow?"
I cringed at the thought, but took a deep breath. I could do this. Easy peasy.
"Sure," I said. "What do I need to do?"
Ranger chewed thoughtfully.
"Sign the paperwork," he said nonchalantly, shrugging. "I haven't done this before, so I'm not sure what else there is to it. You may want to consider having a lawyer present. Do you have someone you'd like to work with?"
Now I was the one shrugging.
"I've had Albert do what little I've needed to do legally in the past," I admitted.
With that, Ranger smirked.
"Kloughn?"
Albert Kloughn was a lawyer I'd met years ago working as a BEA. I'd saved him once when he was trapped in a dryer, and we'd had several adventures together. He'd since married my sister Valerie, and they'd had two children of their own—Lisa and Bert-to add to Valerie's two—Angie and Mary Alice. Kloughn was a good guy and he treated my sister right, but he was not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed in the lawyering department.
"What? He's my brother-in-law," I argued defensively.
"Call him," Ranger said, his smile growing. "Unless you want me to call my lawyer instead."
"Fine. I'll call him," I said, dragging my butt off the stool to collect my phone.
Ranger called Ella from his office, and I busied myself calling Albert. He answered on the first ring.
"Kloughn Law Firm, this is Albert speaking."
"Hey! It's Stephanie. How's it going?"
"Oh! Hi, Stephanie. It's going fine. Good, actually. You just caught me. I was getting ready to lock up and head out the door. Valerie and I are taking the kids to dinner at your folks' house tonight, but I figure Val can use a break from the kids for a little bit. They can be a handful. What's up? How can I help you? It's a pleasant surprise to hear from you!"
"Well, I sort of need your… services," I admitted awkwardly.
"Oh! Of course. Sure. You don't need me to come bail you out of jail or anything, do you? I mean, I'd be glad to but…" he stammered.
"No, nothing like that," I interrupted. "I imagine you heard Dickie died?"
"Oh, yes. I heard that. What a tragedy. Is it true they had him half cremated by the time they found the body?"
I swallowed back the bile that was threatening to rise at that mental picture.
"Yeah, something like that. Anyway, apparently, I was listed as the beneficiary for his life insurance policy and the executor of his estate. Apparently, he didn't update his documents after we got divorced."
"Oh gosh. Oh jeez," Albert stammered. "That sounds like a mess. You guys hadn't been married for years."
"It is a mess," I agreed. "Anyway, Dickie's lawyer wants me to sign some insurance paperwork tonight. Any chance you could come sit in on this dumpster fire to make sure it's all on the up-and-up?"
"Suuuuuuure," he agreed enthusiastically. "I'd love to. Can it wait until dinner is over? Or better yet, why don't you come to dinner! The kids would love to see their aunt Stephanie! It's been a while."
I worried my bottom lip between my teeth. I really didn't feel up to dinner with the entire Plum clan, but I did miss my grandma. And on the bright side, I didn't look like a total train wreck anymore. Maybe I wouldn't cause my mother to drink.
"Let me talk to Ranger and get back with you. Can I text you?" I asked.
"Sure thing. Grandma told me you were living with that guy. He's kinda scary," Kloughn admitted. "What's it like living with him?"
"Well, he has nicer bed sheets that I do," I admitted. "And his refrigerator has significantly better food… so I guess it's good."
There was a beat of silence on the line.
"Wow," Albert breathed. "That's great. You think he might be 'the one'?"
I stared at my left hand and smirked.
"Oh yeah."
I promised to text him later, and we disconnected.
"Will that work for him?" Ranger asked, coming back into the kitchen.
"Yes."
"Good," Ranger said with a nod. "Ella said she could have dinner up here in thirty."
"About that…" I said, my voice trailing off. "How would you feel about dinner at my parents' house tonight?"
Ranger looked like he was thinking about smiling.
"Babe."
"Albert and Valerie are having dinner with them tonight, so Albert suggested we meet with the lawyer there."
Ranger raised an eyebrow at me, then began counting on his fingers.
"What?" I asked.
"I'm trying to decide if I need to pack a can opener," Ranger said, deadpan. "How in the world are your parents going to host eleven people in their tiny dining room. Twelve, if we count Orr's lawyer."
I shrugged.
"We always seem to make it work," I admitted. "But you're right, it's tight. I can go myself if you want to bow out. I wouldn't blame you."
"Babe, it's not safe to go anywhere alone," Ranger cautioned. "Fitch is still out there. I'm not about to lock you down, but you've got to take somebody if you leave here."
I grimaced. I'd just enjoyed a peaceful vacation, free from Trenton-related worries. Being home was an abrupt wakeup call.
"Of course, I'll go," Ranger said with a smirk, crossing to me and pulling me to his chest. "You saw how many people my parents cram in their house. I'm used to it."
I had to laugh, because it was true. Our families were more alike than I could have ever imagined. How they produced such different children, I will never know.
"Besides," he said, taking my hand to study my ring. "Last time I checked, you had news to share. You might need to take a magnifying glass…"
I gave him a playful punch, and he gave a bark of laughter.
"Don't hate my ring!" I cried, holding it close to my chest.
"Babe."
Ranger pulled me in for a long, panty-wetting kiss that left me light headed and cross-eyed.
"Are you going to tell them about Baby Guppy?" Ranger asked, his hands on my hips and his forehead resting against mine.
"Not yet," I said, cringing at the thought. "We have a lot to figure out, still."
Ranger nodded.
"That's smart," he said. "You might want to wait until you're through the first trimester."
"Huh?" I asked.
"Babe," Ranger said, shaking his head and giving a small laugh. "You need to read your book. It's frightening I know more about pregnancy than you."
"Of course, you do! You have a kid already," I argued, crossing my arms across my chest.
Ranger raised an eyebrow at me, but he said nothing.
"I'm going to shower Maine out of my hair," I announced. "If magical Ella food appears between now and then, I'm not above eating it."
"You don't want me to call her to cancel?" Ranger asked.
"Baby Guppy is hungry," I announced with authority and headed straight for the shower.
We pulled up in front of my parents' house at 5:50 PM in Ranger's Porsche 911 Turbo. I'd called ahead to warn my mom, and she seemed surprisingly excited for us to join in the chaos. I needed to remember to get my mom one of those 'chaos coordinator' t-shirts for Christmas.
There was no sign of Albert or Valerie upon arrival, so Ranger and I hustled to the house to tell my family about the engagement before all hell broke loose. Ranger was wearing jeans, a black dress shirt, a black blazer, black loafers, and a gun at his back. I was wearing a red blouse with a khaki skirt and black sandals, and I'd done my makeup and hair. Given the current state of my life, I actually felt fairly normal and looked decent.
Grandma met us at the door, her Grandma ESP working overtime. She was wearing a red velour sweat suit with a black tank top, and her hair was dyed flame red.
"Here they are!" she chirped, swinging open the screen door. "I've been missing you! Don't you look pretty tonight."
"Hi grandma," I greeted, embracing her small, boney form. "I've missed you too."
"Mrs. Mazur," Ranger greeted with a smile, and Grandma gave him an enormous bear-hug.
"I trust you've been taking good care of her," grandma said, giving Ranger a sly look.
"Of course," Ranger said, placing his hand at the small of my back.
Grandma looked me up and down, her eyes squinted. I must have passed inspection, because she hustled us into the living room, where I kissed my father on the cheek.
"Hi, daddy," I greeted, giving him a brief flash of my left hand.
He gave me a small wink and a nod. Ranger shook his hand, then dad returned his attention to the TV.
We walked into the dining room, which had been crammed full. The leaf was in the table, a card table was added, folding chairs were strung about, and, magically, my mother had created enough place settings for ten. Baby Bert only needed a bottle and finger foods, so he had been omitted from the place setting saga. Grandma scurried into the kitchen, and we followed her.
"Hi, mom," I greeted, pushing through the door.
"Stephanie, I'm so glad you came tonight! What a pleasant surprise. Set these rolls on the table," she said, shoving a bread basket in my direction.
"Sure," I said, taking the basket.
Before I could turn away from her, my mother snatched the basket of rolls away from me and dropped it onto the floor, rolls scattering in every direction.
"Helen?" my grandma asked, giving her a look like she'd lost her mind.
My mom grabbed my left hand and pulled yanked it to her face.
"What is this?" she asked, her eyes huge. "Is this….? Are you…?"
My mom looked to me, then to Ranger, then back to me. Then she burst into tears.
"What in heck?" grandma asked, staring at my mom. "What happened to her?"
I extended my left hand to her.
"I asked for Stephanie's hand in marriage," Ranger announced. "And she accepted."
"Great news!" Grandma exclaimed, wrapping me in a hug. "Congratulations! I always wanted a hot grandson-in-law! Don't get me wrong, we love Albert, but 'hot' isn't a word I'd use to describe him."
I had to admit… Grandma wasn't wrong.
"Mom?" I asked curiously, still wrapped in grandma's arms. "Are these happy tears or sad tears?"
My mom sniffed and wiped her eyes on her shirt sleeve.
"Happy tears," she said, crossing herself. "He's making an honest woman out of you. I didn't think this would ever happen for you. Thank god. Carlos, you're Catholic, right?"
Ranger gave my mother a nod, and my mother crossed herself again, gratefully looking to the heavens.
I was friggin' shocked. Speechless. I was relieved my mom wasn't angry. I had spent hours mentally preparing for the worst over Ella's vegetable soup and a hot shower.
My mom wrapped me up in a giant hug so I was sandwiched between her and grandma. Ranger stood nearby looking amused, likely grateful to have avoided the family group-hug. After a few beats, my mom and grandma released me, and my mother gave Ranger an awkward side hug. Then she sniffled and pulled herself together, picking up the rolls that had scattered on the floor and tossing them in the trash. Grandma busied herself studying my ring.
"Boy, is this a surprise," grandma said to Ranger. "I wouldn't have pegged you as an old-fashioned ring kinda guy."
"Me either," Ranger lamented, his lips hinting at a smile. "But Stephanie liked my grandmother's ring."
"How was your trip to Maine?" Grandma asked.
"It was great," I admitted. "Very relaxing."
"Did you see any moose?"
"No, but I saw a seal," I said, taking a seat at the small kitchen table.
"Damn. I'd love to see a moose up close and personal," grandma said, busying herself putting gravy into the gravy boat. "I've heard they are really tall and majestic. And in their pictures, they look cute with their knobbly knees and big antlers."
This seemed to amuse Ranger.
"Carlos, put the ham to the table," my mother said, extending a platter to him.
"Yes, ma'am," he said, obediently taking the plate and hustling into the dining room.
The clock in the kitchen read 6:01 PM, and still no sign of Albert and Valerie. I took the mashed potatoes to the table, where my father was sitting looking impatient.
"So, when's the big day?" my father asked, eyeing the ham.
"I don't know yet," I admitted. "We haven't really talked about it."
"Whenever Stephanie wants," Ranger said. "I'm ready when she is."
I swallowed back panic, and Ranger looked entertained. He could read me like a book.
"The ham is getting cold," my father growled.
My mother scurried into the dining room with a bowl of peas and three bottles of wine under her arm.
"Let me help you," I said, scuttling to her side to take the peas.
"I didn't realize we'd be celebrating tonight," my mom said excitedly, setting the wine on the table and busying herself uncorking the red. "I'd have bought champagne or Moscato. This is all I had on hand."
"No problem," I said, taking a seat at the table. "Please don't make a fuss."
I meant what I said. I really hated being the center of attention for stuff like this, and my mom was at the table, making it awkward by uncorking wine my pregnant self couldn't drink.
I heard the front door crash open followed by the sound of children's thundering feet running across the floor.
"Incoming!" Grandma shouted from the kitchen as Mary Alice galloped into the dining room.
"Angie told me she was going to buy reigns so I'd stop being so out of control," Mary Alice said, taking a lap around the table. "But I told her I was a wild horse. She can't control me."
"It might be nice if you were broke to lead on a halter, anyway," said grandma, carrying in a bowl of brussel sprouts.
Albert came in with Lisa in his arms and Angie close at his heels. Mary Alice promptly blew a raspberry at Angie, who rolled her eyes in response.
"Sorry we're late," Albert said. "Lisa had a meltdown just as we were trying to load up the car, then Bert had a blowout. Valerie said she wasn't sure whether to throw out the clothes, or to throw away the baby, too. We had to give him a quick bath and change his clothes. But we're here. How late are we? Five minutes? Ten minutes?"
"You're fine," my mother said, her mood uncharacteristically light. "Have a seat."
I stood and extended my arms to Albert, indicating I'd take Lisa. I figured Albert might like having two hands to eat with, and I'd already eaten dinner. Sure, I was going to eat some more food, but I could do it one handed. He handed her off to me, looking extraordinarily grateful, and took a seat at the table. I wrapped Lisa in a bear hug and gave her a kiss on her chubby toddler cheek.
"Stef-nee!" she greeted, placing her pudgy hand on my face and breaking into a huge smile.
"I've missed you!" I said, sitting with her in my lap. "How are you? You're getting so big!"
"Sit down, Mary Alice," Albert instructed.
"I don't want to sit," Mary Alice whined, galloping another lap around the table. "Horses don't sit. They stand."
"If you want to stand for dinner, just pull your chair away from the table," my mother said. "I don't mind. I'm sorry to report we don't have hay tonight, but we do have brussel sprouts. I have it on good authority that horses love brussel sprouts."
Mary Alice shoved her chair away from the table and scowled. She didn't believe my mothers' brussel sprouts bit.
Valerie came staggering into the dining room, looking shell shocked. Her hair was yanked haphazardly into a scrunchie, and her jeans and t-shirt were wrinkled to the point where it looked like she'd slept in them. She had dark circles under her eyes, and she looked dead on her feet. Baby Bert was in one of those baby backpack-style carriers, peering over her shoulder with interest.
"Hey, Val," I greeted. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," she said absentmindedly, taking a seat at the table.
I glanced from Val to Albert, and I realized he was staring at her looking starry-eyed. He looked totally smitten despite her frightening appearance. I had to smile—their marriage wasn't picture-perfect, but they were good for one another. And they were good parents.
Everyone took a seat at the table, and dinner began. Plates were filled, and multiple conversations carried on with the volume just below deafening. Ranger was seated next to me, and he was taking the chaos in stride, quietly listening to the conversations and occasionally responding to grandma.
"Carlos, would you like a glass of wine?" my mother asked, holding the bottle.
"Please," he said.
She poured the glass, and he took it, thanking her.
"Stephanie?" my mother asked.
"No thanks. I'm good with water," I said.
Valerie reached over her shoulder, handing Bert half an olive.
"You feeling alright?" she asked me. "Since when don't you drink wine?"
"I'm good. I'm driving," I fibbed.
Valerie looked like she wanted to ask another question, but Ranger quickly intervened, raising his wine glass.
"A toast," he said. "To Stephanie. My best friend, a badass bounty hunter, and my future bride."
Grandma and my mother excitedly raised their glasses, but Valerie's family sat with their eyes wide. They hadn't heard the news yet.
"You're engaged?" Valerie asked, her voice soft.
I nodded and gave her a smile, flashing my left hand in her direction. She gave Ranger a once over then swallowed, raising her glass.
"Congratulations! Great news!" Albert chimed in with a massive smile. "Welcome to the family! What should I call you? Carlos? Mr. Manoso? Ranger?..."
He watched Ranger intently for an answer, and Ranger looked like he was thinking about smiling.
"Carlos is fine," he announced, then sipped his wine.
"Cheers!" my grandma exclaimed, then everyone else took a sip of their drink.
Valerie leaned over Ranger toward me.
"What the hell, Steph?" she asked in a whisper. "The last time I saw you, you were dating Joe. Now here you are marrying another guy. What gives?"
I knew it had been months since I'd seen Valerie, but I'd never considered the optics of our engagement. It wasn't something that mattered to me—it had just felt right. I wasn't about to admit I'd been sleeping with him when Joe and I were in our regular 'off' phases, or that I'd had feelings for him for years. That felt icky to say out loud, and it made me feel like a slut. I was suddenly flooded with worry about what the Burg was going to say about this when word got out.
Before I could muster a response, Ranger leaned down and said something softly in Valerie's ear. I saw him smirk, and then Valerie swallowed hard, nodded, blushed, and sat up straight in her chair. I bumped my knee against his under the table and scowled at him.
"What did you say?" I asked quietly, with Lisa babbling away in my lap.
Ranger leaned over and put his lips to my ear.
"I told her I'd spent years lusting over your body, and I bribed you to marry me with the promise of your own Porsche 911."
I choked on a mouthful of peas, causing my eyes to water. Ranger smirked at patted me on the back.
"Babe."
"You did not!" I whispered angrily.
Ranger raised an eyebrow in response.
In this moment, I realized I'd been wrong to try to shield Ranger from grandma. Ranger and grandma deserved each other. They were both instigators, and they were both nuts. I was done trying to protect Ranger from grandma's variety of crazy. Take that, Manoso.
Lisa grabbed a handful of mashed potatoes off my plate and shoved them into her mouth. She chewed thoughtfully, then took a fistful of my hair into her slimy, potato-covered hand. I grimaced, knowing I was going to have to wash it out before the potatoes hardened.
"Curly!" she cried. "Pretty!"
Ranger took his napkin off his lap and gently untangled Lisa's fingers from my hair, carefully wiping the food off her hands and from my hair.
"Thank you," I said gratefully.
"That's better," he cooed at Lisa.
Her tiny blue eyes met his big brown ones, and she beamed up at him. Ranger winked at her in response, and Lisa elicited giggle.
"Big man!" she cried, extending her arms to him.
I was surprised when Ranger obediently took her from my lap and settled her onto his lap, bouncing her gently on his knee. She wrapped her tiny chunky hand around his thumb and babbled away to Ranger. He listened intently, nodding at her words and occasionally responding. He cut a small piece of ham and forked it into her mouth, and she chewed it happily. I got all sorts of fluttery feelings in my stomach watching the interaction. I glanced to my mother, who was looking pleased, too.
"She likes you," my mom said.
"He has that effect on women," I said, and the family burst into laughter.
We made quick work of dinner, then my mother dished up Italian cream cake from the bakery for everyone. Mary Alice and Angie ate theirs quickly, then scurried into the living room, where a bin of toys awaited them.
"So, you're living with him now?" Valerie asked me.
"Yep," I said, forking into the last bite of my cake. "My apartment building got condemned."
"Oh my god," Valerie said. "That's terrible!"
I shrugged.
"It was terrible at the time, but it all worked out okay."
"What time is Romano going to be here?" Albert asked Ranger.
"Seven," Ranger replied, wiping a smear of frosting off of Lisa's forehead.
She happily pawed at Ranger's cake, licking the frosting off her fingers. I'm sure my mother was horrified, but I knew Ranger didn't mind. He'd have to detox for months—maybe years—after polluting his body in Maine. No cake for him.
Royce Romano was Dickie's lawyer. He had been for years—he was the man we'd signed our prenuptial agreement with long ago, when I was young and dumb.
I looked to my mother's wall clock and saw it was ten minutes to seven. I swallowed nervously, then stood. I excused myself and went upstairs to use the restroom. As I washed my hands, I gave myself a pep talk.
"You've got this, Stephanie. Sign the papers, then you'll be all through here. You can go home. You can watch HGTV. You can eat a Butterscotch Krimpet. You can go to bed."
I straightened my clothes, gave myself a final check in the mirror, then went back downstairs. I found Angie sprawled on the couch with a magazine in her lap, and Mary Alice was busy building with Legos on the floor. My dad was relaxing in his chair, flipping through channels. Ranger and Albert stood in the corner discussing something quietly. Ranger didn't look happy.
"What's up?" I asked, sidling up next to them.
"I was telling Carlos that in New Jersey, beneficiary rights are automatically terminated with a divorce," Albert said. "If I know this, Romano knows this. I'm surprised he's having you sign anything. His policy benefits should go to his secondary beneficiary or to his estate."
"So… I don't have to do this? The 'executor of estate' thing?" I said, my mood lightening considerably.
"I don't like this," Ranger said. "Something is off."
I shrugged.
"I'm more than happy to step away," I admitted. "I don't want anything to do with this."
The doorbell rang, and Ranger went to the door. Royce Romano stood on the front stoop in a navy pinstripe suit with a crisp, white shirt. His brown shoes were shined to a high gloss, and his briefcase matched perfectly.
"Mr. Manoso," he greeted with a curt nod.
"Mr. Romano," Ranger acknowledged, stepping aside to let Romano inside. "Shall we meet at the table?"
"Lead the way," Romano said.
Ranger began walking into the dining room, and Romano's eyes landed on me.
"Ms. Plum," he said, extending his hand to me. "I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"The loss of Mr. Orr," he said in explanation. "He was always a client I enjoyed."
I raised an eyebrow at him.
"You remember our divorce, right?" I asked skeptically, crossing my arms across my chest.
"Of course, ma'am. It was one for the ages. Who could forget? I incurred an obscene number of billable hours. I bought a Jaguar that summer."
We took a seat at the dining room table, which had been cleared and cleaned. Romano busied himself extracting paperwork and pens from his briefcase.
Ranger was the first to break the awkward silence.
"Why are we here, Romano?"
Romano's eyes briefly glanced to Ranger before looking back to his papers.
"Ms. Plum is listed as Mr. Orr's beneficiary for his life insurance policy. I am carrying out his final wishes."
"But we're divorced," I said. "We've been divorced for years. Hell, we've been divorced longer than we were married."
"New Jersey has a revocation upon-divorce statute," Albert said, straightening his cheap red tie. "While my client would not refuse such a settlement, legally speaking, it's not hers to claim."
Romano placed a pen in front of me and selected a paper from the top of the stack.
"Richard Orr completed this beneficiary designation form fifteen months ago," Romano explained, setting the paper before me. "You are explicitly named as the beneficiary. He rewrote his will at that time, too."
I stared blankly at the paper. Sure enough, my name was listed. Below it was Dickie's unmistakable signature.
"Why?" I stammered. "Why me?"
"It is not my job to know why, Ms. Plum," Romano said with an air of formality. "It is simply my job to ensure my client's final wishes are carried out."
Ranger was sitting beside me, the line of his mouth tight.
"What about Dickie's parents?" I asked. "They'll have funeral expenses."
"It is at your discretion to dispose of the money as you see fit once it is received," Romano said. "If you wish to reimburse their expenses, that is for you to discuss with them."
I'd be the first to admit that I could use the money. I'd been in a perpetual state of broke ever since I'd divorced Dickie. It would be a wonderful feeling to be on solid financial footing for once in my life, especially going into a marriage with Ranger. I didn't want to be his financial burden forever. Problem was, taking Dickie's death money felt… icky.
As I mulled over my feelings, Kloughn and Romano discussed the details and terms of the life insurance settlement. I heard the number 2 million and snapped back to attention.
"Two million dollars?" I asked hesitantly.
Romano nodded.
"Was Orr in a lot of debt?" Ranger asked, his eyes dark and assessing.
"Not that I'm aware," Romano said. "It is my understanding that he owned the house free and clear and had paid in full to be a partner with his firm. I'm unsure on the status of Mr. Orr's personal vehicle, but I expect Ms. Plum will walk away with a considerable sum of money in addition to the things afforded her in the will."
My head was spinning. Why in the hell would Dickie do this? None of it made sense. And now he wasn't here to ask.
"I need a minute," I said, rising from the table.
I hustled through the kitchen, where my mom and grandma were washing dishes, and stumbled out into the back yard. I stood staring at the sky, blinking in the bright orange light of evening. The air was warm and only mildly smoggy. I did some deep breathing in an effort to gather my muddled thoughts, but I was coming up blank.
I heard the back door open, and Ranger appeared in the yard with me.
"Babe," he said, inching up next to me.
"This is all too weird," I said, separating my curls with my fingers.
"Agreed," he said, looking into the distance.
"What is the angle here? Why would he make me a beneficiary?"
"I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable," he admitted. "I'm going to call my lawyer and run this by him to ask about potential pitfalls. I trust Albert, but I trust my lawyer more."
I nodded my approval, and Ranger made the call. I let my thoughts wander as he spoke. What was Dickie trying to achieve by making me his beneficiary? We hadn't even been friends after our divorce. We were barely civil.
Ranger disconnected, then quickly typed a text message into his phone. When he finished, he turned his attention back to me.
"It's possible his family will try to argue you shouldn't receive the money, and it could go to court," Ranger said. "But since he had the documents written up when he was, presumably, of sound mind and after your divorce, he believes the court would uphold the order. If you assume the role of executor, you will have to pay Orr's debts out of the estate. I have Tank running a credit report on Orr now."
We stood in silence for a few moments before Ranger's phone dinged. He opened his e-mail and began scrolling.
"What's up?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.
"If this is right, it's not bad. He owed around ten grand on a vehicle loan, and he has a couple of credit cards with outstanding bills—a few thousand dollars total. His Verizon bill is a few days overdue," he said with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes.
"Hard to pay your bill when you're dead," I scoffed.
"You can choose to refuse the money," Ranger admitted. "According to my lawyer, it does happen occasionally with life insurance payouts."
"I can't imagine why he'd list me unless it was to screw me somehow," I admitted.
Ranger shrugged.
"It doesn't sound like that's possible. Maybe he trusted you. Maybe eventually his logic will come out, but it's your choice, Babe."
"What would you do?" I asked Ranger, my voice shaky.
"I'm an opportunist," he admitted with a wave of his hand. "I'd take the money and run, but I'd ask the court to appoint someone else to serve as executor of the estate."
"Done," I said, adjusting my skirt.
"Babe," Ranger said, smirking. "Just because that's what I would do doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. Or the smart thing."
"I'm not interested in smart," I admitted longingly. "I just want to go home. Let's do this and get out of here."